You couldn’t make this stuff up.
BELLEVUE, OH — Police say a man was arrested after admitting to, and being caught on DVD having sex with his picnic table repeatedly.
Investigators say they received a tip that Art Price Jr., 40, of 146 Brinker St. in Bellevue was having sex with a picnic table while outside on the deck. The incidents occurred between January and March 2008.Police say on March 13, the tipster dropped off three DVDs which showed Price in the act. On four occasions, Price is seen naked and masturbating in the rear room near the open doorway; he then comes out to the deck. He tilts the metal round picnic table on its side and lays up against it and has sexual intercourse with the table. Afterwards he cleans the table and the deck.
Police say the the incidents occurred close to Ridge Elementary School.
Well, at least he cleaned the table afterwards. Hygiene is very important you know.
What a dickhead.
Via Monica’s blog.
Dorothy Mantooth
June 27
12:30 pm
Karen, did you see the Channel Five special a few weeks back on women who love and are sexually attracted to inanimate objects? There’s a story on it (well, one of the women in it) here.
Wonder if that’s what’s up with this guy?
Eve Vaughn
June 27
12:53 pm
What in the hell? Weren’t there any rubber blow up dolls around? That I might have understood a little better, not much but a little.
queenbeetrainer
June 27
1:04 pm
This guy sounds like that kid in American Pie who gets caught with the pie, etc. Kind of sounds like he’s an exhibitionist too or else the fool would’ve brought the damn table inside. Geesh!
Tuscan Capo
June 27
1:05 pm
There were rumors about a rash of statutory rape with tables in Bellevue, OH; let’s pray this one wasn’t underage! I’d imagine after such an experience its hard for the victims to get back on their legs.
LOL
Ghetto Diva
June 27
1:10 pm
Oh damn. Thank god, I didn’t have my breakfast yet, before reading that.
Fae Sutherland
June 27
1:33 pm
Wait…so what was he arrested for? Linkaphobic am I, maybe it says in the article what crime he committed? Last I checked getting off with an inanimate object isn’t a crime, is it? LMAO, if so me and my vibrator are in sooooo much trouble!!
Mari
June 27
1:47 pm
You just can’t make this stuff up…it is so insane, it must be real. LOL!!!!
Shiloh Walker
June 27
1:49 pm
oh. um. yuck.
Tuscan Capo
June 27
1:50 pm
I wonder if the wood was Cherry…
Tuscan Capo
June 27
1:57 pm
I guess he gave out free samples of Lemon Pledge to minors?
Ellen F.
June 27
2:11 pm
I totally did not need to read that before breakfast. Or for that matter after breakfast. Ugh.
Lori
June 27
2:12 pm
LOL Capo!!!
I was thinking picnic table and imagine how small he’d have to be to fit through the slats.
Tuscan Capo
June 27
2:15 pm
What’s the splinter of a chance he picked up a STD? I’ve heard those are no picnic…
Sorry, Karen, I’m going to try and control the bad punster in me now 🙂
Cinnamon
June 27
2:42 pm
His last girlfriend complained he treated her like a piece of furniture.
AztecLady
June 27
4:02 pm
I would imagine that the issue was with his doing it outside and near an elementary school–which could translate into exposing himself to minors? That could correspond with the public indecency charge.
The one I don’t get is the ‘disseminating harmful material to minors.’
But really, if the charge is ‘having sexual intercourse with an inanimate object’ then all the fetishists in the world are criminals–not to mention people who use vibrators or other toys, either solo or in company.
queenbeetrainer
June 27
4:26 pm
Without getting too graphic, I’m thinking it must be more along the lines of where you might insert an umbrella on a picnic table… still yuck!
Dee Tenorio
June 27
4:47 pm
Well, if you can’t speed near a school, you probably can’t nail a table near one either. I think they used the “disemenating” charge for the pun value.
I wonder if the dining room table knows…
KCfla
June 27
4:52 pm
Yeah, I was thinking that too ( icky as it is :p) since the table was reported to be a round, metal one.
AL- I think your right. IF he did this outside, ( and he had no fence around his yard) WHILE kids were going to and from school- it would definitely be indecent exposure. The rest- who knows?
Dawn
June 27
5:24 pm
Re the 1st comment. There was also a show about men whose cars are their lovers. I watched it. It was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. One of the guys had a Beetle that he made love to, but frankly the man was a complete slut. He fancied the camera crew’s vehicle and one morning they came out to find “evidence of his lurve” on the car.
http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=30589
He also got it on with the Airwolf helicopter.
J.C. Wilder
June 27
5:40 pm
Why does this crazy crap have to happen in MY state??
Tuscan Capo
June 27
6:03 pm
Without getting too graphic, I’m thinking it must be more along the lines of where you might insert an umbrella on a picnic table… still yuck!
As long as he didn’t get stuck…the ants would have played hell carrying him off.
Seressia
June 27
6:08 pm
See I was thinking the whole “glory hole” angle myself, where the umbrella goes. Its diameter would probably be about right for Willy to use his Wonka. I think it’s the public indecency thing more than anything else, and the dissemination is because the public indency was comepletely viewable.
But the person who dropped off THREE DVDS of this guy is also a weirdo. I ain’t sayin’, I’m just sayin’…
sallahdog
June 27
6:14 pm
Why does this crazy crap have to happen in MY state??
Hey, Kansas is stuck with Fred Phelps and his loony tune “church”… So no sending him here…
katiebabs
June 27
8:14 pm
Wasn’t he worried about splinters?
queenbeetrainer
June 27
8:30 pm
His version of piercings maybe? Just a guess…
K. Z. Snow
June 28
12:04 am
“Mr. Price was put on three years’ probation, required to register as a habitual sex offender, and ordered not to go within five hundred feet of inanimate objects — specifically, furniture.
His attorney strenuously objected, pointing out that Mr. Price’s life would be adversely affected. The accused now must spend the next three years sitting and lying on, eating off of, dusting, vacuuming, sanding, varnishing, and placing all manner of objects on/in nubile young men and women. Such activities, according to the defense attorney, are profoundly offensive to Mr. Price, because they are against his religion.”
Ann Bruce
June 28
3:21 am
Are picnic tables cheaper than blow-up dolls?
Jenni
June 28
9:21 am
We had a similar thing in the news in Scotland last year, a guy simulating sex with a bicycle……
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm
Despite him indulging his little bike fantasy in a locked bedroom in a Hostel, cleaners used a master key to unlock the door and so unwittingly witnessed his fun. Thus his escapade landed him on the Sex Offenders Register. That’s the bit I don’t get. Some poor schmuck who gets his jollies in private with an inanimate object somehow ranks up there with those exposing themselves to little kids..??? wtf??!
Peggy P
June 28
1:26 pm
But here’s the really odd thing (as if there’s only one), it’s colder than hell here in Ohio in Jan thru March. To be outside with a metal picnic table, indulging, in the weather we get…now that’s just crazy!
Mandy M. Roth
June 28
10:50 pm
This is about 20 mins from me. Looks like the kids and I will be avoiding public parks and eating areas for a good long while.
I’m with Peggy on it being cold that time of year. We had a really nasty winter this year around here. If I think too hard on this I’ll get a mental image and won’t be able to scrub it from my mind.
*doing heebie-jeebie dance*
Maddie
June 30
2:32 am
Rocky Allan a former WPLJ dj asked callers to call in with weird stuff they heard of that knew to be true one woman called in and said that when she was married she thought her husband was having an affair (those red flags will get you all the time) well she got her proof when she found him with the FAMILY DOG.