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Prince Albert: “I wonder how Nicole’s doing…” Charlene: “Fuck me, he kisses like Daddy’s Koi carp.”

The man has two illegitimate children, and apparently only married Charlene because he needed a proper heir, not one born out of wedlock. To make things worse, there are rumours that he has two more illegitimate children. A five year old, and one not born yet. The man obviously doesn’t believe in sexing safely. He really should be gloving before the loving methinks. He really should be keeping his semen confined to the sterile environment of a condom, if only just for the women he’s shagging.

Charlene, (bless her cotton socks) is also rumoured to have tried to escape the wedding three times, but kept getting caught by the security guards.

On second thoughts, this so could be a Harlequin Presents Royal Wedding story. The problem is, the bride appears to have married the villain rather than the hero.

Well, hopefully when she’s counting his money and dripping in the crown jewels, she wont be too sad that Albert’s out humping the next blow up doll.

Mind you, I have to say, much respect to Albert for shagging and impregnating a black woman from Togo. His family must have hit the roof, hahaha! Can you imagine Prince Harry coming home to Granny with a black girl on his arm? I’m pretty sure her Majesty The Queen would probably keel over. Oh I’d so love for that to happen. It really would make my life I think, hahahaha!

I was reading the I Love Harlequin Presents blog earlier today, when I came across this post on the quintessential Greek alpha heroes, and why readers love them.

Annie West, HQ Presents author, writes:

One of the things I’ve always loved about Harlequin Presents stories is that I can travel to exciting and glamorous locations all around the world, without leaving the comfort of my own home. In each country there are so many wonderful heroes, each one different, each one fascinating. I love them all: British and Brazilian, American and Italian, Spanish and Australian.

And of course, Greek. As a reader I automatically reach for titles that promise a passionate Greek hero. Recently I’ve found myself writing some of those stories too, and thinking about why they’re so attractive. Here are a few thoughts:

She then goes on to name the following attributes (I’ve paraphrased):

Their dark good looks. (K:Has she ever met a real live Greek man? They’re not really dark.

They’re usually wealthy (shipping magnates, and the likes) (K:*Headdesk*)

They all have a great sense of familial responsibility and enduring loyalty. (K:AKA Mummy’s boys, totally unable to function without help)

She then goes on to add:

Perhaps best of all, I know that when I pick up a Presents story no two Greek heroes will be the same.

Total bollocks. They are all much of the same muchness. The HP Greek hero ‘scowls’ constantly, they have a habit of ‘glancing coldly’ at the heroine. They also always seem to have icicles where their hearts should be, right up until the last couple of pages when they discover their undying love for the woman they’ve treated like shit for months. Actually, that kinda sounds like most HP books.

I’ve read these books, and even when I didn’t know any better, they still left me feeling angry and annoyed, because they mostly featured virgins who were treated like crap by the Greek hero, who felt it necessary to be as assholic as possible to the heroine because they either, A, believed her to be a gold-digging whore (even though it seemed beyond obvious that the heroine had no idea what her vagina is for), or B, because of some imagined slight to his masculinity.

Every now and again, the reader is also treated to a secret baby plot, and when the hero eventually finds out, he almost always proceeds to use the baby as a bargaining tool. Oh, and then there’s the ever popular marriage of convenience.

Don’t believe me? Well check out this blurb for a HP book called The Greek Tycoon’s Unexpected Wife

Stavros Denakis is furious when Tessa Marlowe turns up without warning. Weary and cynical through his experience with women, Stavros suspects the wife he hardly knows is a gold digger—surely she’s here to claim her share of the Denakis millions. But Tessa is a temptation that he can’t resist….

Bedded by her gorgeous Greek husband, Tessa realizes she has fallen in love with him, and longs for their marriage to become real. Only, Stavros, though he may be passionate in private, remains cold in public, and is determined they stay wedded only in name….

I still can’t believe that the author named the hero Stavros. That’s the equivalent of naming a Middle Eastern hero, Ali Baba.

Anyway, I can’t remember the name of the book, but I once read a Mills and Boon Modern Romance (HQ Presents to you Americans) where the heroine basically cried all the way through the story, because the hero was so damn cruel to her. I remember my young borderline-feminist senses going crazy at the hero’s treatment of the heroine.

Admittedly, it’s been well over a year, maybe even two, since I last read an HQ Presents book with a Greek millionaire hero, so things may have changed.

But judging from the above blurb, I seriously doubt that.

What do you guys find so appealing about The HQ Presents Greek Alpha Hero?

I decided to become a member of the Harlequin Presents blog.

I can see the potential for lots of interesting ‘discussions’. There’s nothing I love more than being the dissenting voice. It’s great to have fresh meat to work with. *evil grin*

Today’s topic is about the type of alpha heroes that authors should avoid.

Shit, where do I start?

Note to self: Remember to ask who the hell comes up with the book titles.