Why do people feel the need to talk loudly on public transport?

Did I really need to know that your last boyfriend was crap in bed, and that you can’t cook worth a damn?

Why do these same imbeciles insist on having a three hour phone conversation on their cell phones? Loudly?

Did I really need to know what you’re doing on Friday night, and who you’re doing it with?

Why do other people insist on having a groping session in a public place? Get a fucking room, for fucks sake.

Right, I’m off to bed, I’ve had the day from hell, and I need a stiff drink.

With the demise of the Harlequin Bombshell line, many authors are suggesting that readers start buying new, rather than used, to stop other lines from being discontinued.

Personally, it’s been well over a year since I bought a book that wasn’t new. I’ve calculated that I buy an average of seven books a week, at an average price of £6.99 ($12.60) per book. Now work this out over a full year, and that means that I’ve spent over £2,544 ($4,579) in the past year. But I have to say, I didn’t feel inclined to even look at Bombshell books, so my pennies certainly wouldn’t have helped save the line.

I think Bombshell’s demise had less to do with readers buying used books, and more to do with ineffective marketing, and a premise that didn’t appeal universally to romance readers, after all, why go to Harlequin to read a non-romance book, when there are far better choices out there? Incidentally, since Evelyn Vaughn’s A.K.A Goddess, I haven’t heard of anybody raving over any other Bombshell book.

Personally, I think that Harlequin’s attempt to garner a younger and hipper audience, was bound to be at the cost of die-hard older Harlequin fans.
I’ve been reading Harlequin since I was 14, and I know that I probably wouldn’t have picked up a Bombshell book based on the fact that it wasn’t a romance. I do read non-romance books, but just as I don’t go to my doctor for a tooth complaint, I don’t go to Harlequin for non-romance books.

So how many of you guys tried the line? In fact, how many of you still buy series romance books period?

So we looked at the houses yesterday. I’ve got some accompanying photo’s for each house.

Verdict: Didn’t like at all. All fur and no knickers. Ugly Kitchen.

Verdict: Not bad, rooms too small, nice back garden.

Verdict: Smaller than it looks, liked the fact it was vacant.

Verdict: Hated the decor, loved the backyard,but too high maintenance. bathroom too small.

Overall, all ok houses, but they flattered to deceive. The 3rd house was the best, but not ‘the’ one.

So the house search continues…

House 1

House 2

House 3

House4

These houses look promising, will be looking at them tomorrow. Which house do you guys like the look of best? I’ll let you know what we think later this week.

I used to have the hots for David Hasselhoff when he was in Knightrider. I thought that he had nice hair. What can I say, I was easily pleased. There’s just something about a man who has a car that talks…

Do you guys realise how big The Hoff is, in Europe? Apparently Germans think he’s the bees knees, so in celebration of all things Hoff, I’ve posted a few of my fave photos.

Isn’t he the gayest looking man ever? Yet I still love him dearly. Do I need therapy for that?

If I saw this guy coming towards me, I’d probably run in the opposite direction. I think he ought to see the doctor about that swelling on his leg. *Shudder*.

Nice abs, scary manboobs.

I bet she could crack a walnut between her arse cheeks…

Thanks to Michelle for bringing these to my attention *g*

Apparently, author, Sara Donati/Rosina Lippi got called a hack by a Diana Gabaldon fan, on Gabaldon’s Yahoo group.

She didn’t like it, and more or less said so on her blog, whilst trying to pretend she didn’t really care.

She started like this

There’s another (yet again) clash in one very small, limited corner of the internet, but as it happens to be the corner I inhabit, and as I would prefer this not blow out of all proportion, I am going public right here and now.

My question is, why go public at all? It was on a Yahoo group, which is only accessible to people who subscribe to that group. Also it was a discussion between readers, so why waste the energy it takes to take offence?

Anyway, for a more comprehensive report, go read Jane’s take on it. The Tall Guy and I are going out now, so ciao!

You know, I’m not usually one for participating in promo’s and competitions etc, cuz usually I can’t be arsed, but Dear Author’s viral blogging experiment seemed like a good idea. Diana Peterfreund however, isn’t so sure.

She writes:

Let me say first that I am dying to read Singh’s first single title. I loved her GBVE post, which was set in a similar, futuristic world ruled by psi powers, and I’ve always enjoyed her category romance novels.

However, being a member of a regular blog touring group, a blogger who regularly blogs about books, a writer who has seen the effects of being blogged about both as part of a group and also spontaneously, and a blog reader, I am skeptical of any canned blog content. In my experience, if it walks like a press release and talks like a press release, then bloggers are going to skim over it to get to original content.

There are several blog touring groups that do this: just spew out a bookshot and a blurb whenever they do the tour, and I never read them. Just skim past the post. I’ve heard this over and over again from readers, as well. Some of these “bloggers” only ever post this stock content, in exchange for having their books toured on real blogs.

People want original content on blogs. They don’t mind if you are taking excerpts from other blog posts and riffing about them yourself, or pointing out blogs to them that they should read and providing your own commentary, or what. Just make it NOT be the exact same wording they see on a dozen other blogs. It’s the blogging equivalent of the AP wire, and it gets old pretty quickly.

Now, I understand what she’s saying, but the main difference for me is that the Dear Author girls aren’t authors, they are mere readers conducting an experiment. They have nothing to gain by it, but Nalini Singh’s name will at least become better known. Will the experiment land her on any of the best seller lists? I have my doubts, but at least now, more people will know who she is, and if they come across her books in the future, then it stands to reason that they will probably take a second look.

Today was a perfect example actually. I wasn’t familiar with author, Sabrina Jeffries, until I saw her name mentioned on Sybil’s blog a couple of million times, but whilst I was in Borders this evening, I came across some of her books, and because she is now a familiar name to me, I picked up A Dangerous Love, After The Abduction, The Forbidden Lord, and In The Prince’s Bed. Sybil, if these suck GBHDB, I’ll come looking for you.

As a reader, I hate hype, can’t stand it in fact, but because this seems slightly more scientific, I’m more than willing to participate. Another big plus for me personally, is that the hype isn’t author driven.

{Please Note: All New Posts Can Be Found Beneath This One, Just For This Week}

Jane wants to see if bloggers can have an affect on the real world market for this book, so bloggers unite, and participate!

I am participating in a blogging experiment hosted at Dear Author.Com. To enter the contest, put up this blurb, image, and trackback and you are entered to win the following prize package.

*$200 Amazon gift certificate
*Signed copy of Slave to Sensation
*New Zealand goodies chosen by Singh
*ARC of Christine Feehan’s October 31 release: Conspiracy Game

You can read about the experiment here and you can download the code that you need to participate here.

SLAVE TO SENSATION
Nalini Singh
Berkley / September 2006

Welcome to a future where emotion is a crime and powers of the mind clash brutally against those of the heart.

Sascha Duncan is one of the Psy, a psychic race that has cut off its emotions in an effort to prevent murderous insanity. Those who feel are punished by having their brains wiped clean, their personalities and memories destroyed.

Lucas Hunter is a Changeling, a shapeshifter who craves sensation, lives for touch. When their separate worlds collide in the serial murders of Changeling women, Lucas and Sascha must remain bound to their identities…or sacrifice everything for a taste of darkest temptation.

Excerpt

These interpretations tickled me pink, Karen apparently means,”Huge tits, shags like a rabbit.” heheh, go look yours up!

Abby - agony aunt, always willing to explain about your confused sexuallity.
Ada - blue haired, smells of wee.
Adie - quiet and shy, but when you get to know her .. quiet and shy.
Adrianna - eats like a horse yet incredibly scrawny, her girlfriends all hate her.
Aileen - laughs like a demented dog. likes tic tacs.
Alana - pretty and popular, but with very dark secrets.
Alexandra - popular but very loud, sometimes forgets to bathe.
Alice - likes horses but looks like Kermit’s girlfriend.
Alicia - pretty and knows it, watches herslf go by in shop windows.
Alison - bra and pants are the same garment, looks better with the light off.
Alyssa - wants to be ‘exotic’, but only manages to be ’strange’.
Amanda - I.Q. smaller than her bra size, a good shag, but she does practice a lot.
Amber - stereotypical exotic dancer, not too bright but very flexible.
Amy - Devious, Likes being on top, never stays the night - Not to be trusted. Likes any man not wearing trousers
Amelia - A bit old fashioned, but still a goer.
Anastasia - overly-loud, with delusions of grandeur.
Andrea - Small breasts, small arse, drinks pints and plays a mean game of pool.
Andrina - dark and sultry, pretends she’s a Russian spy.
Angel - face like an angel, mouth like the biker-girl from hell.
Angela - Vain, Hair style more important than oxygen. Usually found hanging around toilets.
Anita - Beautiful girl with perfect hair and a body to die for.
Ann - bone idle, can’t be arsed to put an ‘e’ at the end of her name.
Annabelle - Doesn’t wear knickers.

Anneka - Sporty type, in and out of the bedroom.
Annette - She’s BIG, like really BIG!!.
Anne - Looks like a horse, can’t drive.
Anne-Marie - Gorgeous and with a great taste in blokes, has perfectly formed breasts
Annie - Drinks too much, always wakes up next to ugly guys.
Ashlee - Dyslexic and spends all day thinking about secs.
Aurora - Beautiful and sexy, every mans dream ,but sadly swings the other way.
Azaria - Beautiful and exotic with the brain power of an orchid.
Barbara - Shags like a rabbit, not fussy about appearance. Wears alot of make up
Bea - Beautiful, sexy, original, but nearly impossible to satisfy in bed.
Becky - one of the boys, knows all about football and cars, quite tall.
Belinda - Pleasing on the eye, usually has a couple of good points.
Beryl - Repressed alcoholic.
Beth - Empty headed, big breasted, and easy.
Bettina - Dominatrix.
Beverley - Trapped in an eighties timewarp.
Bianca - Ginger. big mouth.
Birgit - big scarey woman, likes small blokes she can intimidate.
Brenda - Big hearted, in fact big everything-ed.
Bridgette - Eats pizzas all day, smokes cigars.
Britney - Falsely improved, no use to society.
Cait - Bow-legged country girl, really loves her horses.
Callie - Dresses strangely, has psychopathic tendencies.
Camilla - replaces the word ‘yes’ with ‘ya’.
Cara - lazy girl, eats too much junk-food and yet doesn’t get fat - annoying.
Carie - just like the movie, a scary freak.
Carina - Looks like the back of a bus, doesn’t swallow.
Carla - Down to earth with good child-bearing hips.
Carly - Party animal until she gets too drunk to stand up.
Carol - Bubbly, life and soul of the party and the bedroom.
Caroline - Lard arse, shaves her ears, picks her nose and shops at oxfam.
Cassy - Giggles too much, bit of an air-head.
Catherine - Attracted to the older man, needs ironing.
Celine - Emits hideous noises, waste of DNA.
Charlotte - Enjoys tea and cake, farts the national anthem.
Chaz - life and soul of the party, plays the piano and then strips to her own music.
Chelsie - upmarket chav, says; “no right, I say right, etc”
Cheryl - Can fit hand in mouth, eats glass.
Chloe - Usually a weather-girl or a failed wannabe weather-girl.
Christine - Likes men in uniform, never warm.
Christina - Drop dead gorgeous and with a different bloke each night, well practiced.
Ciji - strange girl, sleeps with a vibrating teddy-bear.
Claire / Clare / Clair - Usually neurotic, gives good head but can have lesbian tendencies.
Caoilionn - looks good and talks dirty.
Corinne - Insanely curious about everybody and everything.
Courtney - Bit of a ‘tomboy’, rolls her own tampons.
Daisy - Virgin, works on a farm because she likes the way the tractor vibrates.
Danni - Always happy to make up a nice three-some, often brings her sister.
Danielle - Stunningly attractive, yet has a tendency to self-destruct.
Davina - drug induced mental damage, should shave her neck.
Dawn - Gets up early, smells of chips.
Debra - Wannabe porn star
Debby - Experienced porn star.
Deborah - Bites the pillow, uses both hands.
Dee - Enormous mouth, gets a lot of work in porn movies.
DeeDee - cannot understand why no-one else masturbates in Ikea.
Denise - Sits on cats eyes, wears too much make up.
Di - Enjoys receiving oral sex, but doesn’t like giving it.
Diana - Cuddly, which is a shame because she smells like cheese.
Diane - Enjoys company of animals. Deep as a puddle.
Dina - Always cheerful, wants everyone else to be as happy as she is.
Donna - 70’s throw back, likes cabbage.
Dorthe - smells of herrings, obsessed with over-sized sex toys.
Edith - dresses down, but mighty hot beneath.
Eileen - terrible flirt and yet shy deep down.
Elaine - Rides side saddle, drinks meths and likes sharp edges.
Eleanor - Very posh, always washing her hands, but likes her sex dirty.
Elizabeth - Born to perform, hates chickens.
Ella - Fiery temper, but when she’s not shouting she’s as cute as a kitten,
Ellie - Far too attractive for the swear words that come out of her mouth.
Ellen - Could well have eaten all the pies.
Elma - Shy, easily dominated by men.
Elsa - Kind of old fashioned, but with beautiful big hair.
Emily - Wears odd socks, can have lesbian tendencies.
Emma - Gullible and easily swayed by a good looker!
Erminia - Small and graceful, slightly psychotic.
Estelle - Likes wombles, eats grass.
Esther - Plump with sagging breasts, normally heavily tattooed.
Eve - Shy timid creature until she has a drink, then she becomes very loud.
Evonne - Much happier now that the sex change operation was a success.
Faith - Legs meet at knees, can’t shag standing up.
Fae - Small and pretty, her mind seems always elsewhere.
Faye - Wears wellies, can’t swim.
Fee - Not very bright, talks fast to make up for it.
Felicity - One of the boys .. except that she has the most enormous nipples.
Fern - Posh with a large mouth, can hold a conversation whilst giving head.
Fiona - Female mud wrestler, badly needs a shave.
Fiyza - Very sexy, she knows it and she flaunts it
Florence - pretty, but sometimes too nice .. people tend to take advantage of her.
Francesca - Likes horses, not too fond of blokes.
Francess - A lovely lady even if she is as common as muck!
Frankie - Wears leather underwear, if it’s quiet you can hear her buzzing.
Gabriel - An arse to die for but pads her bra with tissues.
Gail - Farts a lot, drinks Guinness.
Gayleen - Big tall woman who talks shite all day.
Gaynor - Wanna-be Lesbian who can’t pull the girls.
Gemma - Talks too much, even during sex, even during oral sex!
Geraldine - Too posh for her own good, likes flying.
Gillian - Dyes her hair green, likes clubbing.
Gina - Eternal mother, eats nappies.
Glenda - Eats children, hates smoking.
Georgia - Loves her cakes, would rather have gateau than sex.
Georgina - Wants to be a man.
Grace - petite and pretty, fucks like a rabbit.
Grainne - Giggles excessively, sometimes wets herself.
Gwyneth - Blubs a lot, wees in the bath.
Hannah - Needs to be naked at all times, eats kebabs.
Harriet - Wears tweed and green wellies to the pub.
Hayley - Pretty, likes fast cars and slow men.
Hazel - has piercings, wears black.
Heather - Shags like a freight train, bit of a screamer.
Helen - Hangs around with the wrong rowd, Kinky in bed, loves porn and is totally neurotic.
Helena - Likes to be in charge, wears a lot of black rubber.
Heidi - The hills are alive with the sound of music, likes gherkins, hates Nazis.
Hilary - Frigid.
Holly - very sexy, doesn’t take any crap from anyone.
Imogen - Drinks tequila from the bottle, wets the bed.
Ingrid - Right wing Nazi tendencies, never smiles.
Iona - always carries a plastic carrier bag containing a bottle of strong cider.
Isabel - Pretty lady who likes to be dominated, needs a man, any man.
Isobel - Motorbike gang leader, sells guns for pocket money.
Jackie - Heroin addict, sold her child.
Jade - I once had a Jade, but hasn’t everybody??
Jalaine - Strange, introverted girl, secretly into plastic model aeroplanes.
Jamie - Gentle and yet with a very scary temper.
Janet - Massive over bite, no neck.
Jane - She’s hot and she knows it, a prick-teaser.
Janice - Loud and over-the-top, tends to talk with her hands.
Janine - Always takes on the ‘mother role’ when in a group.
Jarla - Kinda like a female Ali-G only not as funny.
Jasmin - Smells of sewers, eats the heads off rats.
Jean - hangs around with old blokes and let’s them buy her stuff.
Jemma - Does anal, wears too much eye make-up.
Jen - accident prone, especially around men she fancies.
Jenni - bone idle hence the tendency to shorten long words.
Jennifer - Huge breasts, should shave her legs more often.
Jeri - only owns one pair of knickers and they’ve never been worn.
Jessica - Always shags on the first date and sometimes even before it.
Jo - Bisexual and proud of it.
Joanna - Moans in her sleep, moans when she wakes up, can’t cook.
Joelle - Lively, exciting, jolly and fun … sometimes too much so!
Josephine - Likes to be tied up and teased.
Jodie - pretty and clever, therefor a bitch
Jody - Dresses like a boy and eats live frogs for breakfast.
Jordon - Wears a lot of make-up, nobody knows what she looks like.
Joyce - Never stops talking … for God’s sake shut up woman!
Judith - Big eyes, big tits, big problem with ballance.
Judy - Huge tits, married to a retard.
Julia - Innocent face, don’t trust her, she’ll steal your wallet in five minutes
Juliet - Eats too many chips, has greasy hair and a hairy arse.
Justine- Massive tits, likes hanging around men’s toilets.
Julie - Likes outdoor sex, preferably with a chance of getting caught.
Kacie - cute and adorable, but prone to sulking.
Karen - Huge tits, shags like a rabbit.
Karly - not too bright but always means well, pretty in a tubby way.
Kate - kisses with her tongue and can hold a conversation whilst doing it.
Katherine - old-fashioned girl, giggles when anyone mentions naughty words.
Kathryn - life and soul of any party until she falls asleep an hour before the end.
Katey - Tom boy, likes her sex dirty, usually outdoors.
Katie - likes blokes and team sports, preferably both together.
Kayleigh - The Lara Croft of Essex, great in bed (practice makes perfect)
Keira - person most likely to start a cult, related to Starlin.
Kelly - smells of cheese, slobbers when kissing.
Kelley - not very bright, can’t spell Kelly.
Kelsey - Very clever, wears glasses, boys scare her.
Kerran - tries to be mysterious, but everyone has been there.
Kerry - pretty, cute, and changes underwear once a week.
Kiersten - very sexy to look at, hard to please in bed.
Kim - small and sexy, only into pretty boys.
Kimberley - wants to be a bloke, drinks like a bloke, farts like a bloke and swears loudly.
Kira - She’s very very hot, so it’s a shame about the lobotomy.
Kirsty - Eats live moles, can’t dance.
Krista - Cool and pretty, tends to daydream all day and sleepwalk all night.
Kristy - Shy until she gets drunk, prone to spots.
Kristen - Emotionally stunted, thinks Robot-Wars is cruel and should be banned.
Kylie - Can’t sing but who cares … lovely arse.
Lana - Hated by her parents, accidental pregnancy.
Lara - Fun loving girl, but doesn’t find time for blokes..
Laura - Likes Max power magazine, can’t drive. Dominatrix
Lauren - Pert breasts, seldom ventures out at night.
Leah - Likes outdoor sex, wees standing up.
Leanne - Eats a lot of raw meat, most guys are scared of her.
Leaine - Seems cute until she opens her mouth and starts swearing.
Lena - Eats food then throws up, rapidly shrinking.
Leonie - Tall girl who likes short boys, it’s a power thing.
Leslie - Likes bondage, hates men.
Leyla - Hot and horny, the girl that always will.
Lily - Makes a good friend, doesn’t take crap from anyone.
Linda - Teenage bride can swallow oranges whole.
Lindsey - Likes doggy style, doesn’t do housework.
Lisa - enjoys money and is only turned on whilst watching porn.
Liz - Long legged and brainy.
Lizbeth - Sensible and serious, can talk without moving her lips.
Lois - Just wants to be loved but everyone seems to want to over-protect her.
Lorraine - Constantly whinges, will strip for a packet of jellybabies
Lorrie - Named after the vehicle she weighs the same as.
Louise/a - Likes to get around, fantastic breasts.
Luci - cute and loveable
Lucy - Strange dancer, wants to marry her dad.
Lyndsey - wears 2 pairs of knickers, won’t undress with the lights on.
Lynn - Funny and sexy, everything a bloke wants in a woman.
Lynnette - Has the attention span of a budgerigar, likes pretty things.
Madeline - Drives like a bloke, likes tractors.
Madusa - Really likes men, preferrably grilled with a side salad.
Maggie - Trainspotter, likes plaid.
Mairi - Quiet and shy but incredibly clever, secretly planning to take over the world.
Mandy - Cute and cuddly, thick as a short plank.
Margaret - Lovely mother, very generous.
Maria - Bangs like a barn door.
Marie - Life sapping dominatrix. Likes men to do DIY.
Marina - No get up and go, rusty underwear.
Marion - stuffs her bra with tissue, a bit cross-eyed.
Marolyn - Eats like a horse, out stays her welcome.
Martha - enjoys cooking, a shame it’s always inedible.
Martina - Ugly lesbian.
Martine - Can’t act, can’t sing, nice tits.
Mary - Likes men with long tongues and talented fingers.
Matilda - Likes dancing, mainly the waltz.
Mavis - seems nice until you notice the black cat, broomstick and pointed hat.
Meg - Cheesy smell, should be spelt with an S.
Meghan - Cold, hard-hearted bitch, enjoys upsetting little children.
Melanie - Can hold 2 bar vacuum orally indefinitely.
Melinda - Trailer trash … pretty, plump, and infected.
Melissa - Eats dogs, has been in prison 6 times for burglary.
Mercedes - pretends to be posh yet enjoys sleeping around.
Meryl - Dances like an ape, doesn’t realise.
Mia - Cute, small, sexy, but mostly just annoying.
Michaela - Likes animals, should make a video with them.
Michelle - Wears white stilettos, dances round her handbag.
Mikayla - Petite and shy, doesn’t realise how pretty she is.
Marsha - Big butt, small brain.
Molly - Pretty and naive, would like to be slimmer, wears clothes with too many flowers.
Monica - Control freak, but very pretty so we’ll let her off.
Monique - cool, calm, collected and probably drunk.
Morven - Very very loud and doesn’t see to realise it.
Nadine - Stunt Lady, can drink any bloke under the table! Don’t mess with her.
Naomi - Wannabe diva, more of a diver.
Nancy - White hair, pays for her real ale in old money.
Narelle - Likes dressing up as a French maid but not French.
Natalie - Eats with her mouth open, farts the Nokia phone tune.
Natasha - Had seven kids before age 17, needs ironing.
Nell - Hasn’t realised WWII has ended, lives in Kent.
Nephie - Pretty, smiles a lot, not very bright.
Niamh - Quiet and cute, secretly wears mens under-wear.
Nicci - Pretty, blonde, nicely dressed and vacant.
Nichola - quiet, studious type, wears glasses, a tiger in bed.
Nicola - Slapper, alcoholic in denial.
Nicole - small sweet and with nice hair, should wear underwear more often.
Niki - wannabe mysterious spy but not bright enough.
Nikki - wannabe lap-dancer but got no rythm.
Nina - Stuffs her bra with tissues, been single for years.
Nissa - speach impediment causes her to hiss, fond of reptiles.
Olga - You can park a bike in her arse crack, excessive facial hair.
Olive - usually accompanied by a couple of people in white coats.
Olivia - Gorgeous and knows it, has to sew herself into her trousers..
Olwyn - stupid name, welsh, just unlucky I guess.
Paige - Normally much too serious, but giggles a lot in bed.
Pamela - Gives amazing head, made of plastic.
Patricia - Obsessive about appearances, yet denies that she’s shallow.
Pat - short and common, one of the lads and a bit of a laff.
Paula - Transvestite merchant banker from Basildon.
Peggy - Wears outdated clothes and will only do missionary position.
Penelope - Pitstop queen, likes her men to be stiff.
Peta - Rough and tough, seriously into bondage.
Phillippa - Forest forager, likes wild boar.
Phyliss - Thinks sex is dirty, always washing her hands.
Polly - nice girl with really bad dress-sense, fashion disaster, it’s a shame.
Priscilla - likes painting with oils, Duckhams mainly.
Preya - can’t cook or clean but good in bed.
Prudence - sensible girl, wears flat shoes, but will shag anything in trousers.
Rachel - Amazing gravity defying breasts, can grip a tenner in her arsecheeks.
Rebecca - Hairy armpits, orgasms without contact.
Rebekah - Not very bright, pretty, but sometimes forgets to bathe.
Robbie - Fun loving tom-boy with a cheeky smile.
Roberta - Takes herself much too seriously, could be a fun loving tom-boy.
Renee - Huge breasts, but wishes blokes would notice her mind.
Rhiannon - big and strong, prone to vilence.
Riza - clever and funny, makes some blokes feel threatened.
Romany - Wild and beautiful, swings both ways.
Rosalind - Upper-class lady but works as a secret agent when the government needs her.
Rose - Can be prickly, gives good head.
Rosemary - Very shy, nearly always seen with a bright red face.
Roz - Only enjoys sex when she’s tied up and spanked first.
Rula - She measures up well.
Ruth - Has stretch marks around her mouth.
Sadie - Stand up if you’re slim, please stand up.
Sally - Drives a Mustang, fights in pubs.
Samantha - Loves her brother, has 4 deformed children.
Sammy - likes to be the centre of attention, clumsy.
Sandra - Shags donkeys for fun, bow legged.
Sara - Air-head, with a gorgeous body to compensate.
Sarah - Likes pressed flowers and body piercing.
Sarah-Jane - ‘posh’ girl, will screw anything in a BMW.
Sasha - dresses like a bloke, screws like a rabbit.
Scarlett - stunnngly beautiful and with a temper like a nuclear explosion.
Selina - Doesn’t wear pants, heavy laundry bills.
Shannon - Beautiful, curvaceous, should be a model.
Sharon - The original bitch queen, uses everyone she meets.
Shauna - Lives in a trailer, has 16 kids each with a different surname.
Shelly - very cute, but a bit of a soft-hearted slapper.
Sheree - Cute, but very loud! desperately needs a volume control.
Shirley - Can swallow a Curly Whirly whole, likes bananas.
Shona - Librarian by day, exotic dancer by night.
Siobhan - Ginger Minger with a severe wind problem.
Sinead - Wears big knickers and a vest, but is secretly very sexual.
Sian - Does great sheep impression, hates mint sauce.
Silka - Appears shy, but secretly Miss Whiplash the dominatrix.
Silke - Only ever has sex outdoors near her favourite tree.
Simone - Used to be a shotputter from Cardiff.
Sonya - Dirty lady of the night. Often referred to as a “carrier”.
Sophia - Beautiful girl with long legs, a shame her arse is the size of a small country.
Sophie - Brothel manager because she’s too ugly to be a working girl.
Stacey - Likes cut off jeans and arseless Speedo’s.
Steffi - Closet lesbian, maintains heterosexual relationship for effect.
Stella - reassuringly expensive, she’s worth every penny!
Stephanie - Eats Muppets, wears Brogues.
Sue/Susanne - should shave more often, wears Denim aftershave. Very fertile.
Summer - wears flowers in her hair, a pretty dress, and no knickers.
Sylvia - loves the outdoors. Mad.
Tammy - Kind-hearted and generous, particularly in the bedroom.
Tanya - Hot minx, too short.
Tara - Upper class slapper, enjoys random chemicals.
Teresa - surprisingly small given the amount of alcohol she drinks.
Teri - fun and flirty, sometimes annoyingly bouncy!
Tiffany - likes short skirts and low tops, spends a lot of time in front of a mirror.
Tina - Face like a smacked arse, should eat less.
Tori - Lives in a hedge, can’t water ski.
Tracy - Easily swayed by alcohol. Mostly seen without underwear. Loves kittens.
Tracey - Wears a lot of pink, wants to be a lesbian cos she thinks that would be cool.
Trudy - Genuinely nice lady, everybody loves her.
Ursula - Likes puppies,usually in a hot curry.
Val - usually drunk, doesn’t know where her knickers are.
Valerie - quaint and old-fashioned, someones aunt.
Vanessa - Beautiful, power-crazy bitch.
Vera - favouritr Aunty, smellsfaintly of lavender.
Veronica - closet lesbian who sleeps around to prove she isn’t!
Vicky - Likes Yoga. And Women.
Victoria - everybody loves her but not as much as she loves herself.
Vikki - Drinks anything so long as it’s got vodka in it.
Wendy - works on a building site, possibly a man.
Yasmin - Talks loud and fast, thinks she’s gorgeous.
Yvette - slightly timid, until she loses her temper and then watch out.
Yvonne - control freak and yet crap at everything she does.
Zakia - Wants to be a spy when she grows up, but needs to wash more often.
Zoe - Talentless rock chick. Prepared to use sex as a weapon.

Men’s Names

Aaron - ugly but hung like a horse, prone to belly button fluff.
Adam - cute, funny, chicks dig him, well hung but very caring.
Adrian - usually short and very horny, watches cartoons.
Alan - shy but sensitive, gets screwed over by women.
Alex - cute and short but a liar and a cheat.
Amir - Dirty, Smelly, Pecker is minuscule.
Andy - boring and has a small pecker.
Andrew - gay and still has a small pecker.
Antonio - has a great body and beautiful skin, and chicken brain.
Anthony - great guy and kind to all girls, smells of weed.
Arnold - loser.
Arthur - hung like a slave and celibate.
Barry - lights fires, pinches girls bottoms and is well hung.
Ben - funny and can be real difficult to beat at games.
Bob - quiet and unpopular, eats with his hands.
Brad - thinks everyone likes him…but they don’t.
Brandon - good looking but uses girls.
Brendan - quiet and sweet, gets beaten up all the time.
Brett - world wide slut and really insensitive, women love him.
Brian - mean and only thinks of himself, no he’s not the Messiah he’s just a naughty boy.
Bryan - sexy, but stupid - can’t spell.
Bronsen - annoying and never grows up - has a stupid name.
Bruce - stinks bad and thinks everyone else’s name is also Bruce.
Bryce - fun to be with and will make you laugh, you’ll kill him within a week.
Calvin - immature in a naive way, drives a Gemini.
Cameron - Australian
Carl - thinks he’s funny…he’s not, falls asleep during sex.
Carson - fun to be around and really sensitive.
Chad - cute, sensitive and very studly - only found in American movies no real person has that name.
Charles - can’t trust him, eyes too close together.
Chris - can’t pull, will pay for women, but has a huge pecker and can use it too.
Christian - very sexy and seductive (think ‘Legends of the Fall’).
Clark - hilarious and always in trouble, problem with ‘jailbait’.
Cliff - very sweet and adores girls, but very superficial.
Cole - nice, funny, and fun to be around.
Con - lies to women and blows up public buildings.
Cory - funny but ugly, ends up running fashion magazines.
Craig - tries to fit in - he never does.
Cyril - well, Cyril.
Damon - total loser in a sweaty sort of way.
Dan - quiet but funny, but becomes easily addicted to narcotics.
Dane - weird but can hold together a conversation with a mermaid.
Daniel - enjoys root vegetables in every orifice.
Darren - charming , but sleeps with men.
Daryl - smells bad, has no real mates
David - total wanker - hated by all.
Dave - extremely sexy, always funny, intelligent, stylish, trendsetter - i.e. a wanker.
Dean - full of himself and thinks with his dick.
Dennis - either very nice to girls or a faggot.
Derek - has a great sense of humour, and blow-up doll collection.
Dominic - hilarious and will do anything to please.
Don - dickhead.
Doug - has a greasy face, drinking problem and farts.
Drew - bad-arse losers who never shuts up.
Dylan - horny bastard, who can’t sing.
Dwayne - cool guy to be around if you can handle his name.
Eddie - wants too many chicks he’ll never get cos he’s an arsehole.
Emrys - Load mouth gobby Shitte.
Elliott - Full of himself
Eric - shy.
Erik - funny and treats girls how he wants to be treated.
Evan - a little slow but sweet, sexy, and model mental patient.
Frank - “different” - missing DNA - favours girls named Lucy.
Gareth - sweet but dresses too good to be straight.
Gary - drug addict but willing to share.
Gavin - likes bondage, S&M with other men.
Geoff - prefers golf to sex and war to peace.
George - barman who drinks more than he serves.
Glen - the sweetest guy - really down to earth
Greame - very hard to understand, likes group sex
Graham - will screw anything
Grant - HORNY! but so sweet and you can talk to him about anything.
Greg - really sweet and feels sorry for himself.
Guy - Covers his back, has a small dick.
Harvey - cute, but addicted to sex and/or drugs.
Hathem - smooth, but very manipulative, not to be trusted around young girls.
Haydn - tries hard.
Howard - likes small-breasted women and pornography (doesn’t everybody!).
Ian - really popular but knows all the girls want him…yeh right!!!
Jake - shy and sweet but a slut when drunk.
Jamie - Scum of the Earth.
James - built like a horse.
Jay - very sweet when you get to know him well.
Jeff - really ugly.
Jerome - gay, but very unhappy.
Jeremy - loud and thinks that he’s all that he says he is.
Jesse - unpopular and needs to move on.
Jack - stupid but hot. Always alright.
Jim - sweet, has fantasies of love and affection.
Joe - built like a bear, sexy but tends to lose his head.
Joel - arse.
John - has no friends or life - tends to kill small animals.
Jonathon - think he’s good - he’s shit.
Jordan - sexy but weird in bed.
Jose - hot boy with a love of hermaphrodites.
Josh - full of himself, fun.
Junior - hotty and totally good at football.
Justin - aggravating, insecure & jealous.
Kain - the sexiest guy alive but very stuck up.
Kevin - Always attracts really fit girlfriends also has a large penis, really nice to women.
Keith - good person to talk to when you have a problem - his is worse.
Kenneth - very, very…anything you want him to be.
Kim - very understanding and caring, feels lost in Korea.
Kurt - can kick anyone’s arse, likes small boys.
Ky - see Kain.
Kyle - hornball who eats too many cornchips.
Larry - cute but wannabe player with big arse.
Laurey - short and funny looking.
Lee - girl dressed up as a boy, total arse bandit.
Lewis - lonely, sad git, bit of a tosser.
Lyndon - can always be found in bed or in the pub.
Liam - loud mouthed arsehole, normally found in rock bands and pubs.
Lorenzo - fine and dresses in stolen gold.
Lucas - fat loser that dates other men.
Luke - seems to be sweet - Luke Solomons exactly!
Malcolm - tall man who tends to lose his trousers.
Marc - Fantasises about pretty lights, doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke - Tries to tell everyone
Mark - wished girls liked him for who he is, not his great looks, mouthy bastard though.
Martin - dresses in stolen gold, loud mouthed arsehole,wees in the bath
Michael - very good looking but he’ll do anything for a girl, which is totally sweet.
Mick - always drunk, tendency for drug abuse.
Mitchell - the ugliest dog and he don’t get any.
Mohammed - Small Penis
Nathan - stupid as hell, and tends to make others feel dumb.
Nick - HORNY! but really nice - can’t get past the missionary position though.
Neil - sweet and will do anything in this world for you, great in bed.
Noel - an absolute diamond, sexy, funny and faultless….apart from when it comes to sorting out contents insurance for his home
Oliver - likes men but is in denial.
Oscar - loser, a good name for a dog.
Owen - cute gay guy who is immature, and sings Welsh songs.
Patrick - cool, calm and handsome, a quality only found in pricks.
Paul - drunk, drunk, drunk.
Peter - cutie but very shy, makes women feel like virgins.
Phillip - stupid idiot who wishes he were cool.
Rashpal - C@@t
Reagen - …strange.
Rhys - great lover but had his mind stolen by aliens a long,long time ago.
Richard - cant see his feet balls are to big
Ricky - ugly shithead who everybody hates.
Rikki - see above.
Rob - constantly watches porn.
Roy - total loser and computer genius.
Rupert - arrogant twat who is crap in bed but thinks he is a stud.
Russell - likes to play in the leaves which makes him an arsehole.
Ryan - short but sexy body and even sexier mind.
Sam - wannabe sex machine.
Scott - has serious disabilities.
Sean - has small testicles and no friends.
Seth - so sweet to other people but is a traitor.
Shane - thinks everybody wants to shag him - he’s a virgin.
Shannon - the most determined and persevering sweetie in the world.
Shaun - bit of a hard bastard, thinks women love him.
Simon - likes a night out with the lads and curries. Talks bollocks.
Steve - popular and funny when looked at side-on.
Stuart - droll guy with great arse and suicidal tendencies but great in bed.
Tim - hot but a bit strange, can never tell where he is.
Toby - best blow ever.
Tom - cool but can be arrogant.
Tony - hot, sweet, and totally fun to be around.
Travis - fat and horny with the best XXX collection to be found.
Trevor - sweet and funny but sometimes untrustworthy.
Troy - cute and popular.
Taylor - gay.
Warren - cool, homosexual guy.
Wesley - great guy and easy to tolerate.
Will - wishes he were popular.
Zach - sweet and polite and adorable.
Zahid - devious and sly. Not to be trusted.