I was reading headlines–as I’m won’t to do when bored–when an article on ‘acceptable’ dresses for attending your high school prom caught my eye. I clicked right on, ready to get indignant at the prudery of parents and teachers (and I was–no shorter than three inches above the knee, with ruler in hand, really?).
What seriously knocked me over is reading about how families are expending around a thousand dollars between prom dresses, transportation, etc. An 18th boasts that she got away with a $500 dress, like that’s some sort of steal.
$500, at a bare minimum, for one night of your life.
No wonder so many of these kids grow up to incur debts of hundreds of thousands of dollars before they hit 30.
Mireya
April 28
12:02 pm
I’ve always felt that both proms and quinceaneros are way over the top as it pertains to expenses. Oh and weddings is the other thing, especially when most couples I’ve known that spent the equivalent of one or two years of salary (and I am talking here salaries upwards of $25,000 a year) on one, ended up divorcing.
Roslyn Holcomb
April 28
12:38 pm
A thousand on prom? Wow! My wedding only cost $5k and yeah we had a nice wedding. I don’t get the whole limousine deal at all, and i read about one prom where they rented helicopters!
Carolyn
April 28
2:34 pm
Thank God I had boys!
AztecLady
April 28
3:10 pm
@Mireya: Oh lord, yeah, quinceañeros! Gah–the money people blow on those things is just…
Las
April 28
3:12 pm
I’ve never spent that much for a formal dress for myself, and I’m a grown-ass woman with a well-paying job. I’ll be damned if I spend even half that on a prom dress for my hypothetical daughter. Hell. No.
Linda
April 28
4:57 pm
A friend and I were having dinner at an upper-scale restaurant in town this past weekend. In walked three girls in expensive-looking dresses, including upswept hairdos, makeup, and pumps. I asked our waitress which high school was having a prom that evening, and she told us this was an Eighth Grade Dance. EIGHTH grade! (Our high schools begin with ninth grade.) And, yes, there was a hummer limo in the parking lot.
Anon 76
April 28
5:01 pm
Ah, see that’s the problem nowadays. Many parents have become “friends” with their kids. They’ll give them anything and everything to keep their “love.”
These are teens with hormones raging, for heck’s sake. They will not wither away and die if you don’t have the means to outfit them in what they expect. ($500.00 dress for prom, gasp.)
Parents need to stand up and say, okay, if you hate me that much I’m expecting that you will move out of the house on graduation. Is that the plan? Go job hunting and have your own “space”?
Becky H
April 28
5:44 pm
While my classmates were bankrupting themselves
buying stuff for the prom I bought my dress at a
second hand story store and it cost me less than 50
bucks. I still had a great time.
ME2
April 29
2:42 am
This is also thanks to the idiocy that is shown on the show “My Sweet 16” where these morons spend hundreds of thousands on a party plus the $50-100k for a new car. @@ Ridiculous. What do these kids have to look forward to? What’s their 18th birthday, high school graduation, college graduation, 21st birthday and wedding going to be like????????? OY!
Ann Bruce
April 29
2:49 am
Personally, I think that if people can afford it–and can somehow raise their children to NOT be entitled brats who think a budget is either a dirty word or a rental car company–then they should go for it. Consumerism is what keeps the economy going.
Karen Scott
April 29
5:25 pm
I spent about £100 ($150) on my graduation ball dress when I was at university, and I felt like a million dollars. I also wore it for years afterwards, and actually, I still bust it out every now and again. Whereas, I had a friend who spent a fortune on a dress made especially for her by a local designer. She spent most of the night in the bathroom feeling sick. I think she’d built the night up so much in her mind that she ended up with stomach acid.
The dress was a black and white bias cut, with a long slit up the side. That was one good dress.
Anon 76
April 29
5:38 pm
Ann, I live in a depressed area and still all the kids want the bling. Some or others in the school have more profitable parents not hit by the recession, and those kids and parents go all out on insane crap.
While I understand giving your kids the best you can, as a parent you have to think about the others. Unless the parent has no heart at all and is all for showing off the bling, which in and of itself is childish…then, well, don’t feed the homeless either. Just buy the damn dress.
Ann Bruce
April 29
10:39 pm
@Anon 76: Are you implying that people who buy expensive items are only doing so to show off or rub the faces of others in their wealth? They can’t just be buying them because they give them something more? Is it not possible that I spend the equivalent of a new car on original artwork because looking at them evokes a sense of peace and calm inside me–and not because I want to flaunt my possessions?
Are you also implying that these people are also selfish and poor parents? My ex’s father buys a new Jaguar every year (God knows why because that’s a crappy car) but he also donates millions to charity every year. However, since he’s obviously a selfish SOB because he likes his expensive toys, I should tell him that he needs to stop with the charitable donations because that’s just hypocritical. I guess I should also tell him that his son grew to be a good man in spite of his bad parenting, as evidenced by the brand new truck he gave his son at graduation.
I grew up dirt poor, switching between the same two hand-me-down outfits day after day, surrounded by kids whose parents splurged on them. I wasn’t ashamed of being poor, but other kids–and some adults–thought I should be. That wasn’t necessarily a bad experience because it taught me to not care about other people’s opinions. Now, apparently, I’m supposed to be ashamed of being successful. But I can make myself feel better because, according to you, I can stop with the charitable donations and spend the money on myself instead.
I’m all for not being a douche, but I don’t believe in living my life according to someone else’s values or opinions.
AztecLady
April 30
12:22 am
I don’t presume to speak for Anon76, but I think what irks me most is seeing that often parents will go into debt just to show off on specific instances–and yes, the prom and quinceañera parties, often weddings.
This is, of course, nothing new. Thirty years ago, in Mexico, a friend’s family rented a hotel for the weekend, paid for the travel of almost sixty people, live band, dresses for the bday girl and her 12 attendants (and suits for the boys, of course), etc. Huge event, HUGE–and this people were, all five of them, living off the mom’s salary at an airline.
Around this time I saw other families make similar decisions, and even then I couldn’t fathom it.
From where I sit, it’s very different when you can indeed afford to blow whatever amount you fancy on whatever you want–but blowing the family’s budget for a year (or more) just for one night? That’s what kills me.
Anon 76
April 30
8:24 pm
Nope, I’m not saying any of those things, Bruce. Or not in that manner.
Again I preface my comment by saying I live in a very depressed area. From my vantage point I see some, nay many, parents doing some pretty whacked stuff. They fall into five categories with some crossover behaviour here and there.
1) The family is still doing well or better than in the past. However, the parents are teaching their kids some good foundations. No, you aren’t getting a new cadillac for your sixteenth birthday or a $500 prom dress to be worn only one night. The kids are not deprived but neither are they over-the-top indulged just because the parents can. Money doesn’t “grow on trees” and shouldn’t be treated as such.
2) The family is still doing well or better than in the past. However, image is everything. “Honey you want that? Sure, here’s my credit card. You want that, too? Sure, we’ve got it so go all out. We’ll always have more where that came from.
3)The family is hanging in but times are tight. “Everyone needs to pitch in but we will do everything in our power as parents to see you have some of the good things in life. This means, though, you have to face some tough choices. Do you really NEED that $500 prom dress or do you think you would prefer a portion of that money be put away for your college expenses. Money that can be used to go grab a pizza on nights where you’re cramming for an exam?”
4)The family is hanging in but times are tight. “Yes, you can certainly have that $500 dress. Things are rough now, but dammit, times will pick up. We all deserve that kind of joy in our life, the ability to forget the price tag and just go for it.” Unfortunately, from where I sit, I see these people indulging and running into SERIOUS financial trouble. The well runs dry faster than the water is put back in.
5) The family is on the verge, or has reached financial collapse. “Honey, of course you can have that $500 dress.” Or, “Son, you want another four wheeler? Sure dude. We can play together all the time even though gas prices are through the roof. The mortgage company? To hell with them. I’ll just close the house up and we’ll either go live with grandma and grandpa or I’ll find a cheap apartment. The mortgage company/car loan company, yada yada, can’t get blood out of a stone, after all. Plus, you’re my kids. This is our time to play together, though you really shouldn’t just steal what you want if I can’t give it to you,”
And that is where I a coming from, Bruce.
Ann Bruce
May 5
9:40 pm
@AztecLady: I prefaced my original comment with “if people can afford it.” Clearly, in the scenario you described, that’s just stupidity at work. Having $500 in play money is very different from taking $500 from the grocery budget to blow on something you don’t need. From reading my blog, I think that you would understand my stance on money.
@Anon 76: Your area clearly colours your view, but “the parent has no heart at all and is all for showing off the bling, which in and of itself is childish…then, well, don’t feed the homeless either. Just buy the damn dress.” comes across as being if parents spend more money on their kids than YOU DEEM ACCEPTABLE, then they’re douches because they are clearly not as considerate and socially minded as you.
Anon 76
May 8
5:31 am
Ann, I will admit that my comment quoted was very testy. My views really are colored by what I see happening around me in my area. The insanity of it just makes me crazed at times.
The five scenarios I posed are real and based on people I know. I kid you not, I know many grown men who go back home to live with mom and dad with all their kids in tow. Why? Because mom and dad let them, and because then they can buy the bling their spoiled rotten kids insist on.
And when the bling isn’t provided? The kids steal it from others with very little consequence from the parent. No lie, one parent I know spent 500 bucks on Christmas for his kid (which he didn’t have in disposable income) a week after the kid was caught stealing from a shop. (Not measly stuff either.) When asked why he’d do that? “Well, I can’t deprive him of Christmas. He deserves it.” WTF?
And, as much as I hate to say it, crazy money stuff happens in my own family. I am sick to death of being listed as a reference by a certain in-law who then defaults on bills so my phone rings off the hook. But man, he/she has bling along with grandchild.
It’s frustrating in the nth degree.