108 piped up to “How Dare Authors Suffering Personal Hardships Ask Us Readers For Money?”

1. Kat Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 10:22 am

   1 I wonder if it’s a North American thing also, the idea that asking for money without giving anything tangible in return is taboo? There seems to be a lot of social stigma attached to anything that smacks of welfare. I actually find it ironic that large charities for, say, African AIDS victims struggle to put individual faces into marketing campaigns so that people will feel compelled to help. But when it’s one individual asking for help, we actually feel too uncomfortable (and I admit, I include myself). Maybe it’s a trust thing? That we’ll trust a non-profit organisation before we trust someone we don’t know personally?

2. MichelleR Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 10:25 am

   2 I’m sorry, that thread makes me sad. It’s not like this is some private group or the girls meeting up for lunch, these comments are on a public board and seem to be posted with no regard to the people in question — as if no thought is given to how cruel these comments might be to the people they’re discussing. I understand the hesitation or a decision made not to help out, but I don’t see being unkind to people by calling them gross, or saying they have no pride, or implying a drug problem. I want to say that not everybody feels that way, and that I’ve been glad to be able to help out on a couple occasions. One of the top supporters of Sharon Cullars was Crystal Hubbard, who was going through her own battles. Yes, there are a lot of people who’ve fallen on hard times, but — in that case — shouldn’t there be more empathy? Holly wrote that she’d lost her job, but your husband has his, and I feel compassion for her. In fact, I lost my job a couple months ago, because I chose to stay to care for my dying mother after my FMLA had run out. My husband still has his job, we think, hopefully. I don’t equate my situation with Sharon Cullars, because my husband is working, because I have some savings, because my house is paid for… I was glad to help her out a little. On the heels of my mother’s death, I read about Dee’s situation, and realized how blessed I was to be able to afford all my mother’s funeral costs, and to not have that added worry. There was a time not that long ago when I don’t know how I would have buried my mother. I was glad to help out a little. I can feel for these ladies because I’ve been there. The fact that the last big tragedy or disaster hadn’t hit at that moment to make me have to swallow my pride is a case of there but for the grace of God. The fact that I have the opportunity to help someone else out is also by the grace of God. “Everybody is going through harsh times right now,” is plenty true, but not all hard times are equal and not everybody has the same resources. If you can’t give to someone, or don’t feel comfortable doing so, neither should you add to their burden by gossiping about them in a stage whisper. I realize how many times I typed blessed or God, and I’m not even particularly religious. What I am is aware that we’re all better off, no matter what our individual struggles, when we remember where we’re from and where we could end up in the blink of an eye if not for providence and the occasional helping hand.

3. SarahT Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 10:49 am

   3 Unless I was starving, I wouldn’t ask for charity, online or elsewhere. At the risk of sounding like a total bitch, the Sharon Cullars fund did leave a bad taste in my mouth. We’re living in rented accomodation, we have two small kids and I’ve just been made redundant. Why would I help someone to pay for their home when I can’t afford one of my own? I support authors by buying their books new and buying extra copies of books I particularly like to give as birthday/Christmas gifts. I can’t/won’t do much more than that at the moment.

4. Karen Scott Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 11:22 am

   4 Sarah, I know that you weren’t alone in your disgust with the Sharon Cullars fund-raising effort, there was a lot of resentment over the whole thing, resentment which I didn’t understand to be honest, because the desire to make a donation was totally up to the individual. Nobody would expect somebody in the same boat as Cullars to give money that they don’t have, that was never the point. To be honest, I’m a huge believer in charity starting at home, and so you and yours should always come first. The thing is, I could almost hear the disgusted whispers that were going on during the Sharon Cullars fund-raiser, and that saddened me a lot.

5. Teddypig Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 11:35 am

   5 I strongly disagree with the idea “we should not talk about these things publicly because someone might get their feelings hurt”. WTF? These requests are being made publicly and frankly they are using their status as writers to make their pleas for personal charity. People should talk about it. I have been there for friends and lovers who were dying of AIDS and needed someone to bring them food and help get them to the doctor and just be there as they died. For me it was a deeply personal thing to do and not something I was asked or begged to do. In the end I did not feel good about any of it either. It hurt to lose them and for me it was the only way I could try and fight that loss I knew was going to happen anyway and the injustice I saw they were being put through by all those agencies we count on that are supposed to help but never really do. So this other stuff hits me differently.

6. Karen Scott Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 12:32 pm

   6 I don’t think it’s the talking about this publicly that’s the problem, I think it’s more the whispers and the simmering resentment that these appeals have caused amongst some of us. I want to know why so many people feel resentful about the requests, which by the way have been fairly few and far between. I’m pretty sure that by the time we get through this conversation, people will be too frightened by the backlash to bother even asking, which I think would be a shame.

7. Tuscan Capo Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 12:46 pm

   7 I understand that when you see a situation similar to your own its easy to say you’d do things differently. But everyone’s experiences are unique and not all of us have a family we can turn to when things are bad, and certainly not everyone has a celebrity who is going to bring their misfortune to the public’s attention. At least with the authors in question you usually can put a name and face to the situation and do some digging around for information before choosing whether to help or not. Because of the stream of middle-men, this is often difficult to do when it comes to celebrity-promoted charity causes. Personally, if there’s a face or name I can put to the need, I have more respect for someone who can ask for help than someone so proud they’d see their kids suffer before taking a dime in charity. I’m definitely not in the position to help everyone in need, but no one’s got a gun to my head either.

8. Lynn Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 12:59 pm

   8 I made personal donations in response to both Sharon and Dee’s requests for help. I’ve participated in other auctions and charity drives in the past, too, and I’ve done some private charity work. I believe in doing what you can to help out, whether it’s at home or at work. Some people aren’t in a financial position to help out others in trouble, and many who are unwilling to. I think for some of them guilt kicks in and they lash out. Others just don’t want to be reminded of how hard times are, or are in denial about how many people are suffering. On the flip side, there are people who ask for help who really don’t need it. I think Ann Rule got taken in by one of her readers a few years back, and ended up getting ripped off. It’s sad when that happens because it turns people away from helping with other, genuine causes. No one asks to lose their job or have a loved one pass away. It doesn’t matter if you’re an author like Sharon or a reviewer like Dee. We’re all people, and sometimes we need to lean on each other for help. I know how difficult it is to ask for help, and how pride or shame often prevents us from seeking assistance. For everyone who asks for help, there are a probably hundred or more who don’t. Rilke said something along the lines of, “Everything terrible is something helpless that wants help from us.” So I think when you encounter someone who is inappropriately resentful, think about what sort of trouble or hardship they may be hiding.

9. Teddypig Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 1:41 pm

   9 I think it’s more the whispers and the simmering resentment that these appeals have caused amongst some of us Karen, I can not profess to know if people honestly resent it or not. They might actually know this author better than you or I do. Ya never know. Personally I don’t resent being asked for charity. I watch reality TV though and I tell you what I think the downside of all this is. I am not saying you can’t make things like this public but if you do this I think you are throwing your professionalism and privacy out the window and further blurring that line between fans and friends. Even I find that not to be a great idea. I would prefer people not knowing everything about me like that.

10. Roslyn Holcomb Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 1:42 pm

    10 Wow, I scarce know where to begin, and am even hesitant to comment. First, let me be clear Sharon Cullars never asked for a dime. When I learned of her situation, I was horrified at the notion of ANYONE losing their home, and wanted to help. Like most everyone else, my family has struggled in these difficult economic times, which is probably why I had such a visceral reaction. Frankly, it never occurred to me that there are people who would think that someone asking for help on someone’s behalf is disgusting or somehow demeaning. I’m not sure when it became shameful or ‘gross’ to ask for help. Certainly, had it occurred to me that doing so would expose Sharon to degradation or allegations of ‘grossness,’ I never would have asked. It pains me greatly that I have brought this to someone that I don’t think deserves it and has already been to hell and back. So, to anyone I offended with my request, I most sincerely apologize. If you like, email me personally and just have at me like a piñata if you find it necessary. If you need to be disgusted with someone, please be disgusted with me, after all, I’m the one who did the asking, not Sharon. In particular, I apologize to Sharon. It hurts me deeply that in my attempt to help, I’ve managed to bring shame and ridicule upon her. And, let me be clear, there is no fraud. The foreclosure is real, I have seen the documents with my own eyes and have enough legal experience to recognize authentic foreclosure documents when I see them.

11. MB (Leah) Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 1:55 pm

    11 Personally I’m not against anyone asking for help if they need it. I don’t think there should be shame in it. There have been times in my life that I’ve asked a friend or family for help, which I’ve always paid back. And I’ve also helped family and friends financially along the way. It goes both ways. If I know the author and like them or have had some personal contact through emails or such and know what’s going on, I have no problems supporting and helping if I can or of them asking. But what does come up, is that in the current American financial climate in which so many people are in trouble because they’ve been financially irresponsible due to personal greed or needing to have the latest and greatest when they couldn’t afford it, and now we who have been responsible and have lived well within our means are having to pay for those people, a certain resentment does come up when you don’t know the reason behind a person’s getting into financial trouble. I think if an author and anyone for that matter who is asking for financial help, should disclose at least why it’s needed. For many it’s because of a major medical issue or some unforeseen reason, which can’t be helped in which case I’m more sympathetic. I think it wouldn’t be such an issue with people if times were good.

12. Roslyn Holcomb Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 2:09 pm

    12 It was made clear in all the requests for help that Sharon’s plight came about through no fault of her own. I do realize that there are people out there who did some foolish things, that is why I repeatedly emphasized that she’d lost her job and had been unsuccessful in finding a new one. I wish that anyone who had questions or concerns had simply contacted me, I would’ve been more than happy to discuss the matter with them.

13. Fae Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 2:15 pm

    13 I’m going to be honest. I find asking strangers for money tacky. I would never do it myself and I squirm when I see the fundraisers that have become more common lately. I think that’s partly how I was raised, where you didn’t talk about money (having it or not) outside your family. It was a private matter and to me, it still is. I just…everyone is having trouble paying their bills, 1 in 8 people will lose their home this month I read yesterday. I just think asking strangers on the internet to pay your bills is tacky and uncool. *waits to be stoned to death*

14. Roslyn Holcomb Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 2:32 pm

    14 I don’t anybody will stone you Fae. I certainly will not. I just don’t understand your viewpoint. Most of us give to anonymous/faceless charities all the time. People we don’t know and will never know benefit from our largess, and that’s okay. Yet, if someone asks and there’s a face on it, somehow it’s tacky. So, if I’d started a ‘foundation’ to help people keep their homes, that would be okay, but because I simply saw someone, an individual, in need and tried to help, that’s tacky. I’m sorry, I don’t understand, but of course, we are all entitled to feel the way we feel.

15. MB (Leah) Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 2:33 pm

    15 Roslyn– I don’t know if your comment about the fact that Sharon’s issues were publicly explained at the time was directed at me because I brought up the issue of disclosure, but in case it was to explain things to me and others in general about her, I wasn’t talking about anyone in particular when I commented. I really don’t know about Sharon’s story or history. So it wasn’t about her. My comment was just a general statement on the whole issue that personally, I like to know some facts before I’d just hand over money unless I really knew the person well.

16. vein Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 2:35 pm

    16 I have certainly felt that some of the authors recently asking for money were, even under their situation of hardship, considerably more wealthy than me (i.e the idea of owning my own home has never been realistic). My response was to just not donate, but I can see readers who are really struggling on very little income and very great hardship feeling rather annoyed.

17. SarahT Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 2:35 pm

    17 Karen: I realise you didn’t expect donations from people who don’t have the means to contribute. I also respect the fact that this is your blog and you can support any cause you like. I think the grumblings and resentment stem from the fact that most of us are affected in some way by the current economic climate, either personally or through someone we know. It’s not like fundraising for Katrina victims, or something which did not affect most of our lives directly.

18. Fae Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 2:42 pm

    18 I’d just like to say that I certainly wasn’t saying anyone is tacky. I think asking strangers for money is tacky behavior, in the context of my upbringing, but I certainly see where it probably comes from a desire to help, as in Roslyn’s case, which is a good thing. Just pointing out that though I dislike the behavior, I have no hard feelings against those fundraiser folks. Everyone does what they feel they need to when times get hard and I’m sure the recipients appreciate the efforts on their behalf.

19. MB (Leah) Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 2:43 pm

    19 Most of us give to anonymous/faceless charities all the time. People we don’t know and will never know benefit from our largess, and that’s okay. In this case though, we know, or at least we trust, that there is some oversight and that the people running the charity know who is in need or not and that it’s being used in the most beneficial way. So it’s a bit different than giving to someone just because they’ve asked for it and maybe a bit easier to do so. Again, to be clear, I’m not talking about anyone in particular here.

20. Ciar Cullen Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 3:00 pm

    20 Ack on the Nora Roberts fire stupidity. Like you, if I had kids to feed, I’d probably do anything to make it happen. I’m so freaking skeptical these days (not referring to Sharon Cullars), that I’d rather take money/food to my local shelter than donate online. The only time I feel a little guilty/shamed/put off is when someone is trying to keep their house. I don’t have a house, but live in a little apartment because it’s what I can afford. When someone doesn’t have rent money for the same crappy little apartment I have, then I might open my wallet.

21. Senenca Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 3:04 pm

    21 I’m the one who made the comment about Nora not asking for money after the fire. Yes, seriously. I guess it was kinda bitchy to put it that way, and I apologize. However, If I had known about any fund raising to rebuild after that fire, I would have happily donated. A fire is a tragedy. I just don’t think that asking for help on the net because you can’t pay your bills is a right thing to do. It’s nice if others want to help someone out in that situation. I’ve given money to family and friends when needed some help to pay this or that. It’s kind of you to do it, and no one is faulting you for being a nice person. But there is no way I would post on my blog asking for donations because my brother can’t pay his mortgage. Also, there is a huge difference between someone not being being able to pay a mortgage and someone who had their lives destroyed during Katrina. The can’t be compared or put on the same playing field at all. As for whispering, etc. I’m not aware of that. The only time I ever talked about it was on that thread.

22. Senenca Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 3:06 pm

    22 Why is that comment stupid, Ciar? It may have been said in a bitchy way, which I regret saying it like that, but it was a valid point. My heart nearly stopped when I heard about that fire.

23. Roslyn Holcomb Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 3:14 pm

    23 MB, we’ve had numerous scandals about the paltry amount of charity donations that actually reach the recipients in need. Everyone from the United Way to the Christian Children Fund have been caught out on this issue. I personally would much rather give to an individual and know that 100% of what I give will go to their benefit as opposed to 20% going to ‘administrative costs.’ A few weeks back Oprah did an episode on homeless people living in a tent city in Sacramento, CA (?). I, and many of my friends were puzzled when these people said they had relatives who didn’t know they were homeless, that they wouldn’t want them to know. I couldn’t wrap my mind around such a concept, but I guess I understand better now. Being judged sucks big hairy ones, and I regret like hell I ever exposed Sharon to the scorn of others. I never would’ve thought that people would feel this way, I guess you learn something new every day. Back when I first started working on the fundraiser I shared with Sharon something my mama used to say all the time; When you don’t reach out to others for help you do both yourself and others a disservice. We are blessed by the way we care for others. When you won’t allow other people to help, you’re blocking them from their blessings. She also used to say, “No one can take that which is given with an open hand and open heart.” If you give something to someone, and they played you false that’s upon their head not yours.

24. Rachell Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 3:16 pm

    24 A successful author asking for money on a public blog is a shame and personally I find it a bit tacky. There are a lot of people suffering in this economy, people that don’t have the marketing potential that these authors have. Instead of just asking for a handout, why not auction off signed copies of their books? or hand writen copies? Notes? stories that weren’t published for various reasons? How about auctioning off their time for public readings? I would be more willing to donate money to a fund raising effort such as this, than to just hand over a check when the author hasn’t even tried to do anything, but ask for money.

25. Dee Tenorio Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 3:45 pm

    25 I think I want to respond to this in two ways. One, just generally, as a person who has read these requests before and also as a person who has had to make one. As just a reader of blogs–and, well, as a human being–when I read that something has happened to someone and they need help, I admit, I’m moved to want to do something. If not donate, then provide something that can be sold. I’m a very big believer that when you put something good out in the world, it comes back to you. And even if it doesn’t, the smallest things can have huge impacts on people lives. To me, helping others is the same as giving a compliment to a stranger, the only difference is that when someone asks for help, you know you’re doing something to make a difference. You just can never be sure when the person your passing might need one good word in their direction. Does that mean a person shouldn’t be discerning or wise about what they give and to whom? No. I have certain criteria to preserve my own safety and the safety of my family. Karen’s right, home first. But giving to those in need is never a bad thing. Also, I think there might also be a stigma attached because people might have the opinion that if a person is known publicly, they must have the money to go along with it. Comparing Nora–whom I don’t know personally, but Lord knows she has a hell of a lot more books than I and hers are often number one best sellers that get made into tv movies–with a smaller press author, in terms of earning, is a lot like comparing a CEO with a ditchdigger. Most authors make more at yard sales than they do at writing. The ones that do will likely never tell you about it, though, so I just run on the assumption that most authors aren’t rich or even without multiple jobs. (I have three, myself, to make ends meet.) Now, as a person who was in the position to require help, well, I don’t find posts pondering this topic distasteful. Hey, it’s a question that needs to be asked because, in today’s society, there’s a lot of shysters out there and people willing to help could get taken in. I don’t blame anyone for being suspicious. Do I think asking for help–by anyone–should be referred to as gross? No, that’s a bit far, especially as there’s not the slightest indication that either Sharon or Rosalyn or myself are actually out to steal anything. When my brother passed away unexpectedly 12 years ago, we found a way to cover the costs alone. We did yard sales and car washes and sold everything we could and maxed out credit cards. We pulled together and his friends pulled together and by the skin of our teeth, we put him to rest. When it happened this year, we all pulled together and started selling what we could. Bake sales and car washes and yard sales. One big difference was that with the economic downturn, there wasn’t much buying happening. People in my family had been laid off–including my step-father, on whom much of this fell onto. The kids were using their myspaces and facebooks to let people know what had happened and to tell their friends that if they wanted to help, there was a donation account. I admit, I waited a few days to even think of putting anything on my blog. Not so much out of pride as privacy. And, well, I was a little worried that people might think I was asking too much. But I weighed that against the fact that everyone else in the family was reaching out in every way they could, including her four kids. How could I do less? I put up my request and I thought, if we get really lucky, maybe we’ll get a hundred dollars and that will help a lot. And, also, it gave me a chance to try to wrap my head around the fact that my sister was gone. I’m a writer, feelings and words are connected for me. It didn’t help in that respect, unfortunately, but what did happen was an outpouring that I’m still so incredibly moved by and so unendingly thankful for. Within hours, to my shock and awe, the romance community responded. People I’ve never spoken to in many cases. People for whom I cannot find the right words to show my gratitude. Because of them, my sister was able to be buried. Her children have food. For that, I am willing to accept backlash from any who seek to offer it. They are welcome to it. Because without the help that was so graciously given, neither would have been possible. So, I’m not sure if that’s helpful or not. Or even wise. But I feel it needs to be said, if only to offer my thanks once again. Dee

26. Karen Scott Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 3:48 pm

    26 Rachel, dare I say that a successful author probably wouldn’t be asking for money in the first place? Also, I’m pretty sure that asking for money on the web for most authors would be a last resort, don’t you think? Seneca, the Nora Roberts comparison was utterly ridiculous and you know it. Roberts has sold over 100m books, and her financial status is well documented. You might as well have used Tom Cruise as a comparison.

27. Rachell Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 3:55 pm

    27 I define “successful” as having a fan base. If the author has enough fans reading their blog, then that’s a fan base, right? I’m saying that there are other options available than just asking for a check. If they are asking for money from their fans…what would hurt throwing a signed book or a reading into the mix? It doesn’t cost anything, has a bit more class, and is a marketing option available to the author that isn’t available to everyone. I don’t think there is wrong with taking charity when needed. However, asking for a check when there are other marketing options availabe that would have the same result shows a bit more class, imo.

28. MB (Leah) Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 4:09 pm

    28 MB, we’ve had numerous scandals about the paltry amount of charity donations that actually reach the recipients in need. I can’t disagree with you there. I know this. And I totally get your point that you’d rather give to someone you know. Well, me too. I’d rather help a friend or someone I know for a fact is in trouble than give to some huge charity. I guess if I have disposable money to give out to people I don’t know, and “don’t know” is the key factor here, then it’s a bit easier for me to give to a charity. One that I’ve checked out thoroughly and which I know uses the most amount of funds towards its recipients and which I know the money can be stretched to help many as opposed to one. Personally, I don’t think you should feel bad for what you did for Sharon, regardless of what people are saying. It doesn’t matter that some people find it tacky or not. Everyone can feel what they wish, nothing wrong in it. You did what you thought was best for someone you care about and that’s a fine thing. When you won’t allow other people to help, you’re blocking them from their blessings. I agree with this totally. And in your case, with Sharon, you were offering help. Allowing help and asking for help though is a different. If a friend wants to help me or give me things, I’m not going to deny them, give away. However, if I ask for help and they give to me, it’s something completely different. If you give something to someone, and they played you false that’s upon their head not yours. That’s absolutely true too. And it’s why when I give or help anyone, that’s it, I let it go. And if I got screwed or taken advantage of, well I came from a pure place is all that matters. But it’s still a good thing to question what is up before giving anything and to find out where the person is coming from first.

29. Roslyn Holcomb Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 4:11 pm

    29 Actually, Rachell, we did both. We had an ebay auction fundraiser as well as the Chip-in. I did the Chip-in first because seeing as this was a foreclosure situation time was of the essence. I didn’t think we’d have enough time to pull together an ebay auction. And, as I’ve said before, if it was tacky, or violated some protocol of which I was heretofore unaware of, my bad.

30. Dee Tenorio Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 4:11 pm

    30 Not to be argumentative, but…well, signed books do cost something. Authors only get a certain number of each book published as part of their contracts, more can be ordered at a reduced cost. Myself, I receive ten when my books go to print. Even if you have several of them on hand, there’s still shipping. If you gave one to every person who donated, most times you’d be spending exactly what they sent you. Also, I shudder to think of using my sister’s death as a “marketing option”. Sorry, there’s very little classy about that. Not sure what you mean by a reading, though. Perhaps, with a definition, I could offer that to anyone interested.

31. Senenca Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 4:30 pm

    31 Seneca, the Nora Roberts comparison was utterly ridiculous and you know it. Roberts has sold over 100m books, and her financial status is well documented. You might as well have used Tom Cruise as a comparison. Please don’t tell me what I know or don’t know. I have no idea how much Nora Roberts makes, it’s not the type of info I have ever tried to look for. Having said that, I guess it was silly to compare the two, because I can only assume that Nora makes in the millions. I admit to not thinking about that when I first posted. The comparison was wrong to make, but I still disagree on the other over-all issue.

32. Ghetto Diva Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 4:34 pm

    32 It’s probably weird to say this, but I’m going to say this anyway. When it comes to helping someone in sickness, and other suffering death of a lost one, I truly don’t mind. But when you asks for donations to keep your home, I think that’s where I would draw the line. I understand Sharon lost her job. My own husband was out of work for 6 months, with only my income to support us. It’s hard enough paying the bills with 4 kids, and having my own hours cut back on work. Yes, I’m a writer,and every dime that my fans support me in buying my books, go to my children. I wouldn’t go online asking for donations, unless my kids missed the basic necessities in life, food, water shelter. I’d do anything for them.

33. Roslyn Holcomb Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 4:35 pm

    33 Precisely Dee, and the same with an ebay auction. Ebay takes their cut, which in our case was somewhere a little less than 10%. And don’t ask me about PayPal transaction fees..Ai Yi Yi Yi Yi! We probably lost around $400 that could’ve gone directly to Sharon. Of course, the various donors quite generously shipped the items themselves, but it still costs money. Karen, Emma and I donated items and our time and labor. Emma put in endless hours putting up the site. I certainly understand why someone would feel better if people simply have an auction, but just understand that it could very easily eat up a good deal of your profit in ‘administrative costs.’ If the author in question had to put up the cash for all this herself I doubt she would make any money at all.

34. Karen Scott Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 4:48 pm

    34 Dee, very true about the auction thing. It probably cost me more money to ship the books than we got in the first place. Seneca, I’d have thought it was just pure common sense to know that comparing Nora Roberts to an author who’s been driven to ask for money online was beyond ridiculous. I get that you feel that asking for money for yourself is tacky, but that particular comparison struck me as totally idiotic.

35. Fae Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 4:50 pm

    35 Tragic circumstances like death or illness, an accident…those costs are enormous and unexpected, sudden and tragic. I have helped in those cases and would again, for strangers and not. People pull together in times of tragedy, as they should. But while I certainly feel for the people who have lost their jobs, and I hope for the best for the millions of them, I don’t find that kind of thing something to inspire me to give away my money. For a friend I would, for a stranger not so much. I don’t find it a tragedy, but more a fact of life. I don’t know many people who don’t at some point or another struggle to make ends meet.

36. kirstensaell Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 5:00 pm

    36 When you won’t allow other people to help, you’re blocking them from their blessings. I agree as well. When I split with my husband, I asked one of the local restaurants to call me if they were ever shorthanded. The didn’t need anyone, but two days before Christmas, two different groups (both of which had one of the employees at the restaurant as a member) showed up at my door with turkeys, presents for my kids, and gift certificates (to the tune of $600, holy crap!), and even though by that point I knew I was going to be okay financially (not great, but okay), I accepted their help in the spirit it was offered. It made them feel good to do something to help me through a tough time, and it made me feel awesome to know I had that kind of support from the community. I have a hard time when people who arguably are doing better than I am ask for help (or have others ask for them). A tragedy is one thing, and yes, I think it’s appropriate to ask for–and give to–people going through something like a fire or a death or a natural disaster. But I know how many people have overextended themselves recently because they wanted a house they could only just afford, and they never thought “what if I lost my job, or had to take a pay cut, or had an unforeseen expense?” I own my home, but I only purchased because it was a steal and my mortgage is $200 a month less than what I was paying in rent for the same place. When it came up for sale, it would have been stupid not to buy. I drive a vehicle I can afford, I don’t make purchases on credit cards unless I can pay them off right away. I don’t make a lot of money (in fact, I officially live below the poverty line), and I’m careful with what I have. I only wish more people out there had that attitude. To so many, living within one’s means simply means having room left on their Visa at the end of the month. The fact that I have the opportunity to help someone else out is also by the grace of God. And also by the grace of foresight. You can’t foresee every horrible thing that might happen, but every time I see a fundraiser for someone on the brink of financial ruin because of circumstances outside their control, I think of all those things I can’t control, and I do what I can to prepare for them. It ain’t always much, though.

37. Kayleigh Jamison Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 5:06 pm

    37 I think there is a huge difference between someone personally asking for money for themselves, and other people establishing charities on their behalf, or asking on behalf of others (in Dee’s case). About two years ago, a relatively unknown non-fiction author who frequented a lot of the Yahoo! loops of romance authors started asking for money because she was in danger of losing her home. That left a bad taste in my mouth, more because of how she went about it than the fact that she needed it. Most people who ask for money seem downright mortified to do it. This particular woman did not; she asked for it as if it were her right and our responsibility to help her out. Like you Karen, I’m the type of person who’d starve to death before stretch my hand out because I’m so damn stubborn and proud. But a person organizing an event on behalf of a friend, who they know is struggling, doesn’t offend me in the least. I think Roslyn, Karen, and Emma saw a friend in need and wanted to help her in any way they could. Right now I’m donating my royalties to a friend whose sick pet required a very costly operation. To some people that may be silly or frivolous, but to me it isn’t, and as a friend, I want to help her. I donated to Sharon’s auction. It wasn’t free for me to do – I purchased copies of my own books because my author copies are long gone, and I paid to ship them to the winner, but yes, it also was a promotional opportunity for me and I won’t lie and say that didn’t factor into my decision to do it. I could talk about my own struggles right now, but what would be the point of that? I will say, though, that in my previous life (i.e., before I started law school) I worked as a paralegal and my primary job was to run the collections department of a law firm. Repossessions, foreclosures, bankruptcies, homeowners association dues…I saw it all. Every single reason or excuse you can imagine, from the justified to the ridiculous (you bought a brand new Mercedes with 26%APR two days before you filed for bankruptcy and now you’re shocked that the bank wants to repo it? yeah, that’s moronic). Very few people in today’s economy AREN’T struggling. It isn’t a contest to see who is the most miserable. If you don’t want to participate, or cannot because of your own circumstances, I don’t believe anyone will think less of you for it. I received an email from Karen about Sharon’s auction (I was planning to donate anyway), but there was no brow-beating or guilt-tripping. If there had been, I wouldn’t have done it, you can count on that.

38. kirstensaell Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 5:07 pm

    38 I certainly understand why someone would feel better if people simply have an auction, but just understand that it could very easily eat up a good deal of your profit in ‘administrative costs.’ Which is why food banks would rather people donate money than food items. With money, they can purchase the specific foods they need at wholesale prices, and help more people for the same $. But they also understand the psychology that makes bake sales and car washes and donations of non-perishables more palatable to people wanting to give. Cold hard cash just feels, well…cold.

39. Kayleigh Jamison Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 5:16 pm

    39 But while I certainly feel for the people who have lost their jobs, and I hope for the best for the millions of them, I don’t find that kind of thing something to inspire me to give away my money. For a friend I would, for a stranger not so much. I don’t find it a tragedy, but more a fact of life. That’s a good point, Fae. I think that’s why I thought the Sharon Cullars auction was a great idea – I found it classy, even while others thought it tacky. Yes, they took direct monetary donations, but the auction itself was for goods and services, with all the proceeds going to Sharon. Author who is going to buy advertising space anyway? Why not buy it through the auction – you get the ad space and the money goes to a charitable cause. Reader who buys books? Buy them through the auction rather than Amazon.com – not only have you gotten the books you would have bought anyway, you got autographed copies (in some cases), possibly for cheaper than shelf price, and the money went to someone in need. But again, I’m not judging people who chose not to participate. It is entirely within your rights to do, or not do, whatever you wish.

40. Senenca Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 5:34 pm

    40 Look, Karen, I already said that it was wrong to make that comparson. You were right on that particular issue. Would you like it in blood? Jeez.

41. Karen Scott Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 5:46 pm

    41 Seneca, I don’t want to fall out with you, but I think you know how things work round here. No I don’t want blood, but you told me not to tell you what you know, so I explained that I thought it was an obvious point.

42. dew Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 6:10 pm

    42 Bring up a topic in a blog, then attack people for answering honestly? Eww! But back to the topic. Did the author needing money try to take in a renter? Surely there’s some decent people making at least part-time salaries that could use a reduced rent by sharing? Even if a renter wasn’t found, did she at least TRY to find renters? Did the author needing money so they wouldn’t lose their homes offer personalized workshops on writing? They could have used free sites/forums/newletters to do so, considering their dire financial situation. Couldn’t the author try finding a job that didn’t involve writing? If she’s disabled, or elderly, tell people that, so these things won’t cross their minds. Otherwise, they might think things like: Why should I part with my hard-earned money and security because some author didn’t manage her money well enough to have six months worth of everything in a savings account? (yes, I do, and I could go that long without buying any more food, although it would become tedious towards the end.) Why should I part with my hard-earned money to help someone out that didn’t manage her money well in the first place, when she’ll probably lose the house in another month or so. (how many months of payments were collected? was it worth her good name as an author??) Have fun attacking me too for having an opinion that differs from yours, and for being disgusted at how you treated the other commenters whose answers weren’t to your fancy, for I won’t be back. Although this blog has occasional fun posts, the endless bitterness and vile responses just aren’t worth it. Eww!

43. Karen Scott Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 6:49 pm

    43 Dew, who was attacked exactly? And I’ve said this once to you before and I’ll say it again, if you have a problem with how I run my blog, then feel free to go elsewhere. Nobody’s forcing you to read or respond here, ok? You’re a shit stirrer, and nobody else is allowed to do that on here, other than me or AL. If you don’t like it, then leave. It’s really very simple. I have no problem telling you or anybody else to fuck off if the mood takes me.

44. Karen Scott Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 6:59 pm

    44 Dew, of course you’ll be back, you’re a proper nosey parker. Have a good time lurking.

45. Sam Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 7:08 pm

    45 I didn’t feel resentful. I also didn’t donate. I did feel mean and somewhat guilty for not donating. I wonder if that is part of some of the backlash, you know attack the person(s) that made you feel bad about yourself. I’m sorry for the tough times Sharon and Dee are going through. I hate to sound so cheap on such a public forum, but, we only donate to charities that we can then deduct from our taxes. Sam

46. Dee Tenorio Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 7:58 pm

    46 LOL Sam, I don’t think you sound cheap. You’re probably like me, needing every penny you have to benefit your children or be accounted for. The only cheap people in the world are those that don’t give any thing, ever, to anyone. And I don’t mean just money. Time, effort, support and caring are just as valuable, just in different ways. I call myself cheap all the time because getting one of my pennies might as well be an Olympic sport. The truly cheap, though, you’ll find give little of themselves as well. Hugs, Dee

47. AztecLady Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 7:59 pm

    47 I saw the post in question when it went up, and have been struggling with a response to it since. On the one hand, I do understand feeling put upon by people who, in our perception, are better off than we are. But does that hold in truth? “An author” we say “is not as hard up as all that!” Aren’t they? Isn’t it pretty common knowledge around the online community that, with very few exceptions, writers are lucky if make their utilities or groceries on royalties? “But they have a following!” and we point to their blog or website. “They are taking advantage of their readers, and behaving unprofessionally!” I don’t know about that. Would a collection staged at a a school to help a fellow teacher or a parent or a volunteer be taking advantage of their community and behaving unprofessionally? From where I sit, I always have the option to abstain from contributing to any and all causes for whatever reasons. Because I don’t have the money; because I don’t like the cause or the organization in charge; because I suspect there is no real need behind the request; because I woke up on the wrong side of the bed–any of them, I don’t need to explain or comment. It’s after all my money to do with as I please. The one thing that honestly got stuck in my throat was this comment: “Public begging is gross.” I don’t want to go back and see who said it, as it really left a horrible taste in my mouth, but for her sake I hope that person is never in the position to desperately need charity. Swallowing one’s pride is never easy; add some major karma crow and it’s beyond unpalatable, IMO. To dew: by golly, good on you having six months worth of every expense in a savings account! Long ago, before the shit hit *my* fan, I had a year’s worth myself. Ask me how long it took for the unexpected to eat that fund. It ain’t as easy as planning. It ain’t as easy as being careful with money. And for most of us, it ain’t as easy as shrugging and “asking for a handout.” For most, it involves very real desperation.

48. Grace Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 8:28 pm

    48 The Sharon Cullars charity drive came up about the same time another one did coordinated by author Gemma Halliday. In this instance, authors got together and held an auction to benefit a reader and fan of Gemma’s–She is 16 years old. She and her mother were homeless and living out of her car. I chose to participate in that drive instead of the one for Sharon. I would have liked to give to both but could only afford one. Do I think it’s a problem or feel resentful when authors ask for help, either directly or via friend’s support? No. I read the circumstances and make the decision to participate or not and move on. I thought what Roslyn did for her friend was both noble and compassionate. However, I’ll admit to a cynical hesitation. Foreclosure is a frightening thing as is job loss, and when one is the result of the other, that’s even more terrifying, but I did have that one moment of wondering whether or not the looming foreclosure might have been the result of not only job loss but poor financial judgment. So many have fallen into the trap of living beyond their means that when something like job loss occurs, it’s not only a setback, it’s financial ruin. I’m not saying this is the case with Sharon or any author or their friend who has asked for help on their behalf. I just think people are embracing a seige mentality and have become both cynical and suspcious–justifiably so in many cases. Right now, we will shoulder the burden of billions of dollars in bailouts for companies that grossly mismanaged their business (My 401k was with AIG. I am completely wiped out). Toxic loans at all levels have cratered this economy. People are losing their homes for reasons both within and beyond their control. Those of us who struggle to live within our means, watch every penny, drive older cars and bust our butts to not only make ends meet but save in case of a job loss or other disruptive force, may become reluctant or resentful at the idea of stretching even more if even a hint of suspicion, justified or otherwise, exists that the person asking for help is taking advantage of the giver. It may be unfair (guilty until proven innocent) but such things happen. Again, resentful? No. Cynical? Absolutely. And far more hesitant about giving than I used to be. Also, I have no problem with asking publically for help, especially if I’ve exhausted all other means. If doing that means my kids eat or I can keep the lights turned on, you betcha. I’ll be there.

49. Senenca Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 8:42 pm

    49 Karen, at the time of my posting it was not obvious, but after you explained and I looked back, well, you know what they say about hindsight being 20/20. It should have been obvious, but it wasn’t. Anyway, I understand what you are saying now, and I appreciate the clarification. Dew, what you said… Why should I part with my hard-earned money to help someone out that didn’t manage her money well in the first place, when she’ll probably lose the house in another month or so. That was uncalled for. Just what do you know about how the author manages her money? Even though I don’t agree with the main post I don’t see any attacks, (Maybe I’m a little defensive after words like stupidity and idiotic where used about me by other people) but this thread has been civil. We are all adult here. You don’t have to agree in order to talk about things ya know.

50. Karen Scott Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 8:51 pm

    50 Author Comment Karen, at the time of my posting it was not obvious, but after you explained and I looked back, well, you know what they say about hindsight being 20/20. It should have been obvious, but it wasn’t. Anyway, I understand what you are saying now, and I appreciate the clarification. No problem Seneca, and I have to say, had it been anyone other than you, I probably would have been more scathing, but I figured it was one of those off-the-cuff comments that we all make now and again.

51. CreoleInDC Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 8:59 pm

    51 Hi. I’ve never been here before as I don’t have “status” as an author (what exactly does that mean??????) but I was bothered by this something AWFUL when I heard about it this morning and took it upon myself to get some things off my chest regarding. Since I’m new to this blog I don’t know the lay of the land regarding posting links but the post is too long to cut and paste here. http://creoleindc.typepad.com/rantings_of_a_creole_prin/2009/03/man-down.html I continue to be appalled at some of the comments the same people are leaving over here and just really want folks to sit down and shut up sometimes and think about what they are saying before they open their mouths or type on their keyboards something so absolutely DREADFUL as some of the things they said. I mean…REALLY! If you didn’t want to give…don’t. Simple. And go sit down somewhere. My apologies in advance if I offended the blog owner by posting the link but I’m feeling some kinda way about all of these mean spirited and evil azz people.

52. Karen Scott Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 9:27 pm

    52 Author Comment My apologies in advance if I offend the blog owner for posting the link No problem, it was a good post.

53. Emmy Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 9:28 pm

    53 Uh…excuse me. I thought I was the other shit stirrer around here? *snort* I think it’s well documented that I regularly give to various charities and authors, but it’s weighted. Natural disasters? Donate every time. With individual people, I consider the circumstances. I did not donate to the Sharon auction because I don’t feel bad about her among the millions losing their house. Honey, sell it and rent someplace cheaper. It happens. Buy another when things get better. I saw at least 5 various auctions on blogs in the last 6 months for authors. I even got an email from an author whose group I used to belong to (used to) that basically said that if we, her fans, didn’t give her money, she would have to get another job and WOULDN’T WRITE BOOKS EVER AGAIN! Uh…bye. That actually was pretty tacky. If you have to get a part time job that takes away from your writing time, we understand. Really. I waited years for Kristen Britain to write another book because she just didn’t have time because of job demands. Still bought it when it finally came out.

54. CreoleInDC Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 9:47 pm

    54 I’m back to say that the person who comments as “dew” is the type of person I’m glad I don’t know in real life. She sounds like a one of those claymation people who are so perfect that if you got too close they might just smudge. I mean REALLY! EMPATHY PEOPLE! EMPATHY! (I’m leaving now and not coming back because I don’t want to act ugly over in someone’s place I’m new to. Cuz yeah…I can get gully. Nice to meet MOST of yall. Sheesh…)

55. JBDean Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 9:47 pm

    55 I remember the Sharon Cullars thing and I didn’t donate, nor did I bid for anything in the auction. It was nice that all her friends did that for her but I didn’t feel that I could contribute. It is one thing to lose your home through a natural disaster but quite another to lose via a foreclosure. A foreclosure doesn’t just happen overnight. I visited her website to see what she was doing to help herself keep her home. I found found nothing, other than some posts about this being a hard time. Why wasn’t she selling ebooks, stuff in an ebay store or teaching online classes? I’m sorry but I can’t help those who make no obvious effort to help themselves. In another few months there will probably be more begging posts.

56. Rosie Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 9:49 pm

    56 Wow! A kerfluffle. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I read and commented on Holly’s original post. I thought it was a very topical subject to bring up and discuss. Admittedly, I guess it’s a matter of perspective, but I didn’t feel like people were taking shots at authors, at least that wasn’t the case when I left my comment. I didn’t opt for followup comments so I don’t know what’s happened since then. I think times are tough. For everyone. Consequently, when people ask for help right now there’s going to be more scrutiny. That’s a good thing. As others have stated, being careful where you spend your donations is a smart thing to do. As has been stated ad nauseum whenever the cyber pot is stirred, the difficulty online is there’s no tone to what you write so there’s lots of room for interpretation. Thought provoking and timely, I think this topic deserved some discussion.

57. Karen Scott Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 9:59 pm

    57 Author Comment I visited her website to see what she was doing to help herself keep her home. I found found nothing, And this led you to believe that she wasn’t doing anything? Surely you aren’t that tunnel-visioned? Up until the donation requests, Sharon had been keeping her problems to herself. The appeal and everything was spurred by a friend who saw that her friend was in need. Let’s hope you’re never in a situation where you have to depend on the kindness of strangers. Why wasn’t she selling ebooks, stuff in an ebay store or teaching online classes? I’ll tell you what JBDean, I’m going to let you tell us exactly what Ms Cullars was doing, seeing as you seem to know what she wasn’t doing.

58. sallahdog Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 10:10 pm

    58 You’re a shit stirrer, and nobody else is allowed to do that on here, other than me or AL. dang… I really need to get a blog so I can be a shit stirrer too… I guess I will just live through youse guys.. I gave to Sharon because A. I like her books, and B. because I work in the property industry and have seen firsthand the number of good people who aren’t crooks, stupid,foolish, etc, go into foreclosure… I own rental properties and have several renters now who USED to own homes, the number one reason most of them lost their homes was because of a medical issue or long term unemployment… I didn’t see a mass shaming if people DIDN’t give.. Jeez, there is nothing wrong with putting it out there, people can decide whether or not for themselves whether they are moved to donate… I have donated, and I have not donated, personal choice folks..

59. sallahdog Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 10:14 pm

    59 by the way, I also now know how LITTLE some authors make off their books, most authors don’t make anywhere near what Nora Roberts does… Or JK Rowling… I admire authors but I am sure I make MUCH more money a year than they do, for the most part…

60. Fae Sutherland Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 10:15 pm

    60 I don’t think there was any shaming involved. I didn’t feel ashamed for not giving. I did, indeed, skip past those blog posts and went on with my day as has been suggested here. But, since Karen asked, I think those of us who were a bit uncomfortable with the issue felt we could say so. I know I never would have said anything about it had the question not been posed. *shrug* It’s just everyone keeps saying “Don’t donate if you don’t want to, why say anything?” Um…cause Karen asked?

61. CreoleInDC Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 10:30 pm

    61 Um…cause Karen asked? I need to get that thingy unclicked so I don’t get follow up emails regarding. I know I said I was gone but I felt the need to return to say it seemed to me the shit got stirred when Holly wrote the post in the first place. Say what you will about her just wanting to innocently ask, it seemed folks were mighty quick to jump on their high horse and look down their noses at those who DARED have a difficult time they are dealing with and whose friends DARED to try and help them. Karen basically dissected what was said over there in such a way that it made folks who didn’t agree with the hate mongering on the other site feel comfortable enough to say how they felt regarding the negative comments. I sure hope none of you people talking about how “uncomfortable” you were at reading about the situation ever fall victim to hardship of any kind. What you put out into the Universe you always own so if you are putting your negative crap out there trust and believe that your negative crap is waiting for the most opportune moment to come right back to you and sit a spell.

62. Holly Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 10:42 pm

    62 @Roslyn Holcomb and @Dee Tenorio, Since Ms. Holcomb left a comment on the original thread and here, I thought I’d post at both place. I just want to clarify that I did not mention either of you by name. I actually thought the Sharon Cullers auction/request for donations was done in pretty good taste considering the circumstances. My post was not a personal attack on either of you. @Karen, I have seen several of these requests on blogs and even more via email and author loops on Yahoo and Google. Had it just been the two you mentioned, that would be one thing. But when I’m seeing two or three a month? Well I’m sorry, but that leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

63. Kat Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 10:43 pm

    63 Why does the word “foreclosure” have such negative connotations about the person whose home is being foreclosed? There are a thousand reasons we could list why someone might be losing their home in this economic climate, and slacking off is only one of them. To whoever said upthread that she didn’t think Sharon was doing anything to help herself: I read the post on her blog where she talked about what Roslyn was doing for her, and it clearly mentions an illness in her family. When I hear a person in the US talking about serious illness in the family, that to me is shorthand signals the kind of financial (not to mention emotional) impact it’s almost impossible to plan for unless you’re already fairly comfortable financially.

64. Fae Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 10:44 pm

    64 Creole: o_O Maybe you need to go back and reread because I haven’t attacked anyone nor spewed any ‘negative crap’ into the universe. It’s been a fairly civil difference of opinion (dew’s nasty post notwithstanding). Being uncomfortable with something is now worthy of the universe hanging out a spell with me? Wow. Okie dokie then. I’ll make tea, I suppose.

65. Senenca Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 11:01 pm

    65 CreoleInDC, You want to talk about high horses when you are calling people evil and then preaching empathy? Glass houses, blah blah. You’re just as guilty. Calm down a bit, you’re coming off as a tad irate and you’re about to fall down into that pile of crap you keep mentioning And BTW, Holly didn’t stir any shit. She was just expressing her opinion, just like you are doing, just like everyone else in this thread. That’s generally what blogs are for. If you are so offended then maybe you should just hit deleted when those emails come in.

66. Kayleigh Jamison Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 11:04 pm

    66 Why does the word “foreclosure” have such negative connotations about the person whose home is being foreclosed? Same reason the word “bankruptcy” does. Because both carry stereotypes; people believe that if a person is in bankruptcy, or foreclosure, it must be a result of poor financial management, or lack of “effort.” In short, that person is a lazy no-good worthless sack; because otherwise they wouldn’t be in the situation they find themselves in. Duh. There have been a number of nationwide studies (in America) over the last two decades or so exploring the stigma of bankruptcy. Some states (Pennsylvania, for one) have extremely high rates of bankruptcy filings, and yet, pick up a phone book, call a hundred people at random and ask them if they’ve ever filed bankruptcy. You may get a few honest answers, but more people will say “no,” even if it’s a lie, because of the negative connotations of the word. I said it earlier and I’ll say it again: there ARE people out there in financial difficulty as a result of their own bad decisions, mismanagement, living beyond their means, etc. There are what I call ‘career debtors,’ who know exactly how to work the system. There are also people in situations that aren’t their fault, drowning in debt. A man on a motorcycle hit by a drunk driver with no car insurance, no assets, no money to his name. The motorcyclist loses a leg in the wreck and ends up with several thousand dollars in medical bills and no way to pay them. Formerly a construction worker, he’s out of work now because he lost a leg. He sues the drunk driver and wins, but you can’t get blood from a stone. The hospital sues him for his medical bills, and those of his autistic child, whom he supports as a single father. He’s forced to file bankruptcy. Would you call him irresponsible? A woman in a physically abusive relationship finally gets the courage to leave her husband and take her two kids with her. In the separation agreement, he allows her to live in the house, and agrees to pay half of the mortgage. They are both still on the deed. She pays her half like clockwork. He has the bills sent to him, and never pays. He files for bankruptcy. She has no idea of any of it until she receives a foreclosure notice from the bank. The bank tells her it’ll take $50,000 to keep her house, which she doesn’t have, and her soon-to-be ex husband summarily disappears. What’s she supposed to do?

67. CreoleInDC Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 11:06 pm

    67 Being uncomfortable with something is now worthy of the universe hanging out a spell with me? Wow. Okie dokie then. I’ll make tea, I suppose. Make a big ole pot. You’ll need it. I stand by what I said initially as it seems mighty damn narcissistic to have someone else’s very SERIOUS problem make YOU uncomfortable. Sheesh. I hate when people turn someone else’s problem into something about them and how they feel. Get over yourself and recognize that it was probably VERY uncomfortable for the one who found themselves in a situation where they had to accept help from friends and strangers who didn’t mind helping. You people think too highly of yourselves and your opinions it seems and would be best if you stayed in your glass house and looked down upon the rest of us peons who find your brand of humanity LACKING. Look at me, sounding as if I’m all poor and broke and on my last leg in life as if only someone who was could have empathy for someone in need. Um…that would be no. I donated and would do it again if my heart compelled me to do so. All these nasty azz comments should make those making them sick to their stomachs cuz I know it made me feel some kinda way to read them. And I KNOW Senenca’s azz isn’t trying to say anything again after she put that big old muddy azz booted foot in her mouth with that dumb azz Nora Roberts analogy. I mean REALLY.

68. Senenca Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 11:25 pm

    68 LOL. I don’t have an azz, and no muddy boots that I can find. You have a wonderful day. It sounds like you need it. Feel free to reply if you like, but you will just be talking to yourself–I’ll be skimming past your posts. Take a few chill pills, wash off the dung you fell in, then maybe you’ll be taken seriously. Bye.

69. CreoleInDC Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 11:27 pm

    69 Oh darling please, you couldn’t skim if you tried. You’re messy and messy people just can’t leave well enough alone.

70. Dee Tenorio Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 11:33 pm

    70 @Holly, Not a thing, Jellybean. As I mentioned earlier, I understand the desire to discuss this in a general way and there’s no harm in it, provided comments don’t get…well, the way some people get. Dee

71. Mireya Posted: Mar 9th, 2009 at 11:37 pm

    71 My only issue now is with those that have the balls to tell those they don’t agree with “how dare you” … especially in a blog that is not theirs and when all those she disagrees with have been doing is answering a question presented by one of the owners of the blog. Me thinks someone needs to learn to read and is carrying a HUGE chip on her shoulder… not a good combo. I am going back to lurk mode. This has grown toxic.

72. Shiloh Walker Posted: Mar 10th, 2009 at 12:46 am

    72 Sorry, I’m supposed to be editing, so I’m not going to read thru the comments, but here’s how I feel about the topic: For my kids, I’d do anything necessary, whether it’s beg online, beg on street corners, work four jobs, never sleep, starve, whatever. So I can understand the desire to do whatever is necessary to provide for my family. In regards to helping out: I’m in a position where I can help some and I’ll do it when I can. I wish I could do more~there’s a quote I love… Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something. I try to live by that. In regards to taking advantage of a ‘public figure’…I dunno, but I can say that I don’t really see myself as a public figure (I’m aware people might argue), but that’s not how I view myself-it’s entirely possible other authors feel similarly. Maybe they don’t see themselves taking advantage of being a public figure when they ask for help-they are probably swallowing their pride and doing whatever they can. In regards do I feel uncomfortable when I read the posts referenced/mentioned/whatever about authors asking for help: In all honesty, a lot of the things going on in the world make me uncomfortable. People suffering make me uncomfortable. Now if it was an author that I knew financially didn’t need the help, I wouldn’t be uncomfortable, I’d be irritated beyond all get-out. But I’m not going to assume that the authors asking for help DON’T NEED it-I will assume they do, and if I’m able to help, I will. Somebody mentioned authors begging for money to buy shoes, feed a drug habit, whatever…my feelings on that~If they don’t need the help and ask anyway, ask under false pretenses, that’s on them. It will catch up to them. It has no effect on me, because I made an honest effort to help. So while authors asking for help does bother me, it’s because of the fact that so many need help right now. Seeing a blog post about any average joe about to lose their home would bother me the same. This last bit… You didn’t see Nora Roberts asking for hand outs when that fire happened Now I dunno where this came from, I don’t know what the context is. But there is a far cry between Nora Roberts and Dee Tenorio, Sharon Cullars, etc. Huge. Huge. As in, Nora has a backlist into the hundreds. Her works are translated into every language known to man (I would think-maybe even some languages not known to man), they are on audio, they have been made into movies. Nora Roberts is pretty much the end all, be all of romance. I don’t see why she would need to ask for handouts. Don’t take me wrong-Nora has busted her butt to get where she is and she deserves every bit of her success. But that’s Nora. That’s not Dee and Sharon. That’s not many other romance authors-most of us would love to achieve that level of success, but wanting it doesn’t mean we’ve gotten it, or that we ever will.

73. KristieJ Posted: Mar 10th, 2009 at 3:36 am

    73 I didn’t donate – but it didn’t bother me about being asked to help out. But I have a son who works in the auto parts industry and his job is SO shaky right now that I’ve been loaning/giving him a great deal of my extra money. I would like to be super rich and give to many people who could use it. My heart aches at what so many are going through. And I think accusing people of misspending money or not saving or whatever some have mentioned is showing a decided lack of compassion. These are bad times like we’ve never seen before and so many are being affected through no mismanagement of their own.

74. Dee (not the author) Posted: Mar 10th, 2009 at 4:53 am

    74 This is the first topic that has moved me to come out of lurkerdom since the Sarah Palin debate. I read through about half of the posts and I see two issues here … no actually three. The immediate topic is about authors who have fallen on some hard times and public donation requests. But you know what? That is just the icing. I want to dig into the cake. Issue #1 Some people find it distasteful, gross, selfish, [insert your adjective here] that someone would put up a request for donations for themselves or on someone else’s behalf. I read a few “I would never do that” and “I’d rather starve” and so on. There is an old saying that goes “Never judge another till you’ve walked a mile in their shoes”. In case no one has noticed, our economy is in big trouble … globally. In 6 months, any of us could be homeless, living in a tent, and standing in line at a soup kitchen for something to eat. I’m not exaggerating, I know people it has happened to. You would be surprised what you will do when you have nowhere to sleep and you are hungry. Granted, in these two cases it hasn’t gotten to that level. But … what if? What if the economy keeps going downhill? What if it happened to you? Karma is a bitch. There is another old saying that goes something like “People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.” Right now, we are ALL living in glass houses whether we know it or not. Issue #2 We have become an intolerant, hateful, and pushy society. I see it more and more … online in forums and blogs, in the news, on the radio and in face-to-face conversations with people. And I’m not just talking about matters of money. I’m talking about everything … lifestyle, personal choices, likes, dislikes, beliefs. I see people online attacking each other everyday over something as miniscule as one person liked a book while another didn’t. Everyone is different yet people don’t seem to be able to handle that anymore. There is no such thing as live and let live these days. You didn’t like the request? Fine, don’t give. It’s that easy. Issue #3 With this wonderful medium we call the Internet, everyone feels this burning need to express themselves. No problem with that. Except, people seem to forget how far reaching it is. You get regulars that gather in places like this blog and they all become cyber-friends. And they talk to each other as though they were all gathered at a restaurant for lunch. Still not a problem until things happen like the Amazon fiasco and the flounces mentioned in a previous topic. The problem is that the flames, outbursts and flounces are becoming the norm. IMHO, you should approach anything you post anywhere on the internet as if you know your boss, your boss’s boss, your mother [insert authority figure here] is going to read it. Another old saying, “Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.”

75. Miki Posted: Mar 10th, 2009 at 6:26 am

    75 I’m not in the “asking for donations is ‘gross’” camp on this, although I’ll admit to a high level of cynicism in general when I see requests for funds online. I am not talking specifically about either author mentioned here, though! If I have come to know the people involved online and feel they’re likely to be honest (and not just manipulating people with a sob story), I might help out. Like some others here, though, I’m more comfortable giving to organizations that have some oversight and accountability. On the other hand, I do think there’s a part of me that sees these kinds of requests and thinks they can be manipulative. Authors have fans and online friends and are able to lever off that popularity. So if there’s any resentment, it’s that there’s no way to get that same level of involvement for the 68-year-old woman around the corner who’s in danger of losing her house because of her husbands’ death and debts. But when it comes down to it, I just figure if it bugs me, I won’t donate. Nobody’s twisting me arm. To be honest, I’m more likely to get ticked off by the commercials for the “poor starving children” or “poor neglected animals” where they deliberately try to manipulate your emotions without ever really explaining what they intend to do with the money.

76. CindyS Posted: Mar 10th, 2009 at 8:11 am

    76 I posted at Holly’s post because that’s where I started but have copied and posted it here also. That’s why I address Holly in the first paragraph: Holly – you aren’t the only reader or person to feel like this. You were very clear that it’s ‘an author asking for money for THEMSELVES’ I haven’t come across this but I was honest and said it would make me uncomfortable. Like I said above, there are people here in my real life that need me and the charities I give to are thoroughly checked out by me and my husband. We do check how much of our money goes to the people in need. That’s important to us. So we give consciously. Does it make us bad people that we check to see where the money we are donating is going? That we know we only have so much to give and we want every penny we give to count? Why give to an organization that keeps 30 to 50% of the money donated when there are organizations that use as little as 12% for their overhead? As to a single person on the internet asking for money for themselves. I wish I could be the rosy glassed person who didn’t look for the ‘take’. Course if I was that type of person I guess I would have collected those lottery winnings from the UK, or helped that deposed King who has a bunch of money in a foreign bank account that could be partially mine with just a little altruistic help. How dare we be honest about our discomfort in seeing a single person make a public plea for money on the internet. I wish the person no ill will. I don’t e-mail them telling them to take it down. I see it, get uncomfortable and leave. I’m not proud that I feel that way, I wish I didn’t but it’s my honest response and sometimes that’s all we have to give to each other. CindyS

77. Karen Scott Posted: Mar 10th, 2009 at 9:24 am

    77 Cindy, of course you should be careful when you get donation requests, I’m the first person to question whether a cause is genuine before making my decision to given, however many of the comments weren’t simply about being cautious when considering whether to donate. When I read statements like ‘Public begging is gross’, that’s hardly people saying that they’re careful who they donate to is it? Also, this discussion isn’t really about who donates what to whom, I think most people give when and where they can. As a people, we’re pretty great that way. And Cindy, you are absolutely allowed to be uncomfortable, but the judgemental tone of some of the comments were what prompted my post. You’re allowed to be uncomfortable about people asking for money, but equally, I’m allowed to be alarmed at people blythely passing judgement and condemning those who are driven to leave their pride on the floor by asking for that help in the first place. The honesty of my feelings is what I have to give to others.

78. CindyS Posted: Mar 10th, 2009 at 9:48 am

    78 Karen – Now I see your point. It wasn’t that we were uncomfortable but that we passed judgement. I apologize as I was one to say yuck at asking strangers for money but I was imagining myself in that situation. Not an excuse as obviously my words didn’t say what I meant them to say and instead may have upset some people. Thanks for clarifying Karen. CindyS

79. Karen Scott Posted: Mar 10th, 2009 at 10:19 am

    79 No probs Cindy.

80. Senenca Posted: Mar 10th, 2009 at 1:08 pm

    80 Oh, Cindy, I wish I had been able to get my thoughts outs as well as you have. We feel the same way. You just said it better.

81. vein Posted: Mar 10th, 2009 at 2:26 pm

    81 Calling “empathy” and hurling an insult at the same time? Hmmm. For the record I give half of my disposable income to selected charities and put the other half in my savings account. So I am not a heartless bitch. But I think it is worth realising that one person’s “needy” is another’s “wealthy”. One person can argue it is cruel of me to ignore a writer in peril, but unless I know them personally and have a duty to them as a result I will continue to donate to those of on the point of starvation in India, unable to access basic literacy education in Malaysia and persecuated for their beliefs in Indonesia. I have also seen the “back room” of at least one donation drive for an individual writer where the donations were diverted, so I also choose to use registed and audited charities. Others of course are in different situations and do things differently.

82. MichelleR Posted: Mar 10th, 2009 at 3:25 pm

    82 I still think that some people are missing the point. It doesn’t seem to me that the discussion is about whether or not it’s heartless not to give — nobody is claiming people need to participate when they see the plea. It would be impossible to give to every charity or person in need. And, honestly, there are reasons to be skeptical. There is also a priority issue — perhaps the person has their set list of charities or causes. In short, anyone who thinks people have to give is an idjit. I think the upset is the insults heaped on the person, because they asked. It’s one thing to wonder if the person is on the level or to think, “I wouldn’t do that,” and another to say it out loud. It’s one thing to not give to the homeless guy outside the office building, and another to stand with your friend five feet away and say, “Begging is sooo tacky. I could never be homeless, because *I* planned ahead, and if I were homeless I wouldn’t ask for a dime. Besides, he’s probably a drug addict. How am I supposed to know how much of this is his doing? You know what else, I have my own problems!” Because the words you utter or type may or may not be true, but they might also be needlessly unkind. It’s not about lessening someone’s burden at that point, but more about not adding to it. Not about giving so much as not taking away.

83. Ann Aguirre Posted: Mar 10th, 2009 at 3:37 pm

    83 Tolerance and understanding are never badly given.

84. sallahdog Posted: Mar 10th, 2009 at 5:06 pm

    84 So if there’s any resentment, it’s that there’s no way to get that same level of involvement for the 68-year-old woman around the corner who’s in danger of losing her house because of her husbands’ death and debts. No, but there are other ways… A call went out in my church email of a family who were foreclosed on (with sheriffs coming to evict them, it was over medical bills).. within a day, the church had found enough people giving enough to cover the first few months of rent, and then when finding out the wife was too sick to help move, a call went out for helpers, and in less than 2 hours, 36 people showed up and moved them to their new place, brought them food and other necessities… This isn’t an isolated incident. There is help, I don’t think that Sharon was any less worthy than this particular family, just by virtue of her being an author… Like I have said, I have decided not to give, A LOT! Mostly I do give to people that I know in real life. Who knows what will catch one persons heart.. I totally get why people would get tired of constant bombardment, asking for help, I guess for myself I just tend to ignore those that don’t speak to me.. Like me not giving to the Jerry Lewis Telethon, and yet giving to Harvesters and time to Habitat for Humanity or Christmas in October… There is a ton of need out in the world, we all make choices…

85. JenB Posted: Mar 10th, 2009 at 5:18 pm

    85 Wow, what gorgeous wank. Better than anything I could download from Xtube.

86. Keishon Posted: Mar 10th, 2009 at 5:56 pm

    86 In short, anyone who thinks people have to give is an idjit. An eijit indeed. Wow, I arrived late to this discussion. Skimming through the responses reminds of the saying: ‘misery loves company.’ I didn’t donate either as I typically don’t donate to public requests. That’s just my prerogative and how I do things. If you don’t want to donate to help somebody then just don’t and click away. We all have freedom of choice last I checked. This is the first I’d heard of Ms. Tenorio’s sister passing. I didn’t know about that. My condolences to you and your family Ms. Tenorio.

87. Dee Tenorio Posted: Mar 10th, 2009 at 6:02 pm

    87 Thank you, Keishon.

88. Anon76 Posted: Mar 10th, 2009 at 6:16 pm

    88 Wow, what a shit-storm, but I knew it was coming. Lots of people probably knew it was coming, but choose to keep their thoughts between friends. For that reason, I don’t blame Holly at all for broaching the subject, nor do I blame Karen for addressing some pretty negative shit thrown out in response to Holly’s post. Thing is, yeah, I was uncomfortable with at least one plea for help, but that is because it hit too close to home. And that is MY baggage, not anyone else’s. Hence, live and let live. If help can be found, then do so, more power to you. What chaps my ass is the attitude that people facing these situations didn’t plan well. That they were frivilous. I call “bullshit”. Many people who were verra careful are in the same boat now with those “gross” types. Even it wasn’t a home you own, how long could you live in your apartment once the job was lost or some other tragedy hits? And for many, home values have dropped so far that you are darn lucky if you don’t OWE money (thousands upon thousands) even if you can sell the darn thing for current market value. And while I have misgivings at times, it is still my choice whether to donate or not, or even if I can. MY choice. Nothing forced. If you don’t want to or can’t, then don’t, but don’t deride the people who make the choice to ask in desperation. PLUS, I seem to remember Many Many people donating to ferrets not long ago. How odd that we find them more worthy than humans.

89. Anon76 Posted: Mar 10th, 2009 at 6:26 pm

    89 And as to Dee’s plea (and I’m so sorry about your sister) I’m sure her sister didn’t have it scheduled on her calendar to “pass”. Some things aren’t planned, and when you don’t have tons of money, can’t be remedied in a “plan”. Day to day neccessities for her kids came first. Okay, now I’m done. Sigh

90. GrowlyCub Posted: Mar 10th, 2009 at 11:27 pm

    90 I hope one thing people take from this discussion and the tragedy that happened to Dee’s family is to make sure that they have life insurance and to make sure they have enough of it, so that their unexpected death doesn’t add incredible financial hardship to the grief the ones left behind experience. I’m 38 and I’m paying 35 bucks a month for a quarter million dollars payable to my dependents in case of my unexpected death. That’s not the best rate out there; if I had shopped some more, I could have gotten the same amount for a lesser premium and lower insurance amounts are available for as little as $10/month for non-smokers in their 20-30s, and it’s cheaper when you start young. I’ve encountered many people who have told me they cannot afford even $15 a month to ensure their kids/husband/wife don’t end up on the streets. That’s one meal at McD not eaten a month! I cannot see how anybody can afford *not* to spend that money. Naturally, there are situations that preclude life insurance and they don’t do a thing for medical bills etc., but I always find it incredibly sad to hear that people cannot afford even the burial for a loved one who unexpectedly passed on and life insurance is one way of preventing such a situation.

91. Eve Vaughn Posted: Mar 11th, 2009 at 12:19 am

    91 I don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking for help when there’s a legitimate need. In this stressed economic environment anyone could fall on hard times and anyone of us may need help one day be it monetary or otherwise. Whether you give or not is an individual decision. Not giving doesn’t make yone a bad person, but saying, it’s that person’s own fault for getting themselves into a particular situation when they fall on hard times( not accusing anyone here) shows a lack of compassion.

92. Raine Posted: Mar 11th, 2009 at 6:43 am

    92 I’m a little puzzled by some of the reactions. To disagree with someone seeking monetary help online is fine, and your perogative. To decline to donate is also your choice. Change the channel, no problem. But to label it as “gross”, “disgusting”, etc., is uncalled for. I don’t think anyone would do this lightly, and while I’m not in a position to do very much, I know very well what it feels like to be in such dire straits. If you don’t want to, don’t contribute. But don’t judge either.

93. Areader Posted: Mar 11th, 2009 at 7:04 am

    93 @Raine Well the blog owner asked for opinions, people are just being honest. Asking someone not to judge is like asking the earth to stop turning.

94. MichelleR Posted: Mar 11th, 2009 at 11:10 am

    94 @Areader Of course people are going to judge and I’m sure the topic is based on a legitimate curiosity. Just because someone asks something doesn’t mean people have to answer or should lose all sense of tact. Most of us, even the bitchier among us, sometimes bite our tongues. We do so for any number of reasons, but the reason that applies here is kindness to someone who is down and out. It’s not even a matter of keeping your opinions completely to yourself so much as not picking up a bullhorn. A public blog is a bullhorn. Nothing on the internet is truly private, of course, but that doesn’t mean people should drop all sense of decorum. Emily Post wrote, “Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.” None of us are Emily Post or Miss Manners (who said You do not have to do everything disagreeable that you have a right to do) and the online romance community has more-or-less voted for honesty over tact when it comes to story reviews. It’s not like kid gloves will be the new fashion statement. But most of us understand, I think, that there are some rules still in place — our own unspoken Geneva Convention. If two countries can be at war and still have a rule that says, “when the enemy waves the white flag, you respect that and allow them to maintain their dignity,” then I certainly think that a group of people who are not enemies can maybe not go all Lord of The Flies when someone is vulnerable. Or take it to email.

95. Karen Scott Posted: Mar 11th, 2009 at 7:43 pm

    95 Author Comment JenB of the “Public begging is gross” fame, I saw your comments over at Mrs G’s blog, so I thought I’d post my response to you over here as well as over there: What annoys me is that Karen’s post takes Holly’s post (and resulting comments) from “Reader opinion in the reader community” to “All charity EVERYWHERE, forever and ever, amen.” Really Jen? Is that how it was? I assume you can read, but just in case you missed it, the words ‘authors’ and ‘readers’ formed part of the title of the post. Also, I think you’ll notice that a lot of the respondents were either one or the other. You yourself made some inane comment on my blog, and I believe you to be a reader, are you not? I think that perhaps you’re feeling a tad guilty about the fact that your comment was one of the most heinous, hence your patently false, “Gee, I don’t give a crap what I said, I meant it so there!!” bravado. You’re not fooling anybody dearie. Let’s hope that you don’t end up between a rock and hard place, with nobody to turn to eh?

96. Louise van Hine Posted: Mar 11th, 2009 at 9:17 pm

    96 Very interesting that this comes up, because it seems to reflect more and more on the public debate on how much the US government should help homeowners in foreclosure, and the rage coming from mostly the conservative right wing about “paying somebody else’s mortgage.” Full disclosure here – I have made a pittance with my writing, but generally fare well in my day job. Unless something bad happens. And something very bad happened to me when my contracting house ran away with 3 months of my invoices, leaving me stranded in Europe with a shrinking bank account containing only estimated tax payments, which I had to live on. I put everything I owned that I did not need to wear or eat, on E-bay. That got me a thousand Euros. The stuff that didn’t sell, I put photos of on my personal blog, along with all existing stock of my published book, and some of my closest friends Paypalled me money in exchange for jewelry, CD’s and books. All I did was offer the things I owned for sale, but I received a couple of thousand in donations from people who said “Here, you’ve given away so much of your writing to us and never asked for anything, consider it a donation.” I am deeply grateful to those people I did not ask directly, but did ask for help in exchange for my worldly goods. But – as surely as night follows day, there were people who slagged me for “begging for money” and for being unclassy and selling fan fiction without permission (most of the donors were, indeed fans of my fan fiction, even though I was offering them my original work for money). Was I being unclassy? Did I beg for money? I didn’t think so, neither did the people who helped me out. Was I sorry I did it? I wasn’t in much of a position to worry about that then, but there were sure people who stuck their nose in with a lot of indignation about how immoral I was. Of course, they didn’t know what it felt like to have three months of their pay vanish leaving them overseas with no options, either. There’s always someone waiting around to judge you for being a slacker, unclassy, lazy, trailer trash or whatever else they want to assume. But the fact is that bad things happen to good people, too. And at that point, all you have to fall back on, is friends.

97. Areader Posted: Mar 11th, 2009 at 10:45 pm

    97 @MichelleR Of course people are going to judge and I’m sure the topic is based on a legitimate curiosity. Just because someone asks something doesn’t mean people have to answer or should lose all sense of tact. Unfortunately one person’s view of tact and diplomacy is not necessarily the same as someone else’s.

98. Shiloh Walker Posted: Mar 12th, 2009 at 12:56 am

    98 This topic has been lingering on my mind ever since I read it. For some reason, I feel compelled to share a story-for all those people who think something catastrophic just wouldn’t happen, that nothing would compel them to beg…just give the below scenario a minute of your time. A few years ago, I started having some weird stomach issues. Vomiting, loss of appetite, pain. Saw my doc on Friday and she thought it was my gallbladder and I was going to see a specialist the following week. By this time, I’d lost ten pounds. I’d been sick for five days. I was dehydrated, weak beyond all get out. I didn’t make it to the specialist appointment-I ended up in the ER and the specialist ended up doing emergency surgery about 8 hours before I had an appointment to see her for the first time. I was going to be off for a couple of weeks. Now I’m not the best planner but we would be okay. Money was tight, but the DH had a good job. I worked as a nurse and the office where I worked were decent people–I had insurance, and I even had the supplementary kind that would help out. I had short term disability and a few days of time off I could take. If things had gone the ‘expected’ route, we would have been just fine. A little tight, but fine. Granted, this wasn’t something we could have planned for-medical issues will throw a wrench in the works like nothing else. It was three days before Christmas when I had my surgery-we’d already taken care of presents and all, so we didn’t have to worry about that. But a week later, the DH was working and I was home and there were…well, complications. It turns out that I’d caught a virus, probably while in the hospital. My immune system was already messed up from being so sick and from the surgery and that virus laid me low like nothing I’ve ever seen. About five days AFTER I left the hospital to recupe from the surgery, I was back in. I spent another three days in and instead of being off for two weeks, I ended up being off for more than a month. This was where we started to panic. His parents had helped as much as they could. My folks couldn’t really help at all. The short term disability wouldn’t be in for several weeks, the money from the supplementary insurance hadn’t been much-enough to buy some staples that lasted about a week. I didn’t have any more time off I could take until the following summer. We were looking at a month getting by only his income. We had two cars. We had two young kids. We had next to no money for diapers, groceries, or even gas and he had to have gas to get to his job. We were definitely moving close to desperate. Two weeks after my second stay at the hospital, I felt well enough to go back to church. The congregation knew I’d been sick and I talked to some friends for a while before service. I mentioned things were bad and that I could really use some prayers. I got the prayers…and I had a few of my own answered. As the congregation was leaving after service, easily twenty people sought me out to shake my hand-and push some money into it. I was floored, flabberghasted, and more grateful than I’d been in a long time. I ended up getting close to four hundred in cash, if i remember right and I was able to go grocery shopping for the first time since I’d gotten sick, not just milk and bread and peanut butter and soup, either. We’d been getting by on whatever I had in the cabinets, which was pretty much peanut butter sandwiches or soup and that was just about gone. Now we had enough grocery money to last us a while as long as we were careful, and we were. Trust me. I didn’t ask for the money, it didn’t occur to me. But it might have, soon. Was I desperate? Oh, yes. Would I have begged if it had occurred to me? Oh, yes. I have more pride than I know what to do with, but I would have set it all aside to make sure my kids had food. To make sure they didn’t go without. If my church family hadn’t provided for me, I have no idea what steps I might have been willing to take. But I do know I would have been willing to beg. Public begging for the sake of family isn’t gross-as somebody called it. It’s probably one of the hardest things a person would ever have to do-it would involve swallowing pride and laying yourself bare before people who most likely will cast judgment. But when it comes to your family, if you can’t swallow your pride for their sake, then there is a problem. Pride should never come before family. There were also some comments (my apologies..I don’t have time to read both blogs on this and all the comments, so i could be taking things out of context) that ‘planning’ can prevent a lot of financial catastrophes. To some extent, yes. But thinking you can plan for everything life can throw at you is idealistic to the point of foolishness. Nobody can prepare for everything. All it takes is an accident that kills a loved one, all it takes is being laid off, all it takes is getting seriously sick and ending up in the hospital and all the planing in the world may not make a bit of difference. I understand that people are skeptical-that’s understandable. If you have doubts, that’s understandable. If you don’t want to help out for whatever reasons, that’s perfectly understandable, too. But please don’t think that something catastrophic can’t happen to you or yours, because it can and until it has happened to you, you never know what you might be willing to do.

99. Ames Posted: Mar 12th, 2009 at 3:11 pm

    99 I totally respect Holly’s opinion but just don’t/can’t see it like that. I help because and if I can. I help because I’ve been down on my luck, I’ve had to go to foodbanks to feed my kids, I’ve been on food stamps and welfare, I’ve had a car repossessed and had an ex-husband pull up in front of my shitty, all bills paid apartment in a brand new, very expensive truck when he wasn’t paying me my whopping 250/mo in child support. I know that’s all WAY TMI but I’ve been there, I’ve done that, and I feel that it’s important to give back, now, since I do have the means. Even if it’s not much, I feel that it’s important to me, as a human being, to help a sister out. As odd as this sounds, I feel like, if I give, especially from the heart, God will make sure that I don’t go without; I also feel strongly that we, as humans, have a responsibility to be good to and take care of one another. Funny enough, one of my New Years resolutions this year was to give more of myself and my time.

100. Darragha Posted: Mar 12th, 2009 at 4:10 pm

     100 I donated a few bucks to an author who lost everything in Hurricane Katrina, a few more to the author who lost her computer in a house fire, and a fistful to the author whose house was in foreclosure. I paypal’d Bam some beer money once, too. Perhaps I’m naive, but I’m loathe to believe that another author would post a cry for help with mal-intent.

101. Karen Scott Posted: Mar 12th, 2009 at 4:16 pm

     101 Ames, Shi, the people who condemn those who ask for help seem to be bothered about the ‘appropriate-ness’ of asking for help in the first place, but what they seem to be struggling to understand, is that when you’re on the verge of going hungry or losing your home, or any number of tragedies that can befall a person, then the last thing that you’re going to worry about is whether or not your actions are ‘appropriate’.

102. kate r Posted: Mar 13th, 2009 at 5:34 pm

     102 I wonder if more people fail in this economy if it’ll become less or more irritating to people to be asked? I don’t mind being asked but It’s because I’ve learned how far I can go, so I can say no without discomfort. That’s what 11 years of dealing with refugees will do for a person. Maybe that’s what gets to people–they take on the guilt of turning their back when no one asked them to feel bad. Or maybe they’ve been scammed, and once that’s happened it makes it really really hard to be touched for cash or time again. That basic trust is really precious because when you give money to a con artist, you lose more than money or time–you lose the warmth and interaction of the experience which is valuable. (Yup, that one’s happened to me too)

103. Zora Posted: Mar 15th, 2009 at 4:58 am

     103 Regarding being judgmental — we all make judgements every day. I don’t get why one would admonish another for being judgmental, when they are equally as judgmental. Perhaps on a different matter, but judgmental, nonetheless. On the flip side, I wonder if a reader went to one of their favorite authors, and asked for a financial donation, due to an unfortunate hardship, would the author be as charitable.

104. Dee Tenorio Posted: Mar 15th, 2009 at 7:00 am

     104 Not that I’m interested in dragging this topic out, but I think it should very much be on record that authors are some of the most generous people I’ve ever come across. They donate signed books, time, personal effort. In my near 12 years in this industry, I have seen–time and time again–authors put themselves out for readers, for each other and for strangers. They give when they have nothing left to give. Because to them, like everyone else in any job, they see themselves as people first, and go where their hearts lead them. If you haven’t found evidence of that charity, either you’re not looking or you’re not looking with the right eyes. Respectfully, Dee

105. shirley Posted: Mar 17th, 2009 at 1:46 am

     105 Within hours, to my shock and awe, the romance community responded. People I’ve never spoken to in many cases. People for whom I cannot find the right words to show my gratitude. Because of them, my sister was able to be buried. Her children have food. For that, I am willing to accept backlash from any who seek to offer it. They are welcome to it. Because without the help that was so graciously given, neither would have been possible. Ms. Tenorio, you are phenomenal. And though I know (at least from personal experience) the words don’t offer much comfort, I am sincerely sorry for your unexpected loss. About the rest of it, Karen (et al) are 15000% right about the begging. When the asker is looking down the tunnel to misery the likes of homeless and hungry, there isn’t ANYTHING they won’t do to at least TRY to stop those things from happening. People who say they wouldn’t either haven’t been there or would rather see their families suffer than set their pride aside. As to why the asking stirs so much emotion, my guess is that a lot of folks figure if one has ‘published author’ behind their name, they must be rich. Wouldn’t that be nice, were it true.

106. Shiloh Walker Posted: Mar 17th, 2009 at 4:19 am

     106 On the flip side, I wonder if a reader went to one of their favorite authors, and asked for a financial donation, due to an unfortunate hardship, would the author be as charitable. one author, I forgot her name, found out somehow that a reader of hers was homeless, or nearly there. I can’t remember the details, but the author ended up sponsoring an auction to help raise money for that reader. This is the second year that a group of authors (and their agents) have donated both their advances and all royalties made off the sale of an anthology to a certain charity. last year it was a women’s shelter. This year it, I think, it is for a no-kill animal shelter. I’ve seen authors doing fundraisers when disasters strike. The year Katrina hit, JC Wilder up and left her home, driving hell bent for leather to get to people in Louisiana, taking food, water, clothing. Not sure, but I think this was also related to katrina-Nora Roberts sponsored a matching ‘gift’ donation for Habitat for Humanity-for every dollars readers donated, she’d match it. I can’t speak for every author out there, because I don’t know every author out there. But I can say that I’m very proud to know quite a few who give of their money and even more precious than money, they give of their time to help out when they can. So yes,I can say with absolutely no hesitation that there would be authors willing to help out. Some have been asked, and have helped. All authors? No. But then again, not all people are always willing to help. And in the long run, authors are just people, just like anybody else. Some won’t help. And some will. Some are willing to help, as much as they can and often as they can. Some of them already do. edited

107. Shiloh Walker Posted: Mar 17th, 2009 at 4:21 am

     107 As to why the asking stirs so much emotion, my guess is that a lot of folks figure if one has ‘published author’ behind their name, they must be rich. Wouldn’t that be nice, were it true. Man, if only….

108. Bhetti Posted: Mar 17th, 2009 at 3:40 pm

     108 I don’t mind asking for help online; I’ve actually got a bit of admiration for the cajones, humility and foresight it takes to do it before things get unresolveable. It’s just easier to help out, though, when there’s something I’m paying i.e. it’s much easier to psychologically justify paying 50 dollars for a 1000 word short story from an author-in-need than 10 dollars for “nothing”; actual goods give you some palpable evidence of how much they need this. So ebooks or auctions, please, if you can possibly make it happen. If it’s an author-in-need, I do have trouble understanding why they can’t do a simple short story I buy directly from them perhaps on a ‘donate as much as you like and this is the gift that goes with it’ basis. I remember wanting to get a Sharon Cullars book… and not finding it that easy to get a copy here in the UK (amazon helps!).