Yet another over thirty year old male virgin writes:
I’m in the exact position of Chris #38. Hilarious how similar our stories are. Although, I have been on several dates.
I basically gave up on women in my 20s for that very reason. I got a late start as it is–only started dating in my mid ’20s. But by that time there was no such thing as ‘dating’, for the females it seemed like some kind of panicked progression on the ladder to marriage/kids that I wanted nothing to do with.
There have been a few close calls, but I could never seal the deal because I was pretty honest about me being a biological dead end.
It’s funny because occasionally I’ll attract some random chick out of the blue but once she finds out about my V-Card status it’s all over. I must be some kind of FREAK! The heroin addict, wife beater, or violent felon you were dating before meeting me was totally normal though. : ) Hilarious–but utterly predictable.
I recently got into shape (used to be really fat) and seem to attract attention from females, but I don’t have that pavlovian response to vagina that would get me to act on these supposed signs I’ve been noticing. Which is why I advise all men to get laid before they’re 20–if you plan on having any kind of passion at all.
Anyway–athiest, mid-30s, childfree virgins unite!
Are women in their twenties truly only using the dating game as a means to an end? Do they all really only want to date just to get married?
kirsten saell
May 7
1:33 pm
I’d imagine a lot of women in their 20s are like that. I was, for sure, in that I knew what I wanted out of life, and part of it was that I wanted children, and I wanted to have them while I was young and had the energy to enjoy them.
I’ve never been one to eschew casual, NSA sex when I felt like it, though. I had plenty of male friends who would oblige me, and who knew it wasn’t going to lead anywhere scary for them.
But actually dating someone who was a biological dead end? No way would I have wasted my time actually investing in a relationship with a man who was dead set against having kids or being married. Not to mention risking falling in love with someone I would inevitably have to leave if I was to get the things I wanted out of life.
You really do have to have similar life goals in order to make a relationship work, and in my mind, dating is the precursor to a relationship. Casual sex is quite another thing, and I just have to say it’s a bummer that today’s guest virgin didn’t have a buddy like me around when he was younger, to cultivate that drooling response to the sound of a ringing bell…
Jody W.
May 7
1:36 pm
I sure as hell never wanted to get married at that age! I just dated a lot. It was fun. That being said, once a dude revealed what were, to me, fatal flaws, I quit dating him. One could interpret that as me looking for my future husband, though I never consciously thought, is he good husband material?
LVLM
May 7
2:24 pm
When I read that post, I come away with that this guy is probably asexual. I don’t get that he has an inherent drive to have sex or procreate as it were, which is probably why he doesn’t really care about having kids and all that goes with it. He doesn’t even seem too hot on having a deep relationship with a woman just for that. Because there are women who don’t want kids and all that.
And, he’s probably attracting women because they pick up that non threatening (alpha sexually aggressive) nature, which makes it easy to get to know someone.
I don’t know what young women want these days and if most 20 year olds are looking for marriage and babies only.
I just heard a report on the news yesterday that states that most new mothers are now in their 30’s compared to 20 years ago when most were in their 20’s. This suggests to me that more and more women aren’t on the look out for marriage and babies in their 20’s, but are more about career or education and are waiting until their 30’s to finally find someone.
And me, I got my first proposal at 17. I freaked and ran because marriage and babies was the last thing on my mind. I never wanted kids and I know many women like me, so he’s not looking in the right place or he’s putting out a vibe that’s attracting young wanna be married with children women.
Lolita Lopez
May 7
2:31 pm
Erm…I’m in my 20s and I sure as heck didn’t set out looking for marriage and babies. It just kind of happened. I met The One and after years of being together we took the plunge into marriage and parenthood.
Anywho. None of my 20ish friends are out trolling for husbands or wives or life partners either. They’re all concentrating on careers or school or following their bliss.
kirsten saell
May 7
2:48 pm
Well, I don’t know that it’s necessarily that women in their twenties WANT kids now now now. It’s that women do tend to think toward the future, and if you know kids are in the cards for you somewhere, at some point, are you really going to want to get emotionally invested in someone who is completely against having kids? Even if I had been interested in the career first, babies later thing, I wouldn’t have risked getting caught up in a guy who could only give me half the life I wanted, because that’s just courting heartache.
As for a man’s V-card status, I don’t know why that would be an issue for any sane woman. For me, it’s rather the opposite.
Think about it: you know he’s disease free, and he doesn’t have a whole history of women faking orgasms while he does all the wrong things to unlearn. I’ve been with a few virgins in my time (granted, when I was young, and they were younger than me), and without exception they were some of the best lovers I’ve ever had. But then, I’ve never been shy about letting a man know what I want, and I’ve found the experienced ones aren’t always that great at “following instructions”, if you will. They already think they know everything, heh.
Roslyn Holcomb
May 7
3:45 pm
Personally I would’ve preferred to marry a virgin, or at least as close as possible, but no way would I have dated a guy (even casually) who was totally opposed to marriage and kids, after all, children do naturally come from sex, especially when you’re in your twenties. No matter how good your birth control, it could possibly fail. Then what? Dude tells you he told you he never wanted children and leaves you as a single mom? Uh no. But I don’t think that’s what the women are picking up on, perhaps I’m wrong, but he comes across as a guy who doesn’t like or at least resents women in some way. That’s a big time turn-off for me just reading his post.
dancechica
May 7
3:49 pm
I don’t see why a person’s virginity should be an issue either, but for some people it is, and I think it’s a cultural thing. Society says that men, in particular, should want sex and want it all the time, so a guy who isn’t having sex seems to be an abnormality. I remember an old co-worker who started dating this guy. He was in his mid twenties, I think, and she was in her early twenties. We were talking about how her date went and she said, “He told me he’s still a virgin. Do you think something’s wrong with him?” I think people tend to think there’s something psychologically wrong if you haven’t had sex by a certain age.
vein
May 7
8:38 pm
It is not necessary for women at any age, including married ones, to want children at all. Wanting sex, wanting marriage and wanting children are all rather different issues.
Nor is it necessary to announce to a date that one is a virgin, I can see how that would be off-putting.
sallahdog
May 7
9:19 pm
It wasnt the only reason why I dated in my 20s… at least my early 20s, but as I got over 25, I started looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with (i am not a party animal) and since I always wanted kids (I didnt have to have bio kids, although I ended up with 2, I have also fostered and we intend to adopt an older child in a few years when my own kids go off to college)…. so yeah, a guy who said no kids probably would have been checked off my list..
I think I come away with these posts that these guys lack passion and if they dont have that drive, then likely any woman they meet is going to take that as disinterest…
sallahdog
May 7
9:22 pm
by the way, my husband was a virgin when we met, in our late 20s… He was shy… he got over it, and I personally found it a great thing, because he learned the way I liked things. We have been together for almost 20 years now, so something is sticking…
Angelia Sparrow
May 8
9:49 am
I’d hesitate to date any guy who referred to women as “females.”
CEAD
May 8
11:13 am
I’m in my (late) twenties, and I’m certainly not looking for kids. Most of the women around me aren’t either, but then I’m in graduate school, so there’s probably some sample bias.
There’s something about this guy that puts me off, though. Maybe I’m picking up the same thing Angelia is.
Shiloh Walker
May 8
11:44 am
What Vein said.
There are a lot of women who are not looking to be a mom. Hell, there are a lot of them aren’t necessarily looking to get married.
Melissa
May 9
1:03 am
QFT
In my younger years, the only thing I was looking for was companionship. Short term or longer term, I was more interested in who the person was and whether I wanted to spend time with them. Wasn’t really interested in sex if I didn’t have the emotional connection first, either.
In fact, I never wanted children. During dating years, this was always a topic of discussion. Made sure my DH felt the same way about children, because I knew in the long run we had to be in accord about this or our relationship would be destined to doom. Twenty-one years later, we still haven’t changed our plans about children.
Randi
May 12
11:05 pm
Well, I’m 36 now and I still don’t want kids. I’m pretty ambiguous about marriage, as well.
What I’m curious about is this, “There have been a few close calls, but I could never seal the deal because I was pretty honest about me being a biological dead end.”
How close was this call? I’m having a hard time understanding how this scenerio works out. Is he about to insert and then suddenly yells, “I don’t want kids!” and she runs from the room? LOL.
“close call”, that phrase does not mean what you think it means.
Bo
May 16
2:05 pm
The guy is full of shet. This coming from a guy. Most women in their twenties just want to have fun, pretty much all the time, looking for entertainment. As do men. I don’t know where he has been lurking to find so many of the ones that want to get married. I wish it was true actually.