Why Aren’t Heroines Allowed To Have A Good Sex Life Prior To Meeting Their Hero?
Thursday, August 25, 2005Posted in: Uncategorized
Yeah, yeah, so it’s a mouthful, but I couldn’t find another title that could explain this post better than the above.
I ask this question because I read a novella last night which typified how authors dealt with exes, or should I say, how they mostly present the exes sexual prowess or lack thereof to the reader.
Basically, the heroine, Carla, had been married before, but as per usual, she was a married woman who’d never had good sex. Ever. Let me remind you, she’d been married for six years.
Obviously her husband had died in a tragic car crash (don’t they all?) and they had adored each other and all, but unfortunately, they were incompatible in the sack, (and they lasted six years?) so by the time the hero shows up, she’s feeling so horny that even the gherkin starts looking appealing.
I know that people say that sex isn’t the be all and end all of a relationship, but who the hell marries a guy who finds it hard to get hard for you, or prematurely ejaculates all over the place?
I once dated this guy who didn’t have a clue where my vagina was. Our relationship lasted for about a week, before I moved on to pastures new. There was no way in hell I would have considered marrying him.
So why do lots of heroines in romance books end up marrying guys, who, either have small peckers, are selfish in bed, or don’t know how to find a woman’s hole?
Why do they have to wait until they meet the hero, before they can finally have good sex?
ma
August 25
7:37 pm
The hero has to be the best lover she’s ever had. And just in case that isn’t obvious, the ex should have sexual dysfunction problems and/or a small penis.
I find it very annoying.
Desiree Erotique
August 25
8:04 pm
I think jorie understands the reason why this scenario is instituted. Yet, instituted it is, and I’m of the same mind and think it’s annoying. Sure, if the heroine is in love with the hero, it will probably be the BEST she ever at least THINKS she had. But couldn’t Mr. First Time, or Mr. One Night Stand, or heck, even Mr. EX be worth a recollective smile once in a while?
Ann Wesley Hardin
August 25
9:29 pm
You got it. It’s a lazy way to let the reader know the hero is the best lover ever. Guilty as charged! LOL.
Interestingly enough, I gave my current heroine in Coffee, Tea or Lea? a hot sexual past because I wanted to explore what kind of sexual experience would be enough to make her not want to love the hero and leave him.
I’ve picked up books whose back cover blurbs lead me to believe the heroine had a great sexual past only to be disappointed when it wasn’t delivered.
I like reading heroines with a lusty past and I definitely liked writing one. Will have to do more of them in the future. *gg*
Mel
August 25
10:19 pm
Karen, this drives me CRAZZZY!
I would really love it, if an author could just acknowledge that it’s possible to have mind blowing sex with somebody who isn’t the hero!
I wait with baited breath for Anne’s book!
Ann Wesley Hardin
August 25
11:16 pm
No need to wait, Mel! It’s available at Ellora’s Cave. (Couldn’t resist the urge to shamelessly self promote 😉 )
meljean brook
August 25
11:54 pm
Even if a woman has a successful sexual history, the man is the best — I can live with that. But if she doesn’t the old lover is totally to blame — whuh? It takes two to burn up the sheets.
But the hero is never called “dull in the sack” by old girlfriends…no no no. He’s always the hot rake from sexual heaven and he’s satisfied every woman he’s ever come into contact with.
The woman’s awakening always seems to be a physical one, whereas the man’s is the emotional one (which explains the “oh, you’re so hot, I’ve never felt this way beeeefooooorrrreeee!” even though every sexual encounter he’s ever had has been spectacular, because he’s the best lover ever and stuff) and only supports gender stereotypes.
I guess that’s what bothers me about the scenario — the woman never seems to own her sexuality before the hero comes along (and not even afterward, as he is often the one to bring it out, and it only works for him). I’d like the woman’s awakening to be an emotional one, not just a physical one.
Rosie
August 26
12:42 am
I started laughing so hard when I read “gherkin starts looking appealing” that I could barely finish reading the article.
Hey, the sex with the ex or previous partners doesn’t have to be as fabulous as the current love interest, but does it have to be so bad the poor woman thinks shes frigid? And why so often does she automatically think it is her fault, and that she is flawed?
Desiree Erotique
August 26
2:54 am
Love it, rosie! Well said!
Sarah McCarty
August 26
10:55 am
Uhm, well, <(dipping toe in the conversation) Usually, when a relationship breaks down, women shut down emotionally. I dont' think the past relationship has to be horrible, but I imagine before it gets it's deathknell, the sexual satisfaction has long gone. My personal absolutley hate to see in a book is the “I HATE HIM BUT I CAN”T KEEP MY HANDS OFF HIM” plot device. Don’t think there’s a man alive stupid enough to tick me off and then let me within 20 feet of his pride and joy. *G*
Eve Vaughn
August 26
1:28 pm
I think every author has been guilty of some cliche or another, this just seems to be the trend now. I remember back in the day when I read the Harlequin Presents, every other book seemed to be about a woman struggling to pay their rent and then then they meet this rich neighbor with a tormented past who takes their virginity, casts her aside then realizes he loves her at the end, or the other half were woman with a secret, man finds out the secret and verbally and sometimes physically abuses heroine. She takes it, and takes it some more because even though he treats her bad, she loooooves him. After seeing how she takes his shit he then decides that he loooooves her too.
That’s just it. That’s what sold back then, and I think once an idea becomes a big seller, people follow suit. Just the way of things I suppose, but I can definitely understand why you would be annoyed. I think the main issue is not the cliches that gets on everyones nerves, but the fact that there needs to be more of us authors who are willing to think outside the box and smash it.
Maven
August 26
4:41 pm
meljean said:
“But the hero is never called “dull in the sack” by old girlfriends…no no no. He’s always the hot rake from sexual heaven and he’s satisfied every woman he’s ever come into contact with.”
Actually JA Krentz hzs had some of her hero’s exes pan their performance. Silver Linings springs to mind. The older sister, ex-fiancee comments about the hero’s wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am style being part of the reason she ditched him to the younger sister who’s been in love with him forever. I think there are a few more stories of hers that make the hero very human through the eyes of his ex. I LOVE it as a plot device, especially when the hero overhears the conversation and feels the need to prove himself. ROLFLOL!
As for the experienced, happy, and sexually fulfilled heroine, I wonder where they are too…
byrdloves2read
August 26
9:05 pm
Perhaps the authors only write of what they know. LOL Just because a guy is a great lover, doesn’t mean he’s going to be the soul mate for crying out loud. So what’s wrong with the heroine experiencing this prior to meeting the hero? I guess some things that work in life, don’t lend themselves to storytelling.
Suzanne
August 27
8:20 pm
Oooh, interesting topic. I think it’s not so much truth as metaphorical for the hero being the love of her life, and emotion heightens the sexual experience. But still, very interesting…. I think I must go out of my way to address this in a book. 🙂
Anonymous
October 4
5:45 pm
Agree with Byrdloves. All the great sex in the world is no good if they guy cannot meet other basic needs (emotional, mental, etc.). And sex is tied in with those other emotions, as well as love which is tied to the hero. I think that’s why sex is never all that, in the novels, before “THE man”.