Disregarding the title (because it takes a bit to warm to it, I confess) “Gobsmacked”, L.B. Gregg’s debut story, is 125 pages of awesome. Can I get away with saying that and nothing more?

No?

Rats.

Okay, then, let me write something a bit more review-like. First, the usual warnings: this is an adult story, so minors should steer clear of it and my review. Further, it is an m/m (or homosexual) erotic romance, which means that adults who have issues with homosexuality in general and/or graphic language should probably avoid this as well.

Here is the blurb from the publisher’s site:

No more Mr. Nice Guy.

Mild mannered Mark Meehan’s good judgment flies out the window when he finds his lover banging another man. Things go from bad to worse as Mark’s crazy revenge scheme uncovers shocking secrets-sending him straight into the arms of hunky lawman and old friend, Tony Gervase, a man of limited patience and secrets of his own.

The events narrated in the story unfold in a period of barely three days, and are presented exclusively from Mark’s point of view. I found this to work very well for me because I found Mark both utterly likable and one hundred percent believable.

As the novella begins, Mark interrupts Ash Wednesday Mass to let his live-in boyfriend Jamie know that cheating? and on Mark’s bed, in Mark’s bedroom, in Mark’s apartment? Not only not cool, but not tolerated. And what better way to get that point across to a cheating asshat than a nice heavy Bible smacking upside the head?

After such an auspicious beginning, Mark reacts like any self-respecting human being confronted with such a revelation: he goes through his abode collecting every single last item of Jamie’s and transports them unceremoniously to the town’s dumpster.

Burning them was also an option, you know, but *cough*common*cough* sense prevailed.

The story would have been much shorter and way less interesting though, but for the second figurative anvil dropped on Mark’s head: it also happens that Jamie-who is also the local bank manager-has been playing with Mark’s money.

The next couple of days we follow Mark as he tries to figure out how to get even-in more ways than one-while staying on the right side of the law. This last bit being mission-critical since one of his oldest friends (and long time crush) Tony Gervase, is keeping an eye on the situation and a closer one on Mark.

The plot is neither terribly complicated nor completely straightforward, managing a nice balance between pure romance and the suspense elements. The action scenes and the dialogue are realistic-this is how people move, how they talk. The sexual tension and, later, the consummation, are very well realized (and I know I’ve said this before, so forgive me for getting back on the hobby horse: writing believable sex? Not. Easy. Try it sometime-if you manage not to make yourself convulse with laughter, we’ll talk).

However, the real gold comes from Mark’s internal dialogue. His reactions to Jamie’s betrayal are visceral, instinctive and rather stupid (from physical assault in front of dozens of witness to destruction of property). Mark is not a stupid excuse for a plot device-once he calms down a little he realizes all this and takes steps to protect himself as much as possible. But, like a real living breathing person, after suffering from such a shock, he reacts first and thinks second.

I have one quibble-which I mentioned to the author upon finishing the story-and that is that after some oral/anal contact (i.e., rimming) there is some mouth/mouth kissing. See, when real people are having sex? A lot of the health/clinical/hygiene information and the so-called common (but in fact rarer than that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow) sense go right out the window. I get that, I honestly do-and the fact that Mark is a health professional himself doesn’t change that (who was it who mentioned that there are tons of physicians and other health people who smoke, drink or do drugs? and who should know better than them, right?)

The upside of all the above is that “Gobsmacked” gest 8 out of 10.

This is an electronic format only story, published by Aspen Mountain Press.

Published originally in October 2008 in the United Kingdom by Black Lace, Taking Care of Business is being released in the United States on March 31^st. I have read some of Ms Dane’s work (Undercover, reviewed here) but nothing by Ms Hart until now.

I only mention this because during the first few chapters I found myself trying to identify which author had written which section or character. Not a good idea, because as long as I was analyzing the writing I wasn’t being pulled into the story, which is ultimately why I read. Once I stopped the guessing game, the characters and their circumstances grabbed me.

Before we get into the review, the usual warning: this is an adult novel, with adult themes, graphic language and explicit sex scenes. Minors, and any adult objecting to any of these, should avoid reading further, let alone the book itself.

Here is the back cover blurb:

After leaving the wrong man, Leah Griffin’s not ready to look for the right one. All she wants to do is survive the conference she’s planned and spend time with her best friend, Kate Edwards. But she never expected the conference services manager to be so tall, dark and handsome… or so eager to please. It’s Brandon Long’s job to make Leah happy, and after a scorching interlude in her hotel room, neither can deny that business has become pleasure.

Smart, driven and successful attorney Kate Edwards has spent her life making the right choices. Directly counter to those right choices, she’s involved in a long distance, secret love affair with a co-worker. And Charles Dixon is a bad choice she can’t help but make-over and over. A conference and a promotion bring Kate back to Pennsylvania and suddenly Dix wants far more than a few nights in random hotel rooms. He wants something permanent and Kate has to figure out if sometimes a wrong choice is exactly what a woman needs.

Taking Care of Business follows long-time friends Leah and Kate at a pivotal moment in their lives-which happens to coincide with a work conference set up at a hotel just a few blocks from Leah’s house. The novel opens with Leah kicking out her live-in boyfriend, while Kate has just accepted a position a couple of hours away.

Interestingly, Black Lace’s tagline is “Erotic Fiction for Women,” not romance or erotic romance. Why do I find it interesting? Because while there are two romances in the novel, the way they are written is more about the journey of discovery, by each of these four people, of who they truly are at their core-not who they had decided, at some point in the past, they should be.

Through out the book I enjoyed each character’s internal dialogue, and their growth as they came to terms with their feelings, their needs, their sexuality, as an integral part of their lives. Neither of these two couples enjoys a traditional happy ending with wedding bells and picket fences, but there is a wonderful element of hopefulness that stayed with me after I closed the book.

The novel spans less than three weeks, but manages to cover a surprising amount of ground. From Kate’s “ball busting” professional demeanor to the feminine and sensual woman beneath the lawyer’s clothes to the person willing to be vulnerable; from Leah’s need to give, both sexually and emotionally to her realization that sometimes taking is another way of giving and that control is, at best, an illusion. From Dix’s sexual fascination with Kate to accepting the responsibility of loving her and being loved in return. From Brandon’s reflexive response to Leah to his understanding of what his willingness to please can translate into between two consenting adults.

Ms Hart and Ms Dane do a great job of intertwining a couple of subplots into the main storylines, one involving Leah’s ex and the other involving Dix’s secretary, as well as the general work side of the conference. At a bit under three hundred pages, the novel didn’t feel crowded by too many people or events. Instead, the narrative flowed naturally from one scene to the next.

On the whole, I enjoyed Taking Care of Business quite a bit, except for a teensie little insignificant personal peeve, which got in the way: each time any of the characters-particularly the women-used the c— word for female genitalia, I felt jarred out of the narrative. And since the term was used liberally through out the book… :wince:

My grade for Taking Care of Business, when all is said and done, is 8.25 out of 10.

This novel is available through amazon.com here and through amazon uk here.

…That New Concepts Publishing are cash-strapped, AKA, not doing well. Oh please let it be true!

Would anybody like to confirm or deny these rumours?

According to a former NCP author, they’re still trying to sell unedited books via Fictionwise, and intentionally mislabelling some of the books, e.g. labelling books as ‘romance’, when they should come under the ‘erotica’ banner. Nothing new there I guess.

Apparently they’re also trying to hire ’staff writers’. Pray tell, what the hell are staff writers?

Either way, I’m still waiting for this particular ship to sink.

Thanks to you-know-who for the heads up.

Ahhh Madris DePasture, she really is the gift that just keeps on giving.

Several people sent this rant to me yesterday, so I thought I’d post the salient bits on here. The e-mail was from Madris, to her beloved authors. Vidi:

For those of you who’ve been with us here at NCP for a while, you’ve very likely heard this speech before, but we have a lot of new authors now who haven’t, so please bear with me. I’ve recently had another nasty run-in with an author and felt like I should post something to explain since you’ve no doubt heard by now what a hateful, nasty bitch I am.

Damn, people are calling her a nasty bitch now? How verry dare they?

I’ve been accused of being blunt. I am. I don’t deny it. I’m southern born and bred, but I’ve got a good bit of the Scot in me—so, yes, I can be excruciatingly blunt. I am, have always been, and always will be as courteous, respectful, professional, and polite as I possibly can be, however, as long as I’m approached in that manner. I can, and will, be as mean, nasty, hateful, and rude as yoU can be, maybe a good deal more than you can, if you verbally attack me and insult me.

That’s the bottom line. Treat me as you would like to be treated. I expect it. I require it and as long as authors approach me with any question or doubt and treat me with the respect I deserve, I’ll respond as politely as I can. I don’t need, want, or expect brown nosing. I will not brown nose. I will apologize ONLY when I am wrong.

If I was a newbie author and I received an e-mail like this, I’d have to at least wonder what I’d let myself in for, but I guess the Desperate-To-Be-Published don’t give a crap as long as somebody’s willing to publish their work.

We’re always happy to get new authors and hope that they’ll be successful and sell many books. Authors should understand coming into this business, however, that we, as publishers, have no more control over how well you do, or how badly you do, than any other publisher. We try to take what you’ve produced and present it to our customers as appealingly as possible, but, in the end, the customers decide what they like, what they don’t like, and what they have no interest in.

Wow. Let us all marvel at her motivational and inspirational way of addressing her new authors for a minute…

Regardless, we have one of the largest customer bases in the business and it is HIGHLY unlikely that your book will sell better than it does at NCP. For those of you busy burning your bridges, keep in that mind and you should also keep in mind that I make it a policy never to do business with anyone I know will stab me in the back.

Your contract clearly states that you will support NCP and promote the company. Every single author who has gone on record trashing this company on the internet is in breach and has made my list.

And the sad thing is, her words will probably frighten some of her authors into keeping quiet about her ill-treatment of them.

I do realize that a lot of people are feeling the stress of the economic crises. Biting the hand that might feed you isn’t the smartest move you could make, however, and, as I told my last husband before I booted him to the curb—Don’t take out your frustrations on me. I won’t stand for it. I will try to help if there’s any way I can, but I’m not going to be your doormat or your punching bag. I don’t turn the other cheek.

As always, this material is © copyrighted by Madris DePasture and any reproduction in whole or in part is a copyright violation that will be reported. (KS: Oh goody!)

I bet her authors felt all lovely and warm inside after reading this latest rant.

Batshit isn’t the word. She might even be in the same league as The Vicious Rhinoceros and her side-kick.

We haven’t talked about NCP in a while have we? Well let’s see how they’re doing shall we?

Apparently their doors are open to new authors and they are “always taking submissions”. Of course they are. Their authors are leaving them in their droves, and are asking for the rights to their books back, left, right and centre.

I also heard that they asked Blogger.com to tell Ellen Ashe to delete all the NCP-related posts on her blog. The real shame of it, is that she did. If I’d still been using Blogger, and they’d written to me, I’d have moved the whole damn blog before I took a single post down.

Anyway, it seems that they are still looking for people to work for them:

Here’s the ad for the author liaison role: (You remember their former liaison officer don’t you? James Lightsey. He’s the guy who allegedly tried to sell new NCP print books on Amazon, so that TPTB wouldn’t have to pay any royalty to their authors. Stellar guy.)

Position: Author Liaison

Qualifications/Responsibilities:

Answer emails from authors/handle author problems-keep email and physical addresses current-return contracts-filing contracts-routing artwork questionnaires-update contracted books list(Excel)-send authors marketing/promotion tips-company updates-artwork. Scheduling information-track author orders/booksignings. Online promotions (author/reader chat group)

That didn’t sound much like their old author liaison person now did it? Also, didn’t Madris get rid of the Reader Group a while ago?  Shall we attempt a re-write?

OK, here’s mine:

Author Liaison Officer

The ideal candidate must have a firm understanding of how a legitimate e-publisher works. He/she must show a willingness to lie, and cheat upon instruction. He/she must be an expert in the art of prevarication, and have the ability to give vague answers whenever questioned about inconsequential issues, such as royalty payments not being received.

He must also be fully commited to screwing authors over when necessary. Professionalism is not an absolute requirement, but the ideal candidate must be able to refrain from using the C word to describe his/her authors. The F word is much more widely used and acceptable.

The ideal candidate must have some grasp of the English language, but must not get hung up on inconsequential details like the appropriate use of punctuation, and the utilisation of the spell-check function.

Whilst we here at New Concepts Publishing, do not believe in showing favouritism to any specific author, the ideal candidate will have a comprehensive understanding of what the term ‘black-balling’ refers to, and must be willing to initiate this action upon request, or as he/she sees fit.

Now, doesn’t that sound more like it?

Anyway, there are a few more positions available, here’s one for a customer service person:

Position: Customer Service/Receptionist

Qualifications/Responsibilities:

Customer Service-answer customer emails–handle customer order problems-bookstore liaison.
Receptionist-phone calls-mail pickup-mail routing/sort-take phone orders-rout mail in orders-type invoices for both mail in and phone orders–order routing.

Here are a couple more to choose from:

Position: Editors/Proof readers

Qualifications/Responsibilities:

Editors/Proof readers-edit-proof read manuscripts. Write blurbs and one liners for books. Requires superior knowledge of grammar/excellent reading skills and ability to read and evaluate all genres-good well rounded knowledge. We publish Romance and Erotica-subgenres Contemporary, Historical, Fantasy, Futuristic, and Paranormal, and readers must be able to spot a wide variety of problems in
areas from scientific to historical details. If you are easily offended by graphic materials, you should not apply. Familiarity with outlook express, typing skills, good working knowledge of MSWord.

Position: Bookkeeper
Qualifications/Responsibilities:

Bookkeeping-payroll-accounts receivable-accounts payable-royalty statements-taxes-stock ordering-billing.

So how would you guys re-write any of the above job ads?

The winner will have the privilege of having their ad posted on the blog.

I know, my generosity knows no bounds.

That’s from the gospel according to the NCP loonies.

I received this e-mail from one of their authors:

Hi, Karen. NCP just sent out a “marketing tips” letter to the internal author loop, this one explaining very seriously (and with absolutely no self-interest, of course) why it’s bad for authors’ careers to publish at multiple houses, and why authors should be publishing three or four books a year with NCP in order to develop the maximum possible fanbase.

Here’s an excerpt from the original post:

“In 2007, NCP sold around 150,000 ebooks. This year’s sales, contrary to the hopes and dreams of the truly evil, are up around 25%. Since we have, since our inception, pretty much doubled in sales every year, this is a low increase for us thus far this year, but we put this down to the choking economy—-not evil wishes. It’s difficult to get an exact figure on the customer base since many of our customers get a new customer number almost every time they visit, but with those sales figures it should be easy to see that we have a pretty respectable customer base.”

Totally selfless this lot, aren’t they?

Is it me, or do they seem to be getting more and more desperate?

You can pretty much guarantee that since they’ve given 25% as their annual increase, the numbers are probably a lot lower than that in reality.

Here’s hoping they go under soon.

According to NCP at least.

I got this e-mail from an NCP author:

A couple of NCP authors conveyed Sydney Somer’s blog post to the NCP public loop (one in response to a reader, who wanted to know if her latest book was authorized or not). A reader then asked on NCP’s public loop why Sydney Somers had been placed on moderation. NCP responded simply:

“As stated on the front page of the group: PUBLISHER BASHING; OR BOOK TRASHING IS NOT ALLOWED NOR WILL IT BE TOLERATED”

These people are complete morons. One has to wonder how they ever became as successful as they are/were.

Apparently, a couple of hours later, NCP then post the following on the loop:

“The loudest complainers, on any publisher’s loop, are the complete failures in the publishing business. This is WHY they are complaining, because they’d like to blame everyone else for their failure instead of actually working to become a success.

Professional much?

Authors focused on building a career in the publishing industry should take note of their irrational/unprofessional behavior and make certain that they do not model their behavior after the failures in the industry.

You should also study their ‘offerings’ to the public and their writing style to learn what NOT to write and what elements are least desirable to readers. These books are perfect examples of what does not market well and will not make sales for you–which a savvy author can utilize to their advantage.

Oh wow, that’s just low. Mind you, they signed her in the first place, so does that not say more about their poor judgement, rather than Somers’ purported inability to write a book that markets well?

These authors are a perfect example of people who will NEVER find success because they’re too focused on running thier mouths and not nearly focused enough on actually writing and improving their work.

That being said, this author loop was set up to be used solely for networking with your fellow NCP authors and gathering marketing tips–working together to promote one another, etc.

Talk about showing their knickers in public.

The loops are the property of NCP, and you can use private messages or other boards to complain–like those who’ve been doing so all along, but it won’t be allowed on the NCP reader loop–which was designed for you, the author’s sole benefit to market your work to
readers. If you cannot respect that, having a place to market your NCP books, then we will be forced to delete the loop, and you will have no place to promote yourself other than other people’s loops. I hope it won’t come to this. It’s a shame to make everyone suffer because of a few.

The READERS loop was set up specifically to give you authors a place to promote your NCP books–Not as a COMPLAINT department–and NOT as a place to promote books with other publishers.”

God, I hope they go bust soon. The lunatics running the NCP asylum seriously need to be caged.

Thanks to you-know-who for the heads up.

Via Sydney Somers’ blog:

25.07.08 – Again, I first want to apologize for having to take a publisher grievance public. Unfortunately New Concepts Publishing isn’t leaving me much of a choice. They have released another unfinished partial of mine, One Dark Knight, as part of a round robin anthology I did not authorize. I want to be clear that there is no clause in my contracts that gives NCP the legal right to finish my work or have any other author infringe on my copyrighted material. Yes, NCP knows is aware there is no clause as the owner admitted to that in a previous e-mail to me.

I can’t pretend to understand why they went ahead with both releases knowing this, but I once again ask my readers not to buy this book. I had hoped to see this matter resolved through the formal complaint process with the RWA, but at this time it appears as if NCP plans to disregard the complaint sent on my behalf. Also, it seems I’m now on moderation on the NCP reader loop and am unable to post to let readers know about this new development.

How these people are still in business, I’ll never know.

Thanks to you-know-who for the heads up

Remember James Lightsey, AKA ex fucktard of the week here at KKB Central? Well a few people think that this person might be him.

If it’s him, it’s a bit cheeky isn’t it? I guess this way, none of the authors get their royalties, and they don’t have to pay tax on the books sold. If NCP have resorted to doing things like this, surely they can’t be doing all that well financially?

Can anybody shed any light on this? Are your books included in there somewhere?

Thanks to You-Know-Who for the heads up.

From NCP’s website:

Our office has sustained damage from a severe thunderstorm and our phone and email is temporarily out of service. All emails will be answered as soon as our service has been restored.”

Does anybody really believe them?

Via Emily’s blog.

By the way, I meant to ask the question earlier, but does anybody know if they are still getting lots of new submissions?