How are you all feeling?

Yeah, me too. Two days later, and I’m still all up in my feels and ugly crying every time I think about Olivia and Fitz’s fucked up bad luck. Oh look, here comes the tears. Man, the fact that I feel this emotional over two TV characters means that Shonda Rhimes, that evil genius, did her job well. Too fucking well quite frankly.

I love Olivia and Fitz as a couple, and I have from about the third episode of Season One. I think they complement each other intellectually, sexually, and dare I say spiritually. They have the kind of chemistry that fairly sizzles whenever they’re in the same space.

My one question is, are they compatible emotionally? A lot of people would probably answer no, to this, because at times, Olivia seems to be a cold fish when it comes to showing how she feels, whereas Fitz tends to over-emote all over the place.

But after Thursday’s episode, I’m more convinced than ever that their emotional compatibility is on par. The main difference is that Olivia is less willing to say how she feels, and for me, this has got to stop.

I have no idea what Shonda has in store for her and Fitz, but can we all agree that what they need is to just have it out, just the two of them? No interruptions from Cyrus, or Mellie, or any of the other people who constantly cause them trouble and strife.

Liv is so self-contained when it comes to her dealings with Fitz, and it’s beyond frustrating. I need for her to go postal, and soon. We had the three days of depression, where she took responsibility for every man and his dog in terms of the shady things she’s been involved in, now we need her to speed over to the second stage of grief, because denial and isolation hasn’t really worked out well for her.

I want Liv and Fitz to have their Cyrus and James moment, where everything is laid out on the table, and they bare their souls to each other. They desperately need that moment, where both of them participate in a two-way conversation/shouting match, not just Olivia schooling Fitz or vice versa. I need them to scream at each other and just get everything out in the open.

I need Olivia to tell Fitz that if he had really loved her, like he said he did, then he wouldn’t have taken the word of a killer, as gospel without even bothering to speak to her first.

I want Liv to tell Fitz, that for all of his grandiose words of love, he actually has no idea what love and sacrifice is.

I want Olivia to remind Fitz that love isn’t just about the pretty words and the grand declarations.
I want Olivia to tell Fitz that she has loved him more than anybody else in his life has ever loved him, and that time and time again, it’s been her who’s been there for him.

I need for Olivia to tell Fitz that everything she has done since the day they met has been for him.

I want her to tell him that yes, agreeing to rig the election was wrong, but she sacrificed her ideals for him because she didn’t want him to feel that his father was right about any damned thing that he’d said to Fitz before he died. That she didn’t want for him to be plagued by the debilitating self-doubt that she glimpsed in him, just after one hour with his father.

I want Olivia to remind Fitz that when he got shot, it was her who abandoned her day job in order to ensure his legacy was protected, and that he would have a job to come back to.

I want Olivia to tell Fitz that because of the nature of their relationship, had he died when he was shot, she would not have been able to say goodbye to him because she is not his wife, and this fact devastates her every day.

I want Olivia to tell Fitz that she didn’t have the luxury of breaking down when there was the possibility that the love of her life might die on the operating table, because nobody was allowed to know how they felt about each other.

I want Olivia to remind Fitz that when his wife decided to forge a letter in his name, asking for reinstatement, it was her who went to all kinds of lengths to ensure that the fraud wouldn’t be discovered, once again protecting him, his wife, and his damned job.

I want Olivia to tell Fitz that she is the one person in all of this who has never gotten what she wanted, when all she ever wanted was him.

I want Olivia to admit that a part of her is afraid that everything she has worked for all her life will be wrecked if their relationship is made public, so she needs him to be with her all the way.

I want Olivia to tell Fitz that he behaves like a spoilt child, but she sees the man that he is, and she celebrates that man for better or for worse.

I want Olivia to tell Fitz that she is all in with him, but he needs to man the fuck up, and to give up looking to the brown liquor to make things all better.

I want Liv to tell him that she’s always believed in him, she just let other people talk her into going against her gut and her principles and she’s oh so very sorry about that.

I need for Olivia to finally tell Fitz that she is in this with him. And to mean it.

Finally, I want Olivia to tell him that she loves him, is in love with him, and will always be there for him, no matter what, and that she forgives him, and can he please forgive her.

Fitz

As for Fitz, he’s already told Olivia umpteen times how he feels about her, but he really needs to drive the point home, because Olivia still thinks of herself as the other woman.

I want Fitz to tell Olivia that by her agreeing to rigging the election, it made his whole life feel like a lie. It made their relationship and their love seem like a lie, and he couldn’t stand the thought that this woman he loved wasn’t the person he thought she was.

I want Fitz to tell her that by her agreeing to rig the election, he thought it meant that she never really believed in him, and that it validated everything that his father ever said about him.

I want Fitz to tell Olivia that she has broken his heart over and over, and he’s had enough of it.

I want Fitz to tell her that she needs to stop playing around with his feelings.

I want Fitz to tell her that he lives in fear that she may find somebody who’s free to give her everything she wants, but he’s selfish and he wants her to wait for him.

I want Fitz to tell Olivia that he lives in fear that one day she’ll leave him and never return.

I want Fitz to tell her that he will do whatever he needs to, to protect her.

I want Fitz to tell Olivia (again) once and for all that his marriage with Mellie is over, and regardless of how long it takes, the divorce will happen.

I want Fitz to tell Olivia that he will stop trying to chase his troubles and sorrows away by hitting the bottle.

I want Fitz to tell Olivia that he plans to marry her one day, and that nothing and nobody will get in the way of that.

I want Fitz to apologise for even for a moment thinking that she was only with him for what he could do for her, when she’s proven her love time and time again.

I want Fitz to tell her that he’s sorry for the horrid things he said to her at Verna’s funeral. She’s so much more than his mistress, she’s the love of his life, and he’s sorry for causing her to doubt that fact for even a moment.

Finally, I want Fitz to tell her that he loves her, is in love with her, she is future, and he forgives her.

That’s all I want. How about you guys?