You know, in this here Blogland, there are many things that amuse me greatly, but this post (Anon 6.05 comment) has to be the funniest damn thing I’ve come across in a good while.

The author, whoever she is, obviously didn’t read my previous post on authors and publishers who get caught with their dangling participles, around their ankles. Oh actually, looking at the date of the post, I was possibly too late to help her. Dearie, dearie me. Some people never learn.

Full rant after the cut…

“jadensinclair
Sent: Tuesday, 28 August 2007 1:14 PM
To: MGP_Authors_Loop@yahoogroups.com
Subject: [MGP_Authors_Loop] I have been quiet long enough!

SON OF A BITCH!!

DOES THIS GROUP OF PEOPLE HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO SAY?? IT IS FUCKING SICKENING HOW ONE PERSON MAKES A MISTAKE AND YOU ALL
FALLOW SOMEONE AND GO OUT FOR BLOOD. ARE WE IN THE DAMN STONE AGES?

I SENT OFF ONE MESSAGE TO ONE PERSON AND SHE ACTS LIKE SHE
IS GOD.

I TALKED TO TERESA TONIGHT IS EVERYONE HAPPY NOW???????

THE COMPANY IS CLOSING. MOST HAVE HELPED IN THIS MATTER BY NOT SELLING, DEMANDING PRINT BOOKS THAT DONT SELL AND NOW THIS. IF I SOUND PISSED I AM!

WHAT DOES THIS SAY ABOUT US? THAT WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH, WHEN A PUTER GOES DOWN LETS TAKE A HEAD? WHO WANTS US WHEN WE DO THAT.

YOU WANT THE FUCKING SCOOP HERE IT IS…

TERESA HAS NO NET. HER DOG CHEWED THE CABLE, ONE PUTER CRASHED AND SHE IS BROKE. IS SHE GOING TO SHIT OUT A PUTER, OR BEG TO GET ON AT THE LIBARY WHEN KIDS ARE USING THE PUTER TO STUDY? THINK PEOPLE!!!! FOR CHRIST SAKES.

THE COMPANY HAS LOST MONEY. SHE TIRED TO KEEP IT TOGETHER AND FIX THINGS EVEN WHEN OTHERS WERE UTTING THEIR NOSES IN WHERE IT DIDNT BELONG. EVERYONE MAKES A MISTAKE AND YOU ALL WANT HER ASS.

SHE IS GIVING EVERYONE THEIR BOOKS/ CONTRACTS BACK ON SEPT 1. AFTER THAT THE COMPANY WILL BE FILING A CHAPTER 7. SHE IS MAKING SURE YOU ALL ARE NOT TIED UP LIKE TRISK IS WITH CONTRACTS. SO HOWS THAT FOR FUCKING YOU LIKE YOU SEEM TO THINK??? IF SHE DIDNT GIVE A SHIT THEN SHE WOULD TIE US ALL UP AND NOT LET US GO.

WHY YOU COULDNT GET IN TOUCH, SHE GOT A JOB. AND FOR ALL OF YOU WHO THINK THEY WOULD KNOW, YOU KNEW SHIT. I KNEW AS SOON AS SHE GOT IT BUT KEP MY MOUTH SHUT FOR HER. TERESA IS MY FRIEND.

IF YOU ARE GOING TO USE WHAT HAPPENS TO HER AGAINST HER THATS YOUR CHOICE, BUT STOP PUTTING ME IN THE MIDDLE HERE. I WAS FRIENDS WITH HER BEFORE SHE STARTED THE COMPANY AND I WILL BE AFTER.

IF YOU ALL THINK YOU ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN OTHERS, THEN GO AWAY QUIETLY. STOP TRYING TO HURT SOMEONE.

REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT HER GETTING TO ANOTHER PUTER IS SHIT. SOME PLACES CHARGE FOR PERSONAL USE ON A PUPLIC PUTER.

NOW THAT THE DIRT IS OUT LET THE DUST SETTLE. GETTING LAWYERS AND SUIEING WONT SALVE ANYTHING BUT GIVING YOURSELF THE REP OF BEING A TROULBE MAKER. THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A CHANGE.

THIS SHIT HAS GOTTEN SO OUT OF HAND, AND YOU ALL NEED TO STOP LOOKING FOR A LEADER. IF YOU CANT THINK FOR YOURSELF THEN YOU HAVE A MOJOR PROBLEM.”

Dear fucking Lord.

By the way, just in case you didn’t guess already, she’s a best selling e-book author.

Dear fucking Lord.

TTG and I decided to go down to our local park yesterday to walk off dinner. We often do this, because it’s quite beautiful and peaceful there, especially during the twilight hours.

Anyway, we were messing around with his football, when out of nowhere, this toddler ran up to us and started trying to kick the ball.

I looked around to see who the kid belonged too, and I spied a guy slowly ambling down towards us. I figured he was the child’s father, so of course I played kick-about with him, waiting for his dad to come and retrieve him.

Imagine my horror when the guy walked right past us.

I looked at TTG and he shrugged his shoulders as if to say, WTF?.

The child was barely two years old if that.

Anyway, I told TTG to go and locate his parents whilst I kept him occupied.

About five minutes later, TTG re-appears with a teenage boy. Apparently he had taken his eyes off his brother for a moment, and the little boy had seen us with the ball, and so, decided to follow us.

The boy was only about fourteen, so I asked him where his mother was.

Apparently she was waiting on the other side of the field. WTF?

Not only does the stupid bitch let her baby wander off on his own, she then sends her young teen to come and retrieve him.

I couldn’t help myself. I had to say something.

I asked her what she would have done if we’d been paedophiles, and suggested that in future, she keep a better eye on her child. (Or words to that effect.)

TTG stopped me from going off on a big ‘ole rant at her. Dammit.

I realise that children run off if you take your eyes off them for even a second, but surely, knowing that there are evil predators out there who prey on young children, you’d take just a bit more care?

I wouldn’t mind, but it was almost 8pm, the child should have been in flaming bed in the first place. Grrrrr.

I’m still so angry I could spit.

As an author, or even as a publisher, would it not be a good idea to have at least a basic grasp of the English language, seeing as you work in an industry where words are all important?

Also, if you are a publisher/author, and you’re trying to make a valid and noteworthy point (possibly also known as defending the indefensible), would it not be a good idea to check what you’ve written before you press send?

My advice is to at least use the spelling and grammar checker in Word before you confirm to the world, that not only are you probably not a good business person/writer, but you also obviously have a problem stringing a coherent sentence together on paper.

Aspiring authors, if you receive any correspondence from a publisher who wants to offer you a contract, and you can barely understand what they’ve written, you might want to consider not signing with them. Or at least check to see if they have a legitimate reason for their rubbish literacy skills.

One thing I’ve learned on Blogland is that bad things seem to happen to authors who seemingly can’t get themselves together enough to write coherently.

It’s ok for me to be incoherent, and use shockingly bad grammar, this is just my hobby, not my job.

Just sayin.

I don’t know how accurate this is, but apparently this is what the CEO of Mardi Gras Publishing had to say in response to some of the comments that have been floating around, re the closure of MGP. (Bare in mind this info was posted by an anonymous source, so cannot be taken as gospel.)

“In response to this post - I went MIA due to computer issues. And have now leased a system I can not afford.

This previous post is NOT from all the editors, authors and staff. Only a small group.

And the satinrougepress. com web site had been there since mardi gras opened because it was originally surpose to be the satin rouge line location.

It amazes me how people continue to post non-accurate information.

Mardi Gras Publishing is officially closing September 1, 2007 I have been forced to make this decision based on lack of finances - hormonal females and bitching.

I’m tired of it and refuse to listen to it any more. I gave this company 110% - quit my job and have received nothing but aggravation since. I have NO intention of opening another company, have you lost your mind?!

Teresa”

Hmmm… Hormonal females eh? Nice…

Incidentally, Teresa, if these aren’t your words, just let me know, and I’ll amend accordingly. Although judging from this report of your past unethical behaviour, I have a feeling that the words were indeed yours.

UPDATED WITH LINKS ABOVE

Dear Lord, dumb as a box of rocks doesn’t quite cover it. Apparently, she won too. Her parents must be so proud…

Stolen from Giselle’s Blog.

If you were a best-selling author who got your start in e-publishing, why would you choose to not include those early, and subsequent books on your website?

Possible Answers

1. Embarassment (I’m not sure why though, the e-published books were good)
2. An effort to cut all ties with said e-publisher (Can’t really blame her for that)
3. Wants to be taken seriously as a writer (Hey, your readers take you seriously enough)
4. Doesn’t want to admit to writing ‘smut’ (Hey, sex sells)
5. Pissed off with e-publisher for some mysterious reason (Hmmm… very likely)

Well, I guess we’ll never know unless the author in question talks, so I’ll have to draw my own conspiracy-fuelled conclusions. *g*

Oh feeling much better now, TTG even persuaded me that going for a walk in the park was a good idea. He was right.

Anyway, apparently Desiree Erotique hasn’t been paid any royalties for her book for several months. The guilty ones this time, are Chippewa Publishing.

Des writes:

Chippewa Publishing/Lady Aibell owner, Rebecca Pack, has been sent my notice of my displeasure at not being paid royalties for my story, Nocturnique.

This situation has been going on for several months and before this I was also concerned with royalty statements which contradicted with the language of my contract; contradictions acknowledged by Ms. Packs but never remedied.

I have thus removed purchase links at my website for Nocturnique. The contract for this story ends September 2007 and I have also notified Ms. Pack that I will not renew the contract.

Hmmm…I’d avoid them like the plague in any case

I also got the following e-mail about Mardi Gras Publishing:

“I’ve heard rumors about Mardis Gras publishing’s owner being MIA for the past month. Sounds like Venus Press all over again. I didn’t want to post publicly because it’s not my publisher and just a rumor, but there it is.”

Smoke and fire, people, smoke and fire. Anybody know any different, you’re welcomed to e-mail me.

By the way, don’t these people know that music on a ‘professional website’ is a bit, ya know… irritating?

Watching Ben Hur in bed, and nursing the hangover from hell…

Incidentally, would it be blasphemous for me to say that there are slightly homoerotic undertones to Ben Hur? *g*

I love me a bit of Charlton Heston though, *ooh er missus*…

Apologies for the lack of posts, but TTG and I decided to go away for the weekend.

Anyway, I was just over at the Dear Author site, where Jane’s got a link to Camille Anthony, an e-published author, who’s gone public regarding her lack of royalty payments from Silk’s Vault, an e-publisher, with whom she was contracted with.

Camille writes:

I have never once received my royalties on time. To date, I have not received the royalties due me from the first two quarters of 2007. On top of that, I have a royalty statement prepared by the owner (who does all the paperwork) for my first quarter sells which fails to list the books sold at fictionwise (506 copies).

Having looked over your site and seen the mention of lack of proof, etc., I am attaching the fraudulent royalty statement as well as the printout from fictionwise listing my total sales for the two quarters. Nowhere does Sara list those fictionwise numbers on my royalty statement. And I haven’t received the 2nd quarter statement at all.

So basically, they haven’t paid her all year, and when the bleeders did pay her, they didn’t include royalties from her sales at Fictionwise. Good going.

Camille continues:

When I asked for payment, Sara Tiller sent the royalty statement. I informed her the statement was not payment. When I again asked for clarification of why she had not listed my fictionwise sells, she responded with insults and threats about taking this situation public and that she would pay me when she was able.

That was not what my contract read. It states payment will be made no later than 45 days after the end of the preceding quarter.

I gave her until Monday to have my first and second quarter royalties in my mailbox. That time limit has passed. I will be going public with this as promised (not threatened) as well as contacting the FBI and the legal authorities in her state since her fraudulent practices were commited across state lines as well might institute internet fraud.

Jeepers creepers. I’m assuming Sarah Tiller is the CEO of Silk’s. I guess she didn’t read Dale Carnegie’s book huh?

Anyway, Jane’s done her bit, and tried to contact the publisher directly to get the other side of the story, but so far she aint biting. I’m guessing that Sarah whoever-she-is, is probably stuck with her head buried in the sand somewhere hoping that all her troubles will go away, as if by magic.

If I was an author at Silk’s Vault, I’d seriously start thinking about taking my books and running like crazy. I don’t know about anybody else, but I’ve never enjoyed being shafted from behind.

Getting published might be a writer’s dream come true, but if you guys aren’t careful about who you hand over your precious babies to, that dream might turn into a nightmare, and you might just end up getting royally screwed, without the benefit of an orgasm.

Triskelion and Venus Press anybody?

Just sayin’.

By the way, if you’re an aspiring author hoping to get e-pubbed, you might want to check out Piers Anthony’s website. Some E-publishers, and authors seem to hate him, because of the gossipy nature of his info, but some of the information that he’s posted about e-pubs, have been right on the money.

No smoke without fire, I say.

If anybody has any further info on Silk’s Vault, you can e-mail me on hairylemony @ gmail. com. All identities kept strictly confidential of course.

Right, now that that’s done, I’m off to get ready for a crazy night out with the girls!

You know, we constantly harp on about romance being all about fantasies etc, but somehow, when it comes to giving the heroines we read about, brilliant, exciting jobs/careers, a lot of romance authors seem to take a backward step.

If I read about one more heroine who works in a flower shop or is a struggling P.A, I’ll gnaw my own arm off.

Every other HP (that would be Harlequin Presents, not Harry Potter) that I look at has the word ‘billionaire’ in the title somewhere, and they’re usually referring to the bloke.

Why can’t the billionaire in the title be the heroine? Now wouldn’t that be a novel idea?

I sometimes get irritated by the way some authors use particular jobs to stereo-type the heroine. Case in point, how many librarians have you come across in romance books that have fun exciting lives, go out with their friends, and party like it’s 1999? Not very effing many.

Most of the librarians that I’ve come across in books, have either, never had sex, or perhaps had bad sex in the back of a car with some bloke named Bobby Joe, ten million years ago, so decided that sex wasn’t for them. Or else they go home to their cats, and the highlight of their night is when they have to water their Chrysanthemums.

Every now and then, you get the heroine who’s an accountant, or a lawyer, but more often than not, as with librarians, this just seems to be a way for the author to demonstrate how dull, boring, and over-worked she is.

Case in point, the heroine in Cindy Kirk’s When She Was Bad.

The heroine, Jenny Carman, hasn’t had sex in six years because she was too busy working her way up the ladder as an accountant in a big firm. (Does this mean that accountants don’t have sex?). When she doesn’t get the job that she’s coveted for ages, she decides to ditch her goody-two-shoes image, and act like the bad girl, slut-ho she secretly wants to be.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m enjoying the book, but I do find myself getting irritated by the implication that you can’t be an accountant and lead an exciting life.

Why can’t heroines have great jobs too? If we’re going all out on the fantasy angle, would it be asking too much to give the heroine a half interesting career, without turning her into an uptight mare, who thinks that sex was invented just to stop her from achieving her goals?

Just once, I’d love to read about a heroine who was the billionairess, without the money being inherited from her wealthy daddy. I know that in real life, it’s not that common an occurrence, but it does happen every now and then.

I’d also like to read about a heroine who’s the president of a company, rather than the personal assistant.

I’d like to see more books with the heroine as a soldier. I’ve mostly given up reading s.e.a.l/military based romantic suspense books, but I’d probably give them another go, if it was the heroine who was the soldier, not the guy.

Do you ever wish that women in romance books, were on more of an equal footing to the guys, with regards tro their financial status? Also, what jobs would you like to see heroines in romance books given?