Posted in: Male virgins
I’m amazed by how many people visit my post about male virgins who are over thirty. The following comment was left by yet another male virgin. His story is very interesting:
I have a very similar situation, but more complex. I’m 34, single and never been kissed.
I grew up in another country where men and women do not talk to each other and most marriages are set up by families. However, I’m not religious, which made me an outcast there. I moved West.
I also had social anxiety. I was very self-conscious about hair loss and body hair.
My height growth stopped at 5’7? due to mumps when I was 13. 5’7? is quite tall. However, it became another reason for my self-consciousness because women in the West constantly rejected me in online dating.
Even women as short as 4’11? reject me because I’m not above 5’8? or 6? or whatever arbitrary minimum criterion they’ve come up with in their online dating profiles.
I experimented by increasing my height to 5’9? or 6’1? with exactly the same profile content, and I would get responses from the same women who rejected me previously.
I proved through a lot of experiments using different photos, fake hair, PhotShop’ping, changing height, athleticism, etc that women online were just shallow!
I make friends very easily. However, most women do not approach a balding man of a different ethnicity to start a conversation. They expect men to approach them and then reject attention from men of another ethnicity who may be shorter than average or balding.
Most women never even looked at me even when I talked to them, even in academic and professional circles. They behaved like I did not even exist. I had social anxiety about being judged by women. Hence I gave up on offline dating and instead stayed home evenings and weekends and tried online dating!
I have never been kissed. I had only one date with a woman until I was 33. She asked me out from an online dating site.
It did not work out though, because she insulted me for being lean. My BMI is a very healthy 21.5. She was over weight and I did not have an issue with that. However, she was self-conscious about her weight which made her insult me. She was 5’2?, but she claimed to be 5?6. I did not have an issue with that, but she proclaimed that all of her previous dates were taller than me.
She was shallow. However, as someone with social anxiety about my appearance, being ridiculed for my size and height by a woman only made dating worse for me.
As is the case for many of the men who posted here, my career was the only thing going for me. I have a PhD and an MBA. I used to have a lot of hobbies too.
Then 4 years ago, I got laid off. And I’ve been laid off 3 times since then. I’ve been unemployed 28 of the last 48 months, and not by choice.
I really had nothing more to look forward to in life after my second layoff which left my career in shambles. I wanted to end it all.
However, I had one last thing to try out in life while I built up the courage to commit suicide – live as the opposite gender.
As I mentioned above, I’ve had social anxiety, specifically about male secondary sex characteristics – hair loss and body hair. It is a form of gender dysphoria, not social anxiety.
So I tried. I changed my name and relocated. Nobody knows the old me. And it was the best learning experience!
Since then, I figured out how shallow the world really is!
Now with my hair loss and body hair gone, I love how I look! I have no more social anxiety. I see other people sweat and stammer and seem self-conscious and I recall how I used to be.
Now that I live as a woman, the kind of women who never approached me when I lived as a man want to become my best friends or lovers. They look up to me as their ideal woman. They want to be as self-confident as I seem to be.
I’ve been asked out on romantic dates by women. In the last one year, I’ve had romantic dates with about 20-25 women. They know me as lesbian.
I did not take the relationships any further because I know I have to tell them my secret. I’m sure some of them will love me regardless, but I’m not ready to tell them yet.
I’ve also been asked out on dates by men. They ask me out more often than the women, about 2-3 times a month. I attend events, mostly professional ones or hobby groups in search of a job, and that’s where they meet me, get my email, and ask me out.
I’m not sexually interested in men, but I love great conversations and networking contacts. So I accept their offers to meet over coffee or dinner, for which they often pay which helps me because I’m unemployed.
However, what I noticed on dates with men is that they are nowhere close to how good I am as a man.
As a man, I had way more integrity, I was more polite, more generous, more honest, more caring, more intelligent, more … I would have made a great husband and the best dad. I have a lot of teach my kids, whenever I have them. I believe in unconditional affection for the people I love. I have had the best parents and I want to be even better than my parents were.
Many of these men who asked me out are also bald and hairy and look ugly and are short. However, these men ask women out, and I never did.
They get turned down and they try again with other women. I never got turned down, except in online dating, and I never even tried asking any woman out in the offline dating world.
Having lived among women as a woman, I also know that girls and women are not exactly as cruel as I imagined them to be.
Most of the women who are actually cruel are just shallow ignorant morons who do not deserve to have me anyway. My life with them would have been horrible if they did hid their cruelty until after marriage. I’m glad that they were cruel.
In addition, women live with different social pressures. For example, some of those are written here azundris.com/output/femme/
The women who expect the knight in shining armor or the tall dark rich handsome prince are either delusional or just selfish. Yes, I psychoanalyze my friends. And they do not know that I’m not a genetic female, so they openly share.
Now I know that men and women are all equally shallow and cruel and horrible people, and there are as many good women as there are good women. In other words, men and women are just all the same.
While some men will seek big job titles or powerful positions in their shallow pursuit of a hot mate, some women will seek beauty in their shallow pursuits. However, there are some awesome women who get overlooked (and I need to find them!) just as there are some awesome men who get overlooked.
Now I’m a lot more self confident!
Now I know that my layoffs were not a reflection of me. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time for my first layoff. The two other layoffs were on crappy jobs I accepted only because I needed a job.
Now I know that the women who rejected me did not deserve me and I know that the men who seem to do better than I did with dating do better only because they try while I did not.
Now I do not have social anxiety anymore or gender dysphoria anymore. I’m a happy confident person who can choose to be any gender and live a fulfilling life.
I’m ready to date again, although I’m stuck on the other side of the river for now and still seeking that right job. When I date, I will look for secure down-to-earth women with a great education.
The most beautiful women in the world are not the most physically attractive ones. The most beautiful women in the world are the ones who love themselves exactly the way they are, and strive to learn, to empathize without judgment, and to do something awesome for the world around them due to their inner passion for doing good. That’s how I have been and that’s the one I seek!