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A anonymous poster, wants to know how he can go about losing his virginity before he hits his thirtieth birthday:

I am a male virgin who turns 30 this summer. This bothers me a lot, not only because it makes me feel “nervous” around women (I AM attracted to them), but mainly because I find it hard to approach women I genuinely do like and would like to get to know better. I didn`t think much about it when I was younger as I was an “emotional” guy, but now I just wish I`d gotten it over it, instead of it being a major problem for me today.

I need to try to do something with this issue, because it makes me real unhappy and I don`t see it changing any time soon if I don`t address my “problem”. Happy for any advice, especially from females.

Poor thing.  Any advice ladies? Or men even?


  • eggs
    February 19
    10:11 am

    Practical solutions:

    If you are cashed up, go to a decent quality brothel and get a nice professional lady to show you a pleasant time. She won’t laugh at you and will probably be happy to give you a couple of useful pointers you can go on to use in your amateur endeavors.

    If you are poor, go to to one of those large bars full of young women drinking until they vomit. By the end of the night many of these chicks will not care if they have sex with you, me or anyone else who can give them a fireman’s carry home. If you really just want to solve your “problem”, that’s how you get it solved, easily and cheaply.

    If you possibly can, go back to her place, not yours, for the deed. That way you can make a quick getaway if you change your mind, or wake up before her in the morning. To be honest, this experience will probably be pretty gross for you, but it’s what the “cool guys” who “get laid” a lot do. After you too “get laid” with one of these chicks, you might no longer regard it as such a cool thing to do!

    To be honest, you sound like a decent enough guy. If you have a lot of female friends, you should just put it out there that you want to be devirginalized, and one of your friends should be able to rustle someone up to do the deed with you. The good thing about this (aka the ‘mercy fuck’) is that the woman will actually show you some mercy!



  • MB (Leah)
    February 19
    12:53 pm

    Well, you probably haven’t gotten laid because you are probably very (overly) sensitive and emotional about sex and therefore just having a fling will probably not do it. I would say go to a brothel, but since I think your issue is more about sex being this huge important thing, you might feel slimy after.

    My best advice would be what Eggs suggested, put it out to your female friends. Friends with benefits can be an easy, stress free way to get some experience until you are confident enough to approach someone you are really attracted to.

    Since you come across as the really decent type, I’m sure some female friend would be willing to show you the ropes without laughing or belittling you. At least that way you could still keep your integrity about sex because it would be with someone you have some good feelings for. And if she’s a good friend, she will be kind.


  • azteclady
    February 19
    2:23 pm

    I’m such a cynical so-and-so, that I’m wondering if we are not getting our collective leg pulled here.


  • Casting the legal considerations aside and ahem not that I’m recommending anything illegal here: if the guy wants just sex he could try calling an escort service or poll his pals on what local brothel has the girls with the best rep. But stay away from the massage parlors and make sure he’s kittied back enough cash to insure its a reputable establishment before making arrangements. Night clubs are a good place to meet legal women, though some might prove to be drunk off their asses especially if he comes in after Ladies Hour. Strip bars usually have nice looking women but you have to remember most of the girls are very hard working and too tired after closing to think of much besides getting some sleep. If he lives close to an ocean Spring Break brings in a lot of horny college girls to the beaches.

    If he’s totally desperate there’s Love & Relationship ads in the classifieds.

    Whatever he decides, use a condom if you don’t want to make the time getting to know the lady first.


  • You know what, so what if he is a virgin at 30? It is no ones business and he can always lie. I lost mine at a much older age and after it, I was like ho hum… next!
    If he really wants to get rid of it he can always find an escort, pay a thousand have his few hours of fun. Imagine that story he can tell.
    In the bigger scheme of life, not getting laid is so small.
    He just needs to date some more and when he finds the woman he is attracted to and she feels the same, everything will fall into place.
    If not he has a hand he can continue to use.


  • azteclady
    February 19
    4:31 pm

    katiebabs sayeth

    In the bigger scheme of life, not getting laid is so small.

    And this is why I think this guy is not serious.


  • Anon
    February 19
    4:50 pm

    Thank you Karen (and all posters) for helping me out, you are my heroin!

    I am not sure how I could convince a sceptic that my story is genuine, but why would I lie about it? It is a real problem for me. I`ve been a sexually shy male with what I now recognize as a too strong form of (misplaced) romantic heroism all the way since puberty. I`ve expected that losing my virginity would happen naturally, but I start to feel that at this rate it might never happen unless I do something active myself. So I will do that, with all the help and advice I can get.

    I am surprised that both eggs and Leah immediately suggest going to a brothel, I wouldn`t feel comfortable going there at all. In fact I would have a hard time bringing up the courage to go anywhere close in the first place. Do you really think this is an ok way to get it done? In the same venue, would you think it was ok if your sons went there? Leahs comment on brothels rings true to me, but if you really think it`s ok I would maybe have to reconsider my feelings about it if I failed at other things.

    I`d feel more comfortable with a drunk girl which I might be able to show some kindness and in a way give something back to. I wouldn`t know how I`d go about picking up a drunk girl though, but maybe all I got to do is try. I suspect I`d have some bad conscience and feel guilty afterwards, but maybe it would be ok if it were the right girl?

    I like your 3rd suggestion the most, I could feel good and happy about that. I need to make some new female friends though, but I have no problem with trying that at all. And I`ve still got about 4 months before my 30th.

    In the bigger scheme of life, not getting laid is so small.

    Maybe it is, but it certainly doesn`t feel that way. Being nervous and unable to approach people you like is not fun at all.


  • Anon
    February 19
    4:58 pm

    ..and I do get horny like most men.


  • azteclady
    February 19
    5:02 pm

    Okay, I’m taking you at face value now.

    If what you want is simply to not be a virgin any longer, then why is going to a brothel not a good idea? You are not saying, “I’m in love/like with this wonderful woman, but I’m afraid to approach her because I’m a virgin and I don’t know how she would react to that.” You are saying, “I want to ‘lose my virginity'” Do you see the difference?

    In the second case, a brothel seems to me a much better idea than going to a friend, because it’s a professional environment where there will be no pressure on you to ‘impress’ her–it’s not like you would be planning on taking her home to the ‘rents, right?

    As for picking up a drunk girl? I’ve always equated drunk night stands with taking advantage/being taken advantage of, so for me that’s no even an alternative.

    In the first case, it would seem to me that honesty is the best course. If she’s worth your regard, she won’t make a big deal of it in a negative way (but she may be moved by the symbolism implied–the ‘honor’ of being offered to pop your cherry, if you will)

    I have a 20yo son, thank you so much, and our relationship is pretty open (to the point that he did tell me, within days, that he had had sex the first time), so I would probably know many more details and nuances about his life and state of mind, goals, what have you, than your short post/comments here, and therefore would have less general advice to give.

    Last, a word to the wise: bringing up our sons seems to me more like a provocation than a real argument.


  • Anon
    February 19
    5:17 pm

    I am sorry, no offence meant at all. I would just feel socially embarassed by going to a brothel and were just wondering if you don`t feel the same way about it. Hence my comment that I might reconsider my feelings about it if you didn`t.


  • azteclady
    February 19
    5:28 pm

    I am not offended, I just don’t see what it has to do with your particular situation.

    If you feel embarrassed going to a brothel–where you don’t have to face this person ever again; where ‘baring your soul’ to her, and her reaction to it, would have no bearing whatsoever on the rest of your life; where–particularly in the case of a higher end house–she’d have to behave in a professional manner…

    … then why would going to a friend–who you would have to face at some point once the deed is done, one would assume–be a better or easier choice?

    On the drunk girl scenario–I also have a daughter, and I am pretty sure I wouldn’t take it kindly if a guy felt he was being kind by taking advantage of her state, no matter how he meant it.


  • Anon,
    I am going to be honest about myself and my male friend who finally lost his virginity at 24.
    I know as a woman, the whole losing your virginity is very different from a man’s but I didn’t lose my till I was, which was a year ago. I seriously didn’t care that I was a virgin and when I finally did it with a man who I was comfortable with, it was okay but hasn’t changed anything. So what if I can say woo hoo I got laid! I am still me and nothing has changed. In the long run it just doesn’t matter and if anyone is going to make fun of you because you haven’t been “popped” that is their deal.
    My male friend who lost his virginity at 24 was given a birthday present from his friends with two escorts. They did everything and anything to him and visa versa. Afterwards I asked him about his experience and he said he wished it never happened and would have waited for a woman he could care about, even if he has to wait another 10 years. He admitted the whole thing about losing his virginity was quite silly and is so overblown.
    And we are two attractive, smart and witty people, not losers who can’t get laid. So don’t sell yourself short. If it happens so be it, if not, there are other bigger things to look forward to in life.
    If you do decide to go the escort route PLEASE WEAR A CONDOM!! My mother works in a doctor’s office and the majority of men and women that come in have STD’s ranging from herpes, syphillis and HIV because they wanted to get their rocks off without being protected.


  • Having sex simply for the sake of losing your virginity may be something you’ll regret sometime down the road. There’s nothing wrong with waiting for someone special to have sex with. And honestly do you really want to take advantage of a drunk girl you met in a bar? If someone has sex with you after knowing you for only a couple hours then they’ll have sex with someone else they’ve only known for a couple hours and in this day and age, do you want to take that chance? Condoms do not protect you from herpes and crabs.

    If you feel you can’t go one with the burden of being a virgin, put it out there with one of your female friends, or wait until you meet someone you care about. At least you’ll know them.


  • B
    February 19
    9:05 pm

    I’m getting quite het up about anyone taking the brothel suggestion seriously! Health, psychological & moral questions aside, is it even legal in the U.S.? (Joke, yes. It’s a joke.)

    I’m getting the impression that your main problem is this, which a lot of modern men seem to have: “Being nervous and unable to approach people you like is not fun at all.”

    Due to this syndrome, the ‘game’ movement has occured. While many people deride it as a rather misogynistic game glorifying serialised sex and treating woman badly, it stems from this question ‘How do I approach a woman I have an interest in?’

    The key line underlining here from any literature (romance or one of those guys practicing the pick-up game) is that appearing to be confident and loose is key. The typical ‘artist’s’ answer is approach over and over in clubs and so on, getting rejected so many times that rejection becomes completely the norm: hopefully you start to not care about the response and that lack of care seems like confidence. As well as that, you just learn to adapt the way you approach women.

    Surely there’re girls you already like? Have you really utterly abandoned your romanticised view in favour of ‘must get laid in four months’? If there is someone you like, perhaps you can try being in a relationship then — on your first time — saying that you’ve had a fantasy for a long time about pretending to be a virgin and having a woman ‘teach’ you things. A lot of women love roleplay.

    Perhaps doing research on women’s sexuality will help you gain confidence in that department: what turns a woman on? Words, dominance, touch… it changes and there’s lots of literature and blogs about it.

    Here’s one site I remember came up with at least one article worth looking at, and I trust you to sort out the misogynistic bull from the gems:
    I’m probably going to be crucified for posting pick-up artist’s sites on here. (why do I look at them? Hey, we all have our own odd hobbies) It’s full of it’s own terminology, of course.


  • Keishon
    February 20
    12:49 am

    I also think being a virgin at 30 is nothing at all either (smart move if you ask me and says that you are picky and discriminating) but if you insist, I recommend you date or socialize more. Sex maybe nice but it comes with it’s problems. I gave my brothers the “scare” showing them pictures of people with STD’s when they didn’t wear condoms (while I was taking science courses). Whatever you decide to do – wear a condom but I think you’re making a much bigger deal out of nothing. If you don’t go looking to “lose it” then it won’t happen. That’s Murphy’s law [g] Just be yourself, that day will come [no pun intended]


  • Anon…read what Keishon said again. Seriously. It’s the best advice you can possibly get in my opinion.


  • 1. Where the hell do y’all live that there are brothels?

    2. Losing his virginity is important to anon–and was to others until they lost it as well. Saying it’s no big deal is like telling your single friends, “oh you’ll find someone if you stop looking,” knowing all the while that when YOU were single it was all you could focus on too.

    3. I think he’s got the condom thing down, now.

    4. My advice, FWIW (which ain’t much as I’m also socially awkward with people I don’t know) is to go out more. Hang out with your friends in places your female counterparts congregate–bookstores, coffee shops, scifi conventions, renaissance festivals, etc. Tell your friends–especially your female friends–you’re serious about finding someone, and ask them for help with your social skills. Then try speed dating or lock and key events. You can always try online dating first, where you can be more comfortable through email and IM before you meet in person.

    Good luck. And don’t jump without a parachute.


  • Jackie L.
    February 20
    3:30 am

    My poor hubby was a virgin until he met me, the poor baby. I was doing something they called the “new celibacy” back in the 70’s, we were supposed to become virgins again, or something, I didn’t quite get the whole idea. Anyway, I hadn’t been laid in over a year when I met my hubby, and was getting pretty desperate. Poor guy never had a chance.

    If you’re going to play in the rain, WEAR A RAINCOAT!


  • I volunteer to de-virginize you if you want to travel to Texas! I’ll be kind and won’t laugh unless you say something funny. And you don’t even have to buy me dinner!

    In all seriousness, however, asking your friends for a helping hand (not THAT kind of hand) is probably the best advice of the lot.

    Of course, it would be IDEAL if you could wait until you met that special someone and did the dirty with them. But, hey, being realistic, waiting for that might put a damper on the other things going on in the relationship – i.e., you’re so horny and distracted with doing the deed with this person, you totally miss the whole emotional side of things going on. Not good.

    Brothel – legal (can you say London, Amsterdam, or Nevada, plus most of the rest of the world?) or not – I don’t recommend. You can get it for free these days. And most “modern” girls aren’t looking for a big long relationship to have sex. We actually like sex for sex’s sake (hallelujah!).

    So ask your FEMALE friends if they know anyone. Don’t ask the guys – they’ll hook you up with some skank just for shits and giggles.


  • Scotia
    February 21
    7:14 pm


    I’m a 30-year male virgin too. I’ve made out with a few girls, but just haven’t done the deed. Sometimes I regret not getting it on in some wild college or high school fling like in the movie Superbad. Sure, that looks fun. But I imagine you could get that kind of fun with any girl at any age as long as you are both into it and respect each other.

    My first question to you is have you had a girlfriend? Have you kissed? Have you made out? Have you shared your heart with someone and told them how you felt? Because being a virgin isn’t really a big deal at all. If you’ve had some quality relationships with a lot of the make out stuff already, then my friend, you’re practically there!

    If you haven’t had any girlfriends, here’s my advice. Take some classes that allows love to develop like a seed in your heart. Depending on your personality this can be a martial art, which develops the mind and body, or it can be a yoga class (my preference) because it spreads the love to you and the people around you. You could even start running. It sounds like that for you to be with someone, you need to love them. So let the love out and it will come back in spades and hopefully spanks. People will notice your glow of goodness.


  • anonymous
    February 27
    5:38 pm

    They’re called “prostitutes.”


  • I was 30 when I lost my virginity. I had women that liked me but I didn’t care for them. I let one of them buy me some beer and get me drunk. I knew what she was after. After I had a few to many beers I just asked her to take her clothes off. When we did it, to me it was just like looking in the mirror. I liked myself not her. She liked it big time and had orgasm after orgasm. But for me it wasn’t really much different then looking in the mirror. But I did love it intensely when she kissed my gluteus maximus for about 10 minutes straight. But that was also when a couple of very beautiful neighbor girls that I did like were looking in the window and saying go boy go!

    I had told her once I was a virgin. But she just laughed and thought I was lying. She didn’t even believe I was really a virgin. Afterwards I didn’t feel like I lost my virginity because I never really cared for her and she didn’t believe me when I said it. But it did give me confidence and let me know that things work very well.

    In other words its very simple just let some girl get you drunk and show off. The hard part may be getting away from her afterwards.


  • Hey, I hope you have solved you problem by now, but I do have some good advice. I met a guy in class (I’m 25 and he’s 29) who is very tall and good-looking. He was so shy at first but he started opening up after a month or so of hanging out. He is no longer a virgin, lol. You just need to try to relax, smoke weed or something. Or maybee you’ll meet a girl like me who doesn’t mind shy guys and she’ll pursue sex with you. The bottom line is just be yourself, show confidence, and be happy with who you are. Good luck man!


  • Anon
    February 27
    4:27 pm

    Hi you!
    It`s been over a year since I posted here and I haven`t visited the blog since Scotia posted in February last year. So I figured I should just drop by and write some lines. After writing my last post I soon fell back to bad habits and my cocoon. So I turned 30 last summer and I`m still single and a virgin.

    When rereading the posts here I recognize that there are much good advice to be found, thank you all! My fault for not acting on it. I`ve decided to take it a step at a time from now, make a conscious effort to just improve my social-skills by talking with more people during the day and just try to enjoy the way (and people) as I go along. Hey, I even registered at a dating-site, if nothing else to get in touch with more people.

    Best wishes to you all.


  • Bill
    July 26
    2:13 pm

    If this thirty year old male thinks he’s hard done by for being a virgin at thirty how do you think i feel and am ten years older than him and hand on heart am still a virgin too and am forty i do know what sex is like having seen it on porn site and maybe one day lose my virginity not interested in going to brothels hopefully one day i’ll meet a nice woman who’ll understand i will admit i am quite shy with woman i do go out socially but shy meeting and talking to other woman it doesn’t bother me really being a virgin sex is over rated in my opinion if it happens it happens


  • HisWife
    August 30
    8:47 pm

    Dear Anon. My (now husband) was a virgin when we met. He was 30. We are now married and have a wonderfull happy life. Dont let any one tell you you need to “looseit” be proud of staying pure and disease free. SEX IS a gift from God. It is ment for marriage. Trust me as i was not a virgin and have made many mistakes. Please read a book called. LOVE SEX AND LASTING RELATIONSHIPS . So very much of what you should know about thid is in this book. Please wait and give the special gift of YOU to the wife and woman who will love you forever. Dont end up all sc*ewed up like so many people in the world. IF SHE IS THE ONE for you i promise it will not matter to her and in fact it may be something the two of you treasure together. Good luck and God bless.


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