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I surfed over to the Mills and Boon website earlier, (must have been all this talk about series romances) to have a look at some of the offerings.

Well, fuck-all has changed since the last time I was there. The titles are still ridiculous. This must be like a cult thing. Is it part of the contract that authors have to think up these rubbish titles? Anyway, check some of ’em out, and for those who don’t read Harlequin Presents, I think you guys will still catch on pretty quickly.

The Sultan’s Virgin Bride

The Spaniard’s Pregnancy Proposal

The Rich Man’s Royal Mistress

Purchased By The Billionaire

At The Sheikh’s Command

The Sultan’s Virgin Bride? The Sultan’s fucking Virgin Bride? Who the */Β£$%^&&*””! ever thought that was a good title? Who? Effing Nora. (Erm…that’s a Brit saying, I’m not really cussing out the Nora or anything.)

Anyway, just for shits and giggles, can anybody come up with potential future Harlequin Presents book titles? The person who comes up with the best title, wins my beloved copy of Thea Devine’s, Sensation.

I know, I know, it’s the worst fucking book evah my generosity knows no bounds. It truly pains me to have to part with this utter drivel literary masterpiece.

Anyway, go have at it, and I’ll be back on Monday to announce the winners, have a good weekend y’all!


  • katieM
    September 2
    12:30 am

    The Virgin Sheik’s Billionaire Italian Spanish Modest Bride’s Passion


  • Mm
    September 2
    1:01 am

    The Greek Billionaire’s Blackmailed Virgin Mistress’ Secret Love-Child


  • Rosie
    September 2
    1:22 am

    Well….I was going to post that any title I came up with couldn’t be any worse. Then I read the awesome offerings of KatieM and Mm. I just CAN’T compete with those!!! What a hoot.


  • Mm
    September 2
    1:36 am

    Ah crud, I didn’t pay attention and forgot to log in on Blogger instead of just putting the username. I’m a lurker(former now, I guess) who couldn’t resist adding a title since I read said books with silly titles. Hi.


  • Desiree Erotique
    September 2
    6:23 am

    Dang Karen, I didn’t curse that much going through childbirth. Take a deep breath and pace those words. Silly-ass titles just aren’t worth getting this frustrated about πŸ™‚

    And I don’t care if I win, but here’s you some titles:
    Harlequin Presents-

    My Big, Fat Geek Wedding
    by Bill Gates

    Rise and Fall of the Third Last Round
    by Mel Gibson

    Marriage At a Price (Church-of-God Style)
    by Mary Winkler

    The Billionaire’s Bulemic Bride
    by Paris Hilton

    The Trailer Park King’s Mail-Order Bride
    by Britney Spears

    The Love Best Unnamed
    by Pat Buchanan & Phil Donahue writing as Frik and Frak

    Toilet Break Rendezvous
    by Kyra Phillips

    Men Are From Mars, and So Are Women
    by Tom Cruise

    His Majesty’s Clueless Mute Bride
    by George W. Bush


  • Kat O+
    September 2
    7:10 am

    The Cherry Popping Tycoon’s Doormat Debutante
    The Playboy’s Paternity Suit
    The Prince and the Pre-nup
    The Mistress’s Abortion Proposition

    As you can tell, I really, really don’t want that free book. πŸ˜€


  • Sam
    September 2
    7:27 am

    Oh, I can’t resist, lol!

    The Greek Sponge Diver’s Mail Order Virgin

    The Texan Billionaire’s Tax Deductable Spouse

    The Saudi Sheik’s Amnesiac Bride

    The Millionaire Pakistan Arranged Marriage

    The Sunday School Teacher Pole Dancer’s Secret Baby


  • Desiree Erotique
    September 2
    7:31 am

    The Duke’s Douche Dive

    The Marquis and His Post-Menopausal Lover

    Jail Bait and the Alegebra Teacher

    A Fecund Bush Under The Jutting Mountains

    The Sheikh’s Seventeen Inch Sword of Plenty

    Harry Peters and the Secret of the Honey Pot

    Mistress Massengil and the Vinegar Vagabond

    ok, I’m going to stop now LOL


  • Jaye
    September 2
    2:33 pm

    Karen, I was gonna say, this is like shooting fish in a barrel, but lol @ Desiree & Sam. *gg*

    The Spammer King and the Sex-blogger.

    The Hipster Barrista and the Billionaire Bootlegger.

    The Reforming His Revirginized Mistress.


  • L.T. Rashard
    September 2
    2:56 pm

    Spam Male Spaniard
    Rich Man’s Rubbish
    Virgin Bride and The Rich Little Dick Man She Married.
    Romance and Finance
    In Between her legs
    Down on her luck, Down on her knees Bride
    Saturating Sultan



  • Julie
    September 2
    3:42 pm

    Karen, actually it isn’t the writers that make up the titles but the editors and marketing. Writers have virtually no say in titles or covers and in fact some of them aren’t thrilled by some of the titles given.



  • Desiree Erotique
    September 2
    3:57 pm

    Julie, you are correct when it comes to some houses. My very first publisher did that to me; said they wanted the words Erotic and Satin Sheets in there and finally came up with a very sexy title. Trouble was, the book wasn’t erotica and there were no Satin Sheets in any of the stories. I’ve been lucky since then in having say in the titles with other publishers. But I wouldn’t be surprised if these silly titles that Karen talked about aren’t the brain children of some marketing “specialist” within the company.


  • eve vaughn
    September 2
    3:59 pm

    LMAO @ Desiree. “The trailer park King’s mail order bride.”

    I would so read that book!!


  • Lori
    September 2
    7:45 pm

    LMAO – I can’t even begin to compete. I bow down in awe…


  • Nicolette
    September 2
    8:39 pm

    Cristina and The Craftsman’s Tool. (An I Found True Love at Sears romance.)

    Chloe and The Clown (An I Found Love at Jack-in-The-Box romance.)

    Gia and the Giant Cucumber (An I Found Love in the Produce Aisle romance.)

    Deborah and the Deadbeat. (An I Found Love in The Unemployment Line romance.)

    Lia and the Leper (An I Got Your Nose romance.)

    Tyra and the Typical Guy. (An I Washed the Skidmarks Out of Your Undershorts…Again romance)

    How Deep is My Disappointment? (An Is It In Yet? Romance)

    How Queasy My Stomach. (Any of the secret pregnancy books published.)


  • Welshcakes Limoncello
    September 3
    4:56 pm

    I can’t compete with any of the title ideas offered here, but I’ve sure had a good laugh here in Italy reading them! Thank you.


  • AngelaDionne
    September 4
    2:11 am

    I think my favorite one from above has to be either:
    Jail Bait and the Alegebra Teacher
    The Trailer Park King’s Mail-Order Bride
    I might just be intrigued enough to sneak a peak at one of those…


  • bettie
    September 4
    8:07 am

    Great topic, and great posts so far!

    His Mistress’s “Accidental” Pregnancy

    The Kyrgyzstani Billionaire’s Dyslexic Bride

    She Charged by the Hour

    The Frotteurist’s Touching Proposal


  • Jaye
    September 4
    4:17 pm

    “The Kyrgyzstani Billionaire’s Dyslexic Bride”

    LOL! Priceless. *gg*


  • Karen Scott
    September 4
    10:46 pm

    Thanks for participating guys! Welcome Mm, thanks for delurking!


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