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Interesting comment posted on my Thirty Year Old Virgin thread: (The typos are painful, but it’s fairly interesting – if any of it is true that is)

Im a 30 year old male, semi pro skater. Ive got a very good job which pays very well but again i work from home. I play computer games ALL the time, its like an addiction. I only leave the house to go skating which i use as a form of fitness. $40,000 in debt, no friends, no family and ive also never had a girlfriend.

The last and only girl ive kissed (not passionatly, never in my life have i kissed passionatly)was my mom. Im not good at socialising because i cant keep conversation going, i really have nothing intresting to talk about and loose intrest if im not being spoken to, about things i like e.g. skating & computer games. Im in great shape as ive always been very self-consicous, look after my body like a listed building, always smell great (adidas sponsorship – thanks guys for the tops trousers and shower gel etc…)

For some reason all my life ive chased girls and not one of them has been interested in me. My confidence is now non-existing due to all the negitive put downs ive delt with. So im now very, very, very, very loneley, depressed and i only thing i have to live for is my job, which i need to pay of debts. Why are girls / women SO VERY VERY crule?? They can ruin a mans LIFE. Now ive lost my mom i get no attention/love at all and i think in time i may just turn to sucide, unite with my mom and i think i’ll be happy again.

So, how true do we think the above is? Seems like he’s taking the piss to me…


  • RM
    April 21
    11:02 am

    I don’t think it’s a troll — it’s probably real. Our society is churning out large numbers of these disenfranchised males. People have a difficult time believing that they exist because they’re so reclusive. 15 years ago I had one foot in this man’s world and I’ve felt his pain. IT SUCKS and the recovery takes years.


  • […] Here he is and he’s probably turned to the wrong place for help. […]

  • JoanneF
    April 21
    1:10 pm

    It could be real. Sounds like he has some serious self-esteem issues. As as far as women being “VERY VERY Crule” is concerned, so are men. Ask any fat woman. It’s not easy not being considered attractive by the opposite sex.

    This guy should try to get some counselling and/or maybe hook up with girls on gaming forums. There’s lots of geek-loving girls on there. I know, my daughter is one of them. She’s actually quite beautiful, but is not attracted to the handsome, athletic types. She likes the geeks, the nerdier the better.

    Either that, or maybe he’s just going for the beauty queens. You don’t have to try for the prettiest girl in the room.


  • Mireya
    April 21
    5:06 pm

    This goes both ways, males can be notoriously selfish, self-centered and shallow… just like many women are. I should know. The only thing males wanted from me was a female friend to whom to talk to when they were trying to figure out the object of their current lust. This translated into no sex or kissing until I met my now husband because, well, any approaches I got were from drunk males (friends and otherwise). My sins? being too tall in a world in which males are 5’9″ or shorter, and somewhat overweight (20lbs. or so at my prime). I was good enough to talk to, and good enough to call when they were bored … never good enough for a date, though. Too tall, too big, not fitting the standard of beauty, so there you go. I am too much the Type A though, I never allowed that (though I was very tempted) to bring me too far down.

    I met my husband when I was well into my 30s (36) online. Where? Text-based, real time RPG (role play game). I am a gamer WOMAN (I make a distinction on purpose). I like gadgets, I like MMOs. I don’t like console games. In the end, it made sense that I met him in such type of environment. I know many other gaming WOMEN and GIRLS out there. Some are quite pretty, others are average looking like the vast majority of the population out there is. Some are slim, some are overweight. Many like being single.

    Suggestions: start socializing in gaming forums. Start socializing OUT OF THE HOUSE as well. Learn the art of small talk. Everyone gets bored by things that don’t interest them, so don’t think that that makes you unique, because it doesn’t. However, if you want to meet new people and maybe a nice, pretty girl, you have to learn to listen, even if it bores you. I know I don’t give a damn about sports (I was lucky, as the husband doesn’t either) but I read newspapers/news to be aware of, at least, what was going with scores. A nominal knowledge of a variety of subjects will help you deal with the small talk. NEVER EVER, try to discuss political issues, social issues, and heavy subjects. Nothing is more offputting to most females than a male going into heavy subjects (leave heavy subjects for when you are already into a relationship). My husband’s best friend is going to die a lonely man (he’s 46) because he doesn’t have a clue how to have a conversation without getting into controversial discussions. I stopped talking to him 5 years ago for that very reason, and mind you, I am the forgiving sort and this is my husband’s best friend we are talking about.

    Last but not least, when things get to the point in which there are suicidal thoughts in the mix, counseling should definitely be considered. It does sound like there are far deeper issues going on that definitely are affecting his in a rather negative way. Suicidal thoughts are not a good sign.


  • sallah
    April 21
    6:49 pm

    If he is on the up and up, he sounds depressed…. No job? Gaming all the time, reclusive and in debt…

    You can’t attract quality, healthy people unless you are too… Men are especially reluctant to ask for mental help… I had undiagnosed depression for years before I asked for help. I now kick myself for letting it go so long..


  • If this is real, it sounds like a need for counselling if ever I heard it, though granted we’re missing a lot of context and details here. The suicidal thoughts and, as other people on this thread have suspected, depression, should be dealt with first and fastest. As to relationship issues/women issues, sounds like he needs someone to help him re-frame the way he sees the world, since, based only on these three paragraphs, mind you, he sounds very self-absorbed with tunnel vision. I doubt he means to sound this way, but that is the truth, so he’d be well-advised to get a bit of help in that direction.

    But suicide thoughts and depression first!


  • The first step is to start talking with men that are good with women and start adapting what they do to your own style of interaction with women.

    It’s really not rocket science to learn what women want.


  • MW
    April 22
    11:05 am

    He’s a sponsored semi pro skater and he’s this unlucky? I don’t know, but that seems a bit off. There are tonnes of women (skaters or hangers on) on the skate circuit. The has to be at least one or two that will give him a chance.

    If the email is all true, that’s truly sad. Hey kiddo, Teagan and Athol have some good advice. Take them up on it.


  • Anon 76
    April 24
    5:33 pm

    Best advice. Stop chasing girls/women. In those instances you probably over compensate and make a muck of it.

    Be comfortable in your own skin. Know your strengths and weaknesses, as you seem to do, but don’t apologize for them. A good sense of self goes a long way in attracting like-minded women.


  • E
    May 2
    1:44 am

    I’m the same, so it’s possible.

    I’m 34 and I’ve never even asked a woman on a date or kissed anyone.

    The only time women give any attention to me is when my brain never registers them as a potential sex partner and I can be myself – usually because the subject was so interesting my brain didn’t have time to evaluate who it’s talking to. It’s almost funny how some of them all but ask me out and I turn into an idiot instantly.

    Social anxiety coupled with avoidant tendencies coupled with greater than average intelligence can put you into absurd situations like being a guest at your college buddy’s wedding without having to bring a gift because you did his graduation project for free and it took you three days, while never


  • E
    May 2
    1:53 am

    I’m 34 and I’ve never even asked a woman on a date or kissed anyone.

    The only time women give any attention to me is when my brain never registers them as a potential sex partner and I can be myself – usually because the subject was so interesting my brain didn’t have time to evaluate who it’s talking to. It’s almost funny how some of them all but ask me out and I turn into an idiot instantly.

    Social anxiety coupled with avoidant tendencies coupled with greater than average intelligence can put you into absurd situations like being a guest at your college buddy’s wedding without having to bring a gift because you did his graduation project for free and it took you three days, then avoiding contact with him because you never finished college.


  • Nony Mouse
    March 11
    10:39 pm

    I have a very similar situation, but more complex. I’m 34, single and never been kissed.

    I grew up in another country where men and women do not talk to each other and most marriages are set up by families. However, I’m not religious, which made me an outcast there. I moved West.

    I also had social anxiety. I was very self-conscious about hair loss and body hair.

    My height growth stopped at 5’7″ due to mumps when I was 13. 5’7″ is quite tall. However, it became another reason for my self-consciousness because women in the West constantly rejected me in online dating.

    Even women as short as 4’11” reject me because I’m not above 5’8″ or 6′ or whatever arbitrary minimum criterion they’ve come up with in their online dating profiles.

    I experimented by increasing my height to 5’9″ or 6’1″ with exactly the same profile content, and I would get responses from the same women who rejected me previously.

    I proved through a lot of experiments using different photos, fake hair, PhotShop’ping, changing height, athleticism, etc that women online were just shallow!

    I make friends very easily. However, most women do not approach a balding man of a different ethnicity to start a conversation. They expect men to approach them and then reject attention from men of another ethnicity who may be shorter than average or balding.

    Most women never even looked at me even when I talked to them, even in academic and professional circles. They behaved like I did not even exist. I had social anxiety about being judged by women. Hence I gave up on offline dating and instead stayed home evenings and weekends and tried online dating!

    I have never been kissed. I had only one date with a woman until I was 33. She asked me out from an online dating site.

    It did not work out though, because she insulted me for being lean. My BMI is a very healthy 21.5. She was over weight and I did not have an issue with that. However, she was self-conscious about her weight which made her insult me. She was 5’2″, but she claimed to be 5″6. I did not have an issue with that, but she proclaimed that all of her previous dates were taller than me.

    She was shallow. However, as someone with social anxiety about my appearance, being ridiculed for my size and height by a woman only made dating worse for me.

    As is the case for many of the men who posted here, my career was the only thing going for me. I have a PhD and an MBA. I used to have a lot of hobbies too.

    Then 4 years ago, I got laid off. And I’ve been laid off 3 times since then. I’ve been unemployed 28 of the last 48 months, and not by choice.

    I really had nothing more to look forward to in life after my second layoff which left my career in shambles. I wanted to end it all.

    However, I had one last thing to try out in life while I built up the courage to commit suicide – live as the opposite gender.

    As I mentioned above, I’ve had social anxiety, specifically about male secondary sex characteristics – hair loss and body hair. It is a form of gender dysphoria, not social anxiety.

    So I tried. I changed my name and relocated. Nobody knows the old me. And it was the best learning experience!

    Since then, I figured out how shallow the world really is!

    Now with my hair loss and body hair gone, I love how I look! I have no more social anxiety. I see other people sweat and stammer and seem self-conscious and I recall how I used to be.

    Now that I live as a woman, the kind of women who never approached me when I lived as a man want to become my best friends or lovers. They look up to me as their ideal woman. They want to be as self-confident as I seem to be.

    I’ve been asked out on romantic dates by women. In the last one year, I’ve had romantic dates with about 20-25 women. They know me as lesbian.

    I did not take the relationships any further because I know I have to tell them my secret. I’m sure some of them will love me regardless, but I’m not ready to tell them yet.

    I’ve also been asked out on dates by men. They ask me out more often than the women, about 2-3 times a month. I attend events, mostly professional ones or hobby groups in search of a job, and that’s where they meet me, get my email, and ask me out.

    I’m not sexually interested in men, but I love great conversations and networking contacts. So I accept their offers to meet over coffee or dinner, for which they often pay which helps me because I’m unemployed.

    However, what I noticed on dates with men is that they are nowhere close to how good I am as a man.

    As a man, I had way more integrity, I was more polite, more generous, more honest, more caring, more intelligent, more … I would have made a great husband and the best dad. I have a lot of teach my kids, whenever I have them. I believe in unconditional affection for the people I love. I have had the best parents and I want to be even better than my parents were.

    Many of these men who asked me out are also bald and hairy and look ugly and are short. However, these men ask women out, and I never did.

    They get turned down and they try again with other women. I never got turned down, except in online dating, and I never even tried asking any woman out in the offline dating world.

    Having lived among women as a woman, I also know that girls and women are not exactly as cruel as I imagined them to be.

    Most of the women who are actually cruel are just shallow ignorant morons who do not deserve to have me anyway. My life with them would have been horrible if they did hid their cruelty until after marriage. I’m glad that they were cruel.

    In addition, women live with different social pressures. For example, some of those are written here azundris.com/output/femme/

    The women who expect the knight in shining armor or the tall dark rich handsome prince are either delusional or just selfish. Yes, I psychoanalyze my friends. And they do not know that I’m not a genetic female, so they openly share.

    Now I know that men and women are all equally shallow and cruel and horrible people, and there are as many good women as there are good women. In other words, men and women are just all the same.

    While some men will seek big job titles or powerful positions in their shallow pursuit of a hot mate, some women will seek beauty in their shallow pursuits. However, there are some awesome women who get overlooked (and I need to find them!) just as there are some awesome men who get overlooked.

    Now I’m a lot more self confident!

    Now I know that my layoffs were not a reflection of me. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time for my first layoff. The two other layoffs were on crappy jobs I accepted only because I needed a job.

    Now I know that the women who rejected me did not deserve me and I know that the men who seem to do better than I did with dating do better only because they try while I did not.

    Now I do not have social anxiety anymore or gender dysphoria anymore. I’m a happy confident person who can choose to be any gender and live a fulfilling life.

    I’m ready to date again, although I’m stuck on the other side of the river for now and still seeking that right job. When I date, I will look for secure down-to-earth women with a great education.

    The most beautiful women in the world are not the most physically attractive ones. The most beautiful women in the world are the ones who love themselves exactly the way they are, and strive to learn, to empathize without judgment, and to do something awesome for the world around them due to their inner passion for doing good. That’s how I have been and that’s the one I seek!


  • […] amazed by how many people visit my post about male virgins who are over thirty. The following comment was left by yet another male virgin. His story is incredibly interesting: I have a very similar […]

  • I don’t believe this. As a semi-pro skater, this guy should be flood with hot willing and able girls. My advice for him is to join the military/reserve. That will make a man out of him real fast. Trust me, I’m talking from personal experiences. However, if he is unable to go that route, then take up martial arts, such as MMA training. Again, it will make a man out of him in no time. Again, personal experience.


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