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"I love my half brother, and he loves me. We are practically boyfriend and girlfriend"

I know that it’s best to live and let live, but blood incest is just something I find hard to understand. I wrote this blog post about step-siblings falling in love a while ago, and every now and again, I get somebody posting, defending incestuous relationships.

This is the latest comment from somebody called Mel:

I don`t really see what`s so bad about loving your half brother or sister. Like, father and daughter or mother and son is crossing the line. But, brother and sister (fully related or not.) is not wrong in my eyes. Like Hannah said, love is love. Everyone has the right to love whoever they like and the people who are disgusted by it all i have to say to you is you can`t change the way people feel and if you have such closed minds you are the reason why some people are bitter; it`s because you don`t understand love. love makes the world go round. I say, if you love your sister, brother, teacher or anyone older of younger than you, go for it. it`s your choice who you want to love and you never know they may have mutual feelings.

I love my half brother, and he loves me. We are practically boyfriend and girlfriend. I was the one who gradually made the moves on him and now were still together and through all the hardships we face, we still love each other.
So love who you want to love. :)”

Seriously, I don’t get it.

24 Comments »


  • Jane G
    May 21
    8:48 am

    Might possibly be trolling.

    Unless there are more of these relationships than you might at first believe, or a disproportionate number of them finds their way to your blog!

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  • @Jane I did a quick Google search on the prevalence of brother/sister incest and according to Wikipedia:

    “More recently, studies have shown that sibling incest, particularly older brothers having sexual relations with younger siblings is the most common form of incest…

    Between consenting adults
    Sexual activity between adult close relatives may arise from genetic sexual attraction. This form of incest has not been widely reported in the past, but recent evidence has indicated that this behavior does take place, possibly more often than many people realize. Internet chatrooms and topical websites exist that provide support for incestuous couples.

    Proponents of incest between consenting adults draw clear boundaries between the behavior of consenting adults and rape, child molestation, and abusive incest.

    According to one incest participant who was interviewed for an article in The Guardian:

    “You can’t help who you fall in love with, it just happens. I fell in love with my sister and I’m not ashamed … I only feel sorry for my mom and dad, I wish they could be happy for us. We love each other. It’s nothing like some old man who tries to fuck his three-year-old, that’s evil and disgusting … Of course we’re consenting, that’s the most important thing. We’re not fucking perverts. What we have is the most beautiful thing in the world.”

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  • Mireya
    May 21
    10:47 am

    I wouldn’t touch it with a ten foot pole, if nothing else for the potential of passing along rather serious genetic-based diseases to children. Any familial genetic defect that may be dormant or not much of an issue that would be shared by an incestuous couple would be doubling the risk of any child from the couple of getting it. My husband’s parents both had psoriasis, they are not blood related at all. As a result of that, he ended up with a serious and somewhat rare form of psoriasis: Psoriatic arthritis. He was diagnosed at 13. Incurable and degenerative. I wouldn’t want that on any child, and there are much worse illnesses that anyone can get via their genetics. Hopefully any such couples will not attempt to reproduce… oh, and if they do, they better decide to homeschool the children… if they don’t and the children know… just imagine. Frankly, too many issues involved, to me, it’s not just the ick factor.

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  • Anne
    May 21
    11:41 am

    “I only feel sorry for my mom and dad, I wish they could be happy for us.”

    *sigh*. I get so tired of people doing whatever they like, regardless of how much it hurts other people. Is it me or is “But, we’re in love!” kind of a lame excuse?

    ReplyReply

  • “If we don’t want three-headed grandchildren, we’d better share some family history.” –Sons of Anarchy

    I’m not defending real-life incest. But some of it makes for fairly dramatic plotting. The unknowing sibs, who have never met, who are prevented from sex only at the last minute by meddling mothers/Jedi Masters (if you assume Obi-Want told the truth or get there in time).

    The genetic factor is not as ick as it could be, actually. Consider the royal houses of Egypt, who had to marry their sibs beause there weren;t any other living god around for them.

    But there re all kinds of nasty emotional entanglements and coercion issues, even with “consent.”

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  • Well, here’s my issue… whoever made that last comment sounds rather… young. Teenaged, midteens, most likely, judging by the ‘tone’. So I question several things… are they being taken advantage of? Quite possibly, and too inexperienced to realize it.

    Aside from that, if the commenter is as young as I suspect, then s/he is too young to ‘get’ many of the implications…namely, the completely screwed up genetic damage they risk doing to any kids they might have. And if it’s a m/f relationship, if they are having sex, that’s a risk they are running.

    It disgusts me. I don’t care if that makes me close-minded or not. But more…I feel pity for these people. It’s not healthy relationship and if this is what they need, then will they ever find a healthy relationship? That’s something to be pitied.

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  • Clearly these people have never seen a picture of the Hapsburgs. Genetic issues aside, who wants to have ugly as hell children!?

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  • I agree with Shiloh on the impression I get from the commenter regarding age–all that “and I was the aggressor” doesn’t sound convincing. Plus it wouldn’t be hard for a, say 22 or so years old, to convince a 16 year old that she’s the one dragging him in.

    But in the case of actual adults, with little to no power differential (neither is too much older than the other), the consent issue weighs more heavily for me.

    I blame J. D. Robb for writing such compelling characters–anyone here remembers the twins from Holiday in Death?

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  • willaful
    May 21
    4:16 pm

    AL, that was the first thing I thought of.

    I dunno, any argument I came up with eventually winds up seeming like a justification of my own extreme aversion to incest. Which is fairly hypocritical because I don’t consider *cousins* incest, having grow up European style on that issue.

    I guess I feel — and this is almost certainly a very slippery slop argument — that there’s something freaky going on when people haven’t absorbed the biggest and most major taboos of their culture. But then when you look at how many men molest their children, that argument kind of falls apart.

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  • @willaful: In the end I actually feel sorry (as in, sad) for people who do fall in love with a sibling–because of said cultural taboo (and let’s not even go into the actual genetic dangers of it) mean that whatever happiness they may find with each other will forever be a struggle.

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  • Lori
    May 21
    4:49 pm

    It’s a sadness that in our culture the inability or unwillingness to separate love from sexual love is becoming so difficult for people.

    I adore my brother with every breath of my being. I envy his wife for having such an awesome man by her side. But major ewwww at the thought of having sex with him.

    Same with my sister and my daughter (who do not share DNA with me). My love for them is limitess but clothing is not not-optional. Our loves are expressed fully dressed please.

    Someone else in that thread was all “you bitches, can’t you unnnerstand LOVE!!!” Well, yes I do. And I understand that one of the greatest things I can do in loving someone, is not causing them pain by crossing boundaries that exist to protect us both.

    I wish all those unfortunate people had the same kind of love that remained respectful and right. There’s many reasons incest, even that between non-DNA sharing family members, is considered wrong.

    Because it simply is wrong.

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  • Las
    May 21
    6:30 pm

    Heh, I was waiting for you to write a post on that comment, Karen.

    From what I understand genetic attraction is definitely real and occurs when blood siblings don’t grow up together. (On the flip side, people who grew up closely together but aren’t related tend to not be attracted to each other when they reach sexual maturity.) If I ignore the ick factor, it’s actually really fascinating…there are some interesting theories as to why that scientists are working on.

    I’m so not okay with incest–I’m even grossed out by the idea of cousins marrying (like my paternal grandparents). That said, as long as we’re talking about consenting adults with no sexual abuse issues, who get themselves sterilized, I’m grudgingly willing to put my disgust aside. I guess I just feel sorry for them…it has to suck to feel that way. They don’t get to pretend they’re normal and bitch about people not accepting them, though.

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  • Anon 76
    May 21
    8:49 pm

    @Las:

    I was waiting as well. The post to the previous loop came in and I really couldn’t find the words to respond. Didn’t want to touch it in a ham-fisted manner.

    I do believe this to be a post from a teenager.

    All I ask now is that any like-minded teenagers do some research on the American Amish culture. Serious research on inter marraige, birth rates, child death rates and child disability rates. In my area a check of the Amish register provides a staggering argument as to why, genetically, such practices are tragic.

    Love and infatuation are two verra different things. But it takes some life experience to understand the difference.

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  • eggs
    May 22
    9:07 am

    There are six billion people on the planet. Your brother is not the only guy you can find to bang.

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  • @eggs: you so owe me a keyboard! *wiping coffee off*

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  • Lori
    May 22
    2:46 pm

    @eggs: OMG! That comment is so yes.

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  • Anon 76
    May 22
    9:14 pm

    @eggs:

    Okay, I’m trying to be all diplomatic and then….your post. You don’t owe me a keyboard, I owe you a drink of choice. Bwahahahaha

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  • @eggs: This made me laugh out quite loudly. Hahahaha!

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  • Sophia
    September 15
    8:13 pm

    I have a complicated and rewarding relationship with my half brother . We Do have a sexual relationship as well. There’s a bond between us that is unbreakable. How can you deny love? You cannot . I support and respect true love . There is irrefutable evidence that the ancient Egyptians did it and in the bible, there is such, only 1 woman and 1 man started it all . Love whomever you find.

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  • Brad
    November 21
    6:29 am

    Well, do you consider this wrong? I am in a rather odd relationship with my… Step sister… Now, I know you may be grossed out, but hear me out!

    We were in a relationship for a long time, then we married. Both our parents were devorced and they met eachother at our wedding, and really liked eachother. They eventually got married.

    So, I married my girlfriend who wasnt related to me at all, then our parents got married that werent related, so now does this make our relationship “yuck”?

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  • bush pilot
    February 5
    11:21 am

    I am in my mid forties, make good money and divorce. My father left my mother pregnant, my mother was three months old when she met my step father a Latin guy that needed a green card. My mother needed the money and married him for 3,000. They remained married untill today. He is a great guy works hard, took me fishing and taught me flying, he has been my only father and I love him very much. He was my real and only father. Sometime ago a girl called me up and asked me to meet her, she told me she was my half sister. I believed she wanted money. I met her and we ended up falling in love. She was the result of one of my biological father´s affairs. She was not the best looking women, blond, average good looking, but a great smle.
    We agreed to spend a long weekend in Northern California, and after a lot of kissing and some wine we made love. Was the first time that sex was making love.
    I felt I was blessed. Since she was adopted and her Cal drivers license does not show her real fathers name, we ketp this secret. We now live together as husband and wife. My daughter loves her. My mother notice and asked me about it, I told her the truth. She promissed me to keep the secret, as she said I marreid a guy when I was pregnant from another man, for the money, and he for a green card. He took care of me and you like no other man. You and I were blessed with a great husband and you with a great father. She told me to be happy because God sends an angel and we maut take it.

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  • Dammy
    February 25
    6:47 am

    First of all, the main argument against incest here seems to be mutated offspring. Yes, mutation could and most likely will occur at some point down a finite lineage, and yes, it isn’t fair to them.

    But who says you must procreate? What then? Even if you do, what makes catalyzing a more rapid mutation intrinsically wrong?

    Nihilistic questions aside, it’s very rare to find someone that you grew up living with attractive. It’s an evolutionary defense mechanism. This is known as the Westermarck effect. That’s why trying to cross sexual thoughts with such a person is most likely disgusting to you. But if this defense mechanism doesn’t kick-in, whether it be by chance or because one didn’t grow up with a sibling, etc, then one would find this person extremely attractive to them. Why? Assortative mating, in all aspects. This is why all of you are ignorant by simply tacking your own experiences onto this topic.

    Of course, you find your brother or sister disgusting, that’s nothing new. There’s a reason why such a taboo exists in the first place. Also, ironically, it’s selfish to find incest selfish just as it’s hypocritical to whine about other people whining.

    Parting thought: you cannot label something as intrinsically right or wrong. If you do, you’re asserting a lot of unwarranted opinions.

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  • Lori
    May 12
    3:57 pm

    I have been reading all the mixed reviews here and it’s all very interesting. I am nearly 40, mother of 3 children and I have a boyfriend. However, I have just in the last month made contact with my half brother. He lives abroad and we talk and Skype every single moment/day we can. We can’t wait to meet each other in person. The problem is we are drawn to each other. An unexplainable love, an amazing feeling that neither of us can imagine could ever happen. We have talked about it and think maybe it’s because it’s all new to us, but it feel more than that. I have had many relationships, good and bad, and none have ever felt like this. We both know it’s wrong (but in who’s eyes is it wrong?).. we both don’t want any more children so that risk is out of the window. Yet in my brother I see everything I want in one person. I have this strong connection with him I cannot describe or understand. I believe love goes beyond the imaginable, the unexplainable. I actually love my brother and the more we talk the more I want to be with him.. and unlike any other relationship, there is something deeper between us than just another man.

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  • Talia
    June 5
    11:31 pm

    Incest has always confused me, mostly because I see very little wrong with it, but have been told constantly that it is to be treated like some kind of horrible disease.

    So long as it isn’t Oedipal, I have no problem with it.

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