Oh wow, I haven’t laughed so much since Mrs Giggles’ Trixy Lion Publishing website.

Lisa Charlton a newly self-published writer, put the following post up on Lulu.com:

My new book is called in a childs heart and i am really very interested to know what everyone thinks about it. If you’re interested then please feel free to visit my link at http://www.lulu.com/content/2122930 Thanks for your time reading my post guys i do really appreciate it.

Now, what was I saying about authors and coherent writing in public?

For you lazy buggers who can’t be arsed to click on the link, here’s how the first few responses went:

(David, a regular at the forum speaks up first)

You have numerous English language usage problems on that page–too many to make me want to review your work. (Right at the beginning, “Hi guys welcome to my storefront i do hope …” should be at least corrected to “Hi guys, welcome to my storefront.

I hope …” ‘Guys’ is also a little too impersonal and unprofessional a term to greet with, in my opinion. And your English doesn’t improve later in the page.) The giant Forex add is also a giant turnoff. Are you selling your writing, or multi-level-marketing stuff? Focus the topic of the page to one or the other, not both–you lose the message in the forest.

In my opinion, ‘hedonism’ is not a good term to use to use in conjunction with the title, “in a child’s heart” (it should be capitalized to “In a Child’s Heart”). I’m not interested in reading about the perspective of a spoiled brat, and that is what your quotation seems to imply the book is about.

If it really is, why would I be interested in that? Does the child change? What is the catharsis that brings them to a greater understanding of humanity? The portion of the blurb I read doesn’t give any clues about such an event taking place.

I sincerely hope that this brief critique is helpful, and is useful on your quest to make the writing appealing to a wide audience, and a commercial success. If it isn’t, respond accordingly, and I will remove the body of this post if possible.

David

Lisa, (bless her cotton socks) then replies with:

It is my very first time writng a novel and i obviously know that i have alot of learning to do where this subject is concerned. Did you actually read what it is about or just jumped to conclusions before you carried on?

The charactor in the book is fighting an illness called obsessive compulsive disorder. You would do well in getting your facts right before getting insulting towards another persons work. And read carefully about what the charactor is going through in the stages of her life coping with a mental illness.

David then writes back in response to her unintelligible comments:

I read this:

…Having tantrums on occasions suits me fine, for my folks on the other hand, its either respiratory problem, angina or manic depression, anxiety attack and a generous helping of stress and high blood pressure. And I haven’t even started yet!…

I said what I said hoping that it might help fix the problems. If you don’t want input towards improving your work, I’ll remove the body of these posts.

Best wishes,
David

Lisa, poor deluded Lisa (what was I saying about authors and public writing?) responded with this rant:

Help is one thing insults are another thing entirely. Did you actually read the novel, or does the fact that i written about a mental illness insult you enough not to read about the subject? You, clearly have chosen to be out of “context” about my work over two paragraphs i have written in my book.

I do take constructive criciticism very well and appreciate a wide variety of comments, what i do find insulting is people whom find themselves being called a professional is when they don’t even try to read what the author is promoting, instead only finds that a critic has not done the job properly by not reading the material that is available to them and still thinks that they can comment on something they have no idea about what the subject the book is based on. Does this sound familiar to yourself?

oh and by the way, you didn’t read this ” I am here to do something very obsessive, very compulsive and very much needed advertising for my new hedonistic novel In a childs heart! it is based on my charactor aisling who is having to live with both of parents whom personalities match those of a mis-guided missiles, whilst having to deal with fact that she has obsessive compulsive disorder.” Meaning that obsessive compulsive disorder is known as a serious mental illness.

Emily Veinglory then chimes in with what most people are thinking at this point: (more…)