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That Carol Lynne, the infamous author of Ben’s Wildflower is on the outs with her publisher, Elloras Cave.

Apparently, The Cavers are refusing to print any of her books, even though she’s apparently one of their best-selling authors.

I wonder how true this is?

It doesn’t really make sense that EC wouldn’t want to put her books in print if she sells amazingly well, unless they believe that her books are so pornographic, that readers would be too ashamed to buy them from a bricks and mortar store? I wonder if another reason could be that EC don’t really believe that her work is technically good enough for print publication?

What other reasons could they have, seeing as the woman seems to have a book out every week?

Hmmm…curiouser and curiouser…

Thanks to you-know-who for the heads up.

Are All Romance Ebooks on crack?

And you know which of her books won? The twincest one.

I mean seriously?

All I can say is, if All Romance Ebooks wanted to be taken seriously, they just took a long-assed detour. Any website where Carol Lynne is heralded as one of the best e-book authors of the year, deserves to have the piss taken out of them.

Thanks to you-know-who for the link.

Well, you know how I was far too… erm… you know… nice… to post some of the more intimate details from Carol Lynne’s Yahoo list on here? Well, somebody out there obviously doesn’t have the same internal conflict as I did.

Nice huh?

I loved this bit from a letter that Raelene Whatsherface from EC, sent to Carol:

I’m wondering which bits were untrue exactly? The bits where I implied that Carol Lynne’s book stunk like two day old fish?

This bit was also fascinating:

How stupid is this woman? How does she not know that the only reason Carol Lynne’s book sold so well was due to the kerfuffle that resulted from my review?

I wonder who she’s referring to as ‘little bitches’? I think she means you too Jane.

As for not representing their reader market, well I’m flabbergasted. I’ve spent literally thousands of pounds at EC in the past few years, surely that makes me a loyal reader?

Anyway, this bit tells me how much Carol Lynne really owes me for making her infamous famous:

And she didn’t even have the grace to thank me.

Anyway, if you want to read the rest, you’ll have to bob over to Der Schadenfreude’s blog, cuz my adorable nephew’s about to wake up in a bad mood…

You guys remember her, right? Course you do, she was hot topic round Blogland for two days or so.

You know what they say about eavesdroppers never hearing any good of themselves, and how re-posting things online is kinda, well you know… passe?

Well, since I have no moral compass, to speak of, let me share this little Yahoo List conversation with you…

“I just don’t feel like doing anything today. So far, I think I’ve only written about…

I keep telling myself I need to work on this book for Helen but there just any motivation to get it done. I’m not even sure if/when they will contract it because it will most likely go into ’09.

On the other hand, even though I know I won’t get a tenth of the money from Total E Bound, it’s nice to be able to write a book and very quickly see the fruits of your labor.

Maybe I’m just in a funk today. Saw an interesting article on Karen’s blog this morning. Complaining about Feels So Right and the Quickie by Barb sherridan and Anne Cain being the same story.

Of course she admitted that she hadn’t read either one, but the blurbs both had the brother of the bride falling for the father of the groom.

It’s not like we got together and planned it. I’m sure that if you took all the Naughty Nuptial Quickies and put them side by side, a lot of them would have the same combination of players.

But because Karen has a hard-on for me, this is the one that gets the attention. I feel like writing Anne and Barb a note appologizing for bringing them into Karen’s little hateful world.”
Carol Lynne

“Who the fuck is this Karen bitch anyway? Is she reviewer? Another publisher? What’s her deal?”
Christine Allen-Riley

“Wait a sec…is she the Dear Author hag?”
Christine Allen Riley

Re: Blagh!

“Karen is the blogger bitch from London who first started the carnage over Ben’s book. Since then she mentions my name every time she can.
I probably brought more bloggers to her site than anyone else. She also hates, hates, Jaid/Tina.


I keep thinking if I don’t respond in any way it will all just go away, but apparently Karen doesn’t want that. She likes the attention I believe.”
Carol Lynne

“Only 1200. Gee Carol, I wish I could do that many.

What a jerk Karen aqpparently is. I liked Feels So Right, btw. And the two aren’t even close to being the same book. Of course she’d know that if she’d read them.

I mean what about tentacles of love. The groom is trying to hide something in that one. In Heather Holland’s Desperate [something] the guy… hiding something. Wedding Jitters the heroine is trying to hide something.

All plot points. Additionally, when dealing with a wedding, there are only so many stock characters to deal with. With readership looking toward a little bit older characters, it stands to reason that a parent might come into play. With as many Nuptial books as their doing, it also stands to reason that there will be cross over plot points.

Karen needs to get over herself and take and enema”

Michele w/a Brynn Paulin

“Yeah, it’s also why I’ll never do another themed Quickie. I’m sure someone will also have a M/M werewolf quickie out at Halloween and I’ll hear the same thing all over again.”
Carol Lynne

“I’m just really depressed today. When I read other books, they just don’t read like mine. I used to think maybe I just had a different style, but now I’m not so sure. Maybe I’m too close to them, but mine seem to read rather simple in nature. Maybe it’s because I’m a story teller and not a story weaver. Who knows.

I can tell the mechanics of my writing are improving, but I think that’s not the only problem. I’ll know more when the new stories come out next month from the other publisher. Those are written with a different editor/beta, and they include the new mechanical skills I’ve learned so far.

If they are well received it will make me feel a little better. I’m also really worried about any nasty reviews I may get when Finnegan’s Promise comes out. Maybe writing something so personal isn’t such a good idea. That book is way too meaningful to me to let anyone rip it to shreds. I can be the strong, silent author for only so long before I decide to fight back, whether it hurts my career or not.”
Carol Lynne

Carol, how many people knew your name before I reviewed your book honey? I give you all that gooey free publicity, and this is how you repay me?

Some people are soooo ungrateful…

Seriously, don’t feel bad , I totally get your anger, and know that I don’t hate you for it. I hated your book, not you, but I guess you feel they’re one and the same huh? Sorry I totally trashed your book, and made you feel bad, depressed even, by all accounts, but look on the bright side, at least you got my money, which means you had the last laugh right?

By the way Carol, you know there were much worse stuff in there that I didn’t post right? You know why I never posted them? Because that would have just been plain ‘ole mean, plus they had nothing to do with me. Better go and hide those posts quickly now, you never know, how many of your peers will be reading them…

Oh yeah, and you can slag people off as much as you want, God knows, everybody does it, but for the love of God, lock your goddamn posts, so that they aren’t accessible to all and sundry.

Spot The Difference…

Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Posted in: Carol Lynne, Elloras Cave, gay romance

Blurb from the EC site:

Naughty Nuptials – I Do By Barbara Sheridan , Anne Cain
Accountant Randy Ohara has been alone and lonely since the death of his first and only lover. While in New York to attend his sister’s wedding he develops an instant and strong attraction to an unknown man at a Manhattan nightclub. The desire he feels is surprisingly intense, making Randy realize he’s never wanted another man with such passion before.

It’s even more of a surprise when Randy learns that the stranger he lusts for is none other than Jason Chen, the groom’s widowed father. Randy doesn’t dare make a move on the sexy older man, until the handsome detective reveals a few secrets of his own.

Naughty Nuptials – Feels So Right By Carol Lynne
On his eighteenth birthday, Austin Green’s father kicked him out of the house for his sexual preferences. Now, all grown up, Austin returns home to attend his sister’s wedding.

The evening of the rehearsal dinner, Austin meets the man of his dreams. Tony Rumalati looks to be the perfect man. There’s just one problem. He’s also his soon-to-be brother-in-law’s father.

Although Tony’s been divorced for most of his son’s life, he has yet to find Mr. Right. That may change when he steps into the elevator with Austin. Can these two men survive a weekend of lust, love and bigotry?

Now I know there’s a dearth of original plot devices, and I know that they are part of the same series, but seriously, both heroes get the hots for the groom’s father? Okaaay then…

Thanks to Goddess Grrl for sending me the links!

Karen Does Ben's Wildflower, By Carol Lynne...

Interesting cover…

Please note, the following review contains spoilers and excerpts.

This review was painful to write, but it had to be done. Carol Lynne, if you happen to come across this review, whilst googling yourself, I’d recommend that you don’t read any further. It’s not a gushing lovey-dovey review, in fact, it may be a tad… harsh? I’m sorry.

Anyway, without further ado, here’s the blurb from Elloras Cave.

My Verdict

Jesus. Effing. Christ.

I can honestly say, it’s been a while since I read a book so bad, I had to review it.

I’m almost sorry to do this to Ms Lynne, but I can’t imagine who thought it was a good idea to put this book out for public consumption. Seriously, I don’t even know where to begin.

I should have known things were gonna be bad when the hero insisted on calling the heroine ‘Wildflower’. Could the author be more corny?

The sheer amateurish nature of this book, lead me to conclude that the author was fairly new to publishing, and looking at her website, it seems that I may be right, unless of course she publishes under another guise Please say it aint so!.

For the love of all things Oprah, please let her be a newbie author, because if she aint, then she’s got no fucking excuse for the pile of steaming horse manure that I’ve just subjected myself to.

The characterisation was poor beyond belief, I couldn’t get over the ridiculously stilted dialogue, the slightly bizarre storyline, and the whole host of secondary characters, who all seemed to be either gay, or at least thinking about it.

Ben and Kate (the hero and heroine) have some friends who are involved in a menage relationship. The woman in the menage is pregnant, and the two men are denying her sex because apparently pregnant women can’t indulge in carnal activities.

Now bear in mind that this is a contemp set in a town called Junctionville, but there’s a strange old scene where Ben is lamenting over the issues that Kate has been having, to his friends, when suddenly, the two men, who form part of the menage start tonguing each other in public, and feeling each other’s cocks. Huh?

Not only that, but at one point Ben, who’s obviously a manly heterosexual man, is on the phone to one of his buddies, and he turns round to find that the two men, unable to keep their passions below boiling, start going at each other whilst he’s sat there. And when I say going at each other, what I mean is, one guy sticks his tongue in the other guys arse, and starts licking him out.

What. The. Fuck?

Now I’m not saying that shit like this doesn’t happen, but considering that one of the men was the local sheriff, and the other one had an equally ‘masculine’, public minded job, I just don’t think they would behave like that in a straight bar, in a town called Junctionville, know what I mean?

I’m sorry, I’m usually willing to suspend disbelief when reading erotic romance, but this was just something I couldn’t see happening. This is the equivalent of TTG and I having dinner with friends, then me pulling down my knickers, and letting him feast on my womanly bud. I think not.

I know that these kind of scenes happen a lot in erotic romance, but this was a contemp set in a town called Junctionville for fuck’s sake, if that doesn’t scream redneckville, I don’t know what does.

What I couldn’t understand was that there was this raving lunatic, who was obviously going round causing Katie-Did trouble, and kept trying to kill her at every opportunity, whilst leaving big-assed clues that he was the guilty party, yet for some reason, nothing was ever done about it.

Erm… hold on, on second thoughts, that doesn’t sound so far-fetched. That shit happens in England all the time.

Oh by the way, did I mention that Ben (our hero) had a problem with his overgrown dick? No? Well he did. What clued me in on his little problem, I hear you ask?

Oooh, let me count the ways:

Clue number one: He has a ten inch dick.

Clue number two: He has to stick it to his heroine, itty bitty inches at a time, so that he doesn’t rip her in half.

Clue number thr… fuck that, more to the point, I want to know who the fuck says something as stupid as ‘I can handle your cock’s circumference’? Blech.

Clue number four: Even Ben’s friends have noticed the size of his pecker.

Good fucking lord. *Head-desk*

I get it, Ben has a big dick, and it’s been the bane of his life, now please move on with the fucking story.

*Ahem*, I digress…

Not only were the primary characters totally lacking any kind of depth, the villain, was just sooo over the top evil, I almost found myself sympathising with him. He was a crap baddie, and it didn’t help that he didn’t seem to be the brightest tool in the box either.

Anytime he did something evil to Kate, he left great big fucking clues that anybody with half a brain cell would have been able to figure out. He might as well have taken out an ad in the local rag, telling everybody that he did it. Sigh.

I just remembered that there was a sub-plot involving a couple of Ben’s friends, that seemed to have just been dumped in the middle of the book. There was simply no rhyme or reason for it, so my best guess was that the author was doing her utmost to meet her minimum word count. Oh the pain.

Another thing that bemused me was Ms Lynne’s apparent love for the phrase, ‘Little Fucker’. I wonder if she realised just how often she used said phrase, when referring to the villain of the book? I was tempted to count, but I couldn’t be arsed. Anybody who buys Ben’s Wildflower will quickly see what I mean.

I briefly mentioned the stilted dialogue before, but it was gems like the following that had me nearly peeing my panties. I’m not sure that was the intended reaction though:

“Speaking of fucking. I’ve been giving it some thought and if you’re still interested I think I’d like you to fuck me in the ass.”

I loved how the author wrote the above in such a way that Kate could have been easily asking for more sugar in her coffee. Did I mention that the heroine was nervous about sex when she met the hero? And that for some reason she had bras with the nipples cut out, even though she was scared of S.E.X?

This book was so badly written, that it made Thea Devine’s Sensation seem positively wonderful. My regular readers will know that this is not a good thing. Seriously.

There were so many things wrong with Ben’s Wildflower that the problem would be knowing when to stop listing my issues with the book. It was craptastic in way that I haven’t experienced in a long while.

I have to say, it isn’t often that I come across a book so bad, that I have to question what the editor was smoking when she agreed to publish it. I’m sorry Ms Lynne, I pray that you aren’t somebody I actually like. but this book was so technically inept that it leads me to indeed wonder what the fuck your editor was shooting up, when she offered you a contract for it.

It really was that crap.

You can visit Carol Lynne’s very interesting website here, and buy Ben’s Wildflower in e-book format, here.

Ok, that’s enough from me, I’m just going to gargle with mouthwash to take the nasty taste of this book out of my mouth. I feel so dirty, I think that a bath is also in order.