Someone also brought up the excellent point that most times, the woman knows or at least seriously suspects that her man is cheating, but prefers to pretend that all is right in her relationship. Because even though she’ll never admit to feeling this way, that’s just what men do, and if he’s otherwise a good man and is discreet, she’s willing to turn a blind eye.

*That’s actually a direct (translated) quote from a local spanish-language male radio host, and his female co-host didn’t argue the point. The discussion was about how long will you put up with your man cheating before dumping him. Not, will you dump your man for cheating, but, how often before you do. Women called in, and the general consensus was that as long as it doesn’t get to the point where he’s being “disrespectful,” and as long as he doesn’t have any other faults, there’s no point in leaving. I’m not making this up. You should hear some of stories I’ve heard at the salon, or even some of the bullshit that’s gone on in my own family. It’s a big, diversely fucked up world out there.

I’d never forgive a friend that close if she DIDN’T tell me. The trust between us would be as broken as the trust with the perp.

No man is worth losing your friendship over. If he’s the kind who is a repeat cheater he isn’t worth the spit it takes to shower him. I’d rather have my friendship back because you know what? He thinks it’s hilarious that he managed to ruin that friendship without ’so much as raising a finger’. In essence, he won.

And don’t think for a moment that your friend won’t find out sooner or later what the prick is doing and to whom. Someone else is bound to tell her or she’ll catch him or she already knows. If she knew…or suspected before you told her…she most likely didn’t want her nose rubbed in it. By you bringing it up, that’s what you were doing though you have the best of intentions. She needed someone to blame and you were it.

As for respecting her, don’t condemn or judge until you have been in her shoes. You might have been through this and know how it feels but if you haven’t, until it’s you, how can you really say what you will do for sure? You think you know but you might not. Hell, you might even Bobbitize him for all you know!

Come to think of it, that wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

Here’s the thing that I find curious in this though, what kind of friend is she really that she would think you so awful for trying to be a friend. Is that the kind of person worth to have as a friend? Because is shows that she doesn’t have your back.

To me, friends stick together even when hard stuff goes between them and forgive each other. Or they really aren’t friend material to begin with.

I know many women don’t want to look at the truth and in most cases blame the woman who is trying to help instead of the asshole they are with. But I guess I’d rather loose a friend who would think so ill of me for trying to be nice and not forgiving me for making a mistake that she didn’t want to hear the truth. While that’s a person I can still love, it’s not a person I can still respect, so better to loose them as a friend then keep a lie going.

Maybe I’m just a hard person for feeling like that, I don’t know.

Telling a friend, may seem like the honourable thing to do, but in my experience, it usually always backfires on the friend doing the telling.

I experienced a similar dilemma a few years ago, when the boyfriend of a friend of mine was having an affair. I saw the rat bastard and a woman together, but I had no solid proof, (he even had previous, so it wasn’t like it hadn’t happened before) and I told my friend. Now whilst she didn’t accuse me of having less than honourable intentions, it did change the fabric of our relationship, and she still ended up staying with the guy.

He also cheated on her whilst she was pregnant, and a couple of years ago, apparently she found at that he was seeing two other women at the same. I knew that our relationship had changed beyond recognition, because I found out via a mutual friend, and she’d had no intention of ever telling me about it, probably for fear that I’d sit in judgement of her for taking him back.

Years later, they are still together, and my trying to do the right thing, ultimately put more strain on my relationship with her.

If I could have a do-over, I’d keep my trap shut, because in all honesty, my friend wasn’t really interested in having her rose-tinted glasses shattered, and I suspect that that would be the case with many women.

They are still married and he cheats on her every time he goes out of town on his business trips. He’s been seen doing this by co-workers but no one wants to tell his wife because she wouldn’t believe them. Since his boss usually accompanies him on these little extracurricular activities, it’s joked of in the office that he has a license to fuck whatever moves.

Before you tell the woman, think long and hard. It’s a bad situation because sometimes it’s a situation of being damned if you do and damned if you don’t. You have your friend’s best interests at heart but it doesn’t always follow that they will appreciate what you have to say. Sometimes keeping your nose out of their business is the best way to go.

While I’ve never been directly involved in a relationship with a cheater (thank God-and the DH knows I’d kill him…), I’ve bit hit from the sidelines. There’s no way I could keep quiet.

Hope everybody had a merry Christmas!