The Bible In Romance…Which Story Would You Choose?
Wednesday, October 14, 2009Posted in: random musings, The bible in romance
Erm, this post really isn’t about inspirationals, so all the peeps looking for a cheap thrill may want to surf elsewhere. *g*
Anyway, one of my favourite biblical films of all times has always been Cecil B. DeMille’s The Ten Commandments. Mostly because Charlton Heston as a young Moses was hot, but also because of the many themes that are oh-so-familiar in the romance genre.
Let’s see, you have the unquestionably heroic lead, his Mary Jane virgin, a secret baby, the spurned seductress, and the over-the-top bad guy. The HEA might have left a lot to be desired, but for the love of God, the guy was old, he was bound to die at some point.
If you had to choose any story from the bible to recreate in a romance, which story would it be?
A Male/male romance version of David and Goliath perhaps? (Let’s see if size really does matter eh?) Noah’s Arc, and the rigours of getting it on whilst surrounded by giraffes and sheep? An MFM based on Cain and Abel? (the female would have to be a woman randomly wandering the desert, no incest allowed.) The ironic story of Wise King Solomon, who threatens to cut a baby in half and give each half to two argumentative women? Ooohh the possibilities are endless!
I would be all over a romance novel, based on the story of Jezebel. Strong heroine with questionable morals, sexual immorality galore, betrayal, murder, and ‘accidentally’ falling off a window ledge and being eaten by dogs. What more could a romance reader ask for? Perhaps a slightly happier ending, but other than that, wow, what a story it would be.
I think Laurell K. Hamilton would do such a story justice don’t you? *g*
eggs
October 14
8:09 am
How about a story where the snake in the Garden of Eden turns out to be God’s identical twin brother (which is why Eve did what he told her to do!! Mistaken identity!!). Identical of course except for one key identifying characteristic, which is how he got came to be know as “The Serpent” in the first place. After he gives it to Eve, she then convinces Adam to go for a threesome, at which point God turns up, spoiling the evil twin ruse. God chucks them all out and they go off into the sunset, happily shagging away. I’m sure LKH could work that a lot better than me …
Rosario
October 14
10:10 am
I don’t really have much knowledge of Bible stories, but I’ve been fascinated by Judith since I saw the Artemisia Gentileschi painting of her beheading Holofernes. She’d make a brilliant kick-ass heroine! *g*
vanessa jaye
October 14
12:34 pm
The whole situation with Soddom and Gomorrah would lend itself to interesting story. What if the Angel was fallen and tempted (maybe he had an ex-lover in the city, and it was the lover who came to Lot’s door demanding that the Angel come out. And perhaps Lot’s wife looked back because she left her own lover in the city and that might have been the reason Lot was so eager to get her away due to his own jealousy.
Yeah, this isn’t turning out the be an HEA, unless all of that was the first part of the story and the second part was how the (fallen) Angel, Lot and his wife form a M/F/M.
ps. Dang, came up with all that off the top of my head before I’ve had my morning coffee.
pps. Feeling slightly blasphemous now.
Fae Sutherland
October 14
3:12 pm
Esther. If I wrote het, I’ve long wanted to write Esther as a sexy erotic romance. It’s got everything necessary built right in.
For M/M it’d be David and Jonathon. I mean, if this quote doesn’t inspire a M/M author, they’ve got no business being one at all:
Love at first sight, perhaps seen only as friendship by Saul at first but when he realized it was more he turns on David and tries to keep him away from his son by any means, ending in exile for David as a last resort when killing him doesn’t work. Except of course, my version would have a happy ending and Jonathon wouldn’t die at the end.
Read it sometime, it’s a wonderfully romantic, tragic love story.
Anya Howard
October 14
4:00 pm
Tough question considering it is the Bible and I’m a pagan. But if I had to choose it might be a romance for a woman and an angel and how their love defied a wrathful God. Might even throw in a pregnancy and the woman gives birth to a Nephilim who she tries to protect from this deity. But I also like the Jezebel idea; in my opinion she’s a character vilified by the worst of political/religious agendas, and I think giving her a fresh face might just be quite entertaining!
Karen Scott
October 14
4:58 pm
Blasphemy indeed VJ, hopefully we won’t be struck down any time soon. *g*
Angelia Sparrow
October 14
5:36 pm
Hosea. Gotta be Hosea.
Hosea is a minor prophet. God says “Go marry a hooker.” So he does. His wife has three children whom he names “Not my people,” “Not loved” and Jezreel (the latter basically being like naming a kid Pearl Harbor).
The wife walks out to live with a pimp.
Hosea has come to love her so much that he takes care of her and makes sure she always has enough food and money.
Eventually, she is won over by his love, comes home for good and they rename the kids to “my people” and “loved.” Poor Jezreel is stuck.
It’s a ready-mmade romance novel.
Or there’s always Esther. David/Jonathan is canon. I’d like to see a tale about the centurion whose servant Jesus healed. The word used for servant is “pais” which indicates a young man, a shield bearer. Many centurions, stationed far from their wives, filled their beds with their pais.
rebyj
October 14
6:43 pm
Solomon. He could wax poetic about women’s breasts and was so smooth that he catches over 1000 wives! He was supposed to be so wise but come on! He was a horndog dumbass who got in way over his head in pussy. He was so turned around that by the time he died he didn’t know which god to worship. Real smart Sol!
What about Lot and his hot affair with his 2 daughters. Convenient disposal of a wife, lots of liquor, lust, power plays and incest. Perfect for a fetishy erotica novel LOL
And I’ve always wanted a story about Paul. He hated women so much that you know he had a wife. A loud mouth shrew that won one too many arguments and made his life so miserable that he decided to shut ALL women up. He had to be henpecked in real life to be so malicious about women in his writings.
Myra Willingham
October 14
6:45 pm
I’d do Cain and Able. There has to be more than just covetousness between those two guys, more than each of them wanted the top pallet or the better spear. Although our spiritual leaders in the know guys can’t explain it, Cain slays able then goes off and gets married and has some Cainables. Just where the heck did those females come from? If there was another tribe out there being started by Buddha or Mohammed or Joseph Smith, L. Ron Hubbard, or Osiris that would be a great premise as old as time: the eternal triangle. Maybe Adam and Eve had a ‘thing’ against the girl and didn’t want either son parlaying with her. OR…maybe she was Able’s chosen by God and Cain wanted her for himself. Great premise and well worth considering. Think I’ll hawk it to my best writer and see if she will run with it.
Tumperkin
October 14
6:57 pm
Good question. Solomon and the Queen of Sheba. Mysterious, exotic and probably erotic.
Darlene Marshall
October 14
9:47 pm
Ruth. It’s already written like a romance: Nice girl leaves home for new surroundings with BFF M-i-L, meets rich hunk in a “cute” fashion, there’s a makeover, she spends the night with him, story builds to a dramatic black moment where hero has to win the girl, they marry, have baby, HEA.
Or as I once said to a flabbergasted clergyman, “I couldn’t have written it better myself!”
katiebabs
October 14
11:46 pm
Samson and Delilah! I love the 1949 movie. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0041838/
That would be a great sexin erotic romance. Delilah cane tie Samson to her bed with his long hair. S&M hair bondage. Kinky.
senetra
October 15
2:06 am
Sarah/Abraham/Hagar as a secret baby/generational revenge plot.
or
What Jesus was really doing for those years between that story in the temple and when he returns with the disciples – true love, dead wife? Did she do him wrong? Was he ultimately the third wheel in a love triangle?
Denise
October 15
9:50 pm
I’m with Darlene. Hands down, it’s Ruth. It has all the romance elements, plus Ruth is very close to her mother-in-law. On a personal level, that’s a huge plus for me as I’m also very close to my M-i-L.
Second choice would be Judith. Not much of an HEA as she ultimately beheads her lover, but it would make for a very interesting retelling.
Darlene Marshall
October 16
12:18 am
Angelia: Hosea’s been done, and done well. It’s the classic inspirational romance Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. She takes the story and sets it in the American West, and it all works and makes sense.
I’m not big on Christian inspirational romance, but this one’s a winner.
Randi
October 16
8:02 pm
How about a telling of all those demi-angels that were once supposedly roaming around. I mean: that’s Olde Skool urban fantasy right there. Angel meets human. They fall in love. They have babies. God punishes angels for making whoopee with humans. Creates human-loving angel jihad. Attempts to wipe out all demi-angels. Whoo-boy. There’s a whole series right there.
Jen
October 22
10:45 pm
Ooh, that’s a hard one. Adam/Lilith? It’s canon, if you take into account Judaic sources. And Milton did an awesome job on the whole fall of Lucifer thing, but left out all the good and smexay parts, so there’s a gap to fill. Jesus/Mary Magdalen is worth pursuing.
If anybody remembers Anita Diamant’s “The Red Tent” it was the story of Dineh–not a romance, but a good read, nonetheless.
Cain and Abel is just full of depths to plumb, and whoever upthread suggested Samson and Delilah, I’m crazy for you already. Take it modern, set it in a beauty salon, and let the fun begin.
But I write comedies, so I’d probably have to go with Job and retcon him a better life.