They Say Our Love Wont Pay The Rent… Rich Man/Poor Man?
Tuesday, October 24, 2006Posted in: Uncategorized
Some of my girlfriends came round to our house for a vodka, cheese and grapes night on Friday evening.
It was very messy.
I kept trying to turn the conversation onto books that we’d all read, but my friends are effing heathens, and don’t read that often. Apparently they have busy lives or something? Fuck knows.
Anyway, somehow the conversation got round to TTG and That North Eastern Freak Heather McCartney.
We all pretty much agreed that she married him for his greens, but this led onto the discussion of whether or not any of us would ever marry a man even if he was dirt poor.
Being the slightly materialistic girl that I am, I of course said no. My girlfriends the poor idealistic fools were appalled.
My argument was that it was as easy to fall in love with a rich man, as with a poor man.
I like to think of myself as a romantic pragmatist. Sure, I like to read stories about rich debutante’s falling in love with poor-as-a-church-mouse heroes, but that’s just fantasy.
If you’re a go-getter, how likely are you to fall in love with somebody who thinks it’s a good idea to sit around the house in their smelly undies all day? Whose idea of ambition, is to make it to the off-license (liquor store to you Americans) before closing? How long is that relationship likely to last?
I do realise there are ambitious women out there who have hooked up with such deadbeats, Britney’s K-Fed but that was never going to be the story of my life.
Whilst I probably wouldn’t ever marry just for money, I think I can safely say, that I would have never hooked up with a guy who couldn’t afford to pay for dinner. Harsh, I know, but hey, I had three jobs whilst I was at university, and if I wanted something, I worked damned hard to get it.
The thing is, my attitude has less to do with the actual money, and more to do with a person’s work ethic, or lack thereof.
If a man doesn’t believe in hard work, how is he going to help look after my babies? If he doesn’t believe in self-improvement, what kind of example is he going to set for my children?
It’s ok to be poor, many people are, but it’s not ok to not want to do better.
eggs
October 24
1:00 am
By “man”, I’m assuming we’re talking someone over the age of, say, 25?
I wouldn’t marry a man who wasn’t mentally or eomotionally stable. I wouldn’t marry a man who wasn’t smart. I wouldn’t marry a man who didn’t have strong interests in life, be they social, political, artistic or work related. I wouldn’t marry a man who HAD strong interests, but wasn’t enthusiastic enough about participating in the world to encourage other people to join him in pursuing them. I wouldn’t marry a man who didn’t keep the welfare of his family at the forefront of his mind.
It’s very hard for a man to be all of these things AND be poor. I do know an extremely small number of men like this who are poor: recent refugees/immigrants, recent uni graduates, and environmental activists. All of these men (except for the environmental activist!) won’t be poor for very long.
The fact that a man is poor isn’t what’s the turn-off. It’s the *reason* that he’s poor that turns me off. And there are very few men who meet my criteria from the first paragraph that are poor when they reach marriagable age.
Eve Vaughn
October 24
2:33 am
I could marry a poor man, but only if he’s driven and not a lazy bastard
Rosie
October 24
8:37 am
I guess I would have to agree that for me it’s not a question of bank balance as it is what sort of man you are. It isn’t the degree of wealth as much as it is the depth of character of the man for me.
emdee
October 24
4:46 pm
North Eastern Freak?
Isabella Snow
October 24
9:43 pm
I hate to come right out and say I wouldn’t marry a poor man, but I wouldn’t. 😉
Mainly because I fully expect my man to have goals, be driven and have accomplished something for himself by the time he’s 30.
And just plain be more successful than myself.
And money plays a part in that. I don’t need a sugar daddy, but I want to know my man can provide, even if I never use his provisions.
I’m sure that sounds sexist, but that’s the truth!
I’d have married someone dirt poor at 20, though.. back when I was just starting my career and was sleeping on an egg crate in a roach infested apartment.. lol.
Jesus, I was poor………………………………..!
Beverly Havlir
October 25
12:09 am
Now, at this stage in my life, I’d have to say no, I don’t see myself marrying a poor man. If I was asked that question years ago, maybe yes, if I happened to fall in love with this fellow. Back when I was innocent and idealistic, maybe. *g*
My grandma once told me it’s better to marry a man with potential. I like to think that’s what I did. *g*
Dramedy Girl
October 25
2:33 am
I’m like you, Karen. I could marry a “poor” man as long as he was doing a job he loved and it just didn’t pay for the jet seteting life I know I should have. :o) But I could not marry a lazy assed piece of shit who thought bringing home the bacon meant putting it on the shopping list for me to come home with from the grocery store, fry it up and then serve it to him with a cold beer. I don’t effin’ think so!
Karen Scott
October 25
7:08 am
Emdee wrote:
North Eastern Freak?
She’s from the North East of England.
Kristie (J)
October 25
12:09 pm
Gee thanks Karen! I just HAD to try and remember what that song was. Now I have Sunny & Cher running through my head!
AAAACCCCKKKK! Must Replace! Must Replace!
When I was young and idealistic I might have considered marrying a poor man (although I didn’t) – but now – nope! I wouldn’t either
-Helen
October 26
12:38 am
I married a man that isn’t living in total poverty, but we do struggle sometimes financially. In fact, he came with a bill of a few hundred thousand dollars. The only reason we aren’t living in poverty is because he won a settlement in a law suit years ago.
When he was a child a drunk driver crashed into his family’s automobile and killed his mom and brother. They also left him with permanent health problems. He’s had two transplant surgeries, and mangaged to get two Bacherlor’s degrees in spite of a few setbacks here and there.
But while he isn’t invalid or disabled in the traditional sense , he has good days and bad days and his health is at times worse than others; there is no way he could hold a job for any length of time.
But he is the most amazing human being I have ever known; he has lived through many disasters and medical emergencies that should have killed him. Despite everything bad that has happened to him he is the most loving, affectionate, and compassionate man. He is 100% supportive of me and he has always done his share of the work at home when he is able.
So I don’t think it’s fair to say that you’d never marry a poor man because poor men are lazy; there are always exceptions to that. My husband is without a doubt the man that was meant for me, and I wouldn’t trade him for a multi-billionare with one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel.
Desiree Erotique
October 26
6:06 pm
Karen said, “If a man doesn’t believe in hard work, how is he going to help look after my babies? If he doesn’t believe in self-improvement, what kind of example is he going to set for my children?
It’s ok to be poor, many people are, but it’s not ok to not want to do better.”
Yes, my dear, a lot of people are and their finances often have nothing to do whether or not they want to do better. I dated several men who were poor because American jobs were being outcropped overseas; factories going down, businesses going under, lay-offs, the whole sha-bang. And if we can look past the current situation and into the life experience, goals, and integrity of the person we’re talking to we just might see the kind of guy worth a hell of a lot more in the long run than some of the self-centered, high-paid low-lifes out there.
Just my two cents worth.
Welshcakes Limoncello
October 26
7:37 pm
I’m with you on this one, Karen. Knowing what I know now, at the advanced age of 56, I’d try like fuck to fall for a richer man! – Or at least one who’d get off his arse and try to make life better for both of us!
eggs
October 26
9:18 pm
Desiree said: “And if we can look past the current situation and into the life experience, goals, and integrity of the person we’re talking to we just might see the kind of guy worth a hell of a lot more in the long run than some of the self-centered, high-paid low-lifes out there. “
This is kind of a straw horse. Not all men who are “poor” have worth and depth. Not all men who are “not poor” are shallow assholes. Given two hypothetical pools (poor/not poor) of perfectly nice, decent men to choose from, why wouldn’t you select a husband from the pool of men that are not poor?
I don’t understand why people are addressing this as being a choice between “poor” and “rich”, as that’s certainly not how I read Karen’s comment. She said she wouldn’t be interested in a man “who couldn’t afford to pay for dinner”. There’s a long way between that and rich. I come from a working class family. I have plenty of tradesmen in my family who will never be rich, but I would never think of them as poor either. They can afford to pay for dinner, buy a house, take their family on vacation every year. This isn’t a choice between A and B, it’s a choice between A (poor) and B through Z (everyone else).
Karen Scott
October 27
6:03 am
What Eggs said. (she said it so much better than I could)
Desiree Erotique
October 27
8:59 pm
eggs said, “Given two hypothetical pools (poor/not poor) of perfectly nice, decent men to choose from, why wouldn’t you select a husband from the pool of men that are not poor?”
Yeah, for the shame of it; I made a completely unscientific choice here. I chose my perfectly nice, decent man to marry on merits of mutual love. How dare me for not looking for the Pool Posts.