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KarenS Review: Fifty Shades of Grey by EL James...

There are lots of swear words in this review, and I believe the ‘C’ word pops up too. You have been fucking warned.

These days I tend to go out of my way to avoid books that I know I’m going to hate before I read them.

Of course I totally blame Katiebabs for urging me to read Fifty. But I thought I’d give it a game go anyway. It’s not like I had much to lose.

I was wrong of course. I lost precious time in my life that I can never get back. Sigh.

Regular readers of this blog will know that I am not fond of BDSM. Actually I hate it. There have been some exceptions to that rule, Maya Banks’ Sweet Persuasion being one. (Good book!)

I tried to read Fifty with an open mind, I did, I did, but unfortunately, E.L James did not help matters.

This review will be full of spoilers I’m afraid, so if you plan on reading this book any time soon, this review is not for you, so scat!

Bella Swan Anastasia Steele is a student who agrees to do her best friend Katie Kavanagh a favour, and interview billionaire Edward Cullen Christian Grey for some reason or other (seriously, am I supposed to remember such details?)

Bella Anastasia (Ana for short) is a bit of a clumsy oaf, she’s nervous and unsure of herself, and basically trips up in front of the debonair Edward Christian. She then proceeds to blush, flush and internally scream holy shit/crap for the rest of the interview.

Edward Christian is the first guy that’s ever affected Bella Ana this way, oh my she’s totally besides herself, and can barely string a sentence together, even though we’re led to believe that she’s an apparently articulate, intelligent girl.

Cutting to the chase (I really want to finish reliving this book now), Edward Christian thinks that Bella Ana is the cat’s meow (or the vicar’s knickers, take your pick) and so proceeds to stalk her by turning up in the most random of places. Always with a legitimate excuse of course.

Bella Ana and Edward Christian eventually give in to their lust and they share a passionate kiss in an elevator. (Yeah, that old elevator kiss scene never gets old does it?) Edward Christian tells Bella Ana that he’s no good for her, and they try to stay away from each other, but OMFG, THE LUST IS TOO MUCH TO BEAR, so they find each other again. Via Edward Christian randomly stalking Bella Ana of course.

Because Edward Christian trusts Bella Ana and shit, he totally shows her his Play Room, or as Bella Ana so aptly named it, the Red Room of Pain. Due to the torture devices and whatnot that littered the room. The way that Bella Ana described it, it seemed to be a posh version of a cell in Guantanamo Bay. Minus the middle eastern prisoners of war of course. (more…)

Question…

How many of you ever remember the actress who played Lizzie Bennett opposite Colin Firth’s Darcy?

It seems to me that for years, we’ve cooed like mad over Colin Firth’s portrayal, but nobody ever seems to mention the fact that without such a strong actress to play Lizzie, the Pride and Prejudice that we all love, would have been as forgettable as the Keira Knightley version.

And as I’m having a Pride and Prejudice day today, I find it quite annoying that we don’t celebrate the actress who played Lizzie, as much as we do Colin Firth.

Just sayin’.

Please note, this post was originally written and scheduled prior to Proposition 8 being passed, hence the speculative tone.

Lori has a great post up at Let’s Gab. She’s talking about Proposition 8, which apparently seeks to overturn a ruling in California last year by the Supreme Court, which made it illegal to discriminate against couples wanting to get married, on the basis of sex.

Basically, the proposition wants to ban gay marriages.

For the life of me, I can’t understand why two people who wish to stand up and announce their commitment to one another in a formal setting, cannot do so.

I can’t imagine not being able to marry the person that I love, because my sexual orientation was deemed to be unacceptable in the eyes of the law. It’s like somebody telling me that I can’t get married because I’m black. I mean, really, what’s the difference?

Heterosexual couples have been making a mockery of marriage for hundreds of years, and at a time when the divorce rate is so high, both over here in England, and in the US, you’ll never convince me that allowing same sex couples to get married, will be the catalyst that leads to the end of civilisation as we know it.

This proposition is apparently based on religious beliefs, which serves to enrage me even more. Whatever happened to the separation of church and state?

I’m a hater of organised religion, as my regulars will know, and it’s crap like this that convinces me that religion is at the root of most evils in this world.

Marriage is a right, that everybody, regardless of their sexual orientation should be afforded.

I seem to recall that it wasn’t that long ago that blacks couldn’t marry whites, and I really don’t see how this kind of discrimination is any different from those miserable days of widespread intolerance and hatred.

If I lived in California, I would definitely say no to Proposition 8.

N.B. Well, as we know, the arseholes won, and it makes me wonder at the people who saw the above advert, and still decided to vote ‘yes’.

WTF?

Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Posted in: Karen Rant

Somebody mistakenly sent a text message to my Blackberry the other day. Here’s the text, word for word:

“Mornin Morning! Just wundad if u were stil on 4 2day? Es notbin sik sins Sat morn. Napysstil bit ify y’day. Wil undastand if u’d ratha avoid but if uthink ok wud lov 2 c u. Cudalways do park if u think leslikely to pik anythin up infresh air. Nice 1 in Twynin or Pitvil? E usually sleeps 4 hr or 2 around midday. Le meno wot u think so we can fitaround u too. Lov 2 al. Nicx On Gs as out creditx

Apparently this is English.

This kind of ridiculous text-speak has to be the worst thing to come out of the evolution of the mobile phone. It drives me absolutely potty.

Is it any wonder that half the time, a lot of people on the internet can’t seem to string a sentence together?

I like reading Yahoo sports news headlines, because they allow readers to comment on the articles. The other day I was reading comments in response to the news about Liverpool Football Club ending Chelsea’s four-year unbeaten run at home, and I couldn’t help but be appalled at the number of commenters who couldn’t spell or string a coherent sentence together. I’m not talking about typos here, either, I’m talking about plain old ignorance of the basic constructs of the written word.

Anyway, I’m off to delete the stupid text. Sheesh.

The names. Yeah, really. Because of some of the stupid effing names of the fictional places, and the fictional characters.

The blurb below is a great example methinks.

Fionn helped save Yadderwal proper, but can he save the world for one woman?

Book II Yadderwal Balance

Lord Fiontenhal Banaghal Gellert, the thirteenth Marquis De LaRounge, heir to Numarea is a gifted alchemist who has just helped save the planet. Tannah ust Nairn, who is held captive by the vile soul stealer Keegan, is his soul mate.

Keegan has promised Tannah her freedom if she does what she is told—give herself to him, become his. Linked through their dreams, Fionn goes in search of Tannah, promises to save her from a fate worse than death But will their love be enough? Can he find her in time and keep his Whispered Promise?

Ok, the above book is from Samhain.

First of all, the book is set in a place called Yadderwal. Now, would that be Yad-er-wal or Yadd-a-wall?

And the hero? Fiontenhal Banaghal Gellert. Now would that be pronounced Fin-te-nal or Fee-on-ten-hal? Ban-a-gawl or Ban-a-gal?

And the heroine? Tannah ust Nairn. Now would that be Tan-ar or… You get the picture right?

Now I’m pretty anal about trying to get the pronunciation of words and names right in my mind, so it drives me crazy, when I come across unnecessarily complicated names in romance books. I absolutely hate it. I think this is one of the reasons why I’m not too partial to historical books set in Ireland or Scotland.

If you not only have complex world building, but you also have ridiculous names that are difficult to pronounce, guess who wont be reading your book anytime soon?

Yeah, that’s right. Yours fucking truly.

Rant over.

Grown-assed women who can’t judge distances, and can’t tell when they’re about to reverse into another car.

If it was up to me, I’d ban some women from fucking driving altogether. Bastards.

TTG and I decided to go down to our local park yesterday to walk off dinner. We often do this, because it’s quite beautiful and peaceful there, especially during the twilight hours.

Anyway, we were messing around with his football, when out of nowhere, this toddler ran up to us and started trying to kick the ball.

I looked around to see who the kid belonged too, and I spied a guy slowly ambling down towards us. I figured he was the child’s father, so of course I played kick-about with him, waiting for his dad to come and retrieve him.

Imagine my horror when the guy walked right past us.

I looked at TTG and he shrugged his shoulders as if to say, WTF?.

The child was barely two years old if that.

Anyway, I told TTG to go and locate his parents whilst I kept him occupied.

About five minutes later, TTG re-appears with a teenage boy. Apparently he had taken his eyes off his brother for a moment, and the little boy had seen us with the ball, and so, decided to follow us.

The boy was only about fourteen, so I asked him where his mother was.

Apparently she was waiting on the other side of the field. WTF?

Not only does the stupid bitch let her baby wander off on his own, she then sends her young teen to come and retrieve him.

I couldn’t help myself. I had to say something.

I asked her what she would have done if we’d been paedophiles, and suggested that in future, she keep a better eye on her child. (Or words to that effect.)

TTG stopped me from going off on a big ‘ole rant at her. Dammit.

I realise that children run off if you take your eyes off them for even a second, but surely, knowing that there are evil predators out there who prey on young children, you’d take just a bit more care?

I wouldn’t mind, but it was almost 8pm, the child should have been in flaming bed in the first place. Grrrrr.

I’m still so angry I could spit.