Well, myself, and some nymphomaniacs that I happen to know, were having a conversation about how often we have sex.
Apparently, I’m abnormal, due to the fact that me and the Tall Guy only have three sexual marathons a week. Who knew?
Apparently having sex everyday is the norm over in the Dominican Republic, and in Tennessee. (grin) Is that true? Even after years of marriage/co-habiting?
The Tall Guy and I have been together for twelve years now, and when we first started dating we were like rabbits. We shagged constantly. I recall one day where we had sex like six times in one day (he can only dream of those days now *g*) but the thing is, that was mostly during our ‘honeymoon’ period, after that sex became a little more regulated shall we say.
We did go through a stage not so long ago, where we were having sex everyday, sometimes twice a day, but that was mostly for procreational purposes. That got old very quickly.
We generally have carnal interactions at weekends, as this is when we’re most relaxed, no work problems, no nothing, not to say that we don’t have sex during the week, we do, but it just doesn’t happen that often, and to be honest I hate having to change bed sheets mid-week, so weekends are so much more convenient (g). This is probably very Bree Van De Kamp of me, but hey, you don’t understand how much I hate doing laundry!
Now and again, if I wake up in a good mood, and feel The Tall Guy’s Morning Wood, trying to find shelter, I’ll sometimes bat my eyelids at him, and give him the “is that a banana in your pocket” look, at which point, he knows his luck’s in.
I always thought that myself and The Tall Guy had a great sex life, but no, apparently we’re not doing it enough, so my question to you is, how often do you and your spouse/significant other have sex? Once a day? Once a week? Once a month? You can be truthful. I promise I wont tell a soul…. honest.(g)
Anne
June 10
4:29 pm
About once a week is the norm for me and the DH. Sometimes more frequently, sometimes less frequently. It depends on the stress levels of things, whether we have time alone when the kids go away, and whether or not we’re just plain too damn tired. We’ve been together 16 years and like most couples started out going at it like rabbits. That tapered off once the kids came along to maybe once a day, then less frequently when the second child came long, and then gradually less and less frequent as our lives got busier and more stressful. So, everyday or more than once a day sex may be happening in America but not in my house anymore and I can’t imagine going back to that.
Jenn
June 10
4:41 pm
GASP!!!!!!!
AS someone from “Tennessee” after 15 years once a week would be if I was dead. Kids put down for a nap in the afternoon when we comes home for lunch..sex..in the morning before they wake..sex…when they go to bed…sex.
What is wrong here. YOu need sex after an exhausting stressful day to rejuvenate.
Jenn
June 10
5:11 pm
My God! something is wrong here.
Has the government snuck something in the water for population control. So you do no want sex.
It is the most fun and pleasurable thing we have.
I will not want to have frequent sex when I am dead. I don’t care how many kids I have or how tired I am. I ahve three. It has been that way for fifty years and it is not changing. I think I want more as I get older. I can’t wait to see how I will manage twice a day when I get in a nursing home.
Eve Vaughn
June 10
5:13 pm
Hey Karen,
I guess I’m not as active as some, but me and the hubby generally have sex two to three times a week. With my busy schedule the stress of his job leaves us tired. LOL. To be honest though I’d take quality over quantity everytime because each time I have sex with my husband it’s always good and he always makes sure I reach my peak before he does. This is after nearly five years together. Also I don’t need sex every single day because my husband is very affectionate. There are times, I just like sitting
next to him snuggled up in front of the television. Just being close to him is enough sometimes. There are other ways of being intimate without having sex, so I don’t really think I’m missing out on anything.
Jenn
June 10
6:45 pm
Let me preface this to say not every relationship is the same.I know.
Some people have high sex drives and some low. It can be a diaster when a person with a low drive is with a high sexual indiviual.
I guess I am the only one that finds it strange that marriage results in less intimacy and not more.
In some cases does infidelity come about because of the difference in how much each partner wants sex?
There was this guy I knew who said before he got married to his wife sex was good and plentiful and after they married it gradually dried up. For him sex was important and the marriage eventually ended.
If a man or woman is not having their sexual needs met will they stray?
I know sex is not the only thing in a great marriage. There is caring and compatibilty but I think with men it rates high.
Not the only thing but certainly high on the list.
Over the years I have grown increasingly astonished at the woman that felt it was a chore to be intimate with their hubby and look on it as a duty and not a pleasure. This is how the conversation with the DR nympho got started.
There was this woman on Oprah that made the comment that her hubby came first before her kids and she was booed. I took it to mean that her relationship with her hubby was important so she made time to keep the relaionionship including their sex life at the forefront because it was very improtant to her to keep him happy and because she wanted it to.
Is it fair to a hubby or wife to think that because one is tired or does not want sex to assume that the other spouse is happy with this senario. Just curious.
Maven
June 10
7:05 pm
I’d have to say once to twice a week on average if I’m lucky.
With two stealthy toddlers underfoot it can be tricky to get privacy. It’s just not sexy to be deeply into the moment and hear a little voice say “Mommy?” from the hall, or God forbid, the foot of the bed. Kinda puts you off…especially if you’re getting kinky.
Jenn
June 10
7:08 pm
Is it that difficult? I managed with three. I am still confused
McVane
June 10
7:31 pm
Oh, it comes and goes with ours: some weeks, it’s every day; some, it’s once a week; some weeks, no sex at all, and some weeks, it’s erratic. There’s no rhyme and reason to it, but I find it very much tied with our work. Sometimes it’s better to huddle up than to go through motions for the sake of normality. At least we can be proud and say we do it because we want to, rather than because we have to.
That said, the longest I went without sex with my hubby is [I think] ten months. That was from one hell of a fight [and a separation], but we did kiss and make up in the end. 😀
Jenn
June 10
7:34 pm
I am not saying do it because you have to… but shouldn’t you want to?
Jenn
June 10
7:38 pm
Karen can out talk anyone.
I give up
Jenn
June 10
8:00 pm
Please tell me there is someone out there having it more than three times a week. Karen is becoming unbearably smug
Sarah McCarty
June 10
8:12 pm
*Please tell me there is someone out there having it more than three times a week. Karen is becoming unbearably smug*
Ok, but I’m only raising my hand Jenn, because you sound so desperate, otherwise I wouldn’t speak up. 🙂
Sarah
Karen Scott
June 10
8:20 pm
Hey, my point is that most women dont have the time to have sex everyday, or the energy! I want to know how many times a week you actually have sex, Sarah we need specifics!!
Jenn
June 10
8:27 pm
Thanks Karen
Well Karen and I hope Eve have agreed to do an experiment for a week.
She will initiate a sexual encounter with her hubby EVERYDAR for a week. To find out if this will rejuvenate her and if she finds she likes it.
HOpefully we hear the results on the blog!
Jenn
June 10
8:31 pm
yes Sarah specifics
are you a nympho as Karen puts it like me
Anonymous
June 10
8:59 pm
I’ve been having it five-ten times a day for five years. swear. is that norm?
Karen Scott
June 10
9:32 pm
Sex is great, but it’s certainly not the be all and end all of my relationship. Once upon a time, I had the energy to have sex three times a day, but those days are long gone, and to be honest, I don’t want them back, because what we have now is so much more.
The Tall Guy was there for me when I passed my A-Levels.
He was there when I left home to go to university, he was there when I called him and told him that I felt miserable and homesick, and that I wanted to come home.
He was the one who drove to my university town everyday for a year, just so I didn’t feel so homesick.
He drove 150 miles with a badly injured shoulder to be with me when I had a car accident on the M1.
He was there when I graduated from university.
He was there when I passed my driving test. He bought my first car, and spent hours under the bonnet fixing it up so I could drive it safely.
He held my hair, as I was puking up in the toilet after having too much alcohol.
He was the one who told me that children or no children, he’d love me for the rest of his life.
Those are the important things in our relationship, not the humping on top of the kitchen units or the getting sand in my knickers because we wanted tio try sex on the beach, just so that we could say we’d done it.
Having sex everyday isn’t the be all and end all of my life, come to think of it, having discussed this many times with the Tall Guy, it’s not actually the be all and end all of his life.
The tender moments that we share are the most important ones, the spontaneous kiss on the forehead means much more to me than twice-a-day jack-rabbit sex.
People should have sex when they want to, and not feel pressured or obligated just because they think it’s their wifely duty. That’s just not me.
If your husband strays because of lack of sex, then you probably had deeper issues than that anyway.
Jenn
June 10
9:43 pm
wow anonymous
YOu go
Jenn
June 10
9:45 pm
that is sweet karen
but still get more sex
LOL
Jenn
June 10
10:26 pm
Karen I am at a loss as how I can explain it better.
I have never had sex because I felt I had to or because I was pressured. Nor should anyone. That defeats what we were trying to explain.
Rocio
June 10
10:33 pm
That sounded sweet Karen, so people who do like sex don’t have romantic moments?
because i oftenly hump in the kitchen unit, our 13 years of marriage and two kids becomes a sexual abnormality???
What I said, is that I want to have sex with my hubby every day! if that makes me a Freak…it’s going to be Mrs Freak to you!!!
All I said was that when I don’t have sex is because for some reason we cannot do it. My mother told me a great trick with my kids and they always go to bed early, so we can have a couple of hours to ourself each night!
that doesn’t mean we don’t take advantage of each time of the day we are together to cuddle, we are always upon each other…my kids actually makes joke about it!
To tell you more, i was forbade to have sex for year..to be able to have my kid…and I have my kid so we didn’t have intercourse during that time..but sex, we kept having everyday!!! It comes with put the two of us together, we start with wanting to be closer, then touching, kissing and the rest just comes naturally without thinking of it. i don’y know if he started or i did!
Anne
June 11
12:02 am
Everyone has different lifestyles and sex lives and those who have sex daily or more, good for you! Those who don’t, good for you too! It’s your choice, your life, you do it when you feel the urge/need and do it with the one you love. To me, there’s more to look forward to than just sex. A hug, a kiss, snuggling, something simple is just as if not more meaningful and fulfilling to me.
Tammy
June 11
2:46 pm
When I was younger, I used to be able to have sex plenty times a day, but I had more time then, less responsibilities. Nowadays, we’re lucky if we have sex more than twice a week.
My DH and I live stressful busy lives, and it’s hard enough to find time for adult conversation everyday, without adding the pressures of trying to have sex everyday.
My DH’s learned that if I’m not in the mood for sex, and he is, he’s better waiting until I’m in the mood, because he finds it hard to get off if he knows that I’m not totally into it.
Karen’s right when she writes that the quiet and tender times are more important than lots of sex everyday, in my experience, just because you have sex everyday is no guarantee that you’re marriage will last anyway. I’ve known plenty of couples who seemed perfect together sexually, but still split up in the end.
The spiritual bonding is much more important, I think, than the ability to go at it every single day.
Like Anne said, there may be couples in America having sex everyday, but it’s certainly not happening in this household.
Rocio
June 11
7:48 pm
So girls,
let’s just say that in our stressful live we rather find time to read erotic romance and fantasize about sex, than actually have sex?
And I bet that when you read about how estimulating and invigorating it is to the characters, you start to ralax yourself..thinking, I’m to busy to have sex!
Really, there’s most be different kind of sex we are talking here. So far you are all talking as if sex is a long, stressful, tiring, demanding act that you have to prepare yourself for it, take lamaze lessons not to faint…or something. Is that is how it is for you…Karen you are right!! I congratulate you all for being so strong!
It’s not like that for me at all, I don’t have to prepare for sex, it’s not something I have to fuss over. And certainly after a shitty day when I end up feeling down, I cannnot wait til I get home and have a moment along with my husband, because after sharing things with him, petting our self a little and of course some good sex everything seems better!
Anonymous
June 11
10:25 pm
On a good week, my husband and I have sex every day. Recently, if I get it once a week, I’ve hit the lotto! Since he’s started school, and I’ve picked up a second job, the interest has waned dramatically! Most days, I just want to kick back and read a good book! LOL!! It’s sad, I know, but what’s an overworked girl to do?
Philly Girl
Kim
June 12
7:21 am
Ack! Sex varies greatly in my house, some days we can go at it like rabbits, but then we can go weeks without doing anything. There are just more important things in our lives to think about, lol
Sarah McCarty
June 12
10:23 am
Hey, I’m not giving details you all can use against me later. *G*
Pretty much,I think it doesn’t matter how much sex a couple has. As long as that couple is content with the fequency and intensity, then they get an A+. There are just so many variables that work in the equations, stress, natural eneregy level, coping tendencies, jobs, scehdules, nightperson/day person, outside interests, etc, I just don’t think there can be a number that’s *normal*.
Pretty much IMO, if you’re happy with your sex life, then count your blessings and enjoy.
Sarah, not into comparing
Paz
June 13
10:37 pm
Drive-by posting: Although I’m with Rocío & Jenn, I think that Sarah has summed it up accurately. Each couple is unique and more power to them and what works for them.
Paz