Karen Knows Best

Wow…and….Wow…

Friday, August 31, 2007
Posted in: e-book authors posting under the influence

You know, in this here Blogland, there are many things that amuse me greatly, but this post (Anon 6.05 comment) has to be the funniest damn thing I’ve come across in a good while.

The author, whoever she is, obviously didn’t read my previous post on authors and publishers who get caught with their dangling participles, around their ankles. Oh actually, looking at the date of the post, I was possibly too late to help her. Dearie, dearie me. Some people never learn.

Full rant after the cut…

“jadensinclair
Sent: Tuesday, 28 August 2007 1:14 PM
To: MGP_Authors_Loop@yahoogroups.com
Subject: [MGP_Authors_Loop] I have been quiet long enough!

SON OF A BITCH!!

DOES THIS GROUP OF PEOPLE HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO SAY?? IT IS FUCKING SICKENING HOW ONE PERSON MAKES A MISTAKE AND YOU ALL
FALLOW SOMEONE AND GO OUT FOR BLOOD. ARE WE IN THE DAMN STONE AGES?

I SENT OFF ONE MESSAGE TO ONE PERSON AND SHE ACTS LIKE SHE
IS GOD.

I TALKED TO TERESA TONIGHT IS EVERYONE HAPPY NOW???????

THE COMPANY IS CLOSING. MOST HAVE HELPED IN THIS MATTER BY NOT SELLING, DEMANDING PRINT BOOKS THAT DONT SELL AND NOW THIS. IF I SOUND PISSED I AM!

WHAT DOES THIS SAY ABOUT US? THAT WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH, WHEN A PUTER GOES DOWN LETS TAKE A HEAD? WHO WANTS US WHEN WE DO THAT.

YOU WANT THE FUCKING SCOOP HERE IT IS…

TERESA HAS NO NET. HER DOG CHEWED THE CABLE, ONE PUTER CRASHED AND SHE IS BROKE. IS SHE GOING TO SHIT OUT A PUTER, OR BEG TO GET ON AT THE LIBARY WHEN KIDS ARE USING THE PUTER TO STUDY? THINK PEOPLE!!!! FOR CHRIST SAKES.

THE COMPANY HAS LOST MONEY. SHE TIRED TO KEEP IT TOGETHER AND FIX THINGS EVEN WHEN OTHERS WERE UTTING THEIR NOSES IN WHERE IT DIDNT BELONG. EVERYONE MAKES A MISTAKE AND YOU ALL WANT HER ASS.

SHE IS GIVING EVERYONE THEIR BOOKS/ CONTRACTS BACK ON SEPT 1. AFTER THAT THE COMPANY WILL BE FILING A CHAPTER 7. SHE IS MAKING SURE YOU ALL ARE NOT TIED UP LIKE TRISK IS WITH CONTRACTS. SO HOWS THAT FOR FUCKING YOU LIKE YOU SEEM TO THINK??? IF SHE DIDNT GIVE A SHIT THEN SHE WOULD TIE US ALL UP AND NOT LET US GO.

WHY YOU COULDNT GET IN TOUCH, SHE GOT A JOB. AND FOR ALL OF YOU WHO THINK THEY WOULD KNOW, YOU KNEW SHIT. I KNEW AS SOON AS SHE GOT IT BUT KEP MY MOUTH SHUT FOR HER. TERESA IS MY FRIEND.

IF YOU ARE GOING TO USE WHAT HAPPENS TO HER AGAINST HER THATS YOUR CHOICE, BUT STOP PUTTING ME IN THE MIDDLE HERE. I WAS FRIENDS WITH HER BEFORE SHE STARTED THE COMPANY AND I WILL BE AFTER.

IF YOU ALL THINK YOU ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN OTHERS, THEN GO AWAY QUIETLY. STOP TRYING TO HURT SOMEONE.

REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT HER GETTING TO ANOTHER PUTER IS SHIT. SOME PLACES CHARGE FOR PERSONAL USE ON A PUPLIC PUTER.

NOW THAT THE DIRT IS OUT LET THE DUST SETTLE. GETTING LAWYERS AND SUIEING WONT SALVE ANYTHING BUT GIVING YOURSELF THE REP OF BEING A TROULBE MAKER. THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A CHANGE.

THIS SHIT HAS GOTTEN SO OUT OF HAND, AND YOU ALL NEED TO STOP LOOKING FOR A LEADER. IF YOU CANT THINK FOR YOURSELF THEN YOU HAVE A MOJOR PROBLEM.”

Dear fucking Lord.

By the way, just in case you didn’t guess already, she’s a best selling e-book author.

Dear fucking Lord.

39 Comments »

Don’t These People Know That There Are Predators Everywhere?

Friday, August 31, 2007
Posted in: How not to look after your baby, Karen Rant

TTG and I decided to go down to our local park yesterday to walk off dinner. We often do this, because it’s quite beautiful and peaceful there, especially during the twilight hours.

Anyway, we were messing around with his football, when out of nowhere, this toddler ran up to us and started trying to kick the ball.

I looked around to see who the kid belonged too, and I spied a guy slowly ambling down towards us. I figured he was the child’s father, so of course I played kick-about with him, waiting for his dad to come and retrieve him.

Imagine my horror when the guy walked right past us.

I looked at TTG and he shrugged his shoulders as if to say, WTF?.

The child was barely two years old if that.

Anyway, I told TTG to go and locate his parents whilst I kept him occupied.

About five minutes later, TTG re-appears with a teenage boy. Apparently he had taken his eyes off his brother for a moment, and the little boy had seen us with the ball, and so, decided to follow us.

The boy was only about fourteen, so I asked him where his mother was.

Apparently she was waiting on the other side of the field. WTF?

Not only does the stupid bitch let her baby wander off on his own, she then sends her young teen to come and retrieve him.

I couldn’t help myself. I had to say something.

I asked her what she would have done if we’d been paedophiles, and suggested that in future, she keep a better eye on her child. (Or words to that effect.)

TTG stopped me from going off on a big ‘ole rant at her. Dammit.

I realise that children run off if you take your eyes off them for even a second, but surely, knowing that there are evil predators out there who prey on young children, you’d take just a bit more care?

I wouldn’t mind, but it was almost 8pm, the child should have been in flaming bed in the first place. Grrrrr.

I’m still so angry I could spit.

16 Comments »

Question Number Two…

Thursday, August 30, 2007
Posted in: random musings

As an author, or even as a publisher, would it not be a good idea to have at least a basic grasp of the English language, seeing as you work in an industry where words are all important?

Also, if you are a publisher/author, and you’re trying to make a valid and noteworthy point (possibly also known as defending the indefensible), would it not be a good idea to check what you’ve written before you press send?

My advice is to at least use the spelling and grammar checker in Word before you confirm to the world, that not only are you probably not a good business person/writer, but you also obviously have a problem stringing a coherent sentence together on paper.

Aspiring authors, if you receive any correspondence from a publisher who wants to offer you a contract, and you can barely understand what they’ve written, you might want to consider not signing with them. Or at least check to see if they have a legitimate reason for their rubbish literacy skills.

One thing I’ve learned on Blogland is that bad things seem to happen to authors who seemingly can’t get themselves together enough to write coherently.

It’s ok for me to be incoherent, and use shockingly bad grammar, this is just my hobby, not my job.

Just sayin.

16 Comments »

"I have been forced to make this decision based on lack of finances – hormonal females and bitching."

Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Posted in: authors being treated badly, Mardi Gras Publishing, temperamental publishers

I don’t know how accurate this is, but apparently this is what the CEO of Mardi Gras Publishing had to say in response to some of the comments that have been floating around, re the closure of MGP. (Bare in mind this info was posted by an anonymous source, so cannot be taken as gospel.)

“In response to this post – I went MIA due to computer issues. And have now leased a system I can not afford.

This previous post is NOT from all the editors, authors and staff. Only a small group.

And the satinrougepress. com web site had been there since mardi gras opened because it was originally surpose to be the satin rouge line location.

It amazes me how people continue to post non-accurate information.

Mardi Gras Publishing is officially closing September 1, 2007 I have been forced to make this decision based on lack of finances – hormonal females and bitching.

I’m tired of it and refuse to listen to it any more. I gave this company 110% – quit my job and have received nothing but aggravation since. I have NO intention of opening another company, have you lost your mind?!

Teresa”

Hmmm… Hormonal females eh? Nice…

Incidentally, Teresa, if these aren’t your words, just let me know, and I’ll amend accordingly. Although judging from this report of your past unethical behaviour, I have a feeling that the words were indeed yours.

UPDATED WITH LINKS ABOVE

83 Comments »

Wherein Beauty Must Never Be Allowed To Triumph Over Brains

Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Posted in: Miss Teen USA 2007 - South Carolina answers a question

Dear Lord, dumb as a box of rocks doesn’t quite cover it. Apparently, she won too. Her parents must be so proud…

Stolen from Giselle’s Blog.

20 Comments »

Question….

Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Posted in: Epublishers, random ramblings

If you were a best-selling author who got your start in e-publishing, why would you choose to not include those early, and subsequent books on your website?

Possible Answers

1. Embarassment (I’m not sure why though, the e-published books were good)
2. An effort to cut all ties with said e-publisher (Can’t really blame her for that)
3. Wants to be taken seriously as a writer (Hey, your readers take you seriously enough)
4. Doesn’t want to admit to writing ‘smut’ (Hey, sex sells)
5. Pissed off with e-publisher for some mysterious reason (Hmmm… very likely)

Well, I guess we’ll never know unless the author in question talks, so I’ll have to draw my own conspiracy-fuelled conclusions. *g*

55 Comments »

Paying Authors Their Dues Really Should Be A Given…

Monday, August 27, 2007
Posted in: authors being treated badly, Chippewa Publishing, Mardi Gras Publishing

Oh feeling much better now, TTG even persuaded me that going for a walk in the park was a good idea. He was right.

Anyway, apparently Desiree Erotique hasn’t been paid any royalties for her book for several months. The guilty ones this time, are Chippewa Publishing.

Des writes:

Chippewa Publishing/Lady Aibell owner, Rebecca Pack, has been sent my notice of my displeasure at not being paid royalties for my story, Nocturnique.

This situation has been going on for several months and before this I was also concerned with royalty statements which contradicted with the language of my contract; contradictions acknowledged by Ms. Packs but never remedied.

I have thus removed purchase links at my website for Nocturnique. The contract for this story ends September 2007 and I have also notified Ms. Pack that I will not renew the contract.

Hmmm…I’d avoid them like the plague in any case

I also got the following e-mail about Mardi Gras Publishing:

Smoke and fire, people, smoke and fire. Anybody know any different, you’re welcomed to e-mail me.

By the way, don’t these people know that music on a ‘professional website’ is a bit, ya know… irritating?

26 Comments »

Currently Spending My Bank Holiday Monday…

Monday, August 27, 2007
Posted in: Ben Hur Feeling like crap

Watching Ben Hur in bed, and nursing the hangover from hell…

Incidentally, would it be blasphemous for me to say that there are slightly homoerotic undertones to Ben Hur? *g*

I love me a bit of Charlton Heston though, *ooh er missus*…

6 Comments »

Is Another E-Publisher About To Bite The Dust?

Sunday, August 26, 2007
Posted in: authors being treated badly, Camille Anthony, Epublishers, Silk's Vault

Apologies for the lack of posts, but TTG and I decided to go away for the weekend.

Anyway, I was just over at the Dear Author site, where Jane’s got a link to Camille Anthony, an e-published author, who’s gone public regarding her lack of royalty payments from Silk’s Vault, an e-publisher, with whom she was contracted with.

Camille writes:

I have never once received my royalties on time. To date, I have not received the royalties due me from the first two quarters of 2007. On top of that, I have a royalty statement prepared by the owner (who does all the paperwork) for my first quarter sells which fails to list the books sold at fictionwise (506 copies).

Having looked over your site and seen the mention of lack of proof, etc., I am attaching the fraudulent royalty statement as well as the printout from fictionwise listing my total sales for the two quarters. Nowhere does Sara list those fictionwise numbers on my royalty statement. And I haven’t received the 2nd quarter statement at all.

So basically, they haven’t paid her all year, and when the bleeders did pay her, they didn’t include royalties from her sales at Fictionwise. Good going.

Camille continues:

When I asked for payment, Sara Tiller sent the royalty statement. I informed her the statement was not payment. When I again asked for clarification of why she had not listed my fictionwise sells, she responded with insults and threats about taking this situation public and that she would pay me when she was able.

That was not what my contract read. It states payment will be made no later than 45 days after the end of the preceding quarter.

I gave her until Monday to have my first and second quarter royalties in my mailbox. That time limit has passed. I will be going public with this as promised (not threatened) as well as contacting the FBI and the legal authorities in her state since her fraudulent practices were commited across state lines as well might institute internet fraud.

Jeepers creepers. I’m assuming Sarah Tiller is the CEO of Silk’s. I guess she didn’t read Dale Carnegie’s book huh?

Anyway, Jane’s done her bit, and tried to contact the publisher directly to get the other side of the story, but so far she aint biting. I’m guessing that Sarah whoever-she-is, is probably stuck with her head buried in the sand somewhere hoping that all her troubles will go away, as if by magic.

If I was an author at Silk’s Vault, I’d seriously start thinking about taking my books and running like crazy. I don’t know about anybody else, but I’ve never enjoyed being shafted from behind.

Getting published might be a writer’s dream come true, but if you guys aren’t careful about who you hand over your precious babies to, that dream might turn into a nightmare, and you might just end up getting royally screwed, without the benefit of an orgasm.

Triskelion and Venus Press anybody?

Just sayin’.

By the way, if you’re an aspiring author hoping to get e-pubbed, you might want to check out Piers Anthony’s website. Some E-publishers, and authors seem to hate him, because of the gossipy nature of his info, but some of the information that he’s posted about e-pubs, have been right on the money.

No smoke without fire, I say.

If anybody has any further info on Silk’s Vault, you can e-mail me on hairylemony @ gmail. com. All identities kept strictly confidential of course.

Right, now that that’s done, I’m off to get ready for a crazy night out with the girls!

2 Comments »

Why Can’t The Women Be Billionaires Too?

Thursday, August 23, 2007
Posted in: jobs for girls, random musings

You know, we constantly harp on about romance being all about fantasies etc, but somehow, when it comes to giving the heroines we read about, brilliant, exciting jobs/careers, a lot of romance authors seem to take a backward step.

If I read about one more heroine who works in a flower shop or is a struggling P.A, I’ll gnaw my own arm off.

Every other HP (that would be Harlequin Presents, not Harry Potter) that I look at has the word ‘billionaire’ in the title somewhere, and they’re usually referring to the bloke.

Why can’t the billionaire in the title be the heroine? Now wouldn’t that be a novel idea?

I sometimes get irritated by the way some authors use particular jobs to stereo-type the heroine. Case in point, how many librarians have you come across in romance books that have fun exciting lives, go out with their friends, and party like it’s 1999? Not very effing many.

Most of the librarians that I’ve come across in books, have either, never had sex, or perhaps had bad sex in the back of a car with some bloke named Bobby Joe, ten million years ago, so decided that sex wasn’t for them. Or else they go home to their cats, and the highlight of their night is when they have to water their Chrysanthemums.

Every now and then, you get the heroine who’s an accountant, or a lawyer, but more often than not, as with librarians, this just seems to be a way for the author to demonstrate how dull, boring, and over-worked she is.

Case in point, the heroine in Cindy Kirk’s When She Was Bad.

The heroine, Jenny Carman, hasn’t had sex in six years because she was too busy working her way up the ladder as an accountant in a big firm. (Does this mean that accountants don’t have sex?). When she doesn’t get the job that she’s coveted for ages, she decides to ditch her goody-two-shoes image, and act like the bad girl, slut-ho she secretly wants to be.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m enjoying the book, but I do find myself getting irritated by the implication that you can’t be an accountant and lead an exciting life.

Why can’t heroines have great jobs too? If we’re going all out on the fantasy angle, would it be asking too much to give the heroine a half interesting career, without turning her into an uptight mare, who thinks that sex was invented just to stop her from achieving her goals?

Just once, I’d love to read about a heroine who was the billionairess, without the money being inherited from her wealthy daddy. I know that in real life, it’s not that common an occurrence, but it does happen every now and then.

I’d also like to read about a heroine who’s the president of a company, rather than the personal assistant.

I’d like to see more books with the heroine as a soldier. I’ve mostly given up reading s.e.a.l/military based romantic suspense books, but I’d probably give them another go, if it was the heroine who was the soldier, not the guy.

Do you ever wish that women in romance books, were on more of an equal footing to the guys, with regards tro their financial status? Also, what jobs would you like to see heroines in romance books given?

32 Comments »

Romance Isn’t Romance If The Bedroom Door Is Left Open…

Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Posted in: No cocks or pussies allowed in here dearie this is a ro

There was a rather interesting column up at Romancing The Blog, (I know, I too was shocked, interesting RTB columns only seem to happen about once every six months) when this comment caught my eye:

“The trouble is the borders, subjective borders, between romance and erotica. Personally I would call anything that has graphic sex scenes in it erotica rather than romance – for me Romance “closes the bedroom door” when it comes to The Act itself.”

The column itself was talking about too much sex in romance books, erm or something like that (yes I know we’ve been here before). The columnist was careful to point out that she was talking about traditional romance (does anybody know what traditional romance is these days btw?), not erotica. (g)

What bothered me most about the above comment was the implication that books which keep the bedroom door open, aren’t true romance. Now I know this is obviously her opinion, but my opinion is that that’s the most absurd thing I’ve read for at least a week (Hey this is Blogland, there is no shortage of stupid comments around these parts).

I think the columnist herself made a pretty good point about overblown (heheh) sex in books, but I’m thinking this does depend on the writer.

There are some books that I’ve read where the book was essentially made up of one sex scene after the other, (not that that’s always a bad thing mind, depends on the mood I guess) and very little plot. These are the books that annoy me no end, but on the other hand, Valdez’s Passion, started off with a sex scene (erm, not the penetrative kind, mind, I think it was more groping, than anything else) and let’s face it, there was enough sex in the rest of the book, to defrost even Anne Coulter, but for me, the key to the sexiness, was the writing itself. Passion was very much a character-driven story, which makes all the difference in the world.

Bad sex can spoil a romance book for me, but no sex, basically guarantees that that romance book wont ever get the chance to piss me off, cuz I aint buying it. Myopic much? Probably.

This is why me and inspirational romances could never be.

Hmmm… Does this mean I’m a sex-obsessed freak? *g*

12 Comments »

Karen Tries To Put The Shopping Away…

Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Posted in: The adventures of TTG and Karen

The other day, TTG and I were putting away the shopping, when we got onto the subject of the difference between my romance books, and porn. This is how the conversation went:

TTG: *Grabs book off kitchen top*
TTG: Jesus, this is pure porn.
KS: No it’s not:
TTG: *Reads out loud* “Her tongue flattened, raking the sensitive flesh beneath his cock and she felt another pulse of liquid, fall from the engorged flesh”
KS: What’s your point?
TTG: That’s porn:
KS: ::BLINKS::
TTG: If you put that scene in a film, it would be pornographic.
KS: It was romantic.
TTG: ::BLINKS::
TTG: *Looks at cover suspiciously*
TTG: Hmm… isn’t she the writer who likes anal?
KS: Erm…
TTG: Do you think she likes it up the arse?
KS: *lifts head from out of the fridge* Who?
TTG: Her
KS: *Checks cover*
KS: Dunno.
TTG: I reckon she does.
KS: Where did you put the toothpaste?
TTG: In fact, I think most of your writers are probably into kinky stuff
KS: What kinky stuff?
TTG: You know… water sports, and that kinda thing
KS: *SIGHS*
KS: I don’t read fetish books
TTG: Isn’t anal sex a fetish?
KS: Erm… I dunno.
TTG: Take away the storyline, and you’re left with porn.
KS: ::BLINKS::
KS: At least my porn has words.
TTG: So do mine
KS: ‘Suck Me Big Boy’ ten million times doesn’t count.
TTG: It’s art.
KS: Uh huh…
TTG: ::Silence::
TTG: Do you wanna go to bed?
KS: *Lifts head from shopping bags*
KS: What?
TTG: I feel horny.
KS: ::BLINKS::
KS: I’ve got a headache.
TTG: I bet the women in your books never have headaches.
KS: The men in my books all have twelve inch dicks, so what’s your point?
TTG: ::Silence::
TTG: So do you think she likes it up the arse then?
KS: FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING GOD, WHO GIVES A SHIT! NOW FIND THE FUCKING TOOTHPASTE!

Men.

28 Comments »

Do You Ever Return Books?

Sunday, August 19, 2007
Posted in: Returning books

Over on the All About Romance List, they’re talking about returning books. As in, how often people return books, and why.

Anne Marble, AAR moderator, asks:

“Do you return books, and if so, for what reasons? And are there reasons for which you would never return a book? Is there a point where you will not return a book after reading a set amount — whether a couple of chapters or a large portion?”

I must admit, I rarely ever return books, even the crap ones. I did return a book earlier this year, but I did have a good reason. I can’t even remember the name of the book, but I’d already read it, and didn’t realise it at the time. Actually, there might have been another book that I returned, but I simply can’t remember what the book was, or why I returned it. In 2006, I can categorically say that I never returned one book, not even the stinkers.

I don’t even return books when I accidentally buy two copies. This happened with J.D. Robb’s Rapture In Death last year, I ordered a copy from Amazon, then went to Borders, saw it, and bought it there, having totally forgotten that I’d actually already bought it from Amazon. (Does anybody else ever do this?)

I can’t remember what I did with the second copy, but I certainly didn’t return it. Hmmm…I might have actually given it away on the blog.

Anyway, this comment from one of the AAR regulars bemused me somewhat:

“I returned a book once b/c I hated it. It was about 10 years ago and
money was really tight. I felt that the publishing industry “stole”
what little money I had. Now that I actually make a living wage I
wouldn’t dream of returning a book simply b/c it’s awful.”

If I could be arsed, I would totally return a book that sucked great big hairy ones, the only reason I don’t, is because I’m so damn lazy. Returning a book because it’s awful is the most sensible thing one can do methinks, otherwise, you just feel cheated.

What say you?

36 Comments »

Just In Case You’ve Been Living Under A Rock…

Sunday, August 19, 2007
Posted in: Dionne Galace AKA Bam Skin To Skin

Bam’s FIRST BOOK, Skin To Skin, was released on Friday. Whooo hooO!!

You can read my review of it here, and buy it, here.

Seeing as it’s still the weekend, this is my excuse to post a totally random 1985 Madonna classic, and the theme song from Dawson’s Creek (you know, back when Katie Holmes didn’t look so other-worldly).

Enjoy the book and the videos!

3 Comments »

So, What Upcoming Releases Are You Looking Forward To Reading?

Saturday, August 18, 2007
Posted in: Elizabeth Hoyt, The Serpent Prince

I just read an excerpt of Elizabeth Hoyt’s upcoming release, The Serpent Prince, over at Sybil’s, and I just can’t wait till it comes out. I read The Leopard Prince and The Raven Prince, and loved them both, so this one has been eagerly awaited.

Hoyt writes the kind of hystericals that even a contemp-maniac like me can get her teeth into, plus her books are sexy as hell, with wonderfully rich and unique characters.

Dammit, October can’t come quick enough for me!

What must have book are you guys eagerly waiting for?

13 Comments »

Don’tcha Wish Your Boyfriend Was Hung Like Him?

Thursday, August 16, 2007
Posted in: romance is bad for women and it's just porn anyway

HelenKay has an interesting link to some bint who thinks that romance books are harmful because they make us stoopid women long for the stereotypical romance hero in our real lives, plus let’s face it, most romance is porn for women anyway, and we’ve all seen the effects that watching porn has on men, haven’t we?…erm or something like that.

For the sake of clarity (you guys know I’m all about clarity right?) here’s what she actually wrote:

“I was concerned to learn that many romance novels are not as harmless as they look. In fact, some marriage therapists caution that women can become as dangerously unbalanced by these books’ entrancing but distorted messages as men can by distorted messages of pornography.

In fact, many of today’s romance novels actually have a huge soft porn influence, as nearly all major publishers are rushing to put out mainstream “erotica” titles to meet exploding demand. At what point should we admit that there is little difference between graphic images to men and seductive, graphic words and feelings to women? Erotica romances provide the porn-laced story with no worry about a spouse catching you online.

Erotica aside, even traditional romance novels promote – almost by definition – an unattainable romantic ideal. The male heroes are all strong, rugged and breathtakingly handsome, yet sensitive, patient listeners and utterly unselfish. Is it any wonder that if we read two or three of those romances in a row, we’d start to be irritated by our real-life husbands with all their wonderful yet exasperating idiosyncrasies?”

Yeah, so basically she’s saying that most women who read romances will eventually find their real lives, and their real life partners dull in comparison to the dashing dukes, and devilishly handsome heroes, that most romance books eschew.

I’m sure it wont surprise you to learn that this columnist is a right-winger. They always have the best ideas don’t they? *g*

Now, my initial reaction to the column was, what the fuck is this bitch talking about? But upon further contemplation, I wondered if she actually had a point?

No, not the whole ‘harmful’ crap, because Lord knows, there are certainly worse things out there than reading romance, for instance things like a somebody stabbing a two year old child to death, that kinda shit.

No, I’m wondering if, as romance readers, we are looking at our husbands and expecting them to be like the heroes that we love to read about.

I must admit, it’s never occurred to me to wish that TTG would do something as romantic as carry round my button in his coat as a reminder of when we met. Apart from the inconvenience of having a button knackering up my washing machine, I’m not sure if the reality is as romantic as it seems when we read it in La Nora’s books.

Do we secretly wish that our husbands could be as alpha as some of the heroes that we read about?

Do we wish that our significant others would wake up without the nastiness that is morning breath?

Do we secretly wish that our S.O’s would walk round with perpetual hard-ons because they’re thinking of us all the time?

Do we also wish that our S.O had a twelve inch dick, and was built like a brick shithouse? Seriously girls, having a guy with a dick that big can be a real pain in the arse. *g*

Personally, if my hubby started demanding sex ten times a day, I’d divorce his ass.

Flowers are lovely, but if he ever sent me a room full of the stuff, I’d demand to see the bill, then proceed to beat him over the head with my hardback copy of Nora’s Born In Death, for wasting all that money, when I could have gone out and bought lots of nice clothes instead.

If TTG ever threw me to the ground, and started trying to have his wicked way with me whilst somebody was shooting at us, I’d punch him in the nose and tell him to get a grip.

In short, on paper, there can be no denying the appeal, but would we really want our husbands to be perfect little Ken-dolls, with hard abs, and tight asses, who can make us orgasm during penetrative sex, even without the benefit of foreplay?

Hmmmm… what was my point again? *g*

35 Comments »

When Karen Met Lori…

Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Posted in: Adventures with Blog people

So, TTG and I met up with Lori from Let’s Gab, and Don’t Talk, Just Read on Monday evening. We met in Nottingham, which is approximately two hours away from where we live, so we decided to stay in a hotel for the night.

It was really quite wonderful meeting Lori, and her hubby. They were both charming, and fun to talk to.

During the five hours we spent together (most of it in the Hardock Café in Nottingham) we covered a variety of subjects, including books (of course) politics, religion, Hilary Clinton, BDSM books, and George Bush. The conversation about George Bush was fascinating. We also commiserated with Lori and Hubby on the state of the US Dollar against the British Pound. (Seriously $2.25 for £1? Sheesh.)

Incidentally, Lori and I decided that we really just don’t get BDSM, and paranormals aren’t our cup of tea at all, and that Samhain have the best e-books at the moment. I love her like a fat kid loves cake.

The men ganged up on us, and sympathised with each other with regards to our obsession with books. TTG bitched and exaggerated about my daily deliveries from Amazon, and Lori’s hubby did the same.

We had a great time, and there was no lull in the conversation at all. Isn’t it lovely when that happens?

All in all, we certainly had a great time, TTG found somebody with whom he could share his love of all things historical, and I found somebody who knows the importance of finding a good quality hotel. Not bad eh?

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Karen Does Dionne Galace’s, Skin To Skin…

Sunday, August 12, 2007
Posted in: AKA Bam, Dionne Galace, Samhain Publishing, Skin To Skin

So I read Dionne Galace’s (AKA Bam), first published book, Skin To Skin, a couple of days ago.

Anyway, without further ado, here’s the blurb from Samhain:

“What Leilani wants, Leilani gets…and she always gets her man.

A Midsummer Night’s Steam story

What Leilani wants, Leilani gets. That is, until she meets the enigmatic Oliver Clayton, her new neighbor. For some reason, Oliver seems to be intent on avoiding her even though he’s obviously interested.

Leilani has tried to everything to get his attention, from wearing skimpy little outfits to walking a neighbor’s dog six times in front of his yard. Leilani wants Oliver…and she always gets her man.

In the heat of the summer, the temperature’s not only thing rising. Luckily, Oliver has that pool in his backyard and Leilani knows just how to cool off…”

My Verdict

It. Was. Too. Effing. Short.

But I loved it. It was hot, and sexy, and great for a good bout of mid-week horizontal Lambada with TTG.

I fully expected Skin To Skin to be a good read, because half the reason why I think Bam rocks like a threesome with David Beckham and Will Smith, is because she’s so damned funny. I just couldn’t see how her natural humour wouldn’t manifest itself in her first book.

Leilani was exactly the way that I often wish romance heroines would be. She was a girl who wanted a man, and wasn’t afraid to go after him. She was a girl who wanted to get laid, and wasn’t beyond wearing skirts so short that you could see her thongs. (I too am all about those pink thongs, great for hiding wet patches apparently *g*) She was a girl who didn’t have insecurities about herself, and liked who she was. She was the way that most romance writers tend to portray their heroes. Sexy, and confident. I loved that.

I have to say though, she was also a girl who named her dog Fifi. Man, that shit’s just wrong.

Ms Galace’s hero was hot too. For some reason, I kept channelling The Green Arrow, from Smallville. Man he’s hot, and I did find myself wondering if that was who Ms Galace had in mind when she was creating Oliver’s character.

Oliver Clayton was a cop who was recuperating from a shot-up thigh, and was trying to keep a low profile, if only the brazen hussy next door would let him go a minute without making his little head throb painfully, by continuously flouncing past in her skimpy, sexy excuse for clothes. Unfortunately for him, the brazen hussy next door was all his big head, and his little head could think about.

I liked Galace’s writing style, her voice totally appealed to me, and had I not known that this was her first book I would have assumed that she ~~was an old pro~~ had been doing this writing gig for a while.

I think the main weakness in the book came with the dialogue (mainly Leilani’s actually). Leilani’s slightly ‘street’ vernacular was on the verge of annoying the hell outta me, but luckily the book ended before I could get to that point.

Overall, it was a quick (too quick), fun, sexy read, which although didn’t test my mental capabilitie, showed great promise in terms of the future potential of the author.

It’s a shame Skin To Skin didn’t suck GBHDB, it would have been interesting to see how Ms Galace would have dealt with one of my slice and dice reviews. May be next time eh? *Evil Grin*.

Is it evil of me to want to compare this book with the mess that was Ben’s Wildflower? Probably. So I’ll refrain. *g*

By the way, this is who I Leilani reminded me of:

Feisty isn’t she? *g*

Skin to Skin will be on sale at Samhain Publishing from 17th August, so make sure you check it out!

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Ahhh Good Times Indeed…

Sunday, August 12, 2007
Posted in: Destiny's Child, Independent Woman

I heard this for the first time in ages on MTV, the other day. IW always reminds me of going clubbing with my girlfriends and us going crazy whenever it came on. It’s such a chick anthem. Enjoy.

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Romance Authors Can Be Victims of Domestic Violence Too…

Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Posted in: Domestic violence, Nancy Richards-Akers, Violence against women

“Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.
Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone.”

US Department of Justice: Office on Violence Against Women: Domestic Violence

I was reading the really sad story of Nancy Richards-Akers, a romance writer who was murdered by her husband a few years ago, and I couldn’t help but wonder if domestic violence is just as prevalent within the homes of romance writers, as it is everywhere else.

I didn’t realise that her murder had been the third time within a three year period, that a romance writer had been killed by her husband.

Continued after the cut…

Apparently, Pamela Macaluso, and Ann Wassall, romance writers from California, had also been killed by their husbands in 1997, and 1996, respectively.

According to an article in Wikipedia, 20% of all violent crime experienced by women in the US, are cases of intimate partner violence.

I’m pretty sure a lot of readers probably don’t think about authors who write about falling in love, being victims of domestic violence themselves. Thinking about it boggles the mind, but here are some stats that I picked up, from various websites.

In England 16 per cent. of all crimes are cases of intimate partner violence

Bureau of Justice Statistics: Intimate Partner Violence and Victim Age group 1993-1999

Does anybody know what the average age of romance writers are?

Some more scary US based stats for you:

85-95% of all domestic violence victims are female.

Over 500,00 women are stalked by an intimate partner each year.

5.3 million women are abused each year.

1,232 women are killed each year by an intimate partner.

Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women.

From American Institute on Domestic Violence

Also, according to the Home Office for England and Wales, 1 in 4 women will be victims of domestic violence in their lifetime.

Those are scary statistics aren’t they? With stats like those, it seems inevitable that some of the authors that we revere will probably have been victims at one point or other in their lives. Some may still be victims, but perhaps aren’t telling.

I was reading this article by Jean Marie Ward, about Richards-Akers, when this paragraph caught my eye:

Reading this made me wonder how many romance authors out there are actually victims of domestic violence, but yet publically maintain that they have fantastically understanding husbands, who support them in everything they do.

I must admit, I always wonder at the real truth, whenever I read author bios, that spend about ten paragraphs extolling the virtues of their significant others. Call it the cynic in me.

I’m willing to bet that a substantial percentage of romance writers have been victims of domestic violence, at some point in their current relationships, but possibly feel that it would shatter the illusion that some readers have of romance authors having happy, satisfying marriages.

It seems unbelievable that people who dedicate their lives to writing about love, mutual respect, and trust, may be living in nightmarish situations, that few of us can imagine, but I’m guessing that these people exist in Romanceland, and that you may have shared a drink or two with them, without ever guessing at the real truth.

Help for victims of domestic violence is available, I’ve listed some sites for anybody who needs information on how to get that help. Before using the websites, I thought it would be prudent to post the same warning message that the USDOJ has on their site:

(“Warning: Before e-mailing or using this Web site, know that an abuser in the home can discover your Internet activities. The safest way to find information on the Internet would be at a local library or a friend’s house. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), TDD 1-800-787-3224.”)

The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (USA)
OVC (US)
Institute on Domestic Violence in the African-American Community (USA) (music on home page so you may want to lower the volume)
Family Violence Prevention Fund (USA)
Domestic Violence and Incest Resource Centre, Australia
Shelternet, Canada
Women’s Aid, UK
American Domestic Violence Crisis Line For Americans Overseas

USA National Domestic Violence Crisis Line 1-800-799-7233.
Womens Aid Helpline UK 0808 2000 247

Information Sources:
Home Office – Crime in England and Wales 2004/2005
Wikipedia
American Institute on Domestic Violence

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