This week’s dilemma is more of a retrospective question:
If as a child your parents had gotten divorced, and you’d had the choice of who to go and live with, who would you have chosen?
Your mother or your father? And why?
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Marianne McA
July 17
9:22 am
My older sister would probably have told me what I was going to do. She pretty much ran my life for me.
In general, I was very much a Daddy’s girl until my teens, when I found there were some things it was easier to talk to your mum about. But both of them are fabulous, and I imagine they’d have worked something sensible out.
Anyway, at any point in my childhood I’d have been reading, not worrying about domestic arrangements. (My mum would have taken the books, wouldn’t she? So clearly I’d have had to go with her…)
Edie
July 17
9:59 am
My parents divorced when I was five, and *@#! it I wish my father had taken us.. sigh
And the reason would be way too much info..
Anna V
July 17
11:31 am
My mother. I am close to my dad in adult life but he would have been completely unsuited to raising us as children.
Ghetto Diva
July 17
1:20 pm
That would be a hard choice. My parents have been married for 34 years, and I’ve been fortunate to have both of them.
If I had to choose, I wouldn’t know which to choose to be honest. We were poor-very poor, but both are good to me.
Christine Rimmer
July 17
2:35 pm
I agree, Ghetto Diva. I love both my parents and they’ve been married since 1945. But when I was a kid, my mom stayed home with us and my dad was always working. Typical 50’s-60’s family dynamic. So I’m pretty sure I would have chosen my mom just because she represented the warmth and safety of my everyday life.
Randi
July 17
2:52 pm
My parents were never married and my father has no inclination for parenthood, so it was a good thing my mother got me (yay mom!). BUT…prior to about 12 or 13, if I had been given a choice, I probably would have picked my father-because he was this amorphorous figure that I totally idolized. It was always a highlight when he came to town to visit (and when he didn’t show-which was about 80% of time, I was totally crushed). Good thing I didn’t have a choice, because I would have chosen wrong. Knowing what I know about my father now, I would have turned out to be a total mess.
Anon76
July 17
4:15 pm
I apologize for going off topic for a sec, but I feel it’s important. I found another pirate selling books on ebay. I placed the link in the thread here about pirates.
Bonnie L.
July 17
4:35 pm
My mother, definitely. Throughout most of my childhood I took great comfort in the fact that my mother is only 20 years older than me. I would calculate out how old my mother would be when I reached certain ages (say 40 or 50) and see that my mother would be younger than the average life span age for women and rejoice. I really didn’t want to envision being left alone with my father. Don’t get me wrong, my dad is a good man, but he always leaves a lot to be desired emotionally. As an adult, I have learned that I have the best relationship with my dad when I engage him on an intellectual level and try to keep emotional junk out of the picture. My mother on the other hand is my best friend and was always a rock for me as a child. (BTW my parents divorced when I was a senior in high school and my sister stayed with my mother)
Grace
July 17
5:48 pm
My parents divorced when I was 7, and at first I chose to stay with my dad. However, after much passive-aggressive guilt tripping from my mom, I changed my mind. Bad idea. TMI to go into details but I ended up choosing to live with my dad when I was 13. Wisest life decision I ever made.
MB (Leah)
July 17
7:03 pm
My parents divorced when I was 15. At the time I was thinking to live with my dad who was a far better parent than my mom and who actually spent time with my sisters and I. I was much closer to him emotionally, but my mom was much more open about social issues as my dad was far more old fashioned in his thinking.
However, my sisters being much younger would not have had the choice, so I stayed with my mom because I wanted to be with my sisters. We were all pretty tight and liked hanging out together.
Even though as a parent my mom sucked, I loved that she was never home and I had a lot of freedom to do as I pleased. My father would have put a strong leash on me and my sisters, which in hind sight, I would have resented.
So, it was what it was. I’m kind of glad almost that the choice was taken away from me by needing to be with my sisters as the main factor for me.
SarahT
July 17
7:23 pm
My mother. Without doubt.
El Padron
July 17
7:33 pm
What on earth does the word “gotten” mean ?
I can only assume that it rhymnes with “rotten” and is another Americanism !
Not that it matters much…..I grew up with my Mother who spent most of her life in bed as a result of too many sleeping pills and it was probably a fairly good situation to be in as I had the run of a 5 bedroomed house.
Party time for 3 years !!
Best wished to you all,
M xx
azteclady
July 17
9:21 pm
Funny… this was not a hypothetical situation for me and my siblings. Close to thirty years ago, my father sat the five of us down and asked just that question. Perhaps you can imagine how that colored (perhaps tainted is a better word) my relationship with him for decades after.
We all stayed with my mother. (I was four and my oldest brother wasn’t quite yet ten, by the way)
willaful
July 18
4:09 am
This actually happened in my life. We went back and forth a bit, but most of the time I chose to live with my mother. I have always been extremely close to her and missed her terribly every time I tried to live with my dad. My sister chose to live with my father as an adolescent, which turned out to be a Tragic Error. After he and my stepmother divorced, she stayed with my stepmother and they are still very close. Complicated families….
sallahdog
July 18
10:31 pm
I would have chosen my father and it would have been an unmitigated disaster, because I was always chasing my fathers love and approval and never really got it (till just before he died)…. I don’t always think its a good idea to ask kids where they want to live, because they often aren’t choosing for the right reasons… As in a good friend of mine who wanted to live with her Dad because he was completely permissive and frankly not around much… Which allowed her to get into some real trouble…
Kylie Creel
July 19
7:31 pm
I went with my mom, but I was 19 at the time so I was very much aware of the issues they were having.
Shiloh Walker
July 20
5:46 am
My mother. Without a doubt. The reasons why are too personal for me to go into, but I would have chosen my mom.
orannia
July 22
6:53 am
My mother. Without a shadow of a doubt. I actually used to drive myself to dance class when I was 17 years old and look at some of the houses along the way and think…’that would be a good sized house for my mother, my brother and I’. Is it scary that I thought that half a lifetime ago?