Comments on: No Sex Before Marriage? Ya Think?

By: willaful

willaful — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 06:33:10 +0000

My husband and I lived together for five years before we got married, I think if we’d waited for our wedding night, we would had been pretty damn tense.

By: West

West — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 16:53:49 +0000

Didn’t wait, never planned to wait, glad for it. Of course, part of that is because I’m not particularly interested in getting married, and celibacy just plain sucks. Now, that being said, I do not fault those who wish to. I think it’s kind of crazy, but if it works for them, then I respect that, because I don’t have to right to make that choice for anyone.

And yeah, totally underwhelming for me, too.

By: Lorraine

Lorraine — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 04:35:26 +0000

I didn’t wait and have no regrets about it. I had a wonderful boyfriend who I loved and the experience was great. I would have liked to be a bit older than I was, cuz I was really young, but…*shrugs*

While the romantic in me loves the idea of waiting for the wedding night, the practical woman in me says WTF, what if you’re not compatible, for whatever reasons. How awful. I tell my kids to wait until they’re adults and fall in love. I would never encourage them to get married without having first made love with their prospective spouse.

I’ve worked with a couple of young women in their early twenties who wanted to wait, and it was impossible for them to find anyone willing to date them for any length of time. Back in the day when I was dating I never met a man willing to wait longer than 3-4 weeks to do the deed.

Ultimately, I’m a big believer in live and let live. If you want to wait and can find a partner of the same mind, go for it. If you want to have lots of partners, go for it. To thine own self be true.

By: Las

Las — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 19:33:30 +0000

No way. And I’m a survivor of 12 years of Catholic school, 4 of those in an all-girl school with the most abstinence-obsessed nuns you can imagine. (Of course, our brother school had no such obsession. Priests are so much cooler than nuns. Let me tell you about some of the conversations I’ve had during confession…)

Honestly, I think waiting until marriage is actually not a good idea in the vast majority of cases. Not that people should hop into bed with anyone that comes along, but I’ve noticed that the focus on abstinence until marriage makes people more sex-obsessed than those who go with what feels right to them without making a hole belief system out of it. Ever known someone who waited until marriage who wasn’t absurdly young? One rarely–never for me–hears of a virgin bride who graduated college and was truly financially independent before tying the knot.

I also have a problem with the focus being on female abstinence, because no matter how much lip service is given to the idea that both genders should wait let’s not kid ourselves–it’s all about the hymen. And since I’m not all that jazzed about marriage anyway and I’ve never had any intention of dying a virgin, waiting for anything other than me wanting to was never an option.

By: Keishon

Keishon — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 18:22:08 +0000

I’d advocate waiting but it is a personal choice for what works best for you. To add, I wouldn’t want the complications of bringing someone else’s prior sexual history to the marriage bed, quite frankly.

By: Shiloh Walker

Shiloh Walker — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 17:59:40 +0000

I can honestly say I wish I would have waited.

It’s a very personal choice, though, and what seems right for one isn’t going to work for another.

By: Bonnie L.

Bonnie L. — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 17:30:17 +0000

I waited and I’m glad I did. Yes, the wedding night wasn’t fantastic, however I wasn’t expecting it to be. I have enjoyed learning about and exploring sex with my husband and knowing that this is a journey we have only shared with each other. Since we are completely comfortable with each other it is easy to try new things without worrying about what my partner thinks and often with his complete and enthusiastic support

By: vein

vein — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 15:41:08 +0000

I don’t plan to marry, or to be celibate–so that’s an easy one for me.

By: JulieLeto

JulieLeto — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 15:41:00 +0000

I think the best message is wait until you’re an adult. As in legally. And emotionally. And financially (at least to a point.) Sex is an adult thing and that’s what we should emphasize for myriad reasons, the least of which, fewer kids having kids.

I didn’t wait, but I was an adult my first time both legally and emotionally–though not financially (in college.) And my first time was actually pretty terrific.

Also, I think that engaged couples, particularly, should not wait. They need to know if the sex is good. Or can be made so, at least, before they’re married.

By: Randi

Randi — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 15:39:09 +0000

I’m with MB. I researched the guy (a nice player who had a rep for not wanting a commitment), I picked the time, and I picked the place. I just wanted to get my virginity out of the way. And I’m still happy with my decision (15 years later). Although, I think the event was more traumatic for the guy, than it was for me. I mean, it hurt and I cried, but he was totally freaked out because I was crying and what not. He ended up being a total sweetheart and I’m still friends with him.

So to answer the question: no, I wouldn’t want a do-over.