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Dilemma Friday: Would You Try It?

Friday, September 4, 2009
Posted in: Dilemma of the week

This week’s dilemma is as follows:

You and your boyfriend have been together for a couple of years. You have health sex life, and you’re both very much in love.

One day he tells you that his fantasy is to sleep with two women at the same time, and wants to know if you would be up for it. He reassures you that it doesn’t matter if you aren’t, he just wants a way to spice up your sex life.

What do you do? Do you say yes, because after all, life is one big experiment, and if you don’t like it, you wont do it again, or do you refuse point blank. Under no circumstances are you going to be sharing him with another woman, or touching another woman’s lady-business.

What would you do? *g*


  • Mireya
    September 4
    11:01 am

    I wouldn’t do it. As a fantasy is all fine and dandy, but that’s it.


  • There are circumstances in which I’d try a threesome, but this is not one of them.

    Not after we’ve been together for years. Not if we’re happy and sexually satisfied. It’s begging for trouble.


  • sallahdog
    September 4
    11:52 am

    happened to me, a long time ago with a an ex fiance… I told him I would be happy to, right after we had a threesome with another guy… somehow the subject got dropped…

    uhh.. no… I don’t share well..


  • I refuse. I ain’t sharing him. I’ve never been all that good at sharing.


  • I’m with Sallah. I say yes as long as we have a 3some with 2 men first.


  • Tracy S
    September 4
    1:59 pm

    What Shiloh said…I don’t share well.


  • I tell him that my fantasy is to watch two men together, so if he’d be willing to fulfill that fantasy for me, I’d be willing to fulfill his for him.

    Pretty sure it’d never come up again.

    For me a threesome is a casual thing, not something meant for a long term couple to do on the fly for kicks. I’ve done 3somes before, but always as a very casual “This would be fun, let’s do it” thing, never as “This is me and my committed partner bringing a third person in to have sex with”. Nope. Not gonna happen.


  • Las
    September 4
    2:23 pm

    Heh, I probably would have suggested it sooner.

    No, seriously, I agree that after we’ve been together that long the answer would be no. It’s one thing if it’s suggested early on and things are new and not serious yet, but after a couple of years it would seem to me that something’s wrong, especially if we haven’t been that ‘out-there’ sexually before.

    And ditto about insisting on a 3some with a man first. most men who go on and on about two women together would freak the fuck out at that suggestion.


  • maddie
    September 4
    3:19 pm

    From what I’ve seen and read nothing good ever comes from this.

    A couple of years ago 48 Hours did a show about couples who live alternative lifestyles and one couple did the whole threesome thing, guest what happen one spouse developed feeling for the third partner and left the marriage.

    You can lay down all the rules in the world about what is going to happen in this threesome, but you can not control who you are going to lust after.

    Plus it opens a door that really can not be closed.


  • I’d say, uh, sorry. Not for me. Because it’s not. And then I would think about how we really might not be suited to each other. Because I’m not up for threesomes, not in actual real life. And if he is, that would make me wonder if we wanted the same things, had the same idea about what commitment means.


  • If he’s bringing this up for the first time ever after two years, I would wonder how well we know each other.

    And with all due respect to people with other preferences, but if sharing (which I never learned to do well) my beloved weren’t an issue, I just can’t imagine “touching another womanโ€™s lady-business” (TM Karen)

    So… not only no, but hell no.


  • Darn you, Karen and these naughty, torrid Penthouse Letter-ish scenarios of yours! As if I really need another cold shower this week, geesh!! Wicked girl, just wicked.


  • No, I wouldn’t do it, for two reasons. Firstly, a threesome has never featured in my fantasies, nor has sex with another woman. In other words, I wouldn’t be getting anything out of this situation. Secondly, I’d be concerned that my partner would want to do this regularly, and/or want an open relationship. As I want a committed, monogamous relationship, neither scenario would be for me.


  • Isn’t it normal for men to have the two on one fantasy?

    Either way, my answer is the same. No go. Having fantasies is healthy, however, some things are destined to remain in the imagination and that’s one of them, at least as far as I’m concerned. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with the fantasy or anyone who DOES go through with it, simply saying that it’s not for me and wouldn’t work in my relationship with my husband.

    And yep, my husband and I have had this discussion. He understands my reasoning for why I say no and he doesn’t push the issue. All in all, I can see advantages to having a second person involved, however, I wouldn’t be comfortable with the situation at all nor do I want to share my husband with any one else, regardless of the person’s gender. And in reality, he’s not that keen on sharing me with anyone, either. He says it’s nice to think about, but he also realizes that in the “real world” it just wouldn’t work for us.


  • Emmy
    September 4
    6:29 pm

    Uh…no. Another guy, I’d totally be in, but don’t want another chick leaving snail trails on my man. That’s my job.


  • Speaking from experience, this is something that I’m more likely to bring up with my partner than vice versa. I’ve never had a guy suggest it, but I’ve suggested it to a couple of the men I’ve been in relationships with (early on, not after years)–to less than enthusiastic response.

    When a guy suggests it, he figures it’s all going to be about him, and what guy doesn’t want that? When his woman suggests it, his initial thought is “Hot holy damn, I’m there!”, but then as he starts to wonder about her motivations, the insecurities and doubts can start creeping in and the conversation often never goes any further than fantasy.

    My ex was leery of even discussing it as a fantasy, I think because he figured the more I thought about it (even without doing it), the more I’d see the appeal of women and the non-appeal of…well, of him. And he was probably right, considering that his appeal, translated over years of marriage, looked like graphic interpretations of the economy over the last year or two, even without the added stress of another woman involved.

    There are people who make poly relationships with more than one woman work–but from the little info I’ve come across, the successful ones are mostly there to satisfy the female’s bisexuality, not the man’s hankering for doublemint sex.

    One-offs? I can see the appeal. But again, in my case it wouldn’t be about “sharing” the guy. In fact, I think whatever guy I was with at the time would probably feel mostly left out. ๐Ÿ™‚


  • Lorraine
    September 4
    11:51 pm

    What Mireya said…it makes for a good fantasy, but I could never do it in reality. I don’t want to share my man and more than that, sex is just too intimate for me to treat it so lightly. But I do love the fantasy!


  • Myra Willingham
    September 5
    2:59 am

    I’d say okay. I’ll sit there and watch you perform with her but I won’t participate. Next week, we’ll bring in your best friend and you can sit there without participating and keep score of how well he and I do. How’s that?

    Sex with another woman just ain’t my cup of tea. Now sex with my DH and another good-looking guy? I could go for that. ๐Ÿ™‚


  • I wouldn’t be open to a threesome — of any variation. Like the rest of you guys, I don’t play well with others… BUT if I could use his fantasy to help him enjoy a night together — such as a naughty phone call while away on business, or weaving a graphic tale in his ear while he’s blindfolded, then sure, I could do that and it might even be fun. But it ain’t happening “for real!”


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