The Death of The Strong Black Man and The Black Family Unit…
Thursday, December 1, 2005Posted in: Uncategorized
Apparently today is anti-racism day, but I’m not going to lobby for more tolerance and understanding from non-blacks, instead my post will focus inside the black community itself.
I’ve often wondered why a lot of black males don’t seem to have the same sense of family values and responsibility that males of other creed do.
What is it about the black man that makes him think that looking after his family is a fate worse than death?
Why do a lot of black men feel the need to impregnate ten different women, and then refuse to take responsibility for their actions?
This isn’t to say men of other cultures don’t have the same issues, but somehow, it seems more prevalent amongst our black men.
In my little town, I see it every day. Black teenage girls pushing their babies around in prams, when they should be studying for their GCSE’s. When you ask them where the father of the child is, nine times out of ten, they don’t know.
I get really mad when I see these young teenage black girls, pushing their babies around, especially when they are little more than babies themselves. I feel that it’s just such a waste of their lives.
This phenomenon is not only restricted to teenage girls and boys though, oh no, mature black men seem to be just as bad. A lot of them seem to have the same problem with commitment and responsibility. They’ll shell out thousands for a top of the range ride, but will begrudge every penny they have to pay for their child.
Where does this attitude originate from? Who can we blame?
I’m bold enough to say that a lot of the problems that we have as black people, in the here and now, are generally caused by the actions of young black men. This is certainly true in a lot of British towns and cities.
In turn, a lot of the blame for their bad behaviour can be firmly laid at the door of their mothers. As Trixie points out, we can’t blame the fathers, because a lot of the time, they’re nowhere to be seen.
We could always blame racism and societal stereo-types that pigeon-hole our black men, thus causing them to live up to the low expectations, but that just wouldn’t be right would it? A lot of Asian and Hispanic men manage to look after their families, so why can’t more of ours do the same?
As long as black mothers keep burying their head in the sand when it comes to their male off-springs, they will continue to under-achieve, they will continue to make babies without taking responsibility, they will continue to refuse to protect their women sexually, thus creating the ever decreasing circle that is the strong black family unit.
Charlene
December 1
6:44 pm
I’m delurking to comment on this post.
Your title is misleading. It suggests that there once was such a thing as the strong black family unit. Black men have been abandoning their kids and families since the beginning of time. It only gets worse. Black women perpetuate this mode of behavior by excepting it as the norm. Until we move from that wound me until I bleed mentality, nothing will change.
Monica
December 1
6:55 pm
Interesting that it’s like that in England too. I always thought that here it was because of what happened to the black family that happened after the Civil Rights movement, with the War on Poverty–welfare–that decimated the black family and narcotics being shipped into the inner city by the tons.
Many black men have never had any black male role-models to emulate except negative ones, the adulterous sports figure, the gangsta rapper. The lure of easy money and glorification of the drug culture that leads straight to jail or death.
It won’t change until we make huge efforts to point our sons in a different direction. But we are often bearing the loads of our lives and our households alone. Most of us have to lean on God to help us through our days as it is, so I think the only answer is for Him to make the way.
Monica
December 1
6:59 pm
The danger in post like this is like the former comment, “Black men have been abandoning their kids and families since the beginning of time.” More people truly believe this sort of thing than you’d likely believe and take a post by a black woman on the topic as gospel truth.
I beg to differ. You need to take a look at some of the strong male-headed African families. And my grandfather and father are an example of strong family heads.
Would you make such a blanket statement about any other race?
Karen Scott
December 1
7:17 pm
Charlene, I don’t think that it never existed, I just think that over time, something’s gone wrong with the young men of today.
Monica, a lot of our young black men have the likes of 50 Pence (when in England) as their role model. Gun crime in this country is mostly perpetrated by black youths. A lot of them follow the African American gangsta rap culture. Their attitude is also to ‘get rich or die trying’ but that doesn’t include lowering themselves to getting a proper day job.
Eve Vaughn
December 1
8:41 pm
I agree with Monica to an extent about the socio ecomomic factors involved, especially the welfare system as its implimented today. In a lot of cases the cycle of poverty is hard to break, but it is possible. I think on the other side of this issue however is that people are always making excuses for bums, regardless of the color. My father, grew up in a tough city of Newark NJ and there were times when he went hungry, but he pulled himself up by his bootstraps and made something of himself. He’s an excellent father and a great example of manhood to me and my brothers. He had 5 brothers who also made sucesses of themselves.
So while I do believe that certain factors play into the plight of the black family, we just have to accept that some men are just straight up bums.
Shawn
December 1
8:58 pm
I don’t think all the blame can be placed only on Black men. Some Black Women, mostly our young ones, need to get it in their heads that there isn’t anything cute about having a “baby daddy”.
Eve Vaughn
December 1
9:22 pm
A Girl Named Shawn, Amen to that!!! It’s definitely not cute to have 5 kids with all different fathers. Unfortunately, I’ve seen it way too many times.
Does anyone watch Maury Povich? He always has those shows where the girl tests like 25 guys to see which one is her baby’s father. I don’t know if that’s staged or not, but if you’ve slept with 25 guys unprotected in that short span of time not only is it unsafe, that’s nasty.
azteclady
December 2
1:24 am
I am not black, but I’ve lived in three LatinAmerican countries before moving to the US, and I’ve seen similar patterns of behaviour among people of little education and limited means in each of them.
Yes, there are exceptions to every rule, and there are some incredibly responsible male figures deserving of much respect, but I agree that it’s the women, in our role of mothers, who have to change this dynamic – teaching both our sons and our daughters that that is not acceptable behaviour, preferably by not condoning it by word nor deed.
Dawn
December 2
12:15 pm
It is a fact that most gun crime in the UK is perpetrated by blacks on other blacks. Am I correct, Karen, in thinking that it’s youths of mainly West Indian origin?
The Africans seem to have a much more family oriented feeling.
I do feel incredibly proud when I see black men who have good jobs (well any job is good if it is honest) and take responsibility for their families and they don’t expect to be held up as gods just because they’re doing something that I would expect any self respecting man to do.
Karen Scott
December 2
12:25 pm
Dawn, it is mostly West Indian youths, and you’re right, the Africans are a lot more family oriented. I wonder why that is?
Trixie blogs about the low expectations, black mothers have for their male off-springs, yet the females have to to always be the best at everything, and she’s right, I’ve seen evidence of it. My parents were a lot harder on me and my sister than they ever were on my brothers. Getting a b-grade in my family as a girl was tantamount to failure.
Dawn
December 2
2:24 pm
These mothers are just setting their sons up for failure then and must bear some of the responsibility for how they turn out. I could never see myself expecting more from a daughter than a son. That’s enforcing the belief that one is capable or much more than the other and frankly is unfair.
Ann Wesley Hardin
December 2
3:04 pm
Something just occurred to me while reading your exchange with Dawn, Karen. Here in the States the term “Black” pertains only to those of African descent.
I recall when I was in England that “Black” not ony pertains to African, but also refers to those from India and the middle east. Is this correct?
If so, I thought the US readers ight appreciate the clarification.
Karen Scott
December 2
3:18 pm
Ann, the term black refers to anybody in this country who’s black, which includes West Indians, e.g. Jamaicans (not to be confused with Asian Indians) and Africans
Here in England, we tend to call Indians, Pakistani’s etc Asians, and Japanese and Chinese are known as Orientals. I know that in America, Chinese and Japanese people are called Asians, well that’s not so here.
People of Middle Eastern descent are just that, we don’t usually refer to them as black.
Dawn
December 2
3:19 pm
Hi Ann
In the UK Black refers to those of West Indian or African origin. People from the area around India are generally referred to as Asian.
On the ethnic disclosure sections on forms, we have a whole raft of descriptions. It gets kinda confusing if you’re not quite sure what you are.
By the way, Karen. I sometimes wonder if my family had stayed in Jamaica whether I would have lots of baby fathers by now. Jeez I hope not!
Dawn
December 2
3:42 pm
You explained that much better than I did, Karen. LOL
Sam
December 2
3:48 pm
I don’t think it boils down to race as much as economics and education.
Get these men jobs and some self-esteem, get the women some education and more power to control their bodies and their lives, and there will be less of this tragedy. (And it is tragic for the children)
Karen Scott
December 2
3:49 pm
Aztec Lady, I totally agree, women have to make sure that their sons are raised to value women and family, if they still grow up to be arseholes, then at least they can say they did their best!
Elizabeth Kerri Mahon
December 2
4:18 pm
I think everybody has brought up extremely important reasons why this is occuring, but I would say that nowadays, a large part of it has to do with youths having no role models either in their communities or at home. Instead of following the example of Senator Obama, they prefer to follow someone like 50Cent. My own nephew, who grew up in a solidly middle-class home, had a chance to go to WestPoint, now has 4 kids by 4 different women. I know my brother didn’t raise him that way.
SmartBlkWoman
December 11
9:19 am
I truly believe that the problem is multi-pronged and can’t be cured by just doing one or two things.
First of all, there WAS a once strong black family unit. I think its interesting to note that after slavery the black family structure was better off then than it is now.
Second of all too many black parents are allowing their kids to be raised by the tv. If you let your daughter and your son watch hours of sexualized videos, black men acting a fool, and women acting like hoes, and you give them nothing to counteract this image what do you expect them to grow up like?
Third of all, black men DO have it harder than black women. I am not using this as an excuse, but I do need to point out that it is true.
Karen Scott
December 11
7:52 pm
I agree with all of your points, including the fact that black men do have it harder, but what I say is this, why do they have it harder? Could it be because of the fact that a lot of black men, simply buy in to the theory that the world (read: white man) owes them a living?
If you are a black man worth your salt, then you will not let anything get in the way of your dreams. We have been excusing the black man for too long, and it’s got to change.
Black women have it easier, because we generally work harder at making our lives better. If the majority of black men thought the same way, there wouldn’t be as many problems.