Between The Sheets, Meg Bellamy 
So, I read Between The Sheets by Meg Bellamy this weekend. What can I say, you gotta read it to believe it.
Because this book was so special, I insist on giving it the full KarenS stylie treatment.
Here’s the blurb: (BTW, this review contains SPOILERS)
Girl Woman Singer first shot to fame with her angelic voice when she was just an embryo…. I’m kidding of course, she was actually a young teenage girl.
Four years ago, Girl Woman Singer decided to take a hiatus from celebritydom in order to get her Philosophy degree, (yeah, that was a WTF moment for me too) but now she’s back at the ripe old age of twenty two, and desperately wants to prove to the world that she has matured, and is no longer the teeny-bopper that they all knew and loved.
In order to prove that she’s evolved into womanhood, Girl Woman Singer decides to tackle a more mature brand of music (she means ballads,… doesn’t that foetus Jo-Jo sing songs like that?), but the problem is, her producer isn’t quite sure that her audience is ready for the leap.
Big Boss Record Producer insists on getting his pal and movie critic (who’s renowned for telling it like it is), Boy Raging Cock, (tell me I don’t have to explain this name?) to give his opinion on whether or not he thinks Girl Woman Singer is able to cut it as a more mature singer.
Boy Raging Cock tells Big Boss Record Producer, that Girl Woman Singer hasn’t really lived life, and it shows in her execution of the songs. Apparently she needs to have lived a life of pain, drugs and drama in order to sing these songs as they were really meant to be sung. (I’m thinking Whitney did much better before the drugs, the husband, and the bad hair day… but maybe that’s just me)
Unbeknownst to Boy Raging Cock, Girl Woman Singer is listening to this conversation, and bursts into the room, incensed that this movie critic dare cast such aspersions on her ability to sing real songs.
In the book, this is when we are introduced to Girl Woman Singer. (Great first impression.)
Boy Raging Cock finds that his traitorous wanger keeps pointing at Girl Woman Singer during their somewhat heated argument, and beats a hasty retreat in order to avoid any embarrassing situations.
Girl Woman Singer is still furious and later contacts Boy Raging Cock in order to show him that she’s all woman, and sets up an elaborate seduction in order to prove her point (I couldn’t get the words casting and couch out of my head at this point. Sigh)
Basically, Girl Woman Singer and Boy Raging Cock, spend a passionate night together, sucking each other’s faces, and filling various orifices, and spilling various liquids.
In the morning, our two intrepid lead characters, decide that they were made for one another, and thus, decide to continue seeing each other.
In the mean time, there are two snakes in the garden of Eden, also known as Evil Paparazzi Reporters. Needless to say, they make things difficult for our hero and heroine.
But as with all romance books, everything is sorted out in the end, and Girl Woman Singer and Boy Raging Cock live happily ever after.
My Verdict
Jesus. Effing. Christ.
Now, the premise of the story, was a fairly interesting one, which is what drew me to the book in the first place. I’d actually only gone to the publisher’s site to look for a link, but the thing is, once I get onto those sites, I start browsing, and the next thing you know, I’m bloody buying. Anyway I digress…
The cover was rubbish, but I didn’t let that put me off, because the story sounded really good.
And it would have been… had it been written by Katherine Allred. (sorry, couldn’t resist Emjai) Anyhoo I had some MAJOR issues with this book. I’m really not sure how it got published.
It was amateur at best and f*cking awful at worst.
The heroine was so damned annoying, I spent half the time, hoping that the hero would have a psychotic episode, and beat her over the head until she stopped talking, and thus stopped irritating me.
She was supposed to be this girl, who was trying to prove that she was woman enough to sing love songs, but honestly, she came across as incredibly immature and petulant. (Did I mention that I wanted her to meet with an untimely accident?)
I was also staggered by the fact that she decided to seduce the hero just to prove that she was a woman of the world. From a practical point of view, I’m not so sure it’s wise to stalk a man and stick your tongue down his throat after having known him for all of two minutes. In years gone by (when I was a teenager), she would have been called a bitch-assed ho, but these days, this just makes her a liberated woman, so let’s just go with that shall we?
Also, for somebody who had majored in Philosophy (what kind of subject is that anyway?) she was bloody clueless.
The hero also left a lot to be desired, and he wasn’t even an arrogant asshole. He was just… well, he was just stupid. No more, no less.
The execution of this story was the poorest I’ve come across in a while (Even JW Mckenna did better… shit, did I just say that aloud?) and I’m still trying to figure out, how it got past the editor. It was just all over the place, and there were actually some glaring inaccuracies in the book, which I can’t be arsed going back to find in order to reference for you.
Technically, the book was incredibly flawed, the characters had very little depth, the dialogue was kindergarten-like, and amateurish, the situations that the characters found themselves in were too unbelievable to be taken seriously, and I still don’t believe that the hero had such a huge cock, with such a tiny brain. Two words. Frontal lobotomy.
All in all, (for me at least) the book stank, but the positive thing about Between The Sheets, was that I felt that the author had really enjoyed writing this book, unfortunately until I read another of her offerings, I’ll probably reserve judgement as to how far she’s going to go.
BTW Meg, if by chance, you Google search your name a hundred times, and find this review, please know this, I asked somebody else to do this write-up, but she read eight pages and couldn’t finish the book, (and no, I didn’t offer my own opinion before she started reading.) so don’t blame me, blame her.
Yeah, Anne, I’m talking about you *g*
Also remember, it’s just one teeny tiny opinion, and is worth shit in the great scheme of things.
Denise
August 23
12:08 pm
I just nearly fell of my chair laughing when I read this!
LLB has a post up at her site recommending your blog, and she’s right, you are HILARIOUS!
I will be visiting again!
byrdloves2read
August 23
12:20 pm
Love your reviews. But when are you going to read a book that you can recommend that’s NOT by Allred? LOL
Maven
August 23
1:07 pm
Ouch, for both reader and writer.
Sad that her baby sucked, and sadder that you had to sacrifice a piece of time that you can never get back reading it. I’ve had books I’ve read that made me feel that the author owed me that piece of my life back…others that I just wanted my money back, and one that I actually turned into a teething toy for my oldest.
Where are the editors?? (I mean in both epub and print, ’cause I’ve read some real dogs in paperback this year too) Is there just that much higher demand for books than good writers/editors?
Thank you for telling it like it is Karen…Oh, remind me to have you read my first book before I ever submit it for publication. You I can trust to tell me the awful truth. If it can get the Karen stamp of approval, I’ll have done good.
Sharon
August 23
1:15 pm
Shit. There went my coke.
Eve Vaughn
August 23
2:35 pm
LOL, tell us what you really thought? Was it really that bad?I guess I must be pretty easy to please because I’ve only read one ebook that I absolutely hated and I’ve read hundreds. Did I tell you I live for your blog?
Anne
August 23
3:29 pm
I honestly couldn’t get past page 8. It was one of the worst books I’ve read in a long time. The heroine (and I use the term loosely) wants to sing songs an adult would sing, she’s 22 so that seems reasonable, right? Until you meet her that is. She’s very childish, immature, and bratty and that’s the reason why she can’t pull off singing adult songs… because she doesn’t act like one! Yes, all this from pages 1-8. What can I say? I deleted the thing… it was that bad.
Anne
Jay
August 23
6:26 pm
Hehe I have one I’m struggling through right now, and it’s bad for many of the same reasons. I thought about buying this one just last night. Good thing I thought better of it 🙂
Lisa
August 23
7:12 pm
I’m really sorry you’re having so much trouble finding good books. What happened to your historical phase? Have you read anything else other than Catherine Coulter lately?
Rosie
August 23
8:33 pm
I love you…I really do!!! An honest opinion…priceless. Really.
Jaye
August 23
9:50 pm
LMAO! oh my. I just remembered I was in the middle of an ebook…. a couple of weeks ago. I haven’t reopened the doc since then. sad.
Karen Scott
August 24
7:54 am
Thanks Denise, I hope you stop by again!
Linda, To be honest, I have read some OK books, but I gaven’t read any that blew me away, so in a way, the books that I read that I hated are almost better because at least I had a strong reaction to them. Indifference to a book is much worse.
Maven, I have a huge TBR list, the problem is, if I spot an e-book that sounds interesting, I’ll buy an attempt to read it straight away, thus leaving my TBR list to languish! Hey, if you write a book, and aren’t easily offended, I’d be more than happy to critique it for you *g*
Sharon, I hope it was pepsi rather than coke you were drinking, I hate wasting good coke…
Eve, for me, it wasn’t great, I just kept thinking, man how am I going to review this without totally decimating it. I couldn’t.
Anne, look what you made me do, this is so your fault! At least I persevered and read it all! Wuss!
Jay, I insist you buy it just to see if it’s as bad as I said it was, although, I suspect you’d hate it too, lol!
Hey Lisa, BTW, yes I got your questions! Catherine Coulter? Hmmm, I read Jade Star actually, I can’t remember if I reviewed it or not, but think it was OK, to tell you the truth, I’m desperately trying to remember what the hell it was about, but I enjoyed it… I think.
I have Kate Rothwell’s book Somebody To Love on order from Amazon, it should have arrived ages ago, but there’s some kind of delay. I also have a couple of Laura Kinsale’s stuff seeing as I liked the one that I read. Don’t ask me the titles, I’ve forgotten them already!
Hey Rosie, great questions by the way, talk about stuck for choice!!
Vanessa, if I don’t read an e-book then and there, sometimes it’s months before I open the doc again. I have several that I opened in January that haven’t seen the light of day since then! I spend way too much money on books!