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This week’s dilemma:

You and your sister are extremely close, and always have been. You’re happily married with four kids. Your sister unfortunately cannot have children, even though she has been trying for years, with no success. She’s tried everything, and nothing has worked. She doesn’t want to adopt, she’s adamant she wants a child of her own.

One day she asks if you’re willing to be a surrogate for her and her hubby.

What do you do? Do you agree, and run the risk that you wont be able to part with the baby when the time comes, or do you refuse with the knowledge that you may be your sister’s only hope?

What would you do?

54 Comments »

  • Aw, Anon, that’s a really nice comment! I feel all warm and happy now!

    I too sometimes struggle with friends who feel they can only accept their *own* child. Yet, deep down inside, I can’t help but think it’s for the best they’re willing to accept their limitations and move forward. Every adopted child should be loved unconditionally and for a certain set of people that just might not be possible.

    Tuscan, you’re exactly right.

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  • I would for my sister, no question.

    As for the ‘God’s will’ comment, I’m pretty sure that if that were true, we wouldn’t have parents who are blessed with children, then go on and abuse/kill them.

    I think this is one of those subjects that God should be kept out of. The Big Shepherd in the sky isn’t doing so great at looking after his sheep right now. If I was marking him on his performance, I’d totally fail him.

    Hmmm, GodFail… Me likes.

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  • If it was my sister and I was a gestational surrogate for the embryos made from her and her spouse’s egg/sperm, I would do it, if I was healthy and if we had a close relationship. I would definitely want the baby/child to know their birth story and to know me – as his/her aunt and also the person who gave birth to him/her. If my sister showed resistance to that I would not be able to go through with it.

    I read the comments about adoption here with interest. I don’t want to go off on a rant, but I did want to respectfully say that in my opinion, adoption is not a “quick fix” to infertility. Adoption can work and work well – but it brings its own challenges and unique issues that parents need to be prepared for. Not everyone is equipped for that, and I don’t think anyone needs to be pushed to adopt if they don’t want to throw themselves 100% into making it work for the child.

    Before anyone assumes I am against adoption; I’m not. Yes, I have personal experience with adoption, as I relinquished a child 16 years ago in an open relationship. She knows me, we have visits, she knows her brother, I get along well with her family. I know other adoptive parents and consider them my close friends. If anyone would like to talk further about adoption I’m more than happy to.

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  • Jen
    April 16
    8:45 pm

    I wouldn’t. I suck at being pregnant. It’s hard on my body and at my current age, might be too hard on a baby.

    All the same, it’s damn unfair that it costs so much to adopt, and that many loving, stable couples in many states willing to adopt kids who need loving homes are expressly forbidden to simply because they’re not heterosexual, yet it’s okay when some religious nutbags decide they need to keep their foster kids in cages…when they’re not hand-building a crazy church for the dad.

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