Who The F*ck Thinks Of These Flaming Titles? Can You Do Better?
Friday, September 1, 2006Posted in: Uncategorized
I surfed over to the Mills and Boon website earlier, (must have been all this talk about series romances) to have a look at some of the offerings.
Well, fuck-all has changed since the last time I was there. The titles are still ridiculous. This must be like a cult thing. Is it part of the contract that authors have to think up these rubbish titles? Anyway, check some of ’em out, and for those who don’t read Harlequin Presents, I think you guys will still catch on pretty quickly.
The Sultan’s Virgin Bride
The Spaniard’s Pregnancy Proposal
The Rich Man’s Royal Mistress
Purchased By The Billionaire
At The Sheikh’s Command
The Sultan’s Virgin Bride? The Sultan’s fucking Virgin Bride? Who the */Β£$%^&&*””! ever thought that was a good title? Who? Effing Nora. (Erm…that’s a Brit saying, I’m not really cussing out the Nora or anything.)
Anyway, just for shits and giggles, can anybody come up with potential future Harlequin Presents book titles? The person who comes up with the best title, wins my beloved copy of Thea Devineβs, Sensation.
I know, I know, it’s the worst fucking book evah my generosity knows no bounds. It truly pains me to have to part with this utter drivel literary masterpiece.
Anyway, go have at it, and I’ll be back on Monday to announce the winners, have a good weekend y’all!
katieM
September 2
12:30 am
The Virgin Sheik’s Billionaire Italian Spanish Modest Bride’s Passion
Mm
September 2
1:01 am
The Greek Billionaire’s Blackmailed Virgin Mistress’ Secret Love-Child
Rosie
September 2
1:22 am
Well….I was going to post that any title I came up with couldn’t be any worse. Then I read the awesome offerings of KatieM and Mm. I just CAN’T compete with those!!! What a hoot.
Mm
September 2
1:36 am
Ah crud, I didn’t pay attention and forgot to log in on Blogger instead of just putting the username. I’m a lurker(former now, I guess) who couldn’t resist adding a title since I read said books with silly titles. Hi.
Desiree Erotique
September 2
6:23 am
Dang Karen, I didn’t curse that much going through childbirth. Take a deep breath and pace those words. Silly-ass titles just aren’t worth getting this frustrated about π
And I don’t care if I win, but here’s you some titles:
Harlequin Presents-
My Big, Fat Geek Wedding
by Bill Gates
Rise and Fall of the Third Last Round
by Mel Gibson
Marriage At a Price (Church-of-God Style)
by Mary Winkler
The Billionaire’s Bulemic Bride
by Paris Hilton
The Trailer Park King’s Mail-Order Bride
by Britney Spears
The Love Best Unnamed
by Pat Buchanan & Phil Donahue writing as Frik and Frak
Toilet Break Rendezvous
by Kyra Phillips
Men Are From Mars, and So Are Women
by Tom Cruise
His Majesty’s Clueless Mute Bride
by George W. Bush
Kat O+
September 2
7:10 am
The Cherry Popping Tycoon’s Doormat Debutante
The Playboy’s Paternity Suit
The Prince and the Pre-nup
The Mistress’s Abortion Proposition
As you can tell, I really, really don’t want that free book. π
Sam
September 2
7:27 am
Oh, I can’t resist, lol!
The Greek Sponge Diver’s Mail Order Virgin
The Texan Billionaire’s Tax Deductable Spouse
The Saudi Sheik’s Amnesiac Bride
The Millionaire Pakistan Arranged Marriage
The Sunday School Teacher Pole Dancer’s Secret Baby
Desiree Erotique
September 2
7:31 am
The Duke’s Douche Dive
The Marquis and His Post-Menopausal Lover
Jail Bait and the Alegebra Teacher
A Fecund Bush Under The Jutting Mountains
The Sheikh’s Seventeen Inch Sword of Plenty
Harry Peters and the Secret of the Honey Pot
Mistress Massengil and the Vinegar Vagabond
ok, I’m going to stop now LOL
Jaye
September 2
2:33 pm
Karen, I was gonna say, this is like shooting fish in a barrel, but lol @ Desiree & Sam. *gg*
The Spammer King and the Sex-blogger.
The Hipster Barrista and the Billionaire Bootlegger.
The Reforming His Revirginized Mistress.
L.T. Rashard
September 2
2:56 pm
Spam Male Spaniard
Rich Man’s Rubbish
Virgin Bride and The Rich Little Dick Man She Married.
Romance and Finance
In Between her legs
Down on her luck, Down on her knees Bride
Saturating Sultan
Lea
Julie
September 2
3:42 pm
Karen, actually it isn’t the writers that make up the titles but the editors and marketing. Writers have virtually no say in titles or covers and in fact some of them aren’t thrilled by some of the titles given.
Julie
Desiree Erotique
September 2
3:57 pm
Julie, you are correct when it comes to some houses. My very first publisher did that to me; said they wanted the words Erotic and Satin Sheets in there and finally came up with a very sexy title. Trouble was, the book wasn’t erotica and there were no Satin Sheets in any of the stories. I’ve been lucky since then in having say in the titles with other publishers. But I wouldn’t be surprised if these silly titles that Karen talked about aren’t the brain children of some marketing “specialist” within the company.
eve vaughn
September 2
3:59 pm
LMAO @ Desiree. “The trailer park King’s mail order bride.”
Classic!
I would so read that book!!
Lori
September 2
7:45 pm
LMAO – I can’t even begin to compete. I bow down in awe…
Nicolette
September 2
8:39 pm
Cristina and The Craftsman’s Tool. (An I Found True Love at Sears romance.)
Chloe and The Clown (An I Found Love at Jack-in-The-Box romance.)
Gia and the Giant Cucumber (An I Found Love in the Produce Aisle romance.)
Deborah and the Deadbeat. (An I Found Love in The Unemployment Line romance.)
Lia and the Leper (An I Got Your Nose romance.)
Tyra and the Typical Guy. (An I Washed the Skidmarks Out of Your Undershorts…Again romance)
How Deep is My Disappointment? (An Is It In Yet? Romance)
How Queasy My Stomach. (Any of the secret pregnancy books published.)
Welshcakes Limoncello
September 3
4:56 pm
I can’t compete with any of the title ideas offered here, but I’ve sure had a good laugh here in Italy reading them! Thank you.
AngelaDionne
September 4
2:11 am
I think my favorite one from above has to be either:
Jail Bait and the Alegebra Teacher
or
The Trailer Park King’s Mail-Order Bride
I might just be intrigued enough to sneak a peak at one of those…
bettie
September 4
8:07 am
Great topic, and great posts so far!
His Mistress’s “Accidental” Pregnancy
The Kyrgyzstani Billionaire’s Dyslexic Bride
She Charged by the Hour
The Frotteurist’s Touching Proposal
Jaye
September 4
4:17 pm
“The Kyrgyzstani Billionaire’s Dyslexic Bride”
LOL! Priceless. *gg*
Karen Scott
September 4
10:46 pm
Thanks for participating guys! Welcome Mm, thanks for delurking!