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Wedding Woes, and Dirty Ho’s!

Sunday, May 1, 2005
Posted in: Uncategorized

Hubby and I attended the wedding of dear friends yesterday, the ceremony was lovely and I even had a tear or two, much to the chagrin of Paul, who still can’t understand why people get emotional at weddings (the heathen that he is).

I have a very low threshold for alcohol, so I generally try to stay away from red wine and champagne, but obviously at weddings it’s quite hard to stay away from alcohol altogether, so I imbibed just a little bit, hence the hangover from hell.

At the beginning of the day, everybody looked wonderful, all spruced up and dignified, but by 8pm that evening, social niceties had gone to hell in a handbasket, all of a sudden everywhere you turned there was somebody doing something they shouldn’t be doing, usually with somebody that they shouldn’t be doing it with, ergo bridesmaid in clinch with bestman, whilst bridesmaid’ significant other was lying on the men’s toilet floor covered in his own vomit (I only discovered this because I hate queuing for the bathroom, so I usually go into the men’s where although it’s smellier, there isn’t usually a queue).

All of a sudden, people who looked harmless in the light of day (alcohol free as they were then) turn into predators of the worst sort. The fifty something uncle who’s been married approximately five times, and still hasn’t discovered that in order to have a happy marriage he needs to avoid sleeping with other women who aren’t his wife, starts looking at you in ‘that’ way. At first you think that he has some kind of involuntary tic in his eye, then it dawns on you that he’s actually winking suggestively at you whilst hubby is standing next to you. You of course find this extremley hilarious due to the fact that, said uncle has a big-assed stomach, and still thinks that the tight flares look is in.

Hubby had his share of female attention as he generally always does, which normally doesn’t bother me because on the whole most females will stay away from the married ones, but you know there’s always one bitch who has to take things too far.

I forget her name now, but for the sake of this blog, we’ll dub her Miss I’m Single and In Heat. Sheesh, she’s the kind of broad that makes you ashamed to be female.

Anyway, for most of the day Miss Single behaved herself, and didn’t try to engage hubby into too many conversations (well if she did, I didn’t notice earlier in the day)
But by that evening she’d turned into the kind of grasping, desperate excuse for womanhood, that I do so hate to see in heroines.

I noticed that she started following hubby all over the room, at first it didn’t really bother me because I knew that she knew he was married, so I just assumed that she’d soon get bored with being ignored in lieu of talking about Michael Schumacher’s performance in this years Formula One championship. Well, all I can say is that the lady was persistent. She doggedly followed him everywhere he went (hubby of course no doubt loved the attention) and kept trying to insinuate herself in the conversation.

I finally had enough and went over to where she was stood with hubby and his friends, I tried to be nice, really I did, but the devil and the alcohol made me do it.

I smiled at her and politely asked her if she was planning on trying to sleep with all the married men at the wedding, or was it just my husband she was after. I did warn her that if this was the case, then she’d better be prepared to be severely wounded. She looked at me in shock (I guess she’d never been confronted before) and tried to bluster her way out of the situation, at which point, I held my hands up in the air, and said “save it bitch, and just keep away from my husband” a la Ricki Lake.

I then dragged hubby (who was enjoying the drama immensely, drat him!) away, I socked him on the head, and and then as punishment for being so bloody stupid, I made him do the Time-warp with me!

Needless to say, Miss Single didn’t go anywhere near my husband for the rest of the night. I later found out that she was a divorcee who had cheated on her husband, with a work colleague the night before they were due to be married. Why am I not surprised?

8 Comments »


  • Dawn
    May 1
    8:09 pm

    LOL! Karen, you lead such an exciting life. I’ve never been to a wedding with such goings on.

    Bravo to you for giving Miss S a piece of your mind

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  • Erin The Innocent
    May 2
    5:30 am

    LOL Karen! I’m impressed that you confronted her *g* and then gave hubby a smack for enjoying said confrontation LOL too many stupid people in the world. I’ve never been to a wedding like that either (that I know of LOL) YEESH!

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  • Karen Scott
    May 2
    7:51 am

    Dawn, I’m not generally a jealous person cuz I find that jealousy takes a lot of energy, but I was pissed off by how blatant she was, and for that alone, she needed a good hiding!

    Erin, I’ve been to a few weddings like that in the past, hubby and I went to the wedding of an ex work colleague last year, where we found out that two of the senior managers were involved, due to the clinch they were in, in full view of the rest of the room (they’d been seeing each other for a while, and forgot that nobody else knew about their relationship, LOL!!)

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  • Jenn
    May 2
    1:33 pm

    GASP!!!
    Gasp!

    She had the nerve to try and mess with out Paul. The skank.

    LMAO

    Girl I am going to make sure that I never ever get on your bad side. You can cut a person at 50 paces.
    LMAO
    I would have loved to have seen her face when you told her off.

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  • Ella
    May 2
    1:58 pm

    I think you were quite restrained chuck, I’d have yanked the bitch’s hair out, and slapped her up and down the room! Some women are just slack, whatever happened to sisterhood?

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  • Rocio
    May 2
    6:01 pm

    I think that’s the best way to handle those kind of situation. We should go up front and direct as you did…but it does requires guts you seem to have enough to lend!!!

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  • Paz
    May 2
    6:52 pm

    All in all, sounds like you had a fun time at the wedding (Paul, too. LOL!)

    I love weddings; they are a lot of fun, but there can be a lot of drama there, too! I like the way you described everyone looking nice and dignified earlier but then later on, everything had let loose, LOL!

    Maybe Miss Single will think twice the next time she approaches someone elses husband. Maybe not.

    Talk about weddings, did you hear about the Georgia bride-to-be who mysteriously disappeared a few days before her wedding, which was to take place this past Saturday? She had a guest list of about 500 people and about 14 bridesmaides, everyone seemed excited, she seemed excited, and everything seeemed alright. Then she went out for a run and disappeared, leaving her wallet and ring behind.

    There was a massive search for her. Everyone was worried. They interogated her fiance and suspicion was cast on him.

    Then Saturday morning, the bride-to-be was found in New Mexico. She told the cops that she’d been abducted and then released. After further interogation, it turns out that she lied.

    The bride-to-be got cold feet and second thoughts about the wedding and ran away without telling anyone.

    Big shame on her… I think she had big time problems to not even be able to talk to anyone –her fiance, parents or one of her 14 brides maids.

    They are thinking about prosecuting her because she lied to the cops and a lot of money was spent in trying to find her.

    The worst part is that next time a real victim is missing, no one will pay close attention. They’ll all think about the runaway bride and not bother to search for the victim seriously….

    Paz

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  • Karen Scott
    May 4
    12:30 pm

    Paz, I heard about this story on one of our news channels, what an absolute dick, surely it would have been easier to just cancel the wedding rather than go through all of that cloak and dagger stuff!! They should prosecute her, for wasting police time, no doubt somebody probably got murdered whilst the police were deployed looking for her ‘abductors’ What an ASS!!!!

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