An apparently self-pubbed author on Goodreads asked for people to give her feedback on a story she’d started writing. Well you know me, being the good Samaritan that I am, I went over and left this feedback on her blog.
Hi there
For me there were lots of telling and not enough showing. I find that I’m irritated at the heroine because of how casually she accepts her boyfriend cheating on her. This is such a bad message that as a romance reader, it puts me off wanting to continue with the story. I’m concerned with the age of the heroine in comparison the age of the hero. 21 is too young for this particular heroine I think. Also, I hate that the boyfriend has such a ghetto name, and coupled with him being a cheating skank, I feel that he’s fulfilling a really negative stereotype.
Just a couple more things, J’s internal dialogue is way too stilted, and her cyber conversation with Steve (sorry, but for me that’s a terribly generic name) just doesn’t inspire me to think he’s anything other than a pervert trying to get some ass. Had you made the heroine older, I might have felt differently.
In all honesty, I want an IR that doesn’t conform to every stereotype known to man, and the premise of this story wouldn’t inspire me to buy it, if it was in the shops.
Having said all of the above, I guess it depends on who your overall target audience is. If it’s for the average romance reader, then there’s no way this will do, however if it’s for those readers who expect guys called Deshawn to be cheating skanks, then go for it.
I thought that the above was pretty tame in comparison to my usual level of honesty, but I guess it depends whether or not she was truly looking for honest feedback, or just an ego-stroke. I’ll know what kind of author she is, if she doesn’t let my feedback through.
Oh by the way, so far, the feedback that she’s let through have been mostly positive. Why are people such enablers? The truth is, it really wasn’t great. Obviously it’s a bit late because apparently it’s already up for sale on Amazon. I just hope she ripped it up and started again, otherwise she won’t be selling many copies…
Oh and as a treat, chapter two is here.
Enjoy.
Broken Knight by L.J Shen – So Fucking Good
Tuesday, October 1, 2019Posted in: Book Buys of The Week, Book commentary, book talk
Tags:All Saints High, Broken Knight, Dean Cole, Knight Cole, L.J. Shen, Luna Rexroth, Rosie Cole
This isn’t a review, because I just don’t have that kind of time, however I’ve been glomming LJ Shen books ever since I read Broken Knight.
Broken Knight by LJ Shen
This book is so freaking good, and I love Knight Cole so much that I went back and I read Shen’s book about his parents, then proceeded to read all her other books. (Sidebar, Vicious is my favourite original All Saints sinner)
Warning, your heart will be broken several times in the best and worst way if you read Broken Knight, OMG the tears, the tears. I wish I had read all the other All Saints books first, but the emotional weight of the book was still very much felt.
I can’t say enough how much I loved both Luna and Knight, their relationship was just so complex in the most delicious ways.
Anyway, here’s the blurb from Shen’s website: (You can also read the first chapter on there)
The blurb isn’t an indication of how fucking fantastic this book is, but those of you who love a complex hero and an equally complex heroine will love it. My other recommend is to listen to this book with the Audible app. The narrators were bloody fantastic, and possibly increased my enjoyment of this incredible book.
Happy Reading!