Thank God For Romance, Part 1…
Thursday, August 7, 2008Posted in: Thank God For Romance, The Second Husband
Tags:Louise Candlish
Warning, shitloads of spoilers and swearing ahead
I’ve been on a bit of of a romance reading slump lately, so the other day, I decided to buy some non-romance fiction.
Fuck me, what a mistake that was.
The first book was called The Second Husband, by a Brit author called Louise Candlish.
I bought it, because I’d read one of her older books a while ago, and had enjoyed it, so I thought I’d give this one a try.
Jesus, I shouldn’t have fucking bothered.
Basically, the story is about a divorced woman (Kate), with two kids, boy, eleven, and girl, seventeen, who is forced to take in a lodger after her ex-husband announces that his current wife is pregnant. (Less maintenance money, etc.)
Anyway, the daughter (Roxy) was basically a slut, who could have done with a firm hand or two. She also has an equally slutty friend, who had a habit of talking to her own mother like crap. She also needed a good kick up the arse.
The mother (Kate) becomes attracted to the apparently charismatic lodger, (Davis) although, she can tell that he has no interest in her as a woman.
One day, whilst Kate is trying to relive her youth by trying on her daughter’s slutty clothes, Davis knocks on the door. When Davis sees Kate in Roxy’s clothes, he gets turned on, and he’s so overcome with lust that he jumps on Kate, and they have jack-rabbit sex.
At this point, I am totally skeeved out, because quite obviously, the man has a thing for younger girls.
Anyway, things cool down a bit between them, and Kate starts noticing how much time Davis is spending ‘tutoring’ Roxy (Did I mention that the man is a teacher by the way?).
Kate, whilst feeling insecure about Davis’ affections for her, tells him that he has to find somewhere else to stay. At this point, Davis asks her to marry him (bear in mind that they’ve only been sorta seeing each other for two weeks).
Kate who is a fucktard above all fucktards, agrees to marry a man who only seems to find her attractive when she’s wearing teen clothes. A man she’s only known for two fucking weeks.
Davis and Kate then get married, quite quickly. Kate can’t believe that she’s managed to bag this seemingly perfect man, and is happy as a pig in shit. For about two minutes, at least.
One day, whilst she’s clearing out Davis’ old room, she finds some love letters. Kate, being a total fuckwit, and a disgrace to woman-kind in general, initially assumes that the letters are an homage to her.
As she reads on, she discovers that the letters are actually about her daughter Roxy (Give the fucking woman a medal). It turns out that Roxy and Davis had been secretly having an affair, and that Davis only asked Kate to marry him, so that he could stay close to Roxy. Stellar.
Mayhem and madness ensues, and the daughter ends up running away with Kate’s second husband.
Fuck me, rigid. I really hated this book.
What pissed me off the most about The Second Husband was that there wasn’t a satisfactory come-uppance for Davis. Or Roxy, come to think of it. They’d basically messed up loads of lives, caused lots of heartache, and the author didn’t see fit to make them pay. That made me mad as hell. So mad in fact that I threw the fucking book out of the window. I think it will be a happy addition to the compost at the bottom of the garden.
Anyway, being a glutton for punishment, I read the next book on my list, Meg Hutchinson’s The Wanton Redhead. I’m too annoyed to even discuss that book right now, so I’ll wait until I’ve calmed down sufficiently enough to talk about it.
Nonny
August 7
12:05 pm
Wow… and I thought soap operas were bad…
Jaci Burton
August 7
1:53 pm
Thank God for romance, indeed. If I want crap like the book you read, all I need to do is turn on the news or read the newspaper, which is full of stories like that, sadly. Or watch one of a hundred depressing movies like that. I’d have been pissed about the book, too.
Teddypig
August 7
2:22 pm
Sounds like a Lifetime Channel movie of the week.
Pure Wabash
August 7
2:24 pm
See? How the HELL does fiction like this get published? honestly? I agree with Jaci, that sounds like some bad movie of the week at Oxygen or Lifetime. Someone needs to give that writer a good kick in the tail for that apparently horrible book.
Amie Stuart
August 7
3:07 pm
What Teddy said and can I say I LOVED your review?!
Roslyn Holcomb
August 7
3:28 pm
When I was a social worker I had file cabinets full of that kind of shit. Why on earth would I want to read it in my off hours?
TracyS
August 7
3:42 pm
I was thinking the exact same thing as TeddyPig. I’m sure LIfetime has more than one movie with that type of storyline. I was also thinking the same thing as Roslyn. My mom and sister work in the social work field and that stuff happens way to often in real life. It’s disgusting enough to hear about in real life, why in the world would we want to read about it in Fiction? Ugh.
Jody Wallace
August 7
3:49 pm
While I respect that there are folks who enjoy reading this type of book and I don’t question its existence, I know that I would not like it and am now fully forewarned!
M E 2
August 7
3:57 pm
Sounds like a cheap(er) version of LOLITA.
Michelle Monkou
August 7
4:03 pm
I think you forgot to drink while you were reading this. Sounds like you had to be in an altered state to get through it. Maybe the editor was when s/he bought it.
M-
Katrina Strauss
August 7
4:18 pm
Lifetime or Oxygen? Heck, this sounds like a Jerry Springer episode stretched into a two hour movie. I like my romance on the twisted soap opera side, mind you, but I agree that some comeuppance and resolution are in due order!
Lori
August 7
5:08 pm
Wasn’t this previously released as The Woody Allen Story?
JenB
August 7
5:43 pm
Wow, if I had to read this I’m sure I would have done more than just throw it out the window. The fact that you didn’t burn it or make a voodoo doll out of the author’s jacket photo shows a great deal of restraint on your part. I’m not sure I’d have been satisfied with just throwing it.
Sounds like some shit Oprah would talk about.
Sara
August 7
7:51 pm
God, that sounds AWFUL. If you need a book to read, I definitely recommend most of the books that won RITAs this year (the RITA winners are seriously discounted here). You need to read something good quickly… just reading your review made me want to vomit a little.
Sara
August 7
7:52 pm
God, that sounds AWFUL. If you need a book to read, I definitely recommend most of the books that won RITAs this year (the RITA winners’ ebooks are seriously discounted here). You need to read something good quickly… just reading your review made me want to vomit a little.
vanessa jaye
August 7
10:52 pm
Those characters sound like past guests on Jerry Springer. 😛
Next time break out a 6 six of Harlequin Presents. 😉
Angelia Sparrow
August 8
2:09 am
All right, who got hold of my family history and turned it upside down? (A second cousin was a playboy bunny, ran off with a client. Her mom stole her boyfriend)
May I suggest, for your next non-romance outing, the Bubbas of the Apocalypse series? Very funny stuff.
(please note, I am in no way affiliated with YardDog Press or the Bubba anthologies. I’m just a happy reader)
KS Augustin
August 8
2:33 am
It’s interesting that books like these are usually classified as “mainstream” fiction, while romance is in the looked-down-upon “genre” category.
It makes you wonder about the message being conveyed. Stories about women who are empowered and help bring about their own happiness are somehow inferior to stories about women behaving as ultimate victims? I still haven’t figured that one out.
(And I’m with Vanessa on this one. Antidote of Harlequin crack, er, Presents prescribed. I’m off to Fictionwise right now. Thanks, Vanessa!)
Shiloh Walker
August 8
3:09 am
*G* So when do we get to read, THANK GOD FOR ROMANCE PART 2…
I needed the snicker.
Karen S in Scotland
August 8
6:28 am
I hated the fact that a woman wrote this book. It had such a negative message, re women needing men to be happy, and settling for less than they should. And by not suitably punishing either Roxy or Davis, I felt totally cheated.
Unfortunately, Brits love to gobble up this drama-filled crap. Just take a look at our best-seller lists. If it doesn’t involve rape, child abuse, or death, it aint making the list. Urrggghh.
Monica Kaye
August 8
6:37 am
Thank God for romance, indeed. I seriously don’t know how people go without a little of the HEA.
I can’t wait for your review of the second book on your list.
shirley
August 8
8:37 am
You know, I’m totally against burning books. Saw it too often when I was young.
However, if I’d have picked up this piece of tripe, I’d have gladly put it on the grill and lit it up. No repercussions for a pedophile – sorry, grown man with teenager, reads like that to me – and a selfish little shit who ruin a bunch of lives?
Fuck that. You did right, Karen, out the damn window.
Shiloh Walker
August 8
6:35 pm
I think that’s just the mindset of ‘lit’ types. I mean, that book The Lovely Bones was the most depressing thing I’ve ever read and it was a NYT bestseller for a while, I thought. Can’t see why-a little girl gets raped and murdered and the story is told from her POV as a ghost as she watches her family after her death. Uh… yeah, what I wanna read. Not.
shirley
August 9
1:45 am
Dear Lord, Shiloh, just the recap there depressed me. OY, why?
Onto a more light hearted story, I am re-reading “Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle” to my great-granddaughter. You know, I loved the Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle books when I first read them with my youngest daughter and then to my granddaughters. They never get old and they always make me laugh.
Okay, so it isn’t high literature, but it sure is fun. 🙂