“I love my half brother, and he loves me. We are practically boyfriend and girlfriend”
Monday, May 21, 2012Posted in: Incest is certainly not best
Tags:incest
I know that it’s best to live and let live, but blood incest is just something I find hard to understand. I wrote this blog post about step-siblings falling in love a while ago, and every now and again, I get somebody posting, defending incestuous relationships.
This is the latest comment from somebody called Mel:
“I don`t really see what`s so bad about loving your half brother or sister. Like, father and daughter or mother and son is crossing the line. But, brother and sister (fully related or not.) is not wrong in my eyes. Like Hannah said, love is love. Everyone has the right to love whoever they like and the people who are disgusted by it all i have to say to you is you can`t change the way people feel and if you have such closed minds you are the reason why some people are bitter; it`s because you don`t understand love. love makes the world go round. I say, if you love your sister, brother, teacher or anyone older of younger than you, go for it. it`s your choice who you want to love and you never know they may have mutual feelings.
I love my half brother, and he loves me. We are practically boyfriend and girlfriend. I was the one who gradually made the moves on him and now were still together and through all the hardships we face, we still love each other.
So love who you want to love. :)”
Seriously, I don’t get it.
Jane G
May 21
8:48 am
Might possibly be trolling.
Unless there are more of these relationships than you might at first believe, or a disproportionate number of them finds their way to your blog!
Karen Scott
May 21
9:23 am
@Jane I did a quick Google search on the prevalence of brother/sister incest and according to Wikipedia:
Mireya
May 21
10:47 am
I wouldn’t touch it with a ten foot pole, if nothing else for the potential of passing along rather serious genetic-based diseases to children. Any familial genetic defect that may be dormant or not much of an issue that would be shared by an incestuous couple would be doubling the risk of any child from the couple of getting it. My husband’s parents both had psoriasis, they are not blood related at all. As a result of that, he ended up with a serious and somewhat rare form of psoriasis: Psoriatic arthritis. He was diagnosed at 13. Incurable and degenerative. I wouldn’t want that on any child, and there are much worse illnesses that anyone can get via their genetics. Hopefully any such couples will not attempt to reproduce… oh, and if they do, they better decide to homeschool the children… if they don’t and the children know… just imagine. Frankly, too many issues involved, to me, it’s not just the ick factor.
Anne
May 21
11:41 am
“I only feel sorry for my mom and dad, I wish they could be happy for us.”
*sigh*. I get so tired of people doing whatever they like, regardless of how much it hurts other people. Is it me or is “But, we’re in love!” kind of a lame excuse?
Angelia Sparrow
May 21
11:44 am
“If we don’t want three-headed grandchildren, we’d better share some family history.” –Sons of Anarchy
I’m not defending real-life incest. But some of it makes for fairly dramatic plotting. The unknowing sibs, who have never met, who are prevented from sex only at the last minute by meddling mothers/Jedi Masters (if you assume Obi-Want told the truth or get there in time).
The genetic factor is not as ick as it could be, actually. Consider the royal houses of Egypt, who had to marry their sibs beause there weren;t any other living god around for them.
But there re all kinds of nasty emotional entanglements and coercion issues, even with “consent.”
Shiloh Walker
May 21
12:08 pm
Well, here’s my issue… whoever made that last comment sounds rather… young. Teenaged, midteens, most likely, judging by the ‘tone’. So I question several things… are they being taken advantage of? Quite possibly, and too inexperienced to realize it.
Aside from that, if the commenter is as young as I suspect, then s/he is too young to ‘get’ many of the implications…namely, the completely screwed up genetic damage they risk doing to any kids they might have. And if it’s a m/f relationship, if they are having sex, that’s a risk they are running.
It disgusts me. I don’t care if that makes me close-minded or not. But more…I feel pity for these people. It’s not healthy relationship and if this is what they need, then will they ever find a healthy relationship? That’s something to be pitied.
Roslyn Holcomb
May 21
12:18 pm
Clearly these people have never seen a picture of the Hapsburgs. Genetic issues aside, who wants to have ugly as hell children!?
AztecLady
May 21
2:59 pm
I agree with Shiloh on the impression I get from the commenter regarding age–all that “and I was the aggressor” doesn’t sound convincing. Plus it wouldn’t be hard for a, say 22 or so years old, to convince a 16 year old that she’s the one dragging him in.
But in the case of actual adults, with little to no power differential (neither is too much older than the other), the consent issue weighs more heavily for me.
I blame J. D. Robb for writing such compelling characters–anyone here remembers the twins from Holiday in Death?
willaful
May 21
4:16 pm
AL, that was the first thing I thought of.
I dunno, any argument I came up with eventually winds up seeming like a justification of my own extreme aversion to incest. Which is fairly hypocritical because I don’t consider *cousins* incest, having grow up European style on that issue.
I guess I feel — and this is almost certainly a very slippery slop argument — that there’s something freaky going on when people haven’t absorbed the biggest and most major taboos of their culture. But then when you look at how many men molest their children, that argument kind of falls apart.
AztecLady
May 21
4:30 pm
@willaful: In the end I actually feel sorry (as in, sad) for people who do fall in love with a sibling–because of said cultural taboo (and let’s not even go into the actual genetic dangers of it) mean that whatever happiness they may find with each other will forever be a struggle.
Lori
May 21
4:49 pm
It’s a sadness that in our culture the inability or unwillingness to separate love from sexual love is becoming so difficult for people.
I adore my brother with every breath of my being. I envy his wife for having such an awesome man by her side. But major ewwww at the thought of having sex with him.
Same with my sister and my daughter (who do not share DNA with me). My love for them is limitess but clothing is not not-optional. Our loves are expressed fully dressed please.
Someone else in that thread was all “you bitches, can’t you unnnerstand LOVE!!!” Well, yes I do. And I understand that one of the greatest things I can do in loving someone, is not causing them pain by crossing boundaries that exist to protect us both.
I wish all those unfortunate people had the same kind of love that remained respectful and right. There’s many reasons incest, even that between non-DNA sharing family members, is considered wrong.
Because it simply is wrong.
Las
May 21
6:30 pm
Heh, I was waiting for you to write a post on that comment, Karen.
From what I understand genetic attraction is definitely real and occurs when blood siblings don’t grow up together. (On the flip side, people who grew up closely together but aren’t related tend to not be attracted to each other when they reach sexual maturity.) If I ignore the ick factor, it’s actually really fascinating…there are some interesting theories as to why that scientists are working on.
I’m so not okay with incest–I’m even grossed out by the idea of cousins marrying (like my paternal grandparents). That said, as long as we’re talking about consenting adults with no sexual abuse issues, who get themselves sterilized, I’m grudgingly willing to put my disgust aside. I guess I just feel sorry for them…it has to suck to feel that way. They don’t get to pretend they’re normal and bitch about people not accepting them, though.
Anon 76
May 21
8:49 pm
@Las:
I was waiting as well. The post to the previous loop came in and I really couldn’t find the words to respond. Didn’t want to touch it in a ham-fisted manner.
I do believe this to be a post from a teenager.
All I ask now is that any like-minded teenagers do some research on the American Amish culture. Serious research on inter marraige, birth rates, child death rates and child disability rates. In my area a check of the Amish register provides a staggering argument as to why, genetically, such practices are tragic.
Love and infatuation are two verra different things. But it takes some life experience to understand the difference.
eggs
May 22
9:07 am
There are six billion people on the planet. Your brother is not the only guy you can find to bang.
AztecLady
May 22
2:06 pm
@eggs: you so owe me a keyboard! *wiping coffee off*
Lori
May 22
2:46 pm
@eggs: OMG! That comment is so yes.
Anon 76
May 22
9:14 pm
@eggs:
Okay, I’m trying to be all diplomatic and then….your post. You don’t owe me a keyboard, I owe you a drink of choice. Bwahahahaha
Karen Scott
May 22
10:15 pm
@eggs: This made me laugh out quite loudly. Hahahaha!
Sophia
September 15
8:13 pm
I have a complicated and rewarding relationship with my half brother . We Do have a sexual relationship as well. There’s a bond between us that is unbreakable. How can you deny love? You cannot . I support and respect true love . There is irrefutable evidence that the ancient Egyptians did it and in the bible, there is such, only 1 woman and 1 man started it all . Love whomever you find.
Brad
November 21
6:29 am
Well, do you consider this wrong? I am in a rather odd relationship with my… Step sister… Now, I know you may be grossed out, but hear me out!
We were in a relationship for a long time, then we married. Both our parents were devorced and they met eachother at our wedding, and really liked eachother. They eventually got married.
So, I married my girlfriend who wasnt related to me at all, then our parents got married that werent related, so now does this make our relationship “yuck”?
bush pilot
February 5
11:21 am
I am in my mid forties, make good money and divorce. My father left my mother pregnant, my mother was three months old when she met my step father a Latin guy that needed a green card. My mother needed the money and married him for 3,000. They remained married untill today. He is a great guy works hard, took me fishing and taught me flying, he has been my only father and I love him very much. He was my real and only father. Sometime ago a girl called me up and asked me to meet her, she told me she was my half sister. I believed she wanted money. I met her and we ended up falling in love. She was the result of one of my biological father´s affairs. She was not the best looking women, blond, average good looking, but a great smle.
We agreed to spend a long weekend in Northern California, and after a lot of kissing and some wine we made love. Was the first time that sex was making love.
I felt I was blessed. Since she was adopted and her Cal drivers license does not show her real fathers name, we ketp this secret. We now live together as husband and wife. My daughter loves her. My mother notice and asked me about it, I told her the truth. She promissed me to keep the secret, as she said I marreid a guy when I was pregnant from another man, for the money, and he for a green card. He took care of me and you like no other man. You and I were blessed with a great husband and you with a great father. She told me to be happy because God sends an angel and we maut take it.
Dammy
February 25
6:47 am
First of all, the main argument against incest here seems to be mutated offspring. Yes, mutation could and most likely will occur at some point down a finite lineage, and yes, it isn’t fair to them.
But who says you must procreate? What then? Even if you do, what makes catalyzing a more rapid mutation intrinsically wrong?
Nihilistic questions aside, it’s very rare to find someone that you grew up living with attractive. It’s an evolutionary defense mechanism. This is known as the Westermarck effect. That’s why trying to cross sexual thoughts with such a person is most likely disgusting to you. But if this defense mechanism doesn’t kick-in, whether it be by chance or because one didn’t grow up with a sibling, etc, then one would find this person extremely attractive to them. Why? Assortative mating, in all aspects. This is why all of you are ignorant by simply tacking your own experiences onto this topic.
Of course, you find your brother or sister disgusting, that’s nothing new. There’s a reason why such a taboo exists in the first place. Also, ironically, it’s selfish to find incest selfish just as it’s hypocritical to whine about other people whining.
Parting thought: you cannot label something as intrinsically right or wrong. If you do, you’re asserting a lot of unwarranted opinions.
Lori
May 12
3:57 pm
I have been reading all the mixed reviews here and it’s all very interesting. I am nearly 40, mother of 3 children and I have a boyfriend. However, I have just in the last month made contact with my half brother. He lives abroad and we talk and Skype every single moment/day we can. We can’t wait to meet each other in person. The problem is we are drawn to each other. An unexplainable love, an amazing feeling that neither of us can imagine could ever happen. We have talked about it and think maybe it’s because it’s all new to us, but it feel more than that. I have had many relationships, good and bad, and none have ever felt like this. We both know it’s wrong (but in who’s eyes is it wrong?).. we both don’t want any more children so that risk is out of the window. Yet in my brother I see everything I want in one person. I have this strong connection with him I cannot describe or understand. I believe love goes beyond the imaginable, the unexplainable. I actually love my brother and the more we talk the more I want to be with him.. and unlike any other relationship, there is something deeper between us than just another man.
Talia
June 5
11:31 pm
Incest has always confused me, mostly because I see very little wrong with it, but have been told constantly that it is to be treated like some kind of horrible disease.
So long as it isn’t Oedipal, I have no problem with it.
Kiki
August 1
12:04 am
I’m 31 Just met my half brother 8 months ago. Not even sure if in fact his father is my father. No father on my birth certificate. And I fell in love with him. So is this wrong?
Steve
October 23
3:03 am
Having a half crush on my half sister, is only half wrong, it’s half gross, & she’s whole hot, even though 25 years separate us.
tracey
August 9
8:40 pm
@Karen Scott:
Just to clarify GENETIC sexual attraction occurs when 2 adults separated between birth and aged 6 meet for the first time such as 2 siblings, mother and child or father and child. They missed the primal bonding instinct and some weird force of natural bonding occurs. To any person that grows up in a ‘family’ household it is classed as incest or child abuse however to 2 complete strangers, consenting adults, it has nothing at all to do with incest. The feelings occur in more than 60% of biological adults that first meet. It is NOTHING like the child abuse/incest/rape that occurs in a ‘ family’ environment. These adults are just meeting and are strangers. Appatently science has proven it is not incest however it is still taboo and it causes major mental health issues for anyone experiencing those feelings due to anxiety and stress and other family members being hurt or shamed. For the 2 connecting consenting adults it is the most real love experience and apparently cannot be switched off. Yes it is illegal but only because of the taboo around it. However there is a loophole. Law states we cannot discriminate against gay/lesbian / mixed race relationships or mental illness.. if the thought of sibling love is so repulsive tgen one that experiences this must have mental illness so as a whole they need to not be judged and treated with equal rights
Wendy
November 30
6:43 am
I don’t know if anyone is still following this thread but a lot of what I’m reading on here gives me hope. I grew up an only child, was told my father was dead so I didn’t even think to find him or his family. When I was older my mother told me the truth. I called one of my friends & told him about it. Turns out he was friends with my half-brother, 1½ yrs younger. We set up a time to meet. When he showed up I was in shock, it was like looking in a mirror. We spent the entire summer joined at the hip. The bond, the connection was instantaneous & strong but we were teenagers & did little more than hold hands & kiss on the cheek. All our friends thought it was cute. After high school we lost touch because I moved away & he moved out of his parents house. He managed to find me a few years later & we spent a week together with our respective SOs. Next thing I know I can’t get in touch with him. Then Facebook happened. I found him & he responded a couple of times then radio silence. 10 years later, out of the blue he texts me. He wants to visit me in my new home. I plan a housewarming/reunion party & he spends a week with me & my SO. It was like he never left. We talked nonstop, hugged, held hands & cuddled on the couch. All of my friends thought it was cute. Then soon after, me & my SO noticed his posts were starting to sound really dark. He suggests & I go visit my brother for a week. I jump at the chance. He takes me out to eat & we have a few beers. We get to his house, have a few more beers. We’re dancing & a dip goes wrong & we end up on top of one another laughing. Then we stop, look deep into each other’s eyes & start kissing. Not tentative little pecks, or exploratory kisses, full on deep, passionate kissing. Next thing I know we’re tearing our clothes off. It was really fun & we kept at it till the sun came up. After a shower I sit on the bed & initiate a conversation. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world. Neither one of us were ashamed & agreed our only concern was our families. We spent most of that week in bed. It was some of the best sex ever. I’ve only had sex like that with my first true love, who died 25 years ago. And it got better every time. My legs are still shaking, my body burns when ever I think of him & our last romp was @ 12 hours ago. The intimacy I feel with him I haven’t felt in decades. He wants to move closer & I’m terrified I’ll ruin the life I’ve built. More importantly, I’m terrified we’ll somehow ruin our friendship should things get dicey. Secrets aren’t healthy. I feel I must do a great amount of soul searching & figure this out because right before I was to leave for the airport he told me he was in love with me & to be honest, I think I’m in love with him.
Terri
May 18
1:11 pm
@Wendy: What ended up happening? I’m in so much pain bc of similar situation.