Would You Give Up Your High Paying Career And Move To Redneckville For A Man?
Tuesday, April 22, 2008Posted in: random rambling, Toni Blake
I’m currently reading Toni Blake’s Tempt Me Tonight and I’ve got to the part where the heroine, who’s a successful attorney (she’s a shoe-in to make partner) living in Chicago, is contemplating moving back to her hometown of Bumfuck to open up her own little diner, and to of course be with the hero, who’s a car mechanic.
I haven’t gotten to the end of the book yet, but I suspect that Trisha (our heroine) will eventually end up giving up her job, and moving to Hicksville to be with Joe (our hero).
Whatever happened to the hero making the ultimate sacrifice and moving to Chicago to be with the woman of his dreams? Not just saying it, but actually doing it?
One thing I’ve noticed is that whenever there’s a question of distance between the hero and heroine, it’s always the gal who has to give up her apartment, and her job. What annoys me is that it usually turns out that the heroine wasn’t happy being an accountant/lawyer/doctor in the first place, and was just waiting for the right man to come along to rescue her from the drudgery of putting bad guys in jail, being able to afford Manolo Blahniks and healing the sick.
Honestly, it’s enough to drive my borderline feminist senses crazy.
bettie
April 22
11:14 am
Me, too. It’s why I rarely pick up Big-City-Career-Gal Meets-Studly-Small-Town-Guy romances anymore.
Sandy (Strlady)
April 22
11:30 am
I just recently did this but it was not for a man. I gave up half of my income and moved south because I was tired of that stressful life.
If I had a man to serve as motivation I probably would have done it sooner.
I know it kills that feminist in many but the truth is that it has nothing to do with the gender and everything to do with the career. The reason, I believe, this sacrifice is credible is because the careers tend to be very demanding, very stressful and leaves very little personal time. It’s the Quality of life Vs Quantity of money argument. Who would NOT leave their stressful, over demanding job for the serenity of small town living and top it off by adding the love of your partner. Whether it’s a man or a woman making the decision, it’s a no brainer. At least it was for me.
~S
Dalia
April 22
11:50 am
In the books I’ve read about the ‘high powered female executive’ giving ‘It’ all up – the reasoning always hinges on the love of a man. The ‘It’ is often the ‘stress’ of the job but I always have the impression that the author is just paying lip service (pen service? keyboard service?) to that idea and the life change really is all about luuuurve.
I often assume (and hence, am making asses out of you and me) that the author wanted to write something different than the wilting flower heroine and so, bam! I’m gonnna make her hot stuff!…but not too hot, we don’t want her balls to be bigger than his!
It’s sort of, even though they start off with a woman who has a more powerful job, the imbalance must be redressed in some way before the end of the novel and the way they see to do this is by having the woman rethink her ‘purpose in life’ and whether she really is *happy* before returning home to work in a job that if not much less ‘powerful’ than that of the hero’s, is much closer to his level.
Phyllis Bourne-Williams ‘A Moment on the Lips’ is about a fund manager (methinks) or whatever, a lady who made a lot of money for a financial corporation who left the job to open a store in a small town that sells knitting things. The hero wants her to come work for his financial corp because he wants the best and can’t understand why she would want to stay in a small town and knit…or was it quilt? Anyhoo, despite my poor poor memory, the book premise was a sweet and refreshing one. She left on her own steam and definitely not for any man, and ‘her’ man wants her back in her high-paying job.
Angelia Sparrow
April 22
12:56 pm
Don’t get me started.
I hate books like that. When she works so hard to achieve all her goals, but ooops, love or surprise baby or both turn her into June Cleaver.
Kat
April 22
1:47 pm
I could maybe understand if he has a job that’s tied to the town, like a farmer, but surely a car mechanic is a very portable job. Also, why couldn’t she be an attorney in the small town? I guess it wouldn’t bother me too much if the foundation is laid for why she’d be unhappy enough at her job (or career) to quit, but not if it seems like a cop out to resolve the distance problem.
Bev(QB)
April 22
1:55 pm
Just as irritating are the books where the author makes a big deal about the heroine being a high powered, successful career woman. One who worked her way up from less than great circumstances.
Yet, once the sectsin’ ensues, it seems the heroine never shows back up at work again. In fact, her work is never mentioned at all.
Wut’s up wit dat? Takes me right out of the story because I keep wondering about her job.
Dalia
April 22
1:59 pm
Bev(QB) – exactly. I always wonder – how the hell did she get ‘high powered’! She ain’t never at work!
Mari
April 22
2:14 pm
Well, I wasn’t a high powered exec, but I did move south to be with my new husband. This happened over 14 years ago. I was okay with it, I was tired of living in NJ and needed the change of scene. We are still together living here in the south.
MissKitty
April 22
2:57 pm
The problem is not, that there are books out there, where a woman gives up her career and everything she has worked oh so hard for, for a man.
The problem is… there are tons of books out there like this.
Anyone here read “Lover Unbound” (the latest in the series) by JR Ward?
Anyone remember that successful trauma surgeon who loves her job, is happy with it and suddenly throws it all away, never to think of it again or even to mention it and instead becomes the inhouse physician for a (vampiric) women´s shelter, happy to treat colds for he rest of her century long existence.
Because after two days she oh so fell in love with a guy?
Granted JR Ward is the master of annoying Damsel in Distress (with only one exception) and her women never play a real role in the books again.
I would not want to call it “they perfectly blend into the background, turning into a piece of the house´s furniture”, but that´s basically what it comes down to.
Ok, that´s one author, and I still would read her books, because her boys are hot, hot, hot.. a little on the “almost caricature” side of life, but hey….
If it only were one author…
What weird part of brain chemistry lets readers of romance long for the kind of helpless heroine, that no matter how successful she is, always wants to be the sweet little idiot, that will follow a man everywhere?
Perhaps we need to live out that part of ourselves in the books we read, to avoid doing the same in real life?
Oh wait, hm…. there´s enough women doing that in real life….
Shiloh Walker
April 22
2:59 pm
*G* Would depend on whether or not I’m happy with my big-city life.
I personally like living in a small town. It’s quiet, less stressful–less traffic. if I want big-city fun, I can go after it.
Would also depend on the man 😉 and whether or not I felt he was worth it.
Lindsey
April 22
3:22 pm
I’m often annoyed by career vs. love conflicts for this exact reason, but it seems like a narrow view of feminism to suggest that being an attorney for a powerful urban firm is more valuable – and more feminist – than running a business in a small town.
I also wouldn’t say that TMT is the best example of the problems with this type of plot – but I loved the book and totally bought Trish’s characterization, so I’m sure I’m biased. But Trish’s conflict isn’t really career vs. love – it’s about facing up to her past and the life she ran away from. So it made sense to me that would have to choose between the life she built solely to escape the hurt of her past and the life she would have otherwise had. And I think she does continue to practice law there as well, though it’s been a while since I read the book.
I also feel like it’s all just part of the fantasy. We love to read tortured heroes, but not every woman wants to live with one. In the same way, I wouldn’t be surprised if many high-powered, successful career women enjoy the occasional fantasy of giving up their stressful lives for the “simplicity” of running a small-town diner or B&B or whatnot. But that doesn’t mean that’s what they really want for themselves.
Ellen Ashe
April 22
3:41 pm
“Bumfuck”? LOL!!
Here’s another place a sad pathetic heroine might like to move to:
http://www.canoe.ca/Travel/Microgalleries/strangenames/home.html?&pic=12
There’s even a school there for certain e-publishers who want to learn how to screw over their authors… so I hear!
bam
April 22
3:58 pm
I’d move to Siberia for my guy…
but I’m not a high-powered exec. I can write goat-porn anywhere.
Jenns
April 22
4:16 pm
Good God. Books like these are still out there? Say it ain’t so.
Amanda
April 22
4:44 pm
ITA about the career woman leaving her job for the man.
But TMT isn’t really your typical version of that. Trish has unresolved issues that are keeping her from being successful in her law career, and she moves back to Hicksville because her parents and her best friend live there. So it’s less about her leaving her high powered career for a man, than about her growth process and returning to her roots. And since she’s known Joe all her life, it’s not like she just meets a guy and chooses to abandon it all for him.
And in all fairness he does offer to move to Chicago to be with her, but she wants to live a simpler life in her hometown. I don’t necessarily think it’s a decision based on her gender.
Plus, don’t 80% of people end up living close to where they were born?
I dunno, I like the book a lot. Plus Joe is a hottie.
Ann Bruce
April 22
6:07 pm
Significant other moved to the UK. I stayed here because I’ve been there, done that and wasn’t going to put my career on hold. He eventually moved back.
CJ England
April 22
6:24 pm
I think different strokes for different folks. I don’t mind those type of books, but then again, I’m a woman who has followed her man all over the country and would do it again in a heartbeat.
My heroines are a mixture of both types…high power kick ass gal and also the follow your man kind. I write them that way since I believe there are both types of women still out there. And just as importantly, those that enjoy reading about each.
Dionne Galace » Blog Archive » The Celebration of the Female
April 22
6:48 pm
[…] are two very interesting discussions about romance heroines in my two favorite blogs today. On Karen Scott’s: One thing I’ve noticed is that whenever there’s a question of distance between the […]
Claudia
April 22
6:55 pm
I think these books ultimately work for a lot women because not *having* to work is as much a fantasy as finding that attractive, big dicked hero.
My three siblings taught me motherhood isn’t the respite from work many romances present it to be, but I’m all over the career change angle 🙂
Candice Gilmer
April 22
6:58 pm
Me personally? I’m the “if he wants me, he has to come to me” type. But that has a lot to do with seeing women, especially 20-something women who meet some guy online, (let’s say) and she has to go see him. She has to travel to him. She has to make the sacrifices.
I can’t say I’m a feminist, but I am of the thought that BOTH parties have to make sacrifices. It isn’t just about one of them doing it, it should be both willing to make changes.
After all, isn’t that what makes a relationship work? Both parties making sacrifies?
Capo
April 22
7:19 pm
Of course not. What self-respecting person would? Now, if it were “Daisy Duke”, there was a period in my life….
Ann Bruce
April 22
8:20 pm
You do realize feminists want EQUAL rights as men, right? Feminists are not about getting one up on the other gender and turning society into a matriarchy.
Sam
April 22
10:38 pm
I get angry at some of those books. I don’t know why, except I wasn’t wise enough to be high-powered anything and I just think ‘man, if I’d worked that hard for my career, I wouldn’t throw it away’.
There are times I wish I’d actually finished more education that I did. Even if I did though, my career would not have been high powered. I’m not doctor or lawyer or executive material.
Sam
Treva Harte
April 23
12:37 am
The DH and I are lawyers. I finally left the SDJ because I couldn’t write, edit, practise law, and take care of my family, including my elderly mother, all at the same time. But I stuck it out for a long time because you pile up debts from law school, having a family etc. etc. The DH was very dubious when I said I need to leave and finally realized he needed to be supportive. That’s RL. I can’t imagine a guy nowadays saying toss the high paying job! Everyone is needed to pay the bills.
(Fortunately I’m just as busy now in my high powered editing job and I like it more.)
Lleeo
April 23
1:06 am
I’m with you, Karen. While I do agree that it’s realistic for some people to have high-powered jobs that stress them out to the max and that some people like this can’t see how damaging their career is to their sanity until someone gives them a new perspective or motive to move on to something that makes them happier, this isn’t and shouldn’t always be the case.
Women have always been the ones who are first expected to make big sacrifices (career or otherwise) for their significant other or their family. How about a reverse of this plotline where the hero sacrifices his desire to live in a little town to be with the heroine and she gets to be the main breadwinner? He can still have a business on the outskirts of big-city life.
I’d also like to see work places make it easier for women to be mothers and CEOs at the same time if they want to. Like some of the European countries have daycare right in office buildings and you have more flexible time to pick your kids up from school etc. No one ever gives Donald Trump or Bill Gates a hard time about not being at home all the time with their kids and many call them great parents.
And, yes, I am a proud feminist. No personal offense intended, Candice. ^_~
AnnWesleyHardin
April 23
1:52 am
How about a reverse of this plotline where the hero sacrifices his desire to live in a little town to be with the heroine
I wrote one of these heroes in Out of This World.
Life’s hard knocks have taught me it’s people who matter. Basically, I think that’s all romance “conventions” are trying to convey. And, hell. It’s true. Nothing, except people, is irreplaceable.
Lleeo
April 23
2:01 am
I completely agree. One of my favourite aspects of the romance genre is that all (or most) of the books are character driven. 😀
But no matter which way you slice it, double standards still suck.
I’m going to have to check out your book Out of This World. It sounds like it would be right up my alley. :3
AztecLady
April 23
2:49 am
It wasn’t a high powered job, but I did leave college to follow my then husband. I can’t say I regret it, but then I never had huge career ambitions.
Ann, I do realize this–but not every self-professed feminist does.
Which is to be expected, obviously. 😀
Candice Gilmer
April 23
3:25 am
Ann, I do agree with that mindset, that it should be equal between both partners in a relationship. However, some of the feminists I’ve encountered have made me think it wasn’t about equal anything, but matriarchy.
Thank you for clarifying for me.
Lleeo, you don’t offend me at all. 🙂 Especially since I agree with what you’ve said. 🙂
In fact, the book I have coming out in the fall from Samhain, the hero has to make the choice to sacrifice his job in “the big city” to be with the woman he loves.
Though I didn’t think about it at the time, I did flip the stereotype a bit, didn’t I?
Everyone take care. 🙂
Tracy
April 23
3:40 pm
Depends how the book is written. I was married at 22 and quite frankly, I couldn’t wait to have kids and stay home with them. I always intended to be a SAHM. That was my career aspiration~too bad we don’t have “Professional Mother” status and pay like in JD Robb’s “In Death” books. That is such a rockin’ idea! Sorry, rabbit trail there LOL.
Anyway, everyone has different goals and plans in life. So, was the book written that the heroine’s only aspiration in life was to be #1 in her chosen field, then yeah, I’d have a hard time believing she’d chuck it all for a man. Or was the heroine written as if she liked her job but has always longed for a family? then I’d believe it.
Other questions to ponder: Will she be happy where she is following her man or will her man be the only thing there that satisfies her? That’s a big one. Can her job be done in this small town (someone else above mentioned that)?
Those are my disjointed thoughts anyway LOL
Oh, and I’m with Shiloh, I love small town living. Hate cities, so maybe I’m the wrong person to ask this question LOL
Jenns
April 23
4:39 pm
“Professional Mother” status and pay? That is genius! I have got to read those books! (Got the first two somewhere amongst my TBRs.)
Ann Bruce
April 23
6:22 pm
I got verbally smacked by a buddy about this statement. He’s a staunch feminist and said the statement should be the following:
The initial statement made it sound like all feminists are women. My bad.
*sigh* I have to apologize on the behalf of true feminists everywhere. There are so many flaws in this kind of thinking but getting into them just depresses me.
Candice Gilmer
April 23
7:07 pm
I agree, let’s not focus on the negative, let’s just say you’ve given me my enlightenment of the week, and I thank you.
Barbara B.
April 23
8:11 pm
I’m not really interested in any individual woman’s personal choices IRL. It does bother me, however, that in romantic fiction it’s almost always the woman who completely changes her life to be with a man. That’s not a message I like. Not every romance reader is a proponent of traditional sex roles. I’d like to see more gender equality reflected in the stories.
Nonny
April 24
6:32 am
Ugh.
I haven’t read Tempt Me Tonight, but from your description, it makes no real sense that the heroine would want to leave and why the car mechanic hero can’t work in the city. Hello, they need mechanics there, too.
There are valid reasons for a heroine to leave her job, but for the love of a man? I’m sorry, but I don’t believe that the hero would ask that if he truly loved her. But I’ve seen it time and time again in romance novels.
I have yet to see a book where the executive/lawyer/whatever man gives up his job because he’s in love with a woman. It would still bother me, except in cases where there are other reasons for the character to leave the job, but it is a gendered stereotype. And in many books, the choice does not make sense.
I’m a writer, and thus my job isn’t dependent on my location. But if either my husband or boyfriend (I’m polyamorous) asked me to essentially quit my job for whatever reason, I’d tell them where they could shove it. I love what I do, and I cannot fathom giving it up because a man–or woman!–asks. If they do, then they obviously don’t love me, but their personal illusion of me.
So when heroines in books give up their “dream job” because they fell in love, for the hero… how is a needless sacrifice romantic?
Dawn Montgomery
April 25
10:51 am
Due to contract obligations at my Day Job I couldn’t leave the area if I wanted to. Not for a few years anyway. When I first met J. (my now hubby), he knew he’d have to leave to be with me. We met on my vacation via intro by a very dear friend.
LSS (long story short), he ended up moving from Cali to Texas to be with me, giving up his job, leaving his close knit family and everything. I never asked him to do this, nor would I have. I just laid it on the table when he started talking a more permanent arrangement LOL.
Since then he’s found a new career and loves Texas. LOL. I think he’s crazy, but, then again, I was raised Texan. ROFL.
Even his little sister, who’s missing her big brother TERRIBLY, is so supportive.
For those who would think this is a young love…we’ve both been divorced and J’s in his late 30’s. No midlife crisis. No insane feelings to be “young again.” It does happen and I still think he’s crazy LOL, but I wouldn’t give up a second of our time together.
When I read books that involve the “ultimate sacrifice” of uprooting and moving to be with the OTL (one true love), I’m very slow to like them. Most of the time the emotional conflict and resolution is quickly done and forgotten. Should I go? Yes. I’m going. Great, it’s all good. HEA. It’s the “it’s all good” part that bothers me. The character would still have hangups, wonder if they did the right thing, need some emotional support from the other.
JMHO. Great post and sorry for the rambling comment. LOL. I think you got me nostalgic.