The Ersatz Jane Litte (Jane at Dear Author)
from COMPUTER COLONICS by FerfeLaBat

“One thing writers know when they see it is fiction.

While to my knowledge Jane Litte has never outright said she is a board certified lawyer, she has done little to dissuade the rumors and has, in fact, been dispensing legalese like candy on websites far and wide. The real lawyers preface everything they say with qualifying credentials and few of them would give it away to complete strangers and take on a huge risk of liability.

They bill out $200 plus an hour at the office. When your living is made dispensing knowledge, you don’t give it out to complete strangers free of charge unless it’s pro bono and you can write it off.

She has said repeatedly that she is “just a reader” … in much the same way Dick Cheney is “just a hunter” I guess. Right up to the Triskellion meltdown she happily hosted some of the most horrific Mosh Pitt parties on her own blog.

Since then she has kept her little corner of the web fairly clean of controversy and has chosen to use other bloggers to get her power kicks. When Jane Litte (aka ?) sets out to ignore someone and tells everyone else to ignore them, she really ignores the hell out of them huh?

For someone who just spent a week making sure everyone knows exactly who I am, she is quite the mystery woman herself. Other than that one picture and confirmed sightings at RWA does anyone know who Jane Litte really is?

As she’s flitting around on everyone else’s blogs accusing me of everything but screwing Hitler (possibly even of screwing Hitler) consider the source … or lack there of.

If I don’t know who or what I am dealing with I keep far far away from it. There’s just no point in fighting fantasies on the web. When I want to do that I’ll put it in a book and make real money off of it.”

__________________________________________________________

“I wracked my brains trying to figure out how to mimic Jane’s Way of using someone else’s blog to … well … you’ve seen her work first hand I’m sure. Yesterday I had an epiphany.

If Karen Scott is any kind of friend to Jane she won’t scrape this onto her own blog to display it forever and she’ll let it die after a few hours here on Computer Colonics. But because Karen is friend to no one, I believe she’ll stay true to form and copy it over. Thus I will have used someone else’s blog to … You know.

With friends like Karen, who needs enemies eh? Sick. Two down. One to go.

Comments closed on this one because I do not have time to moderate.”

Cindy Cruciger, Author – AKA FerfeLabat – Ferfelabat.com

“From 7:30 am Eastern until 9:30 AM Eastern I posted a fierce commentary. It was blistering. Like a fish I almost caught last weekend – fucking HUGE I tell ya!! But. Two hours is my outside limit for someone like Jane. I taunted Karen to scrape it onto her blog. I blew her big-assed raspberries! Double dog-dared her. She missed out.

While I am aware of the fact that Karen is limited by AOL Dial up issues, life’s a bitch. She didn’t need to burn that last bridge anyway.” (hehe)

“I am learning a new respect for the four horsemen.

Deliberately targeting someone …

You have to be completely empty inside to do what they do to people. It feels gross.”

Cindy Cruciger, Author – AKA FerfeLabat – Ferfelabat.com

3 comments
1. threedeelicious Jul 31
I’m sure one of your unique visitors already copied it into an email anyway. I must confess to being bummed, however, at its being taken down. Particularly as the alternative is work.

2. FerfeLaBat Jul 31
I do believe that The Ersatz Jane Litte was some of my best work. And. Twenty-nine unique visitors got a shot at saving it off before I remembered I was a human being. So much for my mean reputation eh? Some University Press thing scraped it so — all is not lost.

Besides. If they didn’t see it they are now climbing out of their skin wanting to know what it said. That’s even better than a direct asault. Less is more, right?

Now get to work.

3. Selah March Jul 31
Damn. Missed it. This is what I get for spending my time writing.

*is sad*

And suddenly it all made sense to me. I used to think The Little Shop of Horrors was just a cute musical with no deeper message, but it’s more. Authors contribute blood to this beast and it has grown to a size where it is big enough to eat us whole.

I accomplished two monumental things at least:

· Panda Candy is now moderating her blog and hopefully what happened to Liz, Marianne and Sherrilyn will never happen again.

· Karen Scott (a self avowed atheist) found God again for five amazing days.

And with this post, I am done. (hehe)

Cindy Cruciger, Author – AKA FerfeLabat – Ferfelabat.com