During our long and arduous car journeys this weekend, a scene that I read in a book, got me thinking about stuff that I sometimes find a little irritating in romance books… Here’s what I came up with:
Heroes who kiss the heroine on the mouth after just having gone down on her. What’s that about?
This is a totally personal predjudice, but I have to say, when this happens in a romance, it always takes me out of the book. There’s too high an ewwww factor for me. The Tall Guy knows that if he’s been down there with his mouth, he better not come back up to suck my face. I don’t really want to know what my ‘down there’ tastes like. Yech.
Morning Breath. How come the heroes and heroines are able to constantly indulge in morning mouth marathons without brushing their teeth? Surely they can smell each other’s sewage-type morning breath?
Now I love the Tall Guy to bits, but after twelve years of sleeping with him, I still can’t bring myself to kiss him before the benefit of both of us having brushed our teeth. I guess I’m a little anal that way.
Virgin heroines who somehow manage to enjoy their first foray into the world of sexual penetration, even when their heroes have a huge schlong. They are just so damn lucky.
I can still remember losing mine. (No it wasn’t to my hubby, does that make me a slut?) I still recall screaming bloody murder when I was penetrated for the first time, it wasn’t a particularlyy enjoyable experience, and I nearly fainted when I saw the blood on the sheets.
Needless to say, I tried to disguise my screams as endless enjoyment of the act. I think I fooled my partner, he had no clue the agony he’d just caused me. Dickhead.
The hero going down on the heroine in the morning, after filling her with his love juice the night before. Surely the coochie is a little smelly after this? I sure wouldn’t want anybody to go down on me if I had a smelly p*ussy. Maybe it’s just me…
So what are some of your “there’s no way I would do that” moments in romance stories? Also do you think writers forget to take these things into consideration when crafting scenes for their stories?
Scott
June 27
10:35 am
Yes, they should take these into consideration.
I am totally with you on all of these. Of course the whole going down and then kissing a woman doesn’t make any difference to me (being a guy), but I have taken this into consideration before. I have found though that some women don’t mind that honestly.
Now, I don’t really read romance, other then some of Eve Vaughn’s books. It just isn’t a genre I am into. That is not to say that I think any less of it. All genres have merit in my opinion. But not making things realistic only adds to the problems that the genre is going through in find respectability.
Kat O+
June 27
11:55 am
I don’t have a problem with the first so much. I assume exceptional hygiene in most contemporary romances. However, I do have a problem with going down on the heroine after sex. That’s going over the top.
I used to wonder about morning breath, too. But from experience, this isn’t such an issue in the first few months of a new relationship because you’re both just glad to finally be in the sack to worry too much about morning breath. Again, I assume exceptional hygiene.
I’ve never understood how virgins with hymens can enjoy their first foray into penetrative sex, let alone achieve orgasm. If the virgin is a modern kind of gal, I assume she’s been using a tampon and/or has used a sex toy and therefore is hymen-less.
Now that I’ve popped one of my own, I can’t believe women who just gave birth having sex soon after. I know it’s possible but anecdotal evidence from people I know – and my own experience – suggests the first time back on the…er, horse is often painful and dry.
There are other minor things, like certain sexual positions, where I kind of think, Hmmm, nice but we’d probably break our necks trying that out! Or else they take so much effort we end up going, Stuff it, I need to do the laundry now.
Anne
June 27
3:31 pm
Well, the first three are definite problems for me. After a man’s been down there, there is no kissing on the mouth for me. Ick. And morning breath? uh-uh. Gotta brush teeth first before we kiss. Realistically I can’t imagine my hubby even considering going down on me the morning after sex… a very high ick factor for us. We require good hygiene before we engage in sexual activities so the first three are just out of my realm of possibility, but I think to each his own. If others enjoy that, go for it. It’s just not for me.
Now for the virgin… it is possible, if the guy is caring and arouses her enough that she can have a pleasurable experience and if he’s really considerate, hold off long enough for her to have an orgasm. In this day and age more women than not use tampons so more than likely they are hymen-free, so they can enjoy the actual penetration.
Just my 2 cents : )
Jay
June 27
6:12 pm
hehe. Apparently I’m a dirty whore cause the first time I had sex he went down on me then kissed me. And again in the morning.
I suppose had I been paying attention I would have been hesitant about the morning breath kisses but my mind was elsewhere 🙂 The other doesn’t bother me.
Karen Scott
June 27
8:35 pm
Scott, it still amazes me that so many authors demand respect from the literary world, I think they would be happier if they just stopped looking for approval and just concentrated on writing good books.
I’m aware that not all women mind the ‘after sundown’ kiss, but I’m certainly not one of them.
Kat, the whole after baby sex thing is one that I hadn’t thought about, but nevertheless, you’re completely right. The majority of my girl friends who had children didn’t want to have sex with their husbands for quite a while after the birth.
As for the whole position thing, I completely agree on that too!!
Anne, I was using tampons too, but it still hurt like buggery, maybe it was the choice of partner, thinking about it, he was slightly self-involved (g)
LOL, Jay you’re not a dirty ho, you just didn’t mind the sun-down then sun-up routine, me, I have a high ick intolerance, this is the same person who gags if she has anything in her mouth for too long (g)
Jill
June 28
5:58 pm
The kiss before brushing the teeth thing? Always stops me cold, LOL!
Candy
June 28
8:49 pm
Y’know, I’m probably a dirty, dirty whore for admitting this, but I think all the oral items (except the morning breath thing) to be pretty sexy. I’ve kissed lovers in the morning before, but I’ve always just held my breath and kept the kisses short.
My personal de-virginizing experience didn’t rock my world, but it didn’t hurt either. No blood, nothing. It was pretty pleasant overall. I do find all those stupendous virgin orgasms kind of irritating, though, especially when the heroine was in excruciating pain only moments before.
Rocio
June 28
9:23 pm
Here I go…But I guess that I’m what you deserve after all the rants you creates in other blog!
I’m lost!!! and disapoint ..again! I tought you people of the first world would be the liberated ones! What’s so “Yuk” about human sex organs??? If you think it is soooo disgusting why you punish your poor big guy with it???? Does it go both ways? Do you have to avoid kissing him after using the mike?
Why do you still see sex organs as the most filthy thing? Does he have to brush his teeth before every kiss? take a bath before every hug? and of course do you use a cloth with antiseptic before put your mouth close to it???
And yes, there are still things I cannot do…like butt licking, bestiality or really wierd things like that. But I read erotic book, not to get the YUK of the day, but to expand my horizons!
antiseptic sex…ewwww!!! that’s the yuk of this day for me!
Karen Scott
June 29
1:45 am
Jill, I’m with you all the way!
Lol, Candy. I would probably gag, if hubby went down on me, and tried kissing me. Nope, not keen on that idea at all!
I’m sorry Ro, I just don’t like the thought of tasting my own juices thank you very much, if that makes me boring, then so be it.
It doesn’t make me a freak, it just means, I see things differently from you.
I have no problems with other people who don’t mind, but I sure do, and I think that’s ok.
And yes, I wont kiss hubby until I’ve brushed my teeth. It’s one of my hang-ups. It’s never been an issue, and I doubt it’ll start to be one now. It’s just something that we agree on.
And no, I don’t kiss Paul if I’ve been down on him. Trust me, he doesn’t mind.
As for sex organs being filthy things, to be honest, if they haven’t been washed recently, then hell yeah, I’m certainly not putting my mouth to it!
I don’t read erotic romance to expand my horizons, I read them for enjoyment, pure and simple.
Ro, you can call it ‘antiseptic sex’, but that’s a label that you use, not me, after all, we are all very different people aren’t we, so I do think that our sexual preferences are allowed to be diverse too don’t you?
One man’s meat is another man’s poison isn’t it?
Maven
July 5
2:16 am
I gotta say that I’m with RoRo on this one…if he’s cared enough to go down on me, he deserves a kiss. It goes both ways…