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This weekend, TTG and I attended a party, where an allegation of rape was made by one of the women at the party.

Now TTG and I were familiar with the woman, and I have to say, I’ve never thought much of her, (mostly because she had a habit of sleeping with anything that moved) but when I heard that she’d been raped (allegedly) by one of her colleagues, I immediately felt devastated for her, and wanted to know who the rat bastard was.

For some reason, it hadn’t occurred to me that she could be lying.

Anyway, the colleague in question was arrested in the early hours of this morning, and taken away in a police van.

The woman has since dropped the charges, claiming that the sex had actually been consensual, and that he’d just been a little rough with her in bed, and that she was too drunk to know what she was doing.

We’ve since found out who the alleged rapist was, and it was the same guy that she’d been following around all evening. He’d come up to myself and TTG earlier to tell us he was going home early, but the woman had waylaid him, and invited him up to her room, so being a man, he of course took her up on her offer.

He was still asleep in her room, when the police came to drag him away.

I have no idea what went on in that room. I have no idea whether or not he actually raped her, but if he didn’t, as she later claimed, then I’m pretty disgusted at her for accusing him in the first place, because no matter what, the taint of being accused of rape will stay with him, and remain on police record, for the rest of his life. And she would have done that to him.

What makes me crazier, is the thought that the next time there is a genuine rape case, that the victim might not be believed because of stupid bitches like this woman, who cried wolf.

20 Comments »


  • Anonymous
    December 16
    6:39 pm

    Amen, Karen

    Rape is a vile thing, and in no way equates to, “darn, I wish I hadn’t done that.”

    Anon 76

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  • azteclady
    December 16
    6:45 pm

    I’m tempted to say “unbelievable” but… well, it does happen.

    Oh and drunk sex with someone you barely/don’t know? Perfect recipe for disaster.

    ReplyReply


  • Bernita
    December 16
    6:53 pm

    Filing a false charge is called mischief, isn’t it?

    ReplyReply


  • Kayleigh Jamison
    December 16
    7:25 pm

    Karen, I cannot agree with you more. Rape, or abuse of women in any way is a hot button issue with me and quite honestly I’m not sure which makes me angrier, an actual instance of rape, or a false accusation of it.

    When I was 18, during my first semester of university, I was raped at a fraternity party. I had been talking to an alumni of the university (it was Homecoming weekend) and he basically started to creep me out. So, I excused myself to go to the bathroom, figuring I would just leave after that, or go find my friends. He followed me into the bathroom.

    The next morning a friend found me crying in the shower of our dorm and I told her what had happened. She convinced me to talk to someone, and went with me to talk to a mutual close friend (I thought) of ours, who was president of the fraternity. The next day I received a phone call telling me I was no longer welcome there because I was a liar and a whore. I went to the school “authorities,” and met with a rape crisis counselor from the city. I met with the chaplain of the university and told him everything, not finding out until later that he was also an alumni of that particular fraternity. I also learned that my attacker had not actually graduated from our university – he had been kicked out for harassing a female student.

    The school informed me they would start an investigation, without using my name into the incident. Two days after that meeting I began receiving threatening phone calls and emails from members of the fraternity and their girlfriends and acquaintances. Things were written on my dorm room door, and notes were left. The school told me they wanted me to have a psychological evaluation because other students had told them I was crazy.

    I ended up in the hospital on suicide watch and missed several weeks of school. I narrowly avoided failing out entirely. I dropped the complaint and refused to cooperate with the school after that, and the harassment stopped. I think the absolute worst part was when I saw him one weekend, at a school-wide function, and he looked at me and winked.

    I was too stubborn to transfer to a different school. I felt that would mean they’d won, so I stayed for four years, got my degree, and went on with my life. But in a way, they won anyhow. Ten years later, I still wonder if he has done this to another girl, either before or after me. Part of me feels guilty that I wasn’t strong enough to see it through to conclusion.

    Fast forward to my second year of university. I was living in a house for writers and English majors, and my roommate and I became fast friends – in part because we were both out of control in terms of partying, drinking, and all around destructive behavior. At a party one night she set her sights on a particular football player, and left with him. She told me, “I’m going to get laid.”

    The following morning she came home quite content, and thoroughly, well, laid. But when we ran into him at dinner, and he didn’t even so much as acknowledge her, she got angry. She told me she was going to accuse him of rape, and said, “I’ll ruin his life. That’ll teach him.”

    I told her that if she did any such thing, I’d come out against her, because I knew it was a lie. After what I went through – which she knew about – she would dare do such a thing simply because she was angry? I considered that a slap in my face.

    KJ

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  • shilohwalker
    December 16
    7:53 pm

    False accusations are reprehensible.

    Bitchslapping is probably not harsh enough for somebody who’d falsely make such an accusation.

    ReplyReply


  • Sarah McCarty
    December 16
    8:08 pm

    {{KJ}}- I’m so sorry that happened to you.

    And Karen- It’s seriously upsetting someone would do that.

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  • Jackie L.
    December 16
    8:29 pm

    When I was in college (back in prehistoric times), there was a rash of rapes in my dorm. Of course, my alma mater did what they always do best: Nothing. Zip, zilch.

    So about 5 of us rabid, crazed feminists (too bad they hadn’t invented the word FemiNazis back then) decided to take action. We patrolled the dorm halls for several hours every Friday and Saturday night armed with baseball bats.

    We told girls, if he won’t take “No,” for an answer, just holler for help. We will explain to him what “no” means.

    One of the deans openly complained that we weren’t very civilized, or something like that. So I told him, it’s this or the Washington Post.

    They left us alone. The rapes stopped, at least as far as I know.

    Kayleigh, I am so sorry that you were raped twice, once by the jerk and once by the school. They can’t afford the publicity of a rape investigation.

    But all the flack about Boulder–University of Colorado at Boulder–may make the educators re-think their positions. Nine million dollars to rape victims because the school had an environment that condoned rape.

    As for revenge, Kayleigh, the only real revenge is living well. I hope you continue to do so.

    I will keep you in my thoughts.

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  • Kayleigh Jamison
    December 16
    9:39 pm

    Thanks, everybody, though I didn’t tell the story for sympathy. I am at a point where I can talk about it, and feel it’s important to do so because awareness always aids prevention.

    I certainly wish it hadn’t happened to me, but I am a lot stronger for it, and yes, I can’t help but gloat at least a little that I’ve got a budding writing career, am top of my class in law school, and all around very happy with who I am.

    I also felt quite victorious to learn that the chaplain was fired a few years back. I don’t know why, and I don’t care. Karma’s a bitch.
    One of the professors that also treated me like a parriah because of the entire situation is still trying, ten years later, to get published. Lord was it tempting to send him signed copies of my books.

    KJ

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  • MERLIN
    December 16
    9:39 pm

    This is always a tricky situation and it’s good to see you not automatically taking the si
    de of the woman.

    I’ve never raped a woman in my life ( or been accused of it ) but there have been genuine misunderstandings (usually alcohol induced …. and they’ve often been as drunk as me if not more so).

    If you’ve got your hand down my trousers what do you expect me to think ?

    Anyway – going off topic as usual – we wave a fond farewell to Liverpool and Chelsea ; for a little while at least.

    M.

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  • Anonymous
    December 17
    12:41 am

    **But all the flack about Boulder–University of Colorado at Boulder–may make the educators re-think their positions. Nine million dollars to rape victims because the school had an environment that condoned rape.**

    I was there, loooong time ago when it started. I was nearly nailed one night myself. Kayleigh, I feel for ya, honey. Rape is committed by bastards and so many of them are out there.

    ReplyReply


  • Jennifer McKenzie
    December 17
    1:37 am

    Kayleigh, that’s awful and I’m so glad you shared it.
    It sucks when you take someone’s word for what happened and then find out it was a lie. Especially something this serious.
    And rape is such an ugly thing. It’s violent and has nothing to do with sex. Women who use it either to purge a regretful experience or get back at a man ought to be hoisted on their own petard.
    Or bitch slapped.

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  • Dawn
    December 17
    9:58 am

    KJ – I feel for you. I cannot believe that a school would effectively, openly condone rape by not supporting you.

    Karen – this woman is one of the worse type of women there is. I feel so sorry for the man, as you say the stain of a rape allegation will be with him for the rest of his life.

    This is one of the reasons why I think that when accusers are found to be lying their names should be slapped all round the papers so that they are know by everyone!

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  • Angelia Sparrow
    December 17
    1:04 pm

    I’m angry, but not at all surprised. Drunk sex is a nightmare on the consent front and the man could well end up charged with sexual assault if her blood alchohol level is high enough.

    I don’t know about your experience, but in mine, 80% of women are molested or raped. (this is random sample: friends, family, Girl Scouts, Live Journal) My first inclination is to believe the victim.

    When a woman uses what Glen Cook calls “the last weapon of the female scoundrel,” it damages every real rape accusation that makes it to the police.

    Accusations like my sister’s. Like my daughter’s. Like my friends’. Like the 10 year old whose numerous adult attackers walked. Like the girl whose rape was distributed on DVD, and whose attackers went free and are still making a profit.

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  • Casee
    December 17
    2:51 pm

    I wonder if this is going to be the new fad of Christmas parties.

    The same thing happened at my husband’s Christmas party. One of the women (who was there with her husband) accused a man of sexual assault. The police were called, charges filed, etc.

    Like you, I had no reason to believe that this woman would be lying. No way. The fact is, she did lie, for who knows what reason.

    Merry Christmas to the guy she accused.

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  • Tracy
    December 17
    5:17 pm

    “This is one of the reasons why I think that when accusers are found to be lying their names should be slapped all round the papers so that they are know by everyone!”

    I agree with that. If the accuser is caught to be lying there should be consequences and I believe this should be one of them. The accused was known and once he’s found innocent, the accuser should be known.

    If the accuser is found to be telling the truth, then there is no reason we ever need to know who she is.

    This kind of story makes me so angry b/c of the women who ARE raped and don’t come forward b/c they are afraid they won’t be believed. Women like the one Karen mentions are the reason and it ticks me off that women still lie about something so serious for whatever messed up reason.

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  • eggs
    December 18
    6:27 am

    Doesn’t it seem to everyone that one of the main problems here (with both rape and false accusations) is alcohol? Girl too drunk to assess the dangers of her situation, too drunk to defend herself when someone turns on her, too drunk to be credible when she calls for help? Man too drunk to comprehend a passed out woman can’t consent, too drunk to understand where the pack mentality is taking him or just too drunk to care full stop.

    The problems are the same with false accusations: woman too embarrassed to admit she got shitfaced and made a fool of herself, or wants to punish a man for bad sex after he turned out to be too drunk to perform to her expectations.

    I know all rape (and false accusations of rape) are not alcohol related, but it seems to me that many of society’s social violence problems stem from the excessive consumption of alcohol – and I say that as someone who’s been known to knock back more than my share on occasion.

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  • Karen Scott
    December 18
    9:09 am

    know all rape (and false accusations of rape) are not alcohol related, but it seems to me that many of society’s social violence problems stem from the excessive consumption of alcohol

    Eggs, I couldn’t agree with you any more. Unfortunatley though, here in England, we have a ridiculous booze culture that means that children as young as twelve and thirteen, are already familiar with the concept of getting drunk.

    I’d support a law increasing the drinking age to 21 that’s for sure.

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  • Lynne Simpson
    December 19
    2:49 am

    Kayleigh, I’m sorry to hear about what happened to you. That you’re able to speak openly about it now is a good sign, I think. Maybe one day I’ll get there, myself.

    I do NOT get the appeal of the forced seduction “romance” and probably never will. I was flipping through some older category romances the other day, and the “You know you want it, honey” lines just frickin’ turned my stomach. Romantic? Sexy? Uhh, no.

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  • Kayleigh Jamison
    December 19
    8:34 pm

    Doesn’t it seem to everyone that one of the main problems here (with both rape and false accusations) is alcohol? Girl too drunk to assess the dangers of her situation, too drunk to defend herself when someone turns on her, too drunk to be credible when she calls for help?

    I agree that alcohol is a factor much of the time.

    Wasn’t with me. At least, I was not drunk, hadn’t had a drop all night. Yes, I was at a frat party, but I wasn’t drinking. Was he? Could have been, I don’t know and I don’t care.

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  • notyouraveragecitizen
    December 21
    2:38 am

    This is why people need to keep their shit under control. Rape is serious business and should not be treated like some bullshit joke or a way to get back @ people.

    ReplyReply

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