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harassment

This week’s dilemma is as follows:

You and your sister, Georgia, are very close, and always have been. She’s married to an ok guy called Mike, and they have two beautiful children.

You call round one evening to look after the kids, as your sister is going out with some friends, and Mike is busy working on an important proposal.

When the kids go to bed, you and Mike pop open a bottle of wine, like you have done on many occasions, and proceed to get a little tipsy.

During the evening, Mike suddenly lunges at you, and tries to kiss you. You rebuff him, and ask him what the hell he thinks he’s doing.

He apologises profusely and blames it on the drink.

You decide to take his word for it, and you put the incident behind you.

Over the next couple of weeks, you notice that Mike does his best to ‘accidentally’ brush up against you again and again, and he even starts patting your bottom when your sister isn’t looking.

You threaten to tell your sister, but he doesn’t believe you.

What do you do?

Do you tell your sister, and either risk breaking up a family, or risk damaging your relationship, or do you keep quiet, and stop going round to the house?

What would you do?

This Dilemma Friday was inspired by Creole In DC blog.

30 Comments »

  • Definitely time to sit down and have a serious talk to Mike, I think. Before you do anything else.

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  • Can I deck him BEFORE the serious talk?
    That talk will go something like this:
    “Look, asshole. I said I’m not interested. What you are doing is sexual harrassment. I did not invite you into my body space and you are persistantly violating it. I get the feeling you’re getting used to invading my space as a rehersal for a large invasion. Now, the next time I feel your hand on me, you better be yanking me out of the path of a runaway car, or I’ll let my sister know she’s married to a proto-rapist. In other words, you’re gonna draw back a bloody stump. Not just of your hand, but of your whole life.”

    If he lets me alone, I watch him like a hawk.
    If he touches me again, I break all his fingers.

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  • Tell her in a heartbeat. She has a right to know she’s married to a scumbag.

    But I’d probably also make my point to him first in a very physical, very painful way the next time he accidentally brushed against me. If he left me alone aftter, I might not say anything, but chances are, I probably would.

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  • sallahdog
    May 15
    12:08 pm

    Not being one to suffer in silence, I would take Angelias approach… except the next time he brushed up against me, he would get an elbow in the nuts… and if he did it in front of his wife, I would loudly say, “oh sorry, reflex action when someone brushes up against my ass that isn’t invited..”

    I would add that this isnt an “okay” guy… I wouldn’t sit and suffer being molested just to be polite.. If it caused a rift between me and my sister, I would prefer that than to having to be constantly vigilant.

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  • Las
    May 15
    12:20 pm

    I’d do violence first–probably squeeze his balls as hard as I can until he passes out. If that doesn’t get him to stop, I’d probably avoid coming over before telling my sister.

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  • Mireya
    May 15
    12:27 pm

    A long time ago, when I was in my early 20s, the then husband of one of my girlfriends older sister hit on me. When I told her, she laughed and thought nothing of it. She ended up divorcing the scumbag because it turned out he had been seeing her and another woman before they got married… and after they got married he continued seeing the other woman and she found out. Dumb shit.

    Honestly, my reaction after the second time he touched me would be a very loud “what the fuck are you doing?” without giving a damn as to who is in front of us. And if my sister gets pissed, so be it. Good luck to her finding another babysitter.

    If that man is hitting on his own wife’s sister, I can only imagine what else is he trying to pull.

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  • Tell your sister immediately. Do not expect a thank you card though.

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  • Lori
    May 15
    1:38 pm

    I’m like Mireya. There’d be a very vocal “Hey, that’s my ass you’re grabbing buddy!” in front of my sister. And I’d probably tell her everything with him right there so all the crap is out on the table.

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  • Lori
    May 15
    1:40 pm

    (Sorry, off topic) Teddy, where’s your blog?!?!?

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  • Tracy S
    May 15
    2:07 pm

    I’d tell my sister. It would suck and she’d be pissed, but she has to be told. If the ass is hitting on her SISTER, imagine who else he’s going after? I don’t want her finding out because she goes to the dr. and finds out she has an STD.

    However, the thought of my brother-in-law hitting on me just makes me laugh out loud. Never happen. Thank God!

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  • Emmy
    May 15
    2:08 pm

    Break both of his hands and wait to see what story he comes up with to explain that.

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  • Thanks Lori! Silly host maintenance. Should be back soon.

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  • Anon76
    May 15
    2:33 pm

    After that first rebuff, all’s fair, including rebuffing him loudly and perhaps physically the next time…no matter who is within earshot.

    I totally understand not wanting to hurt sis, but sometimes you just have to love yourself MORE. I wouldn’t expect her to put up with such assaults, and I’d hope she wouldn’t expect me to, either.

    People can be funny though, even close family, so I’d be prepared for backlash.

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  • This is one of those damned if you do, damned if you don’t scenarios. If you tell, your sister could turn on you and not believe you and even if she does, the relationship may never be the same again because you were the barer or bad news. She could very well see you are the one who “destroyed” her marriage. And if you don’t tell, that creep will just keep at it, your sister finds out and she’s mad at you anyway for not telling her. So I’d tell.

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  • Louise van Hine
    May 15
    3:56 pm

    I would have snitched on the first grope.

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  • Yep, I’d snitch.
    And I’ve had this happen–with both my sister and a friend. There is no ickier feeling.

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  • shirley
    May 15
    7:47 pm

    What do you do when said brother in law tells your sister he thinks you(the sister) and your mother are totally hot and he’d love nothing more than an incestuous orgy?!?!

    Me, I’d have divorced him lickety split. My sister? No, she had three more kids with him and they are still together! Talk about co-dependant. If a semi backed over that jackass it’d be about thirty years too late.

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  • I’d kneecap him then tell my sister – she deserves better than this dickhead. Trying to talk to idiot men like this is pointless – you have to act

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  • I’d tell her. There really is no choice. If I let it go on, I’m putting up with an asshole sexually harrassing me. In this situation, I’d have to put myself first.

    My sister would find out at some point, anyway. Better sooner than later, for all concerned.

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  • Fae
    May 15
    11:59 pm

    I’d tell my sister in a heartbeat. What she does with the information is up to her, but just like I’d tell her if I saw him groping a stranger, I’d tell her he groped me. Unacceptable.

    If it ruins *our* relationship then you know, maybe she deserves to be married to a creep and good riddance to them both.

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  • @shirley, I need backing practice and the trailers I drive are so battered no one would notice…

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  • soldierdad77
    May 17
    9:30 pm

    wow so much hostility.you ladies must have had this happen to you before.but i do agree that you should tell the sister.the guy is a douche bag and needs to be put out.but i dont know if running him over or breaking his hands is justified by an ass smack.after all he didnt penetrate you or grab a breast,just a smack on the ass.calm down and think rationally.

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  • wow so much hostility.you ladies must have had this happen to you before.but i do agree that you should tell the sister.the guy is a douche bag and needs to be put out.but i dont know if running him over or breaking his hands is justified by an ass smack.after all he didnt penetrate you or grab a breast,just a smack on the ass.calm down and think rationally.

    Holy shit. Seriously?

    So let’s see, the guy is repeatedly violating my explicitly stated wishes by touching my body, but since it’s not my breasts, I should ‘calm down’ and… what?

    Other than tell my sister, should I just let him grab my ass whenever he pleased? Let him invade my personal space or make me uncomfortable because, hey, there’s no penetration?

    This attitude is why so many women suffer from sexual harassment. “I was just kidding” “I didn’t really touch her”

    Bull. Shit.

    Because from there is oh so fucking easy to jump to, “Well, look at how she dresses, she’s asking for it!”

    Well, you know what, she’s not asking for it, and if the asshole in Karen’s dilemma has the gall to make a pass at his sister-in-law to begin with, and then start with the touches, he fucking deserves to have every bone in his hands smashed. The no was loud and clear, after all.

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  • Louise van Hine
    May 18
    5:34 am

    that apologia sounded so very much like “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” Any part of a woman is the part that you don’t touch without permission, soldier boy.

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  • Mireya
    May 18
    10:37 am

    @soldierdad77: I’ll take that as a bad attempt at a joke.

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  • Anon76
    May 19
    4:13 pm

    Soldier boy…what a crock! (And yes I said “boy”!)

    I don’t care if it’s in your definition of “sexual” or not, when I say don’t touch me, I MEAN don’t touch me.

    Had a run in with a gay man years ago because he would not stop goosing my sides. Trust me, they weren’t sexual contacts, but the fact is he had no right. He finally got the point when he did it from behind me, and my old Tae Kwon Do training kicked in. Needless to say, for a tall man, he looked pretty short after I hit him in a few key areas.

    And no, I wouldn’t let a woman pull that kind of shit on me either.

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  • soldierdad77
    May 29
    10:57 am

    it was a joke.and who the fuck (Anon76)(Soldier boy…what a crock! (And yes I said “boy”!) are you to call me a boy?i’m a 32 year old grown man who is happily married of 13 years.i am also a father of 4.for you to call me a boy is just ignorance on your part.so stop trying to come in a place like this and play the part of the good guy trying to get hooked up or sympathy from these women that are obviously damaged goods.you sir are pathetic.besides honest opinion yes the guy has no right but you need to document it and report it to the proper authorities.other wise he could have you on assualt charges.so with that said “anon” go fuck yourself and ladies in the room keep it real and honest and remember for guys like this karma is a boomerang it always comes back at him.

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  • shirley
    May 29
    10:30 pm

    @angelia

    don’t tempt me, lol!

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  • soldierdad, it so happens that saying that the women commenting here are “obviously damaged goods” is as insulting, if not more so, as your first comment. Are you going to claim now that that it’s a joke too?

    Second, while you just barged in unannounced, Anon76 happens to be a regular–and female. So, about that “ignorance” thing…

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  • that Stalberg goes back up the top line. That would put Saad on the 3rd line with Bicks/Shaw or with Frolik going the 3rd line and Saad playing the 4th. All know is that Bollig is going to mess up someone tomorrow night!…Payback is sweet.

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