We all like sex right? Of course we do, we wouldn’t read erotic romances if we didn’t (those of you who just got blank innocent looks on your faces aren’t fooling anyone).
Well I ask you this, are you a one-shot-a-night kinda gal, or can you go for hours on end, and still not be satisfied? (there is a name for this affliction…)

Well let me tell you about my experiences… brace yourself…

I love sex, I love everything about it, and more than any of that I particularly love sex with my hubby (just as well really seeing as I’ll probably be sleeping with him for the rest of my life) but do you know what I do not love so much? Sex that takes forever, that’s what!

I’ve always thought myself as lucky cuz hubby is an extremely considerate shag, no rolling on, rolling off for him, no siree, he likes to make sure I’m fully satisfied, and I have to say after 12 years of sleeping with him, he’s got it down to a fine art.

BUT, there are those times when all I want is a quick roll on and then an even quicker roll off (is that bad?) Sex is exhausting, and I’m sure I lose a few brain cells during the act.

Hubby always makes sure that I come first, which makes sense for obvious reasons (if you don’t know what those reasons are, you’re not old enough to be here, so goodbye)

But after I’ve reached my pinnacle (s), there is the dreaded wait for him to get his rocks off (is that selfish?) I’ve had to get inventive with regards to finding ways to make him come much quicker. I now turn into Porn Star Extraordinaire, and start a dialogue that is really quite cringe-worthy, and were you to hear it in a porn film, you would probably die laughing, secure in the knowledge that nobody really talks and acts like that during sex. *sigh*

I have to say though, that my renditions of “Yeah Mr Big Dick, put it in me, that’s it do me harder, yeah baby, go deeper” seems to do the trick. He loves me talking dirty to him, and he especially likes to be told that he’s got the biggest dick I’ve ever seen (which may or may not be true, but the vinegar stroke is no place for honesty and technicalities) I also end up doing this thrashing-of-my-head-thing, like I’m deep in the throes of ecstasy, (I find that just lying there like a dead fish, isn’t particularly conducive to him coming any time soon… hence the Oscar-winning performances) when really all I wanna do is to roll over and go back to sleep, cuz I’ve got to be up early tomorrow morning. After all, I came nearly an hour ago, my energy levels have depleted down to zero, and all I’m really waiting for is for him to spill it already!

I may like reading about marathon sex sessions, but in my personal life, there’s just too many other things that I could expend that energy on… like sleeping for instance…
I used to be able to wholeheartedly get into the whole sex all night thing, but geez, even when the mind is willing, the body just can’t cut it. Am I alone, or does anybody out there feel my pain…?

Smooches to you TTG! (grin)

Now, I’m a Millennium gal, so really for me, this question shouldn’t even arise (ha ha, see what I did there?) but I was reading an M/M romance the other day, and without even realising it, I was skim reading the parts where they had sex! Hello, this is surely the best bits I hear you cry. Well, you can imagine how shocked I was to find myself doing that, I mean, I’m a liberated woman of the noughties, thus a little M/M backhole action is par with this age, is it not?

If I’d have been around when the famous feminists were yelling “burn your bra!” I would have been there like a shot… now come to think of it, it probably depends on how much I paid for that particular bra…. Ok I digress again, but seriously now that I look back on past M/F/M,erotic romance’s where there were two men involved, I realise that I actually did the same thing with them, read the parts where they were focusing on the female, but skimmed the parts were there was a little cock-to-cock action, or should I say Cock-to-back-hole, as was usually the case, and if they start to insert each others digits into their respective anus’s, well the whole thing becomes a butt clenching exercise, and I start to wriggle uncomfortably in my chair, so once again, I skim.

In trying to figure out why I just can’t enjoy purely M/M books, I’m plagued by the thought that perhaps… brace yourself for this… Perhaps, I’m a PRUDE!!!!! Aaaaaarghh!!!!! Yech, and Double Yech.

I really hate to think that I’m closer to my mother’s generation’s way of thinking, but then, I stop and think harder, dismissing the above thought and grasping onto a new one…. Brace yourself…. Perhaps it’s the whole ANUS RIDING THING that I’m uncomfortable with!? No, that aint it either. *Carries on thinking*. By jove I’ve got it. IT DEPENDS.

I recall reading a book by an author where the hero inserted a finger into the other hero’s ass (it was a M/F/M story) and I couldn’t help but think that perhaps he should have worn gloves whilst doing this, can you imagine? In the middle of what is supposed to be a mega hot sex scene, and all of a sudden, I visualise the giver, with yellow Marigold gloves on trying to avoid any untimely follow-throughs. Sheesh, it’s enough to kill any sexual moment I tell ya! I promptly moved on and skimmed. Yep, avoidance is sometimes a good thing.

On the other hand, I read Lacey Alexander’s French Quarter, Sin City, and Key West, which had some light M/M scenes, and not only did I not skim these parts, I read them and enjoyed them!!

In Rachel Bo’s first Strength in Numbers book, Double Jeopardy (another M/F/M) once again, I revelled in the M/M action, rather than shied away from it.

So people, I’ve decided that my skimming M/M sex scenes in books is completely the author’s fault. (I refuse to believe I’m a prude.) Now that I think about it, there are some M/F sexual marathons that I skim too, this is either because the sex scene was too long, or it was a complete snoozefest. I know that I can’t be the only one who hates sex sessions in erotic romances that get my eyes drooping sleepily!

So there you have it, I’m NOT a prude, the author just didn’t do a good enough job.

As my regular visitors will see, I decided to go back to the original format, it took me too long to change, so it will be like this permanently, thanks to Dawn and Paz for your input!!

I’m a member of several group lists, and do you know what I’ve discovered? There are a lot of boring people out there. Shocker huh? Being the intelligent, discerning person that you are, you probably discovered this already.

Now if you happen to be on a list that I actually deign to post on, the likelihood is that, it’s probably not you… actually wait, hmmm… yep, sorry, no, it may be you, but don’t be offended, you probably think I’m a little boring too, and that’s ok..

For the purpose of this blog, we will dub these boring people, Mr /Mrs Snoozefest.

I find myself deleting posts from Mr and Mrs Snoozefest before I even read them, do ya know why? Well, it’s because once upon a time, I was foolish enough to actually make the effort to read Mr and Mrs Snoozefest’s posts, and no matter what the subject matter, their posts were inane, predictable, and boring (hey, stop squirming, the chances are that if you’re on my blog, you are a person of unparallelled taste and style, so this is probably not you), so I learned my lesson the hard way.

The problem I sometimes have (due to the social disease of good manners) is that every now and then, I will actually read, Mr and Mrs Snoozefest’s posts, and do you know what happens? Yep, you guessed it, I respond in the same inane, boring and predictable way. I tell ya it’s contagious.

There are certain lists, where you can go for months and not see an interesting post, how on earth does that happen? Maybe boring people gravitate towards each other, thus polluting and completely taking over certain lists, and preventing interesting people from actually joining in. Maybe moderators should have a maximum quota on how many Mr and Mrs Snoozefests they let in huh?

On the other hand, there are certain people on the list who you always want to read what they have to say, even if it’s only one of those irritating smiley’s that sometimes get on my tits. Why is that? Well I personally think that interesting people will always be interesting, no matter what medium you use to communicate with them. Boring people will simply always have the ability to make you want to lose the will to live, no matter how and where you meet them. Isn’t that a sad fact of life?

For those of you who have previously visited my blog, what do you think of the new look? Do you like the more girly pink, or did you prefer the dark and brooding black? Don’t be shy, I really want to know, cuz I played around with all the options for ages, and finally settled on this, but I’m still not sure… I may change again next week, so your input is important.

I was watching the news the other night, and there was a report that a five year old girl was being disruptive in school, so the teacher called the cops, and three fine upstanding policemen, came to the school, put hand cuffs on the screaming hysterical girl and led her away. Apparently this happened somewhere in America, can somebody confirm if this is true?

If this did really happen, WHAT THE FUCK IS THE WORLD COMING TO!!! Since when does it take three cops and a pair of handcuffs to restrain a rowdy little girl? The funny thing is, you can bet that somebody was probably getting murdered or raped or both, whilst these men were ‘fulfilling their duty’. And what kind of teacher calls cops on a five year old kid? I believe this probably says more about the teacher than it does about the kid, sheesh!!! I hope the parents sue the bastards!!

I did a little better with regards to my reading this week. The favourite book this week was a romantic suspense by Beverley Havlir called Bodyguard, the story went a little something like this:

Girl Genius Doctor witnesses a murder on her way home from work one night
Girl Genius’s overprotective and very influential father hires Boy Detective to protect his precious baby Girl Genius.

Girl Genius is resentful of Boy Detective cuz she’s afraid he’s gonna cramp her style, especially now that she’s decided to get laid after years of concentrating on being a genius.

Boy Detective is resentful cuz he thinks she’s a spoilt brat, and he has far more important things to do, than to babysit her.

Girl Genius and Boy Detective clash continuously until of course they wind up swapping saliva and doing the horizontal foxtrot.

Meanwhile Mean Murderer is still on the loose, and is closing in on Girl Genius.

As you can probably tell, I hate writing long review-like sentences, so I kept the synopsis to a bare minimum. I’m not gonna get all flowery with my description of the book and why I liked it, cuz you might just hate it, so all that’s left to say is that I liked it, if you wanna buy it, it’s available at EC, if you don’t well, hell, who cares?

Just as long as you don’t waste your hard earned money on Fletchina Archer’s ‘Menage A Spies’, like I did, you’ll be just fine. (And no, I wont go into exactly what I disliked about this book, cuz I can’t be arsed, and let’s face it, there’s no such thing as bad PR… right Fletch?)

Wow, there’s been some ruffled feathers within the Erotic Romance community lately, mainly due to one of our very own authors daring to speak her mind. Who’d a thunk it? Where did Polite Society Hell go? Woo Hooo, I say!!!

Apparently said author described her work as ‘porn’, which as I understand it upset a few people, authors and readers alike. My question is, so fucking what?

I have been on lists where the very same authors and readers who have lambasted the above author, have also described this genre as nothing more than porn, of course it’s been done, in a ‘wink-wink’, tongue-in- cheek way, but does that make it any more acceptable?
It seems to me, that if you’re not one of the celestially revered authors, whom everybody absolutely loves, and adores, it’s not acceptable to offer up such controversial thoughts. Yech!

I understand that authors who eke out a living writing romantica are probably incensed over having what they do downgraded as porn, but hell, is anybody gonna tell me that some of the content within romantica/erotica books is not pornographic in detail sometimes?

Ok. I’ll tell ya what, look at the sentence below, and you tell me that this isn’t in the least bit pornographic:

“You have the most beautiful cunt I’ve ever seen,” he said hoarsely, “so wet and juicy, so tight and swollen”

Go on, try to convince me that the above excerpt from a well known erotic romance author isn’t pornographic…. Go on, I dare you.

It may not be ‘porn’ per se, but it definitely has pornographic undertones.

The problem that authors have with being lumped in the same genre as porn, is that the word itself, has negative connotations. You can’t help but think of bad movies, with silicone enhanced barbie dolls, giving somebody as mortally UGLY as Ron Jeremy a blowjob (that’s right folks, I know who he is!). That happens only in porn movies right?

In my mind, erotic romance evokes a more sensual vision of sex, and incorporates love and romance, whereas, porn is just sex, nothing more, nothing less. This is why I believe, authors are so upset about one of their own apparently ‘rubbishing’ the entire genre.

Hell, I’ve read books that were supposedly erotic romance, but in reality were nothing more than porn-with-a-story-line. I know you’ve all read at least one of these kinda books, you know you have, so don’t deny it.

This whole argument is as bad as romance writers trying to tell the world that they don’t write romance books, they write stories about relationships (what a load of bollocks.) Denial is not just a river in Africa people.

As far as I’m concerned, if somebody tells me that what I read is porn, am I gonna go crazy? Am I gonna list the main differences between porn and erotic romance? I don’t think so, do you know why? Because I don’t give a shit that’s why. Is it gonna stop me reading erotic romance, just because somebody called it porn? Yeah, whatever!

Do I myself view erotic romances as porn? Not really, but erotica has it’s own name, so out of respect for the genre and the authors, that’s the name I use, but do I think said author should be hauled over the coals for telling it how she thinks it is? DO I BOLLOCKS!!! Translation for you Americans out there ‘Hell, no, and find another soap box to stand on!!’

I am bored.

Do you know why I’m bored?

Because there seems to be a dearth of interesting and original story lines, THAT’S WHY!!!!

A while ago I read a book from an EC author, now I really liked the story, the plot went something like this:

Girl meets Boy, who really isn’t a boy, but is a lot older than her
Boy is super rich, as is his family
Girl currently works for Boy’s mother, so of course Boy is suspicious of Girls Motive
Girl has ‘huge’ breasts and Boy likes this.
Girl and Boy can’t keep hands off each other, and swap saliva constantly
Boy continuously refers to Girls breasts as ‘tits’, or ‘melons’ and forever “bounces her jugs up and down”
Girl and Boy are overwhelmed by their feelings for each other and end up in Bed
Boy has a thing for shaved pussies, so they indulge in a shaving sex fest
Girl gets pregnant by Boy, and doesn’t notice even though they quite clearly did not use contraception
Girl and Boy live happily ever after, when Girl eventually notices that she is pregnant and tells him

Now, obviously there was a little more to the story, but the above were the basics, and to be honest, I quite enjoyed it, so I went and purchased about five more books that were written by this author, hey what can I say, I’m an impulsive buyer!

Now then, I read second story from this author, and the plot went something like this:

Girl meets Boy, who really isn’t a boy, but is a lot older than her
Boy is super rich, as is his family
Girl has ‘huge’ breasts and Boy likes this
Girl and Boy can’t keep hands off each other, and swap saliva constantly
Boy continuously refers to Girls breasts as ‘tits’, or ‘melons’ and forever “bounces her jugs up and down”
Girl and Boy are overwhelmed by their feelings for each other and end up in Bed
Boy has a thing for shaved pussies, so they indulge in a shaving sex fest
Girl gets pregnant by Boy, and doesn’t notice even though they quite clearly did not use contraception
Girl and Boy live happily ever after, when Girl eventually notices that she is pregnant and tells him

Hmmmm, a bit familiar you might say, but fear not, the third story went something like this:

Girl meets Boy, who really isn’t a boy, but is a lot older than her
Boy is super rich, as is his family
Girl has ‘huge’ breasts and Boy likes this
Girl and Boy can’t keep hands off each other, and swap saliva constantly
Boy continuously refers to Girls breasts as ‘tits’, or ‘melons’ and forever “bounces her jugs up and down”
Girl and Boy are overwhelmed by their feelings for each other and end up in Bed
Boy has a thing for shaved pussies, so they indulge in a shaving sex fest
Girl gets pregnant by Boy, and doesn’t notice even though they quite clearly did not use contraception
Girl and Boy live happily ever after, when Girl eventually notices that she is pregnant and tells him.

Can you see the pattern here folks? Now I liked the first story, because it was quite touching. Hey I can even live with the fact that the hero constantly refers to the heroine’s breasts as jugs, and tits, and any other slang adjective, he could find to describe her mammaries. But really, did she have to write the same story five times? This author may have changed the title several times, but sheesh, we’re not stupid, we notice these things!

Now, I realise that there are a huge amount of authors out there who have their ‘thing’ and if you read any of their books, you know that sooner or later, their ‘thing’ will show up, for instance, Lora Leigh, and Anal sex. You know that whenever you pick up a Lora Leigh book, there is ALWAYS gonna be a little back door lovin’, but I personally don’t mind this, because generally her stories are very entertaining, a little on the dark side, but very interesting and original all the same.

This is in complete contradiction to the above author, as far as I’m concerned, having the same plots running throughout all of your books is JUST PLAIN LAZINESS!!!
As a reader, I have paid for a book that was just the same as the other four books that I just read, isn’t that a tad unfair? What do you think? Has this ever happened to you? Indeed do you recognise the signature of said author?

Was I the only person who rolled their eyes at the news that Britney Spears and Kevin Federline were expecting their first baby?

What is it with these Hollywood fools, they are all in such a darn hurry to do everything. Britney is nothing more than a baby herself, why oh why did she have to get herself her very own ball and chain. We all know it’s not going to last, I’ve given them till next year before news paper reports appear on how he’s suing her for half of her earnings.. (Liza Minelli, and David Gest anybody…?)

I bet by the time she gets bloated with child, he’ll be looking for his next meal ticket, and we’ll be left with the refrain of “Ooops She did it again, but now she has a baby”.
Did she learn nothing from Jennifer Lopez? if you’re rich and famous, never marry anybody with less money than you, especially if they have a bad hair cut, and they dance for a living.

Jlo I’m sure would be the first to tell Britney, that her love, far from not costing her a thing, took her to the cleaners, told the world about her most intimate secrets, then to add insult to injury started dating Samantha Mumba.

Britney will surely realise that she was probably better off with Justin Trousersnake, once it dawns on her that it wasn’t just her wit and charm that first caught Kevin’s eye. Lets hope that she has a good divorce lawyer waiting in the wings, because this is gonna cost her an arm and a heart.

Just in case you Americans are wondering, chavs is just another way of saying trailer trash…with money.