Just When You Thought There Was No Humour In Romance…
Friday, December 7, 2007Posted in: Aphrodisia, Cassie Ryan, Ceremony of Seduction
While curled up in bed this morning, I decided to read Ceremony of Seduction by Cassie Ryan.
It’s from Kensington’s Aphrodisia line. I think the last Aphrodisia book I read was Hell Kat by Vivi somebody-or-other. That book bored me so much I haven’t looked at another Aphro book since.
Anyway, this isn’t actually a review, because, quite frankly, I can’t be arsed, but I did think there were some elements of this book that were too good to be left hidden under a bushel. *g*
Anyway, this is the blurb from the Amazon:
Twenty-three-year-old Alyssa Moss has lived her whole life in the shadow of her beautiful family. Voluptuous where they are lean, brunette where they are blonde, Alyssa is convinced she is an ugly duckling who will never become a swan.
The only thing that sustains her is a recurring dream in which a seductive stranger named Stone worships and pleasures every inch of her. But maddeningly, Stone always disappears just as Alyssa is on the edge of dizzying ecstasy – with a puzzling promise that one day he will find her. That day has come…For years, Stone has searched for the kidnapped first princess of his people – an otherworldly clan whose life-force is sexual energy. Alyssa is that princess, stolen by a rival faction and banished to live on Earth.
But now Stone has found her and will return her to her rightful home, one in which she will own the curvaceous body she was born with – and the passionate desire that throbs within it as she learns an endless variety of delicious pleasures and discovers the infinite power she feels when all her cravings are satisfied…
The reason I’m highlighting this book, is because unbelievably, it features a race of people called ‘Cunts’. No seriously, it did.
The following excerpt is from a scene where Stone (our intrepid hero) is trying to explain how Alyssa came to be living on earth, instead of being with her real family:
She (Alyssa) narrowed her eyes at him. “You said my name was Alyssandra de Klatch. But that still doesn’t make me a witch. And I was born Alyssa Moss”.
“No, actually you were stolen from your true family by Cunts”
Oh how I laughed. Anyway let me share some more cuntastic excerpts with you:
“Are my adoptive parents…” She struggled with the word, “Cunts?”
He nodded and gestured to a family picture hanging on her wall “The civil war came partially because of physical differences. ….Cunts are fair of hair and skin, and usually have thin bodies. The remaining faction of Klatch are dark haired, olive skinned, and blessed with curves.”…
“The Cunts thought themselves more attractive, superior, and better breeding stock, so they tried to overthrow the king….and failed”
So basically, the Cunts were thin evil blondes, and the Klatch were angelic dark-haired fat people, got that?
Anyway, I must admit to giggling like a two year old, every time the race of Cunts were referred to. And also, you know the best thing about the Cunts?
They had their very own queen:
“How did he find her?” Sela, The Queen of the Cunts and council head demanded”.
I laughed my effing tits off.
Anonymous
December 7
6:38 pm
OMG, that’s hilarious! The humor has to be intentional.
Karen Scott
December 7
6:44 pm
I’m thinking she had real people in mind when she wrote about the Cunts, probably from school or something, lol.
wendy
December 7
6:47 pm
Eff me Karen, I had to laugh softly so I wouldn’t wake the sleeping husband and now I will have to wait for him to wake to make him read this entry.
Katie(babs)
December 7
8:37 pm
You got to give it to Cassie Ryan for writing about the land of Cunts.
OMG this is too funny and disturbing!
Casee
December 7
9:20 pm
I’m sure I’m not the only one that would appreciate a warning next time. Something like “do not read while drinking”.
LOL. That’s the funniest effing thing I’ve read today.
Sarah McCarty
December 7
9:25 pm
LOL! What Cassee said!
*Wiping tea from screen*
byrdloves2read
December 7
10:23 pm
Looks like you picked the perfect book to read while feeling ill. After all, laughter is the best medicine. heh heh
eggs
December 7
11:21 pm
This book would make a FANTASTIC passive-aggressive christmas present to give to any skinny blond bitch-faced relatives that any of us might have. Of course, you’d have to hide it amongst a bundle of other titles to make it just a leeeetle less obvious. I’m thinking including it in a bundle of 3 books would be enough?
You don't wanna know
December 7
11:32 pm
Fuck me! As an attractive caucasian with fair hair, I’m insulted. I should rustle up a clever comeback but, really, I cunt be bothered.
LOLOL!
Lynne Simpson
December 8
12:45 am
How the fuck did this get past the editor?! Is it a satire of some kind?
I tried to read those passages aloud to my husband but was laughing too hard.
Amarinda Jones
December 8
12:46 am
I really needed a laugh – that was excellent – thanks for that.
Angelia Sparrow
December 8
12:54 am
I’m surprised the Queen-Cunt isn’t named Ann. Thin and blonde and evil…
The book sounds terrible, really. I must have a copy. 8)
vanessa jaye
December 8
1:13 am
I’m speechless. I’m trying to come up with a reasonable explanation, but I’m stumped. lol.
Casie Ryan
December 8
2:03 am
Hi all 🙂 I’m glad to find a blog full of people who “get” my warped sense of humor. Actually, I was surprised the Cunts made it past my editor and agent as well. I kept expecting my smart-assed humor to be nixed somewhere along the way, but no one blinked an eye…LOL! Everyone just smiled and kept it moving. So, there are two more books coming, with plenty more about the race of Cunts.
I’m glad the book wasn’t boring and garnered some laughter and enjoyment! Writing boring books is probably about as much fun as reading them…lol.
And Karen, I hope you’re feeling better! 🙂
Cassie Ryan
http://www.cassieryan.com
Lynne Simpson
December 8
4:02 am
That queen of the cunts bit just slays me. OMG. Too funny!
raine
December 8
6:54 am
There are no words.
All I can seem to do is LMFAO!
Cassie–you rock. 😀
loonigrrl
December 8
9:35 am
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *wipes tears from eyes* Ok, I have to read this one.
vanessa jaye
December 8
12:20 pm
Oh,and Karen? You’re going to get some verra interesting search terms from this post! lol.
Karen Scott
December 8
12:59 pm
Oh,and Karen? You’re going to get some verra interesting search terms from this post! lol.
I know, but I guess it can’t be any worse than some of the people searching for brother sister incest porn. *g*
Eve Vaughn
December 8
7:50 pm
I must buy this book.
Anonymous
December 11
9:03 pm
Darn it then why isn’t the “fat dark haired chick” fat on the cover? Or at least this curvy goddess she’s supposed to be? Instead she looks like every other waifish cover model. I won’t be buying this, despite the amusement factor, just because nothing irks me more than covers that don’t match characters. Ugh.
Sorry Cassie, the book sounds funny.
Review: Ceremony of Seduction by Cassie Ryan : The Good, The Bad and The Unread
August 6
4:00 am
[…] exactly what I got, and I now have a new author to look out for. I really appreciated the tip from Karen Scott about this […]