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You remember the blog post where I asked if there were many virgin men over the age of 30? Well, apparently there are more of them out there than I would have imagined.

Check out the most recent comment from that old thread, this guy is called Mike:

I’m a 53 yr. old virgin. I never thought life would work out this way. Here is my backstory-no I’m not gay, but I was always shy around women.I never had the confidence to ask for a date. I got colitis at 20, and I never owned a car until I was 33. First date was at 35, and the last one was 8 yrs. ago. I dated 5 times in all. I never enjoyed it.

At the time in life when most folks get laid and pair up, I had to fight a tough illness and had no money. Today I’m worth six figures, and it’s nice to have that, but there are NO dating prospects anywhere. I did not know you can and will “age out” of the dating market.

After 40 it’s pretty much over. I kept hoping, but I was fooling myself. In the USA only 5% of men over 40 ever marry, and only 1% of all women over 40 marry. The partners aren’t there. I must learn to be single and enjoy it. I’ve handled many divorces as a paralegal, and I see what married people go through. I’m sorry I missed out on all that great sex. I do feel thankful I didn’t contribute to fatherless America or the welfare rolls.

I never had to deal with the agony of divorce either.

I guess I’m weird. I grew up with a large dysfunctional family, and my parents never encouraged me to date let alone marry. If you don’t get laid by 21, you are moving in the wrong direction. I wouldn’t want anyone to end up in my shoes. Date early, find someone to be with in bed, or you will feel terribly lonely at the end of the trail.

The regrets of what I missed will haunt me forever.

That’s so sad right? What would your advice to Mike be? He seems to think his sexual life is over at the relatively young age of 53.

40 Comments »

  • has he tried sugardaddie.com? It ain’t over till it’s over mate!

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  • eggs
    September 23
    11:44 am

    I met a guy the other night who’s in his 70′s. His wife died a fair time back and he told me that every summer he rents a house at Cape Cod. Before the summer starts, he puts an ad in craigslist looking for a woman to share the house (and bed) for a summer vacation. He chooses one of the women who reply to his ad (usually in her 50s) if they like each others company, they shack up for 6 weeks. He pays all costs, but gets 6 weeks of sex and companionship. She gets the same plus a free summer vacation. He doesn’t repeat the women as he still loves his wife and doesn’t want to replace her, just enjoy his life.

    Based on all this, it seems picking up old chicks for sex is the same as picking up young ones. Splash the cash and make it clear what you expect in return for paying for the date. According to this guy there are PLENTY of ‘real nice’ old girls who are ready and willing if you ‘treat them right’. For the record, this guy was no looker, even for a 70 yr old. But he was funny and smart and had a generous spirit. If I were an old girl on the loose, I would have gone for it too.

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  • sallahdog
    September 23
    11:52 am

    His dating and sex life are only over if he is going after the wrong kind of women… There are tons of women out there in their 40s and early 50s who are single for one reason or another who would love to find a guy around their age… His age is not that far from mine, life isn’t over… I am sad for him, but kinda call BS on the idea that he has tried and can’t find anyone..

    In my experience, people who say that (and I see female friends who have said the same thing) are looking in the wrong places, or looking at the wrong people… Lets face it, if your a 4, you don’t go chasing after 9s in the looks department, and the bar scene is just damn creepy if your over about 30 (I thought it was creepy then, to be honest)… If your in your 50s,your more likely to find people at church (join a bigger church with a singles group), or in community events…

    My husband has a friend of a similiar age who bemoans the same conditions, and always wants to be fixed up… Of course he, though 50, wants someone who has never married, is perfectly thin and gorgeous, yet HE is overweight and on the plain side of average…Oh, and he doesn’t want to date anyone over the age of 30, because they have too much baggage…

    In my lifegroup(church social group) I have 2 female friends who have never married… one is 53 the other is 38, they would love to meet a great guy. Of course after years of looking for Mr right, one adopted a son, the other has a foster daughter, and this puts them beyond the reach of my husbands friend because they have “baggage”….

    Often when someone says they can’t find someone, they really aren’t looking..

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  • That is awfully sad. But I’d have to agree, it’s only over if he gives up trying. I wonder if he’s tried something like eHarmony…?

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  • I get the impression he doesn’t really know how to try to find someone. I mean…he never learned, did he? So here he is at 53 and he’s trying to learn how to navigate a dating scene? Ouch.

    Here’s my advice. The best way to meet people you’re compatible with is to get involved in things that truly interest you. Be it golf at a country club or dancing lessons or volunteering etc. Get involved in your own interests and you’ll naturally meet people interested in the same thing. Be interesting yourself and others, including women, will find you interesting.

    53 is not old. It’s older but not old. And there are any number of women in the same age bracket who feel exactly like you do, that they’re never going to find someone to spend their lives with. It’s just a matter of finding each other. So go out, get involved in some of the things you like best and don’t try to be something you’re not. If you like rock climbing, go for it, but don’t try to fake it to impress some ladies. Be you. There’s always someone out there who will love you, not who you think they want you to be.

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  • The saddest thing to me isn’t the fact that he’s a virgin, but that he’s writing like it’s all over, and he’s throwing out statistics to back himself up. Hell, there are statistics out there that would make me afraid to drive a car, if I let them.

    My mom is 50 and recently got remarried. It’s not impossible, not at all. Mom was recently divorced; his wife had died a couple years earlier and he was looking to get back out there. So some mutual friends hooked them up. They are blissfully, sickeningly happy. She tells me it’s the happiest she’s ever been in her entire life. Maybe there’s something to be said for the fix-up!

    If you leave your house at all during the day, there are opportunities out there. You never know.

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  • In this day and age, many people find someone to be with after their 50. My aunt remarried at 55 after my uncle died to a man near 60 who never married and only dated. Now at 63 they are both so happy, traveling the world and very much in love.

    And honestly, what does it matter if someone is a virgin at 21 or 60? It seems emphasis is always put on sex. I have friends, yes women, who are in the late 20′s and early 30′s that haven’t had sex yet and it is not because they are waiting for marriage. It just isn’t important to them because they have more important things to worry about.

    Being a virgin, no matter what age you are, shouldn’t be an embarrassment.

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  • Mireya
    September 23
    1:19 pm

    How about finding social groups involving a personal interest? How about trying something new instead of sticking to the “staleness” of the regular dating scene, clubs, bars, meat markets in general, e-dating sites, etc.

    To illustrate I am going to use myself as an example:

    By 36 years old I had never dated and I never had sex. The word loser is creeping already in some minds, am sure. Or maybe the idea that something was “wrong” with me. To both notions I say bullshit. There was nothing “wrong” with me nor was I a loser. My only issues were that I tend to be very reserved which in turn gives me the aura of being snotty, and the fact that I was very selfconscious as to my looks, because I have a chronic condition that has made me lose a lot of hair on my head, made me gain weight, and given me hirsutism (look it up).

    Anyway, in 1998 I went online for the first time. I was in a Babylon 5 chat room (the one hosted by the official fan club and website). There I met a guy who was into online RPG (role playing games). Back then there were no MMOs like WoW. Online RPG back then was text based, some of it real time and some of it via emails. This guy introduced me to VirtuaPern, an online, real time, text based RPG based on Anne McCaffrey’s Dragonriders of Pern universe. That is where I met my now husband.

    Important things that you should never forget: you are not a loser (you have a steady, well-paying job), you should like yourself (if you don’t, trust me, it shows. It wasn’t until I decided to not let my looks affect how I behaved that I started having fun), be friendly (without falling into the creepy or snotty trap), and don’t go out with the express intent of hooking up. Just go out and enjoy yourself.

    Also, look into your age range. I am 47 years old… my husband is 43. Don’t shut the door at the potential of developing a relationship with a woman a few years older than you are. I am sure there are lots of wonderful 50 something females available out there.

    Bottomline, be yourself, enjoy yourself, and don’t knock off any possibilities.

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  • I truly don’t believe that he’s got realistic expectation. I work with lots of women in their 40s and 50s who are open to meeting nice men. But they aren’t supermodels, some have kids… it isn’t baggage, it’s life experience.

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  • Karen Scott
    September 23
    1:28 pm

    KB, I think its easier taking that viewpoint if one isn’t a virgin. If you’re 50 and still a virgin, its bound to lead to feelings of insecurity. Unless you’re a priest or a nun of course.

    If a woman gets to the age of 30 without having had sex, (for non-religious reasons) I don’t care what they say, its bound to niggle at them, especially if all their friends are in relationships already.

    The reason there’s so much emphasis on sex is because as a general rule, new relationships are all about the horizontal foxtrot. Or am I judging everybody else by my low standards? *g*

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  • Karla
    September 23
    2:09 pm

    Thanks, katiebabs. It SHOULDN’T be an embarrassment, but the prevailing culture and attitudes seem intent on making it one. I’m 34, dated once when I was 24 or so, was bored out of my mind and haven’t had the urge to repeat the experience. I rarely even give it a thought unless I see posts like this & then I wonder what the BFD is about “having” to have sex, “having” to hook up. If this guy is regretting his life choices, then he needs to man up and take care of it. But people who are content in their choices don’t appreciate being told they’re missing something. It reminds me of all the “Oh, you’ll change your mind” talks I got from relatives when I was 13 and said I didn’t like children. I STILL don’t like them. And seeing all my friends with their kids & SOs and having little to no time of their own – it’s all co-opted by others – if there’s something niggling at me, it’ll have to try harder because so far I haven’t felt a thing.

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  • MB (Leah)
    September 23
    2:10 pm

    Hmmm… I call BS as well to not finding someone. Both I and my husband found each other after 40 and he had never been married and I only briefly before that. I can’t tell you how many people/friends I know who’ve found love in their 40′s, 50′s, and 60′s and are perfectly happy. It ain’t over until your dead.

    KB, I think its easier taking that viewpoint if one isn’t a virgin. If you’re 50 and still a virgin, its bound to lead to feelings of insecurity.

    Yes, it will cause some insecure feelings. But as others have pointed out, if he’s looking at the right women, meaning women he can actually get and not maybe some young super model who might be sexually demanding, then those women are probably going to be older as well. And they’re going to have all kinds of insecurities about their aging, sagging, getting fatter bodies and looks, especially if they’ve had children.

    And the fact that women in their 40′s and 50′s do have a harder time finding a decent mate because many men in their 40′s and 50′s have dumped the wife for the younger version or need a younger woman to prove they still have it, makes it much easier for an older man who’s got some issues that might not be that appealing on the surface.

    So even with his being a virgin, if he’s willing to mix it up with women his age, I’m sure there are many many women out there who’d love to have a man who wants them and appreciates them. I also think there are many women out there who’d love to teach a man how to get it right sexually and a virgin could be just the ticket! LOL

    Mostly I think when people are much older and haven’t married or bitch about not finding a good partner it’s because they’re too picky, have high expectations, or deep down they really don’t want to deal with it and like staying in their comfort zone of not having to be out there and maybe getting hurt.

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  • find someone to be with in bed, or you will feel terribly lonely at the end of the trail.

    Lonely Mike needs to find someone he likes to be with as a friend first. The sex will follow in its own good time. My guess is his general attitude is the real cause of his lack of companionship.

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  • Karen: Horizontal foxtrot? LOL

    I agree with Barbara. He should look to be with people, both men and women that he can consider friends. And if he meets a lady who is his friend and they care for one another, from there something may go.

    He should go on a singles cruise! I bet he would have the time of his life and be able to romance a few women.

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  • I don’t want to sound callous here, but if it is only sex Mike is concerned about he can always hire a prostitute, and one who is willing to be checked out by a doctor first. If it is companionship with an understanding lady he wants, I’d suggest one of the date/relationship places like MatchdotCom or eHarmony. The singles cruise suggestion isn’t bad either. Some churches offer singles meetings, too. I have one friend who met his wife at the library after striking up a conversation about similar tastes in authors, and he was in his forties (if I’m not mistaken they’re expecting baby #3 now). However, I would tell him to stay away from mail-order brides, they’re notorious for taking advantage of men (and sometimes women). Whatever he does, I wish him luck and remember dude, just have confidence or at least pretend you do. And life ain’t over at 53! Once you’ve found someone you can always make up for lost time.

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  • Emmy
    September 23
    5:33 pm

    In the USA only 5% of men over 40 ever marry, and only 1% of all women over 40 marry.

    Well, that’s flippin depressing.

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  • Las
    September 23
    5:49 pm

    Obviously knowing nothing about Mike other than what he’s shared I have to wonder if he’s doesn’t give off some kind of weird/scary vibe to women. I just find it very, very unusual that a man of any age who makes good money will have such a big problem meeting anyone. He can put everything he just told us into a profile for any dating site except the virginity thing and he’ll get a ton of responses. And the virginity thing probably wouldn’t be an issue for a large amount of women either.

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  • I’m going to be the mean one…

    Why the hell does Mike say, “I’m a virgin and no I’m not gay”? Since when are those two things related in any way?

    Beyond that, is companionship only found in sexual relationships? There are no friendships in his life?

    Lastly, I call bullshit on the “age out of dating scene”–if what you are looking for is a long term relationship, looking at the ‘dating scene’ is not going to net you one, whether you are in your twenties or your sixties.

    =====

    Done with the mean, if I dare suggest something, it would be to do stuff he enjoys–whatever it may be–because then he’ll have the opportunity of meeting other people who share his hobbies/tastes/past-times. If he’s just a little bit open, he may very well meet the one person to spend the rest of his life with.
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  • joanne
    September 23
    9:25 pm

    This may be a true story from the writer’s perspective but it’s not the truth. It could move me to tears if I thought that much of it wasn’t of his own making.

    No dating prospects anywhere? Really? Men in their 50s and older seem to be doing quite well in Washington, D.C. — even when they’re already married — so a single man with a nice income should be inundated with females.

    I don’t know, maybe it’s just been one of those days for me and I’m not feeling terribly charitable but he doesn’t say that he was born without a face or scarred beyond being recognizeable as human or without the movement of his legs and arms.

    Some serious therapy time might help but with the very sophisticated game of ‘Ain’t It Awful’ that he plays the success of that would depend on whether or not he truly wants to change his life.

    It sounds like he’s fairly comfortable up there on Woe Is Me mountain.

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  • Anon
    September 23
    9:29 pm

    He needs a sexual surrogate who will teach him how to approach, court, and make love to a woman. Sounds like he can afford it.

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  • Jenns
    September 23
    10:22 pm

    I know a lot of women in their 40s and 50s who are single, either never married or divorced, who would be thrilled to meet a nice guy who is in or close to their age group. I also know a lot of women and men, from 40s into 70s, who have found love for either the first or second time.
    Now I’m not talking sex or virginity here, because I don’t think that’s the complete point. The point is being willing to get out there, maintain a positive attitude and get to know people, as has wisely been pointed out here, not as potential lover or spouse but as friend you really enjoy spending time with. The rest should and will follow.

    Something else I’d like to add, if I may play shrink for a moment, is that Mike seems bitter and frustrated. It’s understandable, but I have a feeling that his mindset is holding him back. Seeking counseling might be a good idea in starting to move forward, if there’s a true mental and emotional block that’s very hard to get rid of.

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  • Mike, if you’re peeking in- growing up in what you call a dysfunctional family, certainly could have made you prone to questioning yourself, doubting yourself, wondering “what’s wrong with me?”. But those doubts have not served you well, so please put them aside. And don’t listen to statistics. What are stats for if not to be broken? Have faith in yourself, have faith in your personal attributes, put aside the crap you may have heard growing up. You may find help in talking things out with a therapist, and there’s nothing shameful in that. But also, you sound like a literate and hard-working man. There are plenty of good women out there who appreciate these things, so don’t you give up on yourself!

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  • If you don’t get laid by 21, you are moving in the wrong direction.

    Ahhh…I am not telling my ten year old baby boy this. First of all, it’s just not true, for men or for women. Virginity certainly doesn’t have an expiration date on it. Men are pressured to start getting sexually active when they are little more than boys, and that’s a damn shame.

    Perhaps it’s cause I lived in Florida for a number of years and I see geriatric lovers on every corner, but I don’t believe it’s over after fifty. I’d suggest something like meetup, where you can just hang out with people who share like interests. If Mike maybe goes into it with less of a romantic mindset, he may be more successful.

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  • Ann Bruce
    September 24
    5:19 am

    From his post, Mike sounds depressing because…well, he doesn’t even like himself. Re-eal attractive, buddy. Honestly, who wants to be with someone whose confidence needs a boost every five minutes? If he can’t make himself happy, what makes him think some unsuspecting woman will do it for him?

    And just to kick my meanness up a notch, a six-figure net worth by 53 isn’t exactly noteworthy since 100k is six figures and I’m surrounded by twenty-somethings who are worth six figures. And dude’s spent his life hoarding his earnings, apparently not spending his money to amuse either himself or anyone else.

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  • M E 2
    September 24
    2:00 pm

    Why the hell does Mike say, “I’m a virgin and no I’m not gay”? Since when are those two things related in any way?

    C’mon now. Let’s call a spade a spade. MOST people upon hearing a male/female of a certain age is single (never married) let alone a virgin, the general consensus would be that said person must be a “CLOSETED” gay.

    And sorry, anyone who says that has NEVER crossed their mind is lying.

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  • Mireya
    September 24
    2:28 pm

    I agree with ME2. Gay, loser, there’s “something wrong in the head”, you name it. I got all of those as reaction whenever I dared mention it. Of course, after a while I never ever mentioned my dateless/sexless situation. Grows tiresome and gets to the point in which all you want to do whenever someone gives you the “look” is to punch them in the face.

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  • And sorry, anyone who says that has NEVER crossed their mind is lying.

    If I could bring myself to care, I would be mortally offended.

    Not married to someone of the opposite sex after, say, 30? Yes, I would think either gay or a player.

    A virgin? Not so much.

    Your mileage obviously varies.

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  • Mireya
    September 24
    5:49 pm

    @AL: I am going to tell you what I tell my husband: you are the exception, not the rule and kudos to you for that.

    In my personal experience, when I still had the balls to admit it, I either got a pity type of look, a rather rude question, or the sort of look that said that I was either gay and not admitted it, or there was something wrong with me. As a matter of fact, a few of my own neighbors were spreading around that I was a closet gay because I had never brought home any males. I wasn’t even 30 at the time. That really gave me the warm fuzzies … all sarcasm intended.

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  • I’d look into social interest groups rather than dating. Personally, I’ve known a lot of older folks that found someone because they made friends on a web forum, or a chat room, or an internet game, whatever.

    If you are always out there looking for it, you aren’t likely to find it. If you are convinced you’re not going to find it, you’re also not likely to. Stop worrying so much about it and make friends… and if something more should happen, great. :)

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  • Cindy
    September 28
    11:14 pm

    Well I’m in the minority but I’ve been where this guy is. Rather am. Never dated, still a virgin. I met two guys online, one through a group, another a forum, both ended badly. One because of 9/11 and outside interference, the other because, well, he turned out to be a jerk. I get backstabbed quite a bit by the people I’ve met online so I’m not so trusting anymore. And in real life, guys see me as a friend or one of the guys. So I gave up. And no, I don’t want to go out just for sex like this guy says, I draw the line there, but I’ve given up and realize I am supposed to be totally alone. Am I happy about it? Hell no. But there it is. Time and circumstance has proven it to me. I’ve also been backstabbed alot by “friends” and “co-workers” in real life, that no, I’m not so trusting there either. And with the experiences I’ve had with churches, I’m not going to try there. And I’ve no interest in the bar scene, so that leaves me with nowhere to look.

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  • loonigrrl
    September 29
    7:22 am

    Cindy- there are plenty of places to look beyond the bar and church scenes. Seriously. Even joining a team sport will introduce you to plenty of guys- trust me: I’ve joined 2 kickball leagues(through kickball.com-it’s awesome!), 2 basketball leagues, a dodgeball league and a softball league in the past couple years. And with most of them- you don’t have to be any good- just willing to go out and have a good time. And you will meet SOO many people.

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  • noneofyabiz
    September 30
    3:15 am

    I came across this blog while worrying about my own state of affairs. I guess everyone has their woe is me story… I’m in my late twenties, and I’m worried I could end up alone and lonely in my later years. I haven’t dated/chased women very much in my life.

    I have been very, very shy and reclusive up until this point. I’m not a mean person, considerate but I stay to myself. Also I come from a strict muslim background, and I guess I’m sort of repressed when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex, as if there’s some great shame attached to it (I’m first generation immigrant, and my parents come from a culture where there are arranged marriages and everyone is a virgin when they get married) Being around people in general has always been an issue to me, and especially around girls, because I’m so concerned about what they think of me…Add to that I’ve spent most of my life avoiding people and friendships, and it’s hard to break that kind of behavior. You’ve always been made to feel like the odd one out (being a minority) and you stay to yourself as a means for protecting yourself from the hurt.

    I’m not a virgin, I’ve had two “sorta” experiences in 29 years, and the last one seemed to be the pre-cursor of a failed relationship which left me devestated many months afterward. I date (via online dating sites, never met someone “origanically”, I’m a reasonably attractive guy and it’s been fairly easy to meet people that way because people are extremely superficial …) but I never seem to have the instinct to move things past friendship level, which seems to have frustrated every girl I’ve been with that had an interest in me. And when I lose someone I consider a friend (like an ex), because perhaps they wanted more, or because I wasn’t good enough as a partner, it’s very tough to recover from.

    Sorry for the long winded post, but I just thought I’d add that having problems with “intimacy” can be more complicated than just you can’t meet anyone, or that you’re ugly, or a “loser”. I have chances, I meet women, but I can’t make moves. And that problems related to self-esteem are very difficult to solve. Sometimes you almost feel like you are hardwired to be this way, because I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t sad about being me, except for fleeting moments.

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  • Mike
    November 16
    4:49 am

    Hey it’s Mike, I’m back. I thank everyone for giving me advice on my situation. Guess what? I’ve heard all of it before–for years. Please remember, I live in Tx. Most people 40 plus are NOT looking for dates anymore. In Houston male to female ratio does NOT favor men as they age up. I’ve talked to many men here over the years. Many were more attractive and successful even younger than me, and they had the same problems I did meeting a woman. I’m sorry, but unless you’re here, you really don’t understand what it’s like. I’ve have not met any
    men or WOMEN who enjoy dating in middle age. We all fear the same thing–losers, baggage, and bores, or con artists. Face it–if you’re a good catch, you don’t need to look much, the offers come to you. Even 50 plus women are often NOT seeking men in their 50s. The best advice on dating I got was simple–go to Mexico. Young women there are plentiful, friendly, and age is not a factor.
    Had I done that years ago, I’d never be posting in here. America women of all ages are VERY critical and selective when it comes to American men today. It’s tough to be a guy in America and be successful in the dating market–no matter what your age. I posted ads on
    many websites, no takers. So women still have the upper hand. Most women after 40 here simply choose to drop out of the dating market since like me they know already it’s a losing game 90% of the time. No amt. of attitude
    or effort can make up for the lack of numbers folks.
    They bodies just aren’t out there around here. I stayed in the wrong place too long, and now I’m paying for it.
    Older women tend to want friends not lovers. They’ve had all the drama they want from men once middle age hits.
    Trust me on that! Read 2 books: Save the Males by K.Parker and Marry Him by Lori Gottlieb. Dating in our culture today is a nightmare! Thanks!

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  • Mike L.
    December 8
    9:38 pm

    A final word: just finding an avg. decent person in America is truly hard work. I told a woman in Dallas I met online to check out everyone who responded to her personal ad. She found the vast majority were middle aged losers, liars, unemployed, with criminal records and so on. She thanked me profusely for my advice.
    It’s so easy to tell people –oh there’s plenty of great women out there, or guys etc. Hey you tell me where they are, and I take a week’s vacation and drive out to meet them. With age the BIGGEST problem I found was availability and compatibility. Most women are still busy with child rearing, working, taking care of a family members, have a circle of friends or activities they won’t give up to build a relationship. How is a guy my age–never married, no kids, and still a virgin possibly going to have anything to say to women who don’t have that life experience? There is just no way I’ll fit into their lives. As for looks, all of us age, some well and many badly. I often found women who had the LEAST to offer anyone still demanding the 9s and 10s out there. Sorry–women DON’T get any less choosy with age than do men. Both sexes practice delusional thinking as they age up. I tried one church group for singles, they would NOT take anyone over 40! Why? They want to keep the pool young, and marry off the single people.
    Read dating profiles of middle aged women on Plenty of Fish, you will be amazed what they want, demand, or
    will respond to. Too many women treat dating like a job interview, and what guy wants to be screened with 100 questions before we ever meet. Middle age men face competition from younger men as well as men our age–and no using prositutes to sample sex is NOT a smart idea anywhere anytime. That’s a great way to get arrested, robbed, or pick up an STD. Trust me–your best dating and sex will be before 35, after that you’re spend most of your time weeding out misfits, losers, and whack jobs.
    It’s called the leftover factor gang.

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  • Mike L.
    December 30
    8:53 pm

    A final point to all–the reason I ever posted in here was to warn everyone esp. if you are raising children to DO ALL YOU CAN to make your kids feel confident about themselves, and develop a healthy sexual identity. My family of six kids was all about noise, survival, and just makin it. Only three of my siblings ever married, my two sisters did not. I’m posting because I don’t want your kids to end up lonely and sexually frustrated in middle age like me. While it’s true we often create our own misery, the past 40 yrs. in American life have NOT been very kind to men in general. I came along at the time when feminism demonized men. I’m not looking for pity or sympathy from anyone. I knew as a teen my odds of ever getting into a satisfactory heterosexual relationship were very low. You know early in life if the opposite sex likes you or not. If they don’t, you don’t have much chance of fixing it. It’s not looks or personality either. Women usually want what their friends want, and many men just don’t fit into that
    mold. A recent study found 80% of women wanted a guy 6 ft. tall or taller. Problem is only 15% of males fit that type. Do women change their demands based on that reality? NO they don’t. The internet allows them to shop forever comparing one guy to another guy. The key things I found all women looked at were: age, income, physical size, and status. It didn’t matter what their age or life experience was either. As for baggage–sorry but we all have it. The trick is–can you live with the baggage the other guy has? As a Catholic I’m not even allowed to date divorced women. Do you realize how few never married women over 40 are out there? My choice is either ignore my religion or follow it, and hope to beat the odds. Even Catholic dating sites were of no help raising my percentages. So back to square one–be sure you help your kids have dating experiences before 18. My folks didn’t, and once you fall behind on the dating curve, there is NO second chances. Middle aged women I’ve met were actually more demanding, impatient, rude, and
    unrealistic than I ever expected. Are they all bad? No, but Gresham’s law applies here–the bad drives out the good. Most good prospects just drop out due to frustration and disappointment. You just lose hope after so many duds keep turning up. As for the woe is me mountain, it’s true, I’d rather be single and lonely than in a relationship which makes me miserable. I can’t count the women I’ve known who settled for terrible guys because they got SICK of DATING. It just doesn’t work once you get older.

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  • Ms Red
    December 30
    9:40 pm

    Oh I dunno. Ok so my mum is no virgin (two kids by 25) but my father left before my birth and there was no one else until she was 50.. then she met a great guy, married… and I really dont want to think about the rest of it. So it can and does happen.

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  • Michael
    May 10
    10:09 pm

    Back again–for my return engagement–let me ask a few questions. How many in this forum are 40 or 50 plus, and still actively dating? How many of you would consider marriage in your 50s if you were still single or single again? Finally, how many of you had gone on a date in the past three years?
    I’m just curious. I think it’s very easy to give advice on dating, sex etc. as long as you don’t have to follow it yourself. I think no one has any real good answers when it comes to the human dynamics of intimacy or relationships. If it was easy, we’d all find the right person at the right time of our lives.

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  • I am a 53yr old male virgin. 50 plus male virgins are very rare and almost extinct. I have only come across half a dozen and the total may not run into double figures. This is a very exclusive group, regard your virginity with pride.

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  • Mitch
    July 25
    4:23 pm

    “How many of you would consider marriage in your 50s if you were still single or single again?” [End of Quote]

    Well, I am 42 and in the middle of a rough divorce. So, I will be “single again” in the near future. Not to say, I would start dating as soon as I am officially recognized as “divorced”, but after the dust settles and I have had a few years to do some soul searching, find myself again, etc. I can definitely see myself “putting myself out there” again and, yes, even getting married.

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  • INDIAN GIRL
    November 28
    10:16 am

    DEAR MIKE,
    INSTEAD OF GOING THROUGH ALL OF THIS LONG AGONY YOU COULD’VE CHECKED YOUR NATAL CHART. That is what people in India do. It may be regarded as bullshit by many but why don’t you give it a try. Get a Naadi reading done you won’t believe yourself. Its all true. Yes they are fake people out there who cash in on that. Check if marriage / love is in your horoscope. At least you’ll get answers for your questions and you’ll get inner piece. You’ll start to look at life from another angle. You’ll know the truth. It is worth the time, money and effort.
    With love from India
    a 36yr old virgin girl

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