All the same, it’s damn unfair that it costs so much to adopt, and that many loving, stable couples in many states willing to adopt kids who need loving homes are expressly forbidden to simply because they’re not heterosexual, yet it’s okay when some religious nutbags decide they need to keep their foster kids in cages…when they’re not hand-building a crazy church for the dad.

I read the comments about adoption here with interest. I don’t want to go off on a rant, but I did want to respectfully say that in my opinion, adoption is not a “quick fix” to infertility. Adoption can work and work well – but it brings its own challenges and unique issues that parents need to be prepared for. Not everyone is equipped for that, and I don’t think anyone needs to be pushed to adopt if they don’t want to throw themselves 100% into making it work for the child.

Before anyone assumes I am against adoption; I’m not. Yes, I have personal experience with adoption, as I relinquished a child 16 years ago in an open relationship. She knows me, we have visits, she knows her brother, I get along well with her family. I know other adoptive parents and consider them my close friends. If anyone would like to talk further about adoption I’m more than happy to.

As for the ‘God’s will’ comment, I’m pretty sure that if that were true, we wouldn’t have parents who are blessed with children, then go on and abuse/kill them.

I think this is one of those subjects that God should be kept out of. The Big Shepherd in the sky isn’t doing so great at looking after his sheep right now. If I was marking him on his performance, I’d totally fail him.

Hmmm, GodFail… Me likes.

I too sometimes struggle with friends who feel they can only accept their *own* child. Yet, deep down inside, I can’t help but think it’s for the best they’re willing to accept their limitations and move forward. Every adopted child should be loved unconditionally and for a certain set of people that just might not be possible.

Tuscan, you’re exactly right.

I think I’m just a bit frustrated for/and by, my friend. I mean, she wanted a child so badly, but not enough to adopt.

I’m a stepmom and now a grandma of seven, and I get to experience all the things she is missing out on. While I never wanted to raise children 24/7 (a latent fear I’d be like my mom, and NO WAY was I gonna risk that) I’m a member of a large and loving family now.

It makes me sad to know that because of some DNA strands, she was willing to give it all up.

As to the infant adoption, I think all of us dealing with infertility want the same chance every other couple has to experience setting up a nursery, bringing home a child from the hospital, even the sleepless nights and more. We looked into infant adoption for that reason and because we weren’t concerned with the race of the infant would have likely been placed fairly quickly. Now that our surprise baby is on the way, we’re putting our plans on hold until next summer. We’ve always been open to and are already moving forward with our plans to adopt a toddler from foster care in 2010 and likely a sibling group of older children in 2012.

I also want to add that none of the families I’m acquainted with who have a mix of biological and adopted children make any distinction between them. I don’t feel that having our biological child was more important than adopting. For us, it was just the logical step to try some of the less expensive reproductive technology therapies first before moving forward and attempting to navigate the expensive and complicated world of adoption. I know other couples who adopted first then went through a few rounds of fertility treatment. Again, every couple’s situation different.

I think, for me, I get a bit ticked about biological offspring being more important than an adopted child.

And what is up with people wanting an infant adoption?

Do you have any idea about how a kid in a horrid situation, and then taken out of it, grows? It’s like having a plant have light over nothing but darkness (yes, I said we as humans are more than that, but the anology still works).

Okay, now I’m done with this topic because it dredges up too much for me, past and present.

I think our wires were crossed with the *easily fixable medical problem* bit. I can only think of maybe one or two infertility issues that are *easily fixable*–blocked fallopian tubes or a uterine fibroid. Everything else is super complicated so when I read your comment I took it to mean if you can’t have your tubes cleared with an HSG or surgery, well that’s just tough. And I’m not going to touch the natural selection comment because, um, yeah.

Look, I’ll admit I’m overly sensitive when it comes to infertility. After years of having people spew really insensitive and often hateful remarks in my direction, I grew a smidge defensive. I find it even more difficult now that we’re finally expecting our miracle baby because I have such huge amounts of guilt when it comes to all the wonderful couples in my infertility support groups who are still waiting for that big freakin’ positive or their home study approvals or birth mother matches or the judges overseeing their foster kids to finalize the adoptions.

Heidi, drop me a line (thru my website) if you’d like. I’m not sure what your IF cause is but if it’s PCOS or POF, I can put you in touch with some great online support groups or let you know what worked for us, recommend a therapy, doctor, etc.

I read your first comment very carefully — as well as the title of the post and the other comments — and since I was responding to your comment in particular, I addressed my comment to you.

I apologize if you’re so offended that *I* dare to find implications in your words that other commenters also found.

I do not believe that you don’t want some people to have children or would want anyone to die of cancer etc… Which is why I clearly stated that I didn’t believe this was your intention and suggested you word your innocent comments more carefully so that people like me won’t go off the deep end.

As for my medical problems… Unfortunately, my doctors are not as flippant as you are — but then again, they know all the details and not are going by a few random lines I wrote on a blog (which I enjoy — especially these Friday dilemmas — Thanks Karen, these are always fun

And yes, I did call myself “undeserving”. I have to apologize here again, you see, I was using sarcasm. Apparently that wasn’t clear enough to everyone.

I’m going to stop now since it seems that I have the ability to upset you more than I intented to.

And Karen, thanks again for the blog. I enjoy the reviews, the bits of news and especially the dry humor.