This week’s dilemma is as follows:
You have a sixteen year old daughter who’s been depressed about the flatness of her boobs since she was fourteen. She feels totally inadequate compared to her friends, and can’t cope with the fact that she’s flat-chested. You’ve spoken to her about it several times, and told her that the size of her boobs don’t matter to the right people.
She’s still unbearably depressed about her breasts though, and one day she comes to you with money that she’s been saving up for a breast op, and asks you to go with her.
What do you do? Do you try to forbid her from getting the breast enhancement procedure, or do you go along and offer moral support?
What would you do?
Dawn
June 5
9:33 am
Definitely not! Sixteen is way too young to be putting that crap in her body.
I would take her to a therapist in the hope that she would be more accepting of her body.
If she still felt the same way in a couple of years, however, I would give it consideration.
AmyC
June 5
9:51 am
No, sixteen is too young. I have implants and it’s not something she should have done yet. Once she’s legal, I say go for it. It is a personal choice. There is quite a bit of pain involved and I think sixteen is too young. Especially so if she is very small.
joanne
June 5
11:46 am
Absolutely not! She needs therapy, not a plastic surgeon. Show me a 16-year-old who doesn’t hate her body! My daughter begged me to let her get tattoos since she was 13 and I told her that, until she turned 18, her skin belonged to me and she couldn’t touch it. Now she’s 20. Still no tattoos.
SarahT
June 5
12:18 pm
No way. I was fairly flat-chested myself until about 16/17, then more than made up for lost time. At 16, puberty is not necessarily over.
I’d try to help her deal with her depression, perhaps through a professional. If she still wants breast implants when she’s an adult, then that’s her decision.
Mireya
June 5
12:46 pm
At 16? No. I’d break a deal with her: at 18, I’ll be happy to go with you. I’d explain to her that her body is still growing. On the meantime, I’d get her to therapy to deal with her body image issues and depression.
Jody Wallace
June 5
1:02 pm
No. She’s not done growing and may be surprised what happens to her body in her 20’s.
Shiloh Walker
June 5
1:15 pm
Glad I’m not the only thinking she might need some therapy or counseling. I’d be concerned there are other issues at work.
So the answer would be no. Sixteen is too young.
And being the nurse that I am (as well as a mean mom) I might find some interesting sites on surgeries gone wrong for her to browse while I’m at it.
Eve Vaughn
June 5
1:55 pm
not a chance
Anon76
June 5
1:55 pm
No! No! No!
The world is filled with “late-bloomers”. Her body is still developing and this is no time to go messing with Mother Nature.
But since she has already saved up the money in secret, there is an underlying issue that needs to be addressed. Speaking with a therapist would probably be a good idea.
Myra Willingham
June 5
2:17 pm
A girl down the street from us had a boob job and while the boys all ooohed and aaahed and salivated over her new rack, the girls were truly brutal about it. Yes, some girls congratulated her but mainly she was poked fun. Now it seems she has another problem: the ostracizing has given her an entirely new complex. You see her walking from the bus stop with her shoulders hunched and her arms wrapped around her boobs as though trying to hide them.
I blame her mother for allowing and sanctioning such a thing. This is a woman who everyone calls the Neighborhood Trollop anyway and I suppose she saw no harm in letting her daughter do it.
I have four sons and thankfully no daughters but if I had a daughter there is no way in hell I’d let her do something so stupid at that age.
Tuscan Capo
June 5
2:25 pm
I’d say wait. But I wouldn’t take her to therapy. I haven’t met a teen yet who doesn’t hate something about their body. A niece of mine had the opposite problem and wanted a breast reduction at around 15. Her parents said wait and see if that’s what she wanted when she was 18. By that time she had learned to like what she saw in the mirror.
theo
June 5
2:28 pm
No. Sixteen is just too young. I wasn’t very well endowed in high school but 21 seemed to be the magic number for my boobs because about the time I turned 21, I suddenly developed DD’s. Imagine how big they’d have been with implants too! 😯
No, she needs counseling and like Shiloh said, maybe a lot of pics of surgeries gone wrong. Then there’s the 70 yo pt I had with the wrinkly face, her skin drooping everywhere but for the perkiest boobs…ewww. That would be a good picture for not doing it too. Because sooner or later, we all grow old…
AztecLady
June 5
3:03 pm
Hell, no.
Nothing for or against implants per se, but for a sixteen year old to be placing so much value on her body’s shape–in a negative way, I might add–it’s a clear sign that there are underlying issues that must be looked into.
Then there is the fact that her body won’t stop changing for a good long while; as others have said, it could be months to a couple of years before she ‘blooms’ and then what?
Heather Holland
June 5
3:41 pm
No way would I ever agree to let either of my girls do this (oldest will be 14 later this month. As everyone else said, they are still growing both physically and emotionally. If it’s that bad on her emotionally, I agree on the therapy but there are also non-medical/surgical ways to help her look bigger. I think a combination of the two would probably be the best way to handle the issue until she was older.
Fae Sutherland
June 5
3:42 pm
Hell no! First of all, at 16 she’s still growing. Breasts don’t stop growing until something like age 20. Second of all, boob implants aren’t going to fix her problems, if merely having small breasts is causing her to be unable to cope, that girl needs some better coping skills and boobs won’t give that to her.
Third of all…breast implants are ugly imo. They don’t look real, they never have and never will, and they’re so unattractive. If she wants to make herself less attractive, she can do so when she turns 18 and I won’t say a word. Except perhaps to tell her the urls for all the breast implant surgery gone wrong websites. Ugh, some scary shit happens and she could end up permanently deformed.
Lolita Lopez
June 5
4:50 pm
No. Just no.
Emmy
June 5
5:11 pm
No, would not allow my kid to go get big boobies to impress other people. Nor would I allow her to get anorexic if the rest of her friends were supermodels. When she’s an adult, she can do whatever she likes. Will just have to wait til then.
Karen Scott
June 5
6:02 pm
This mother wasn’t bothered by her daughter’s age
Yep, she should have been a candidate for mother of the year.
MB (Leah)
June 5
7:48 pm
THIS is the 16-year-old girl who’s become the youngest Brit to have a boob job -because her mum wanted to make her HAPPY.
Well see then, like mother, like daughter. Mom was obviously not too happy with what she was born with and passed that dislike of herself onto her kid. Jeez.
I would have made her wait until 18. 16 is way too young.
And in a hypothetical case, not this real case cause the mom is off, I would ask my daughter WHY she wants it done. Is it to attract boys? Or is she jealous of other girls who are bigger? Or does she think people in general will like her?
And frankly, if I were the mom I’d be worried about the fact that my daughter is probably going to be taking a lot of ribbing for suddenly being huge. Britney anyone?
She will be forever known by her classmates as the girl with the fake boob job. I think that might be harder for her to deal with than going through high school flat chested.
Amarinda Jones
June 5
7:53 pm
I would have to ask if this question was about having a nose job or having ears pinned back or something similar at 16 would there be the same negative response?
Yep, it’s a hell of a Friday question to ask and there is so much involved in it that if it was real life, I am pretty damn sure I would not say ‘no’ straight away. I would have to talk more in-depth with her to really understand, check the procedure out more, what size we were talking about etc. While this fictional child is 16, I could not give her a flat out no. It’s not my body and it’s not my depression or self esteem at stake and a flat out no is just going to make it worse…just my two cents.
AztecLady
June 5
8:01 pm
Ms Jones, if a teenager’s self esteem is so inextricably tied to her body, wouldn’t you consider *that* a more pressing issue than which surgery it was?
Fae Sutherland
June 5
8:06 pm
What Azteclady said.
It’s about teaching a kid to not put their worth in their appearance. If a teenager thinks the sun will only rise if they get this cosmetic surgery, whatever kind it is, then there’s more wrong than big ears or small breasts or a great big nose.
I wanted a nose job so bad as a teen I cried and begged and would have done just about anything for it. Now? Not a chance. I wouldn’t look like me anymore and while I’m no beauty, I like who I am. It takes time to get there, though, and surgery at a young age denies a kid a chance to grow and learn an important lesson: that one’s appearance does not encompass one’s worth.
Amarinda Jones
June 5
8:19 pm
Again – it’s my opinion and I gave it and stand by it – agree or disagree – I feel no need to justify who I am, what I believe or what I say and I don’t ask that of anyone else.
AztecLady
June 5
8:40 pm
Indeed, I don’t believe anyone was asking you to justify anything–I know I wasn’t asking for justification but conversation. Should I apologize for that?
Mariana
June 5
9:30 pm
In my family it was the reverse. My sister was so chest heavy at 14 it was a nightmare just walking to school with the comments and stuff. She was actually molested one day walking to school, which caused so much harm to her and she blamed her body for a long while.
My parents are old school Dominican so a surgery for them was never a solution, but I think if you had offered my sister a reduction at that age, she would have jumped all over that. She’s come to terms with her body now as an adult, but is still going to do the reduction.
I guess my point is (I think I have one) that body issues never go away for some; and while 14 or 16 is too young for a surgery, allowing the option is not always a bad thing.
I hope this made sense.
Dana Marie Bell
June 5
9:46 pm
I would tell her what the lady who does my mammograms told me: women with implants have the worst time with the test. The implants need to be shoved out of the way so the machine can get a proper reading, causing the implantee a great deal of pain. And since breast cancer runs in my family we get to start testing early.
If she’s still set on the surgery, I’d do two things. One: “Honey, you’re SIXTEEN. The money for that surgery? That’s a good down payment for a new car, or the price of a really nice used car! What would you like to drive?” I’d bring up car websites, because I remember how much I wanted MY freedom at that age! Then I’d take her for a make-over (hair, nails, facial, day at the spa, maybe buy a new outfit or two) and see how she feels after that. It’s amazing how good a woman feels after a decent hair cut and dye job!
I would also let her know that if she STILL wants the surgery when she’s twenty-one and her body is done growing, I will back her one hundred percent.
Coco
June 5
10:27 pm
I would say no, and it would hurt my heart as a girl who grew up feeling ugly and unloveable, but I would still say no. She’s still growing, and this is a major, invasive surgery with risks. No.
Body image is shaped by our society, with its warped and Photoshopped images of feminine beauty. I’d start by getting her someone to talk to to try and undo some of that damage, and finish up by trying to focus on other things that she could do with the money. Buying a car was a great suggestion.
Jill Sorenson
June 6
12:46 am
I’m a big fan of natural beauty and accepting yourself the way you are. I probably wouldn’t want my daughters to get implants at any age. Also, who is really “happy” at 16? We all have angst, struggles, obstacles. Dealing with those problems builds confidence and character from the inside.
Venus Vaughn
June 6
3:31 am
I’d tell her I’ll be right there with her on her 18th birthday, holding her hand and supporting her, but at 16, I won’t support that choice for her still-growing body.
Then I’ll start complimenting the heck out of every flat-chested celeb I see.
Anya Howard
June 6
5:13 pm
I’d definitely tell her to wait until she’s at least 18. But if by that time she still feels the same way I’d support whatever decision she makes. However, I do feel positive support is the key. My older daughter had a very large bust size at 16 and could get down about it at times. But we (her family) provided emotional support and today she is comfortable with the figure nature gave her.
Jen
June 11
8:29 pm
Do the teenagers not know of the many, many uses of Kleenex anymore? I think they still sell the colors, so you can match your clothes if need be.