Posted in: Interracial Relationships, Racism, What Would Monica Jackson Do?
Tags:bwwm, Interracial relationships, racism
As long as I can remember, black guys around me have always dated non-black women. Always. When I was at school, it was the norm, and in fact it was a surprise when a black boy dated another black girl. This is not an unusual story, as far as I can tell, this has been the norm the world over for the last twenty years or so.
When I was a teen, the only boys who were interested in me romantically were white guys and bi-racial guys. The black guys were just not interested, they preferred my white friends. That’s just a fact. I on the other hand wanted to go out with black guys, I guess that’s how I was programmed, especially in those days, when it was virtually unheard of in my circle for a black girl to date a white guy.
I remember going on a date with a white boy when I was maybe thirteen or fourteen. To be honest, the reason I went out with him was because he asked me, but still to this day, I remember how uncomfortable I felt when he tried to hold my hand in public. And now that I know better how the world works, I’m really sorry that I made such a big deal about the whole thing. I guess I never thought about it from his perspective. Here was this white boy who had managed to get up the courage to ask out a black girl to the cinema (I’m pretty sure it was Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade) even though it wasn’t really the done thing, and I wouldn’t even let him hold my hand or express any other public displays of affection.
Whenever I think about how horrible I was on that date, I want to go back and slap that stupid girl upside the head. It wasn’t till a few years later that I thought about how I would have felt if somebody I was interested in had acted as if they were ashamed to be seen with me whilst we were on a date.
Anyway, the rest of my dating adventures didn’t differ much as I got older – I got asked out by white guys and mixed race guys, but still mostly ignored by black boys. A couple of black guys did ask me out, and I happily went, but they were both a bust. One of the black boys was the kind of guy who expected payment in kind for him spending a few pounds on a Big Mac meal. Needless to say, we didn’t last very long.
My long time readers will know that TTG is mixed race, and prior to meeting him, I’d mostly been dating bi-racial guys. Actually, I did date a white guy just prior to TTG, but he turned out to be an obsessive psycho, who threw battery acid all over my car when I dumped him for TTG. He was one messed up dude. *Shudder*
Anyway I’ve written all of the above to say that what angers me more than anything is when black guys take umbrage when they see black women with white guys. Black women have had to accept their lack of interest in them (me included) for years, yet they have the sheer audacity to have an issue when they see us with white guys. It’s happened to me quite a few times. I have quite a few clients who are white and male, and when I take them out to lunch and we’re in the vicinity of a black guy, I see the look of disappointment on their faces, like I sold out or something. It enrages me no end. It doesn’t even matter that they’ve made an erroneous assumption, what makes me mad is the fact that they dare judge me for apparently being with a white guy. I mean seriously wtf?
It’s something that drives TTG crazy too, he just doesn’t get the whole territorial race thing.
Anyway, it’s become very obvious that the more things change, the more they stay the same. The Youtube vids featuring interracial couples where the woman is black, are filled with comments from black guys expressing their disgust at the union. Of course they’re filled with comments from KKK type people, but that’s not something that ever surprises me. A lot of people are racist, and that status quo will remain for many a year. No, what angers me are the number of black guys talking about how wrong it is for ‘sisters’ to date non-blacks, when black women have had to watch black men date outside their race for years.
The following Youtube vid features an older black woman who happens to be in a relationship with a white man. She’s responding to an email that she received from a black guy condemning her for marrying a white guy. It’s bloody long, but you more or less get the gist within the first ten minutes.
Wouldn’t it be great if people could be left alone to love who they want to love?
Anyway, question to black woman, or in fact any other women out there who have dated outside their race, what kind of reception did you get from guys of the same ethnicity as you? And to black women specifically, what was your dating history like? Was it at all similar to mine?
Side note: I know these are sensitive questions, and not all of you guys will be interested in the subject matter, but unlike the late Monica Jackson, (God rest her soul) if I get radio silence, I’ll just assume that nobody’s interested in these types of blog posts, and I’ll go back to random stuff. It takes way more effort than I usually like to expend to write them, and so the more responses from you guys the better:)