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What Exactly Does It Mean To Act White?

When I was younger, one or two ignorant black people in my school, would accuse me of acting like a white person. I didn’t get it then, and I sure don’t get it now.

It all seemed to stem from the fact that I wanted to learn, and I had no time for shiftless idiots, who’s favourite pastimes included playing truant from school. There was no way that was ever gonna happen, that’s just not the way I was raised.

My mother was a nurse, who was on her way to becoming a doctor when she had me, and my father was a policeman who became became a lawyer, then started his own business in lieu of practicing law. Being an abject failure in school, and hanging out with kids past eight o’clock at night were not part of their plans for me. Speaking like an uneducated numpty was also not part of their plans for me, however, because I used proper words when I spoke, and because smoking weed when I was at high school, held no attractions for me, I was labelled a ‘square’. Seriously, moi, square! Can you Adam and Eve it??

I can’t recall the first time I was accused of acting white, but every time that accusation has been levelled at me since, it never fails to annoy the shit out of me. Mostly because to me, it seems that because I don’t speak the way some black people expect other black people to speak, I’m instantly labelled a white-wannabe.

Using ebonics or patois isn’t my thing, it never has been. If I tried either, I’d sound faker than Pamela Anderson’s tits. That’s just not who I am.

The irony is, I understand, and have more of an interest in black history, than 99% of the people who have accused me of acting white. I know more about the world, period, than 99% of those people. Quite frankly, I’m more intelligent than 99% of those people.

I want to know why some black people believe that unless you act a certain way, you’re selling out and white-washing your blackness? Who says that the ability to articulate one’s thoughts is a white-only feat? Since when is the hunger for education and the need to always strive for better, a trait that only white people are allowed to have? Seriously, what the hell?

Why have I brought up this subject, I hear you ask? Well, I was on Youtube last night, watching a Kerry Washington interview, (Love her so much) and some of the comments – mostly from (American) black men it seemed to me (There seems to be a trend here), were just so unbelievably racist. She was accused of selling out because she speaks eloquently. Yes, her diction seemed to be a problem with some folks, who accused her of faking the way she spoke in order to fit in with whites. How ridiculous are some people?

As far as I’m concerned, that right there is the kind of attitude that makes life difficult for blacks who understand that knowledge is power, and that the ability to interact with a divergent group of people on different levels is a good thing.

Rant over.

"White men do NOT want black women! And here's why..." - An Ignorant Black Man Speaks...

It’s men like this utter cockmonkey who make me question why more black women aren’t dating outside of their race. The ignorance makes me want to chew my own eyes out.

Oh, and he blames black mothers for the number of black men in prison. He doesn’t apportion any blame to the absentee fathers who spread their seed here, there and everywhere, only to run away from their responsibilities.

He writes in the comments section:

“The absenteeism of the black father is PROMOTED by the EMOTIONAL immaturity of the women or girls having these babies. The absenteeism of the black father is promoted by black girls or women who TOUT the strong INDEPENDENT black woman who doesn’t need no man complex. The absenteeism of black fathers in black homes is promoted by black women who know that it is EASY to DIVORCE or force a black man away because CHILD SUPPORT and WELFARE will bail her irresponsible ass out.”

That’s not all, responding to a commenter who wholeheartedly disagreed with him, he wrote this:

“This is just an angry incoherent RANT from a GUILTY white man’s whore. But let me state this for you the incomprehensive, incompetent black bearer of the VAGINA & birth canal & thus the ONLY ONE who DICTATES how a child is born.
NO MAN can stick his dick into a RAW vagina, INSEMINATES SPERM INTO HER WOMB, FORCE a? woman to become pregnant without the consent of that WOMAN. the ONLY bastard babies that come into this world are those by LOWLIFE women & BLACK women LEAD in that LOWLIFE category…”

What an utter wankstain.

Marriage & The Black Woman

I think one of the saddest statistics within the black community is the number of women who aren’t married, and in some cases will never get married.

According to stats, more than two out of every three black women are unmarried, and they are more than twice as likely as white women never to marry.

Linda Young from Psychology Today writes:

“We have been hearing for several years that about 70% of black women are unmarried (including never-married, divorced and widowed). According to the 2009 Current Population Survey (CPS) of the U.S. Census1 nearly twice the percentage of black women (44.5%) as white women (24%) and Asian women (23%) have never been married. They also significantly outnumber never-married Latinas2 (32%).”

Young also writes:

“She was a 40 year old black woman with a Ph.D., ready to find a mate in a city that is only 5% black. One day a tall good-looking black man about her age approached her in the gym. He hadn’t finished college but was smart, funny and interesting and she was happy to go out with him. At the end of what she thought was a fun, easygoing dinner he said he was really attracted to her and tried to get her to stay at his place. She refused, telling him it was too fast for her but that she would love to see him again. His response? “Just because you have a Ph.D. you think you’re too good for me?” She was so taken aback by his comment she’s never forgotten it. That woman was me.”

Ralph Richard Banks, author of Is Marriage For White People, seems to agree with young’s implication that educated black women have a harder time finding a mate:

“One reason that marriage has declined is that as black women have advanced economically and educationally, black men have fallen behind. Nearly twice as many black women as black men graduate from college each year.Thus, not only are many college-educated black women unmarried, they are more likely than any other group of women to marry less educated and lower earning men. Half of college-educated black wives are more educated than their husbands.”

This ABC report touches on the issue, and is very interesting:

In my real life, I see the above reflected in the black women around me.

I have a particular friend who’s university educated, has a good job, and she’s unmarried. She’s attractive with a good figure, good sense of humour, and I think probably has all the desirable traits that a man would want in a woman. Unfortunately for her, the pickings are slim.

Also, my friend has a preference for black guys. This makes things even harder, because as far as I can tell, the only decent black guy in our little town is my brother:) And he’s married.

I bet you guys are thinking that she’s probably too choosy, but to be fair, all she wants is a guy who’s educated, ambitious, has a good sense of humour, doesn’t have any prior baggage (i.e. kids) and isn’t physically aggressive. Sounds pretty reasonable to me, but you’d be surprised by how hard it is to find such a black man, in our corner of the world. If she took away the lack-of-baggage prerequisite, then she might have a few more men to choose from, but that’s a deal breaker for her. It probably would be for me too, in all honesty.

Of course I’ve tried opening up her mind to dating outside our race, but she’s a little stuck in her ways with regards to thinking beyond the black man. Don’t get me wrong, she’s met the odd decent black guy, but the problem has been that none of those guys have wanted to commit. Of course as a woman, she thinks that the problem might be her, so she’s tried changing in order to attract the black man that will put a ring on her finger. As far as I can tell, unless she widens her dating pool, she’s onto a loser. Whilst black men in our corner of the world don’t have a problem impregnating black women, marrying them seems to present an impossible challenge.

Funnily enough, the married black men that we do know, are married to white women, and the black women who dared to date outside their race, are married to their white men. I’ve never really managed to figure out why IR couples don’t seem to have the same problem committing to each other.

I really hope this state of affairs changes soon for the majority of black women, it’s bad enough being considered to be beneath the notice of black men, but being considered not good enough to marry just adds insult to injury.

Anyway, what do you guys think? Are there any black guys out there who would like to weigh in and give their opinion on this subject?

Why Black Men Prefer To Date White Women Over Black Women...Apparently

According to the video below, this is why some black men prefer to date white women over black women. The list is….interesting, shall we say.

Here’s their list:

1. Attitude – (Angry black woman)

2. Materialistic – (apparently black girls determine a guy’s character by their appearance and the clothes they wear)

3. Easier to approach (White girls are less guarded)

4. Family more welcoming (White girls families don’t ask twenty questions about what they do for a job etc when they meet the black guys)

5. Less controlling

6. More faithful

7. Narrow-minded

8. Complaining

9. Less room for error – (I guess this means black women are less forgiving)

10. Always assuming the worst

That list right there, compiled by the black guys in the video is exactly the reason why black women should really open themselves up to dating outside their race.

I’ve heard the ‘black angry woman’ tag more often than I care to. Whenever black men are asked why they date anybody other than women of their own race, the majority of them give this as their number one reason.

I call bullshit of course. I’m pretty sure that most guys who date white women do so because they probably find them more attractive, but for some reason, they seem afraid to just say that. Instead, they endorse the idea of the materialistic, shallow, narrow-minded, angry black woman. It’s a label that black women everywhere have really struggled to overcome.

I like what this woman had to say about black men’s excuses for not dating black women:

Anyway, what do you guys think of the list? Don’t be shy, I wont judge.

Black Men Who Have A Problem With Black Women Dating Non-Blacks, What The Hell?

As long as I can remember, black guys around me have always dated non-black women. Always. When I was at school, it was the norm, and in fact it was a surprise when a black boy dated another black girl. This is not an unusual story, as far as I can tell, this has been the norm the world over for the last twenty years or so.

When I was a teen, the only boys who were interested in me romantically were white guys and bi-racial guys. The black guys were just not interested, they preferred my white friends. That’s just a fact. I on the other hand wanted to go out with black guys, I guess that’s how I was programmed, especially in those days, when it was virtually unheard of in my circle for a black girl to date a white guy.

I remember going on a date with a white boy when I was maybe thirteen or fourteen. To be honest, the reason I went out with him was because he asked me, but still to this day, I remember how uncomfortable I felt when he tried to hold my hand in public. And now that I know better how the world works, I’m really sorry that I made such a big deal about the whole thing. I guess I never thought about it from his perspective. Here was this white boy who had managed to get up the courage to ask out a black girl to the cinema (I’m pretty sure it was Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade) even though it wasn’t really the done thing, and I wouldn’t even let him hold my hand or express any other public displays of affection.

Whenever I think about how horrible I was on that date, I want to go back and slap that stupid girl upside the head. It wasn’t till a few years later that I thought about how I would have felt if somebody I was interested in had acted as if they were ashamed to be seen with me whilst we were on a date.

Anyway, the rest of my dating adventures didn’t differ much as I got older – I got asked out by white guys and mixed race guys, but still mostly ignored by black boys. A couple of black guys did ask me out, and I happily went, but they were both a bust. One of the black boys was the kind of guy who expected payment in kind for him spending a few pounds on a Big Mac meal. Needless to say, we didn’t last very long.

My long time readers will know that TTG is mixed race, and prior to meeting him, I’d mostly been dating bi-racial guys. Actually, I did date a white guy just prior to TTG, but he turned out to be an obsessive psycho, who threw battery acid all over my car when I dumped him for TTG. He was one messed up dude. *Shudder*

Anyway I’ve written all of the above to say that what angers me more than anything is when black guys take umbrage when they see black women with white guys. Black women have had to accept their lack of interest in them (me included) for years, yet they have the sheer audacity to have an issue when they see us with white guys. It’s happened to me quite a few times. I have quite a few clients who are white and male, and when I take them out to lunch and we’re in the vicinity of a black guy, I see the look of disappointment on their faces, like I sold out or something. It enrages me no end. It doesn’t even matter that they’ve made an erroneous assumption, what makes me mad is the fact that they dare judge me for apparently being with a white guy. I mean seriously wtf?

It’s something that drives TTG crazy too, he just doesn’t get the whole territorial race thing.

Anyway, it’s become very obvious that the more things change, the more they stay the same. The Youtube vids featuring interracial couples where the woman is black, are filled with comments from black guys expressing their disgust at the union. Of course they’re filled with comments from KKK type people, but that’s not something that ever surprises me. A lot of people are racist, and that status quo will remain for many a year. No, what angers me are the number of black guys talking about how wrong it is for ‘sisters’ to date non-blacks, when black women have had to watch black men date outside their race for years.

The following Youtube vid features an older black woman who happens to be in a relationship with a white man. She’s responding to an email that she received from a black guy condemning her for marrying a white guy. It’s bloody long, but you more or less get the gist within the first ten minutes.

Wouldn’t it be great if people could be left alone to love who they want to love?

Anyway, question to black woman, or in fact any other women out there who have dated outside their race, what kind of reception did you get from guys of the same ethnicity as you? And to black women specifically, what was your dating history like? Was it at all similar to mine?

Side note: I know these are sensitive questions, and not all of you guys will be interested in the subject matter, but unlike the late Monica Jackson, (God rest her soul) if I get radio silence, I’ll just assume that nobody’s interested in these types of blog posts, and I’ll go back to random stuff. It takes way more effort than I usually like to expend to write them, and so the more responses from you guys the better:)

Interracial Relationships - Poll: Have You Ever Dated Outside Your Race?

Hi KKBers!

As part of my Interracial Relationships series of posts, I want to know if you guys have ever dated outside your race. Just pick the option that applies to you. Radio silence not welcomed!


I Have No Words... Part 1297...

The black guy who hates black people, and the white girl who hates white people? Seriously, I have no words.