HomeReviewsInterviewsStoreABlogsOn Writing

This week’s dilemma is as follows:

You go on a blind date with a guy who seems perfect for you. You go on a few dates with him and grow to like him very much.

One evening, you’re watching the news together, and tonight’s entertainment section features a well known gay celebrity getting married to his long term partner. Your new boyfriend expresses disgust at the fact that the ceremony is taking place at all, and makes some blatantly homophobic comments.

You happen to have a brother who’s gay, and your new boyfriend’s stance offends you no end

What do you? Do you confront his bigotry head on, even though your relationship at this point is pretty new and tenuous? Or do you ignore his comments, figuring that you’ll tackle this issue some other time?

What would you do?

18 Comments »

  • Considering I’m not exactly straight myself, outright homophobia would be an instant dealbreaker.

    Yes, I’d say something.

    ReplyReply


  • Leslee
    November 20
    9:43 am

    If you don’t say something now, it sets a bad precident in the relationship. Say something now! If you don’t what else might you not speak up about? I am a big believer in being who you are from the first, it is the only way to find someone who is right for you. If I had a brother or friend who is gay, it would make it even more important to speak up.

    ReplyReply

  • Why would you not confront him? More importantly, if his bigotry bothers you, why the heck would you want to pursue a relationship wit him? I mean, you could never bring him to any family functions. Unless he’s willing to learn some tolerance, you’re incompatible. Cut him loose!

    ReplyReply

  • Yeah, I’d call him on it, but probably in a humorous way. “Seriously, dude? What does their sex life matter to you?” And, I’d listen to his answer.

    There’s a slight (miniscule) chance that he’s never had his POV challenged. There’s a small possibility that he thought mocking homosexuality is what a ‘real man’ does, and when called on it he’ll back down and admit he was being a tool. And he’ll learn something bout me in the process.

    If he takes the opportunity to spew Bible-thumping, closed-minded bigotry at me … well then that’s the end of it.

    I always prefer to know about someone’s homophobia and racism and bigotry and sexism, etc up front. It’s the hidden assholes who’ll really mess with your life. The obvious ones are easy to excise.

    ReplyReply


  • sallahdog
    November 20
    12:41 pm

    I dated someone once who I found out a couple of weekends into the relationship had been a member of the KKK… while he tried to explain it away as no big deal..but it was a complete deal breaker for me… I would feel the same way about any spewing of hatred towards any group (gays, women, other minorities)…

    I am a Christian and often I am dismayed about how fellow Christians preach love for their fellow man but still feel free to “hate” gays, casually as though they are given the go ahead from biblical doctrine… because its sin… I have gotten into a few arguments at church that everyone sins(my life sure wouldn’t stand up to the “sin” police), and the bible commands us not to judge, lest we be judged. Homophobia had been a deal breaker for me in terms of friendships, so I can’t imagine myself putting up with it in a partner..

    ReplyReply


  • Sparkindarkness
    November 20
    1:16 pm

    Like Nonny I’m not straight so I’d probably be very surprised if any boyfriend of mine spouted that 🙂

    But I’d also be looking for the blunt instruments

    Putting aside obvious personal bias – if a partner of mine said something racist, I’d call him on it. If he said something grossly misogynist, I’d call him on it.

    If I give bigotry a pass I am contributing to the problem. Bigotry will not fade while peopel who do not suffer from a particular brand decide it’s not important and not worth the time or effort. Every time we tolerate bigotry, we give it validity and our tacit support.

    ReplyReply


  • MB (Leah)
    November 20
    3:31 pm

    I’d first ask him why he feels that way. I think there are many people who feel the way they do because of actual negative experiences.

    If it would turn out that he’s just an outright homophobe, then it would be a deal breaker. My sister is a lesbian and I wouldn’t want to be with someone who’d constantly put down someone I love because of sexuality or lifestyle.

    That goes for all kinds of other bigotry as well.

    ReplyReply


  • Jody W.
    November 20
    3:57 pm

    If he was even slightly serious, we’d be breaking up right quick.

    ReplyReply

  • This actually happened to me, many years ago before I met my beloved–and that was the end of that.

    As far as I know none of my brothers is gay, but that’s not the point at all, as far as I’m concerned.

    ReplyReply

  • I’d be talking to him on this and sussing out what other bigotry he practices. While I believe everyone is entitled to an opinion, I could not be with someone who treats others badly.

    ReplyReply


  • Chantal
    November 20
    7:09 pm

    Well, one of my brothers is gay, and I am bisexual, so I would be really disgusted to learn that I was in a relationship with someone like that.

    Homophobia is more than an ‘opinion’. It’s right up there with racism.

    That dude would be out of my life FAST!

    ReplyReply


  • willaful
    November 20
    10:00 pm

    Venus’ point is well taken. I was thinking instant deal-breaker, but it might be worth taking a minute to find out if the guy could be teachable, especially if he’s pretty young. But no way in hell would I let it pass, with or without a gay sibling.

    ReplyReply


  • Gina
    November 20
    10:23 pm

    Confront right away. Regardless of whether I had a gay sibling, it would be a deal breaker. I have dated men in the past who were uncomfortable about homosexuality because they haven’t had someone in their life who was (openly) gay. Uncomfortable is different than hateful, and I can have a conversation with him about the topic. But if it’s just ignorant spewing of inexplicable anger, then it’s over and better it be sooner than later. Intolerance isn’t a trait I want in a partner.

    ReplyReply

  • He’d be dumped immediately, and I’d definitely tell him why. I don’t dig people who hate and I certainly don’t pursue relationships with them. Period, no discussion, he’s gone.

    ReplyReply

  • He’d be shown the door and told not to let it hit him in his ass on the way out. I don’t tolerate hate. If he needs “educated” in common human decency, then I don’t want anything to do with him.

    ReplyReply


  • eggs
    November 21
    4:15 am

    I’ve been married a long time, but I seem to recall that new boyfriends are a dime a dozen. It would be easier to just dump this one’s arse and find a new one than to go through the effort of educating him.

    I would tell him why he got fired tho, just in case he wants to go and educate himself and then come back when he was genuinely ‘perfect’.

    ReplyReply


  • Las
    November 21
    12:56 pm

    Not only would I confront him, but I’d let him know that we won’t be seeing each other anymore. I have no patience for bigoted/stupid people.

    ReplyReply

  • I would have to tell him since he’d need to know why we were breaking up. The operative part of this is that he seems perfect for me — the moment he says that, he’s out. Homophobia, racism, or doesn’t like animals — he needs to go.

    ReplyReply

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment