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I have a friend who’s currently going through the adoption process.

Her and her hubby have been trying to adopt a little girl for the last 18 months, and it seems to me that the social workers are constantly coming up with ways to prolong things.

Last week, she was told by the social workers that she couldn’t have the little girl, unless she gave up smoking for at least six months.

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

She’s been trying to get this girl for 18 months, and they tell her this now?

In this country, there are thousands of children looking for adoptive parents, and the fostering and adoption agency are forever bitching and moaning about the lack of people coming forward, willing to take on somebody else’s child.

No fucking wonder, with all the roadblocks they put up.

What gets me mad, is cases like this, and this, where the social workers could have prevented the murder of both of the little girls, had they been doing their jobs properly.

I can’t help but think that being a good person doesn’t get you anywhere. It just allows you to be screwed over more easily by the authorities.

It makes me so damn mad I could spit. Fucking yogurt-knitting-tree-hugging-vegetarian-do-gooders.

I bet they’re the kind of social workers who believe that murderers deserve love too. Yech.

17 Comments »


  • Rosie
    October 22
    8:39 pm

    Hoop jumping sucks no two ways about it. It’s also humiliating particularly when the person making you jump the hoops knows you are going to comply. The only thing I can say is that the day they take the baby home and the adoption is final the process (and hoops) will fade to the background much like labour and delivery does for biological parents.

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  • Anonymous
    October 22
    9:02 pm

    Well to bad she not a celeb, she wouldn’t have a problem that’s for sure Jolie, Madonna, and the likes adopt in no time and it taking your friend this long…………kind of sad so many kids waiting and all the so called social workers, who just show up to push papers and collect a check should be ashamed to make some couple jump thru hoops

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  • Anonymous
    October 22
    10:01 pm

    Uh, what about fucking yogurt-crocheting-tree-hugging-vegetarians who used to be do-gooders?

    Seriously, my brother-in-law and his wife went thru living hell. He even had to stop drinking, and for a Catholic that’s asking a lot. But they have adopted four absolutely adorable children.

    –Jackie L.

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  • Ronyelle
    October 22
    10:06 pm

    OK…they dont make smoking parents quit before they take their babies home!!

    DH and I are just getting into this adoption thing and there are so many insane stories like this that almost make wanna say nevermind.

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  • Shelly @ Bewitched
    October 22
    11:03 pm

    The whole adoption process pisses me off. Like you said there are so many children that need a good home, but yet it takes years to be able to get through the system. Bureaucratic bullshit is all it is.

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  • phsymom
    October 22
    11:40 pm

    I’m sorry to hear that your friends are having to go through much crap to adopt a child. As an adopted child, I would ask that you tell them to never give up. I was adoped at 3 days old and have never really given it a second thought until the last five years.

    My mom and dad told me continually that I was loved and special because they picked me out. I never had any interest in locating my biological parents, until my mom asked me to look them up before she died. I still haven’t located them, but I made a promise and will keep trying.

    I hope all you prospective adoptive parents receive your child of love soon.

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  • Charlie Horse
    October 23
    12:41 am

    Here Here Karen. I was adopted when I was five and know the importance of foster parent. so even though the parents you mention are having to walk over hot coals to adopt this little girl tell them not to lose heart. These kids need them.

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  • Dionne Galace
    October 23
    2:15 am

    As horrendous the adoption process is—and I agree it is HORRENDOUS and needs a major makeover— can you imagine what it would be like if adopting a child if it were as easy as buying a car?

    There ARE people out there who prey on children. Policies were put in place to protect the children from such characters.

    That said, getting knocked up at 16 should be as hard as adopting a child.

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  • Dionne Galace
    October 23
    2:16 am

    errr… I should really edit my post before hitting “submit”

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  • Keira Ramsay
    October 23
    3:41 am

    OMG … I was adopted at two weeks to parents who both smoked *and* drank, and I wouldn’t trade them in for anything. I’ll echo what everyone else has said…tell your friends to keep trying. We need folks like them in the world!!!

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  • Anonymous
    October 23
    1:25 pm

    As an adoption social worker, I feel the need to delurk and make a couple of comments.

    First of all, thanks to the adopted children for encouraging people to continue with the process in spite of the (often times ridiculous) hoops required of potential adoptive parents.

    In defense of adoption social workers, we only enforcing the rules, regulations, and requirements instituted by the state. And states implement tougher and tougher restrictions every time some foster/adoptive parent does something stupid.

    Thank goodness, 99.9% of foster/adoptive parents are awesome, wonderful people, who are forced to jump through massive hoops because of those idiotic .01%.

    I thank higher powers every day that those 99.9% endure the approval process for the sake of the children in need of homes.

    So I add my encouragement and best wishes. The kids need you, because it’s not as hard for some people to have children (ones who probably shouldn’t parent) as it is for others to adopt (ones who probably should parent).

    And don’t even get me started on the special treatment of celebrities.

    Felicia

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  • shiloh walker
    October 23
    2:04 pm

    I’m going to echo what Dionne said… all of it, especially the getting knocked up at 16 part.

    Adoption is tough, but I’d say it needs to be. Not saying that people should have to perform like trick dogs or anything, but if it was easy, how many kids would end up with people who decided to adopt on a whim and later on decided it wasn’t what they wanted? Or worse, some sort of predator? I’d imagine that close scrutiny is what keeps most predators from even trying.

    That long, hard process, while tortorous to the decent types, does help protect the kids by weeding out those who are either unfit in some way or another or those who have something other than being a parent in mind.

    Karen, I’m not implying your friend is unfit, at all, but when this is over, I imagine she’s going to find that it was all worth it. I know it’s got to be hard on her, but in the end, it will pay off.

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  • Casee
    October 23
    4:05 pm

    That is such crap. 18 months seems like plenty of time to screen perspective parents.

    Good luck to your friends. I hope things end up working out. I commend them for wanting to adopt.

    Those stories made me ill. I still can’t stomach the fact that anyone can harm a child like that.

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  • kirsten saell
    October 23
    4:45 pm

    That social worker needs a freaking smack. If a prospective adoptive parent is going to need to have quit smoking for 6 months before the adoption goes through, that information should have been provided at the VERY FUCKING START of the process. These are questions that should be on the initial paperwork when you apply to adopt–just like they are when you apply for life insurance, ffs. But, as we all know, a child’s happiness is nowhere near as important as a bloated bureaucracy’s need to justify its own existence.

    Some hoops are necessary. Others are total crap.

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  • Desiree Erotique
    October 24
    1:01 am

    I feel the bottom line is that these social services people LIKE the feeling of being in power. It makes them feel important. And if using a smoking bias as their crutch might achieve just that, they will use it. Likewise, if PC politics like defending the “rights” of murderers offers the possibility of gaining status these people will, of course, defend such rights with their last -ahem, smoke-free- breath.

    And btw, I was an adopted child, and my adoption father smoked just as did practically everyone in the family, lol.

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  • Anonymous
    October 24
    7:59 am

    I usually lurk, but two posts I couldn’t pass up in a week, LOL.

    I worked in the healthcare (er nurse) industry in the states for more than twenty years. And guess what – all the bs about smoking causing asthma… hate to break it to everyone but it’s correlative data that docs and the med industry are ‘forced’ to spew as hard fact because that’s what the insurance (and special interest) want done. Like the whole people who eat vanilla ice cream are more likely to die by drowning. Sure, cause ice cream gets eaten mostly in warm weather and people are playing in water in warm weather and vanilla is the most popular flavor. Though I’d almost argue the last. I’ll take choccy anyday, LOL!

    My point is this – being a smoker has zip with being a good parent. The rules are in place to protect kids, but let me tell you, in my years… I hate to say it but I’ve seen more nasty crap done to kids by supposed ‘straight’ parents than I’ve ever seen done by smokers or even drinkers. I know, it seems nuts, and of course this is only my firsthand knowledge in my particular area. Still…

    I hope you’re friends get to ‘cut the tape’ at the finish line, Karen. It sounds to me like they are fantastic people and the child will be tremendously loved and cherished. And I have to say, after looking at those articles, if more of those damn social workers bothered checking up on the fuckers getting a check (if UK is like US that is) for fostering, as they seem to be running your friends over the grate, perhaps less of that awfulness would happen to children in ‘state’ custody and care.

    Shirley

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  • Emma Petersen
    October 25
    12:23 pm

    That’s 18 months that little girl could have been in a loving home. Le sigh. What a shame.

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