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Oh wow, I haven’t laughed so much since Mrs Giggles’ Trixy Lion Publishing website.

Lisa Charlton a newly self-published writer, put the following post up on Lulu.com:

My new book is called in a childs heart and i am really very interested to know what everyone thinks about it. If you’re interested then please feel free to visit my link at http://www.lulu.com/content/2122930 Thanks for your time reading my post guys i do really appreciate it.

Now, what was I saying about authors and coherent writing in public?

For you lazy buggers who can’t be arsed to click on the link, here’s how the first few responses went:

(David, a regular at the forum speaks up first)

You have numerous English language usage problems on that page–too many to make me want to review your work. (Right at the beginning, “Hi guys welcome to my storefront i do hope …” should be at least corrected to “Hi guys, welcome to my storefront.

I hope …” ‘Guys’ is also a little too impersonal and unprofessional a term to greet with, in my opinion. And your English doesn’t improve later in the page.) The giant Forex add is also a giant turnoff. Are you selling your writing, or multi-level-marketing stuff? Focus the topic of the page to one or the other, not both–you lose the message in the forest.

In my opinion, ‘hedonism’ is not a good term to use to use in conjunction with the title, “in a child’s heart” (it should be capitalized to “In a Child’s Heart”). I’m not interested in reading about the perspective of a spoiled brat, and that is what your quotation seems to imply the book is about.

If it really is, why would I be interested in that? Does the child change? What is the catharsis that brings them to a greater understanding of humanity? The portion of the blurb I read doesn’t give any clues about such an event taking place.

I sincerely hope that this brief critique is helpful, and is useful on your quest to make the writing appealing to a wide audience, and a commercial success. If it isn’t, respond accordingly, and I will remove the body of this post if possible.

David

Lisa, (bless her cotton socks) then replies with:

It is my very first time writng a novel and i obviously know that i have alot of learning to do where this subject is concerned. Did you actually read what it is about or just jumped to conclusions before you carried on?

The charactor in the book is fighting an illness called obsessive compulsive disorder. You would do well in getting your facts right before getting insulting towards another persons work. And read carefully about what the charactor is going through in the stages of her life coping with a mental illness.

David then writes back in response to her unintelligible comments:

I read this:

…Having tantrums on occasions suits me fine, for my folks on the other hand, its either respiratory problem, angina or manic depression, anxiety attack and a generous helping of stress and high blood pressure. And I haven’t even started yet!…

I said what I said hoping that it might help fix the problems. If you don’t want input towards improving your work, I’ll remove the body of these posts.

Best wishes,
David

Lisa, poor deluded Lisa (what was I saying about authors and public writing?) responded with this rant:

Help is one thing insults are another thing entirely. Did you actually read the novel, or does the fact that i written about a mental illness insult you enough not to read about the subject? You, clearly have chosen to be out of “context” about my work over two paragraphs i have written in my book.

I do take constructive criciticism very well and appreciate a wide variety of comments, what i do find insulting is people whom find themselves being called a professional is when they don’t even try to read what the author is promoting, instead only finds that a critic has not done the job properly by not reading the material that is available to them and still thinks that they can comment on something they have no idea about what the subject the book is based on. Does this sound familiar to yourself?

oh and by the way, you didn’t read this ” I am here to do something very obsessive, very compulsive and very much needed advertising for my new hedonistic novel In a childs heart! it is based on my charactor aisling who is having to live with both of parents whom personalities match those of a mis-guided missiles, whilst having to deal with fact that she has obsessive compulsive disorder.” Meaning that obsessive compulsive disorder is known as a serious mental illness.

Emily Veinglory then chimes in with what most people are thinking at this point: (more…)

So asks author JC Wilder, during an interesting account of some of the stuff that’s been going on at The Romantic Times convention this year.

She writes:

And then there are the cover models…displaying very ungallant behavior. Well, let me rephrase that…some of them are lovely. Well mannered, courteous – exactly what one would expect in someone who hoped to portray one of our fabulous heroes.

I wonder who those models were? I’d have assumed that most male models would be up themselves regardless. Did I just say that out loud?

The others, a motley gaggle of strippers (K:I think she’s talking about the Elloras Cavemen here) and one triple X rated porn star – yes, a porn star – groping people and generally offending a great many attendees. Of course when a few of these gems stage a 9/11 tribute at the EC Party (it was during an SOS military salute – a cause that Kathryn Falk, the founder of RT, has thrown her voice and cash behind) came on stage in military regalia and proceeded to strip and grope themselves. What does grabbing your dick have to do with a tribute to those fallen on 9/11?

Is it wrong that I chuckled at the images that this evoked?

First off, dressing in a faux military outfit and stripping could be sexy and over the top – but during a TRIBUTE to the soldiers? A TRIBUTE to 9/11?

WTF???

Of course if that weren’t enough to turn the stomach – the X rated simulated sex on stage was enough to send people out in droves. A woman (can’t call her a lady!) was stretched out on the stage with a stripper simulating sex with his dick positioned over her mouth. It just so happened that while this was going on…her top came down.

Oh dear.

So I guess nothing’s changed from previous years then?

Oh, apparently she’s (JC Wilder) received rapped knuckles from other authors for objecting to having her arse groped, and publicising her disgust at the Cavemen paying tribute to the 9/11 soldiers by grabbing their crotches. Stellar.

Authors Who Can’t…Write?

Sunday, April 20, 2008
Posted in: random musings

One thing I’ve noticed in Romancelandia is the number of authors who not only struggle to get their points across coherently, but who also evidently see no benefit in using spell-checker, or just plain editing themselves.

The number of author-penned comments that I struggle to make sense of,  is quite startling.

Now I’m not talking about the odd typo here or there, because God knows, I’m pretty sure Robin is the only person I know who can write a ten thousand word post without making a single grammatical mistake.

No, I’m talking about shitloads of spelling mistakes, grammatical errors, and just an overall poor grasp of the English language as I know it.

I’m sure you guys will have noticed that an incredible lack of grammatical finesse is something that a lot of the publishers/owners of the e-publishers that have gone spectacularly belly-up, have in common.

Of course I’ve seen my fair share of readers who seem to think that using spell-checker is an out-of-date fad, but seeing as they don’t write for a living, it doesn’t really matter.

As a writer, isn’t it important that everytime you use your keyboard to comment in a public arena, that you make sure people aren’t questioning whether you learned anything in kindergarten, due to the incoherency of your post?

Self-editing isn’t foolproof, but hopefully, it will stop the majority from looking like total numpties in public.

Just sayin.